Custom Cinema Monsters from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore x Secretoy Releasing Tonight

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    We are completely out of American heroes.  Think about it, who is left that isn't dead or scandalized?  People used to tremble at the sight of Uncle Sam and now we got Vladamir Putin making our president look like a sissy at every turn, while China gives us irritable bowels at the thought of them cashing in our debt.  We have to take back the glory that is the American machine.  And how do we do that without an inspiring figure head with which we can rally behind?

    Give the bald eagle a rest and say hello to Mutant Vinyl Hardcore's awesome take on Secretoy's Cinema Monster.  This crazy freak is decked out in the ol red, white, and blue and glows like a beacon of freedom in the darkest of nights.  There's not lottery to enter if you want one of these, you just have to pray that you're quick enough when they go on sale at 8pm eastern time tonight at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com.  These are sold blind bagged with two slightly different versions you could get, or you could score the ultimate one off that is sporting a sick beard and different color scheme.


    

Daioh Negora from Konatsu x myplasticheart for NYCC

    As you may or may not have known, my wife and I spent a week out of town recently, which can be a perilous thing when you take care of five cats.  Not that they weren't well taken care of by my mother in law, but we still expected to be shunned like lepers when we came back.  That's usually how it works:  we arrive home, excited to hug them all on a rainbow, and they refuse to have anything to do with us.  I figure it's because they had come to terms with our demise and were trying to sever any emotional attachment they may have had and our sudden reappearance takes some getting used to.  Or they're just punishing us for having the audacity to not take them anywhere, even though attempting to get them into a car should be rewarded with medals and special recognition from Congress.  The last time I took Icarus to the vet the lacerations on my arms ended up getting more medical attention than he did.  They are a confusing bunch.

    If you want a cat that makes sense you should probably get a dog, or one of these sweet plastic ones from Konatsu.  myplasticheart will be doing a special release of this mega Daioh Negora during New York Comic Con and it is at the top of my list of things to try and get.  Hopefully everyone will be busy taking pictures of the thousand or so girls dressed as Harley Quinn and I can slip by without any problem, claim my prize, and celebrate with a mighty feast of convention food.  

"Candy Corn" Smorkin' Monger Jerome from Kozik x Rotofugi x Squibbles Ink for NYCC

 

    Every year about this time I go candy corn stupid.  I'll get caught up in all the Halloween prep, buy a bag of candy corn, and be instantly reminded of why I'm supposed to remember to never buy candy corn.  I can ingest maybe four pieces before a wave of death nausea washes over me, rendering any remaining part of the day useless as I try to sleep it off.  Then I usually take the rest of the bag to work, because despite how evil this devil's candy is, I still can't just waste em.  And I'm usually mad at those people anyway, so it's a win-win.

    Did you know New York Comic Con is coming up?  Well it is suckas, as in next week, and of course I have to go.  I had been pretty good about not getting too excited for any exclusives, basically for the sake of my wallet.  But my accountant will be happy to know that this toy is as affordable as it is desirable, so now she can work harder on getting me that tax exempt charitable status instead of nagging me about nonsense.

   Jerome is the brain (freeze) child of Frank Kozik and is produced by Rotofugi x Squibbles Ink.  This four inch tall ice cream dude with a filthy habit is limited to only 50 pieces: 25 of which will be available at New York Comic Con, and 25 to be made available online October 13th at www.rotofugi.com.  For convention goers, you can find them at the Clutter Magazine booth for $19.95 each.  You should probably save me one just cause I won't make it to the con until Saturday.  Thanks in advance, boo boo.
    

Imperial Lotus Dragon Release and Signing with Scott Tolleson at Rotofugi

   

    Did you miss me?  Sharon and I took a bit of a vacation and headed out west to visit with her grandmother and drive all around Idaho, Washington, and Oregon.  It was my first time on that side of the country (I'm not terribly well traveled) and it was like being in a completely different world.  Not only was the landscape crazy but the people were waaaaaaaay different than what I'm used to.  Mostly because they weren't miserable.  New Jersey has a certain reputation for people being mean and it wasn't given arbitrarily.  It's probably because there are just too damn many of us packed together in a small place and we're tired of smelling each other's armpits.  I could even feel myself getting angrier as I got off the plane on our return home and I almost beat a guy for looking at my luggage at baggage claim.  But out west everyone was so nice and pleasant and we had great conversations with people we just met.  And their Wal Mart was reeeeally clean, which will let you immediately gauge the happiness of the locals.

     Scott Tolleson will be taking a trip this Friday (I don't need any gold trophy to know that was "Seemless Transition of a Seemingly Unrelated Story to One About Toys of the Year") to Rotofugi in Chicago to release his Imperial Lotus Dragon Dunny from Kidrobot.  Buy yourself a toy, have Scott sign it, and enter to win free stuff.  Scott has been painting up these two fellows you see here and I wonder if these may be the door prizes in question:

    If so, you'd be a lucky son of a gun to own either of them.  Check out the details in the picture at the top of the post, cause I have to go to work and probably shouldn't be late cause I was typing all that out for you.  Kisses.  

Skull Jinmenken from Awesome Toy is Available Now!

    I sometimes get worried that I'm gonna come home and find cats in the house that I don't recognize.  I have five of them that I'm responsible for, but I feel that's pretty close to the number where you start to not realize new ones that move in.  When we lived in our first apartment there were some neighborhood cats that we fed and were pretty happy to see us everyday.  One was so happy that when I opened the door to leave for work he hauled his little fuzzy behind right past me and hid under the bed.  For one, I didn't know how he knew where the bed was unless he had been casing the joint.  And two, there was no way I could not get him back out for fear that my wife wake up and find a strange feline spooning her.  The thing about this cat too was that he always looked like he just had a UFC fight, cause one day he'd have a dangle tooth and the next part of his ear and tail was missing.  I kicked him back out, but ever since then I've had this irrational fear of strange cats moving in unbeknownst to me.  I don't think there's an actual clinical term for it, but when there is I better get credit for it or I'll sue everyone.

    I do have a distinct lack of dogs in the house, so I'd probably noticed if all of a sudden I had one.  I'd be more than happy to have one of these dogs from Awesome Toy call my shelf home, and it just so happens that they're available right now.  You can be the proud new owner of your very own Skull Jinmenken by following these easy instructions:

If you are interested please email the following info to

sales.awesometoy@gmail.com

1. Your Full Name
2. Your Shipping Address / Phone Number
3. Your Paypal Address

One address can purchase one figure only. Shipping is expected in the next week.

Paco Taco from Scott Tolleson X Pobber Toys Available Today!

    Whoever heard of taco Friday?  No one, that's who, because tacos were meant to be consumed on a day that starts with the letter "T".  I'm pretty sure it's in the Bill of Rights or one of those other important documents we all should read but don't.  Or maybe it's one of those weird blue laws we have in this country that no one actually enforces.  Like, don't make out with squirrels on a Sunday while wearing plaid, or being forbidden from trapping more than three weasels in a brown box during an eclipse.  I think they were to prevent witchcraft, or women from voting, or something like that.  I don't think anyone that's still alive even knows.

    So, against all my arguments to the contrary, today is indeed taco Friday as Scott Tolleson and Pobber Toys are releasing Paco Taco.  He comes in two different flavors: regular and hot.  These are gonna be available at midnight SG time, which means wherever you happen to be you're gonna have to do the converting on that cause I am not feeling up to any time algebra today.  Taco up at www.pobber.com.

    

Celebrate 10 Years of Placebo with One -Off Mummy and Sarcophagus Sets

    In case anyone was wondering, I have been a weirdo my entire life.  Case in point, when I was in kindergarten I wanted to be an archaeologist.  I was obsessed with ancient Egypt and my five year old self thought their could never be anything better than digging up old dead people while the editors of 

National Geographic waited with baited breath for my newest discoveries.  I figured I'd probably have to get a bull whip and kill a few Nazis like Indian Jones, but those just seemed like bonuses to what was sure to be a lucrative career.  Then I realized that what it really involved was sitting in a hole with a makeup brush for days at a time and a distinct lack of adventure/hot dames to rescue at every turn.  Now the only dead bodies I hunt for are under the beds of hotels the wife and I stay at.  There's nothing to liven up a vacation like finding human remains.

    Plaseebo is celebrating his 10th anniversary by doing what he does best; making crazy toys.  Over the next few months you can get your grubby little mitts on some one of a kind Mummy and Sarcophagus, starting with this set that releases tomorrow, Friday the 18th, at http://www.plaseebo.net/news/.  It'll look great next to any skulls you may or may not find in your flower beds.  

Battle Damaged Automatons Companion Figure from Monsterpants

    I can't say I've been in the market for a robot, though I still kinda want that little BB-8 guy, but if I was SERIOUSLY about to buy one, I'd want that sucker battle damaged.  Think about it, that sucker too, some heavy artillery to it so there's no way your house of demon cats is gonna take it out.  Unless that sucker is sooooooo battle damaged that even a Jawa wouldn't try to sell it to a group of moisture farming hillbillies.  Then you've got yourself an expensive lawn ornament.

    Monsterpants released a film called Automatons a few years ago and now they're making available a resin version of the companion robot from the film.  Today at noon you could snag one of the 12 available pieces for just $40.  And you'll get a magnet for your fridge, a postcard so you can write to yo momma who misses you, and some trading cards that will probably not work in your competitive Pokemon league, but will make you table mates jealous.  These dudes are only available from  http://monsterpants.net/shop/.

Preorder Some Custom Grody Quackers from Candie Bolton x Lulubell Toys

    Let me tell you, if you collect toys and have kids you better have a secure set up for your collection.  I don't have any human kids, but our feline children have required us to buy sturdy display cases that have locks.  And they look pretty pro anyway, so I'm not that shook about it, but you gotta invest in security if you don't want to have teeth marks in your expensive stuff.  Now with human babies you gotta worry about them stealing your stuff and tossing it all in the toilet.  Is there any kid that didn't do that?  I remember tossing some of my mom's makeup down the toilet along with my Han Solo in Hoth gear figure.  There was no way I was letting him pilot the Millenium Falcon in a snow suit, because that implies that the iconic ship didn't have heat and I wasn't buying it.  So I flushed him.  Or I attempted to, because Han Solo and a handful of lipsticks will evidently wreck your pipes and cause a filthy water flood.  I told my mom I was sorry, but she was all like "You're 32, you shouldn't be doing this crap anymore."  She's so judgmental.

    You know there's not a kid out there that isn't gonna wanna play with these Grody Quackers.  They were practically made to toss in the nearest body of water you can find, so keep these suckers out of reach.  Candie Bolton customized these twisted bath tub friends and they are available for preorder right now from Lulubell Toys.   The preorder ends this Friday or when supplies run out, and as affordable as they are for a custom toy there's no reason they won't sell out.  Get em at http://www.lulubelltoys.com

New Kookie No Good figure from Scott Tolleson x Dekorner Available Today

   Did you know yesterday was Fortune Cookie Day?  Now you could tell your parents that the Internet hasn't completely rotted your brain and you can still learn fun facts by spending a few hours a day browsing.  You can also see plenty of things that no matter how hard you try you will never be able to forget.  Fear not though, for this is a safe place that has no intention of forcing you into group therapy where they'll make you keep a feelings journal that you have to read aloud from once a week.

    In celebration of the previously mentioned day of remembrance for deceased fortune cookies the world over, Dekorner is releasing a special edition of Scott Tolleson's Kookie No Good Figure.  These little dudes will be available today at 10am pacific time only at http://www.dekornerstore.com. Each figure will retail for $40 and comes complete with a sad little fortune that may or may not depress you, depending on if you took your meds or not.  Just look at the one in the picture: it says "anything >  you".  Not only did it insult you, but it brought in grade school math to do it, forcing you to relive those hours of homework you never turned in because you were too busy preparing to really own your teenage angst phase.  Kookie, we gotta get you some happy pills, bro.

    

Skinner x Leecifer Hand Painted Picklebabies Dropping Today

    I have a lot of things that I suspect may be haunted in my house.  It's bound to happen when you are drawn to coolecting weird stuff that may or may not have once been housed in a now dead human being.  You think I don't have a jar of my wife's great grandmother's gallstones, just chilling in the living room?  Or an antique glass eye that may or may not have been willingly given up by its long dead German owner?  I like my knick knacks like I like my women; riddled with a sketchy past (Sharon's gonna hit me for that one).  Now I'm not crazy mind you and if I think something might be housing some poltergeist with a crappy attitude I can easily walk away.  Unless it has a really sick patina, cause God knows I love a patina.

    I'm convinced Skinner is only interested in painting haunted toys and now I have photographic evidence to prove it:

    How is this little antique person holding a Picklebaby that was created even before Leecifer, the father of all Picklebabies was born?  What madness has conceived the creation before the creator?  What messed up relative bought this girl such a bizarre looking doll baby for Christmas?  Those answers may lie deep in a New England grave, but on this very day you can become the newest caretaker of the Picklebaby, guarding its secrets and succumbing to its most vile demands.  

    There are 8 of these available beginning at noon pacific time only from http://shopcriticalhit.com.  They are $100 each in human money (no eternal souls will be accepted as payment at this time - Management)

Funko Announces Bi-Monthly Star Wars Subscription Boxes

    Man, let me tell you how caught up I got in all the new Star Wars excitement.  I drug my behind, and that of my wife, out to Toys R Us at midnight just to get a look at the new toys.  I walk in and there's these four foot tall Stormtrooper and Darth Vader figures for $100 each and I almost came home with them.  I was trying to justify buying them, but once civil war broke out in my brain the reasonable side totally won out, leaving behind them a trail of dead, irrational soldiers.  Then we go into Bed Bath and Beyond a few days later and they have that killer smart phone controlled BB-8 toy, and yet again a war was fought in the confines of my skull.  I ended up leaving with a headache and no droid.  Sometimes being an adult is beyond dumb.

    Finally, after years of seeing people freak out about those subscription box thingys there's finally one I'm interested in.  I've completely given up on anyone coming out with the "Human Skull of the Month" club, but Funko's Smuggler's Bounty is pretty intriguing.  They're kicking this thing off in November and the first box will feature 2 exclusive Pop! Vinyl figures and other stuff related to the new film.  Supposedly every box will focus on a different aspect of the Star Wars universe, but hopefully they're smart enough to leave Jar Jar out of it.  Unless it's a severed head, then by all means.  Each box will cost $25 and will be available bi-monthly, but if you subscribe for a full year you get a special surprise at the end of it that's exclusive to those not afraid of commitment.  Get it going over at www.smugglersbounty.com.  

Freaks, Kinks, and Spazzes Preorder from Radioactive Uppercut Happening Tonight!

    I went to the doctor today and when I entered the room this is what I saw:

    Now let me expand on this a bit more.  While this would be a horrifying sight for any man to stumble upon, what made it worse was the fact that I was at the urologist having a follow up from The Great Kidney Stone Disaster of 2015 (as it's been dubbed in the media).  So be you man or woman, the only place this stuff was gonna end up was somewhere that would traumatize you (and make your pee hurt) for days to come.  I know what goes on in these places, heck I've got some stories that would make you put a pad lock on your jeans and hide in a closet, but I really don't need to see the aftermath of someone's urinary tract pain.  Hell, the hotel we stayed at in Brooklyn for Summerslam had better maid service than this, and there was a damn lucite wall between the tub and the bed.  I didn't go anywhere near this exam table except to take this picture and after than I parked my behind as far away as the architecture of the building would allow.  I wish they had comment cards so I could have rated the state of the room, cause urethra jelly and a box of tissues is worse than finding a dead body.  

    As you may have figured out, that story was just something I really had to share and has nothing at all to do with the toys you see pictured.  I view stories like this in the same way filmmakers viewed that VHS tape from the ring.  You gotta pass that trauma on if you want to have any peace.  Now, back to business.

    Radioactive Uppercut is opening up preorders tonight for his latest creations: Freak, Kinks, and Spazzes.  Those three little dudes are adorable in a gross way, kinda like your mom, and like I said before you can get your hands on them tonight at 8pm eastern time (also like your mom).  They were expertly sculpted by David Arshawsky of Turtle Milk Studios and are being cast in soft resin by Tru:Tek of Disart ToyLabs, which basically means they're of the utmost quality.  These little dudes stand 3 inches tall and are available individually for $30, or as a set for $87.  Look how cute they are, you wouldn't dare think of separating them from their friends would you?  Or are you one of those people who would see two kittens and just adopt one of them?  Don't be a sicko.  Do the right thing tonight by visiting http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.  

Get A Second Shot at Jim Phillip's Screaming Hand from Kidrobot

    Have you ever seen those tumors that sprout teeth and hair and really freak my wife out?  Or those little stone babies that people carry around for years without even knowing it?  Those are nothing compared to sprouting a second mouth on your palm.  Think about it: those other two things are quiet. They may creep you out, they may cause you a bit of physical discomfort, but they won't scream all day long.  Or worse than screaming, what if it just wanted to bore you to death all day by telling you the same stupid stories, prefaced with "did I tell you about the time."  If you think you need to begin a story with the phrase "did I tell you about the time" then yeah, you already did.  I know someone who has told me the same mundane tales so many times I started finishing them for her every time she repeats one.  I can tell you just about anything you would ever need to know about her grown children, people that have died, what was on sale at Target in 1996, or her every career she ever had.  Contrary to my best efforts I have managed to store the most minute details in every dark corner of my brain and can rattle them off like some savant doing algebra problems.

    Is there any wonder that someone severed this sucker just above the wrist?  Who knows where Jim Phillip's Screaming Hand began its life, but it's most certainly ending it sans the rest of the human form.  This iconic logo from Santa Cruz Skateboards was recreated in glorious vinyl by Kidrobot and released earlier this year, at which time it quickly sold out.  People were pissed that they couldn't get one so now you'll have a second chance on Thursday to welcome this into your life.  Pick one up tomorrow wherever you like to buy your toys or at www.kidrobot.com.  

Three Witches: Skinner Edition Preorder from Unbox Industries

     With all these bozos trying to run for president you would think that maybe, just this once, someone would focus on an issue that is long in need of attention:  the lack of witch burnings.  Now you can't tell me that we stopped doing it cause we got em all, cause I don't believe that.  Or that it just fell out of fashion, cause what better thing can you think of to bring a community together than the warmth of a good witch burning in a carnival-like atmosphere with corn dogs and stuff?.  You got nothing.  And it's just not about the good times that are to be had, it's about all the evil doings that are, as of this posting, going unchecked.  Why just last week a woman was mad at me at work and I didn't poop right for a few days.  It's empirical evidence of a hex and I'm sure if I had some milking goats they would probably be dry right now as a result of said curse.  How can we allow this to continue?

   The tricky thing about witches is that they all don't stand out as readily as these that Skinner painted up.  They blend in, like that Miley Cyrus girl, so they could be amongst us right now!!!   John Kenn Mortensen and Unbox Industries made these old hags and you can preorder them from now until September 25 (or until the original allotted amount runs out).  Order some right now at http://store.unboxindustries.info and make them reveal the identities of their sisters in the black arts.  Also, make sure you have enough to lighter fluid, cause there's nothing that ruins a good ol witch burning like an absence of the actual burning part.  It's embarrassing.

Star Wars "Force Friday" Recap or Why I Am So Tired Today

    Despite what I said yesterday about not being able to stay up late, I couldn't stand looking at all the pictures of the new Star Wars toys online and not participate.  So when my wife got home from work this is what ensued:

Me:  "Hey babe, I'm sorry you had such a hard day at work, why don't we go out to eat tonight."  

Sharon:  "Oh, that's so sweet of you, let me go and get changed."

Me: "Shut up squid man, you're killing my game here."

    So we have a nice dinner and on the way home we stop by Toys R Us to see how they're setting up for the new toys.  There are signs everywhere and empty shelves teasing us with their promised bounty later in the night.  We go home, watch a bit of tv and then I start showing her people's Instagram posts with all of their bounty.  Next thing you know this happens:

Sharon:  "If you want we could totally go to Toys R Us to check it out tonight."

    Next thing you know we're standing outside with fellow nerds waiting to buy toys for a movie we haven't even seen yet.  It was kind of like a mini comic con moment, though much less smelly.  The first thing we see as we enter are these giant Stormtrooper and Darth Vader figures:

    I'd say they were about 4 feet tall and priced at $100, which is pretty reasonable considering their size.  While the temptation was strong, I didn't want to get caught up in the moment and buy everything in sight.  In fact I was so restrained this is the totality of what I purchased:

    That's it.  A lone Captain Phasma Pop! Vinyl for $10.  The commemorative Lego brick was free at the door and the main reason I wanted to go to Toys R Us.  It has the date on the back of it so one day I can reflect on my life and say "I stayed up way past my adult bed time to look at action figures."  Everyone in the nursing home will be impressed.  

New Robo Tops from Inami Toyland Releasing Tonight

    The most playing I ever do with the toys I collect are when I dust them; which, in the interest of transparency, is not very often.  I'm on a once per calendar year dusting plan, or whenever the dust gets so thick I start to forget what the actual object is supposed to look like.  The bonus though, is once you wipe away all those accumulated dead skin cells it's like having something that's brand new all over again.  And who doesn't love that feeling?  So, to summarize, I am making myself happy on the occasions I do clean by lengthening the time in between actual cleanings.  Suck on that, Freud.

    You never need to worry about Robo Tops from Inami Toyland collecting dust, cause the whole point of these resin dudes is that you play with them in the first place.  The actual spinning motion of the tops makes it impossible for dirt or debris to make its home on them, thus negating the need for you to do chores.  Now make a toy that cleans the litter box for me and I can truly live a life of leisure.  

   These orange and blue editions go on sale tonight at 9pm eastern time only at www.inamitoyland.com.  They're $15 a piece and only 10 of each color exist.  

Star Wars "Force Friday" Is Almost Here

    Oh my lord I am excited for the new Star Wars toys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Tonight, as the clock strikes midnight, people are gonna flood their local stores and ruin their credit ratings by buying anything and everything from the movie they haven't even seen yet.  And you know what?  I'd love to join em, but that is waaaaaaaaay beyond my bedtime.  I know, I'm about as much fun as wearing a wet pair of jeans, but I've passed that point in life where my body will do the things I want it to.  I don't want to have to get up at 3am to pee every night, but guess what, that's what happens.  And I don't want to fall asleep on the couch every night and miss the endings of my favorite shows, but that doesn't stop my brain from flipping that off switch and turning me into a drooling idiot with my mouth hung wide open.  Just this week alone I've missed the endings to Monday Night Raw and Ink Master and I almost passed out before Mr. Robot was over last night, which would have infuriated me.  So while I won't be elbowing my fellow nerds in pursuit of a carded Storm Trooper, I'm sure that there are plenty of everything to go around so I won't miss out on anything I want.  I mean there will be, right?  

"Famous Last Words" Group Show at Toy Art Gallery

    In what is a sad yet growing trend, Toy Art Gallery is closing up their physical location.  I don't know anything beyond the fact that they will continue to operate their store online and continue to manufacture toys.  They want to close their location with a bang, and thus you have the aptly titled "Famous Last Words" group show.  It's happening this Saturday, September 5th, and features all of the artists you see listed above.  You should go, and pour some of your 40 out on the sidewalk for your fallen homies.  

Someone Found a Way To Film My Dreams at Night

    I don't know how they were able to upload my dreams to Youtube, but this may be the biggest breakthrough in technology since the Swiffer.