It's a New Week So That Means New Toys from Super7

      Super7 is way more reliable with their toy releases than my wife's car is with functioning like a feasible mode of transportation.  Damn thing broke down and cost more than I want to relive right now.  I am currently accepting paid appointments to come over and have my cats scratch and bloodlet you for health.  The safe word is "bananas".

    Two new releases are going down on Thursday, March 31st in the form of Leecifer's Honoo in clear vinyl and the very cute yet more than slightly creepy Drunk Seijin.  Each on will be $35 when they go on sale starting at noon pacific time from www.super7store.com and their retail locations.

Tiki Geekwok from UME Toys

   I've been thinking I need a new hobby for my days off other than being depressed.  While it sounds like the greatest to my teenage inner self, I could be out there having more fun at the expense of others, which is the best kind of happiness.  So I've been inspired by this toy to carve bizarre wooden idols and place them randomly along the side of the road.  I basically just want to start a panic that pagans have moved into the area and may or may not be trying to unravel the moral fiber of the citizens.  This would probably work better if I didn't live in New Jersey, because everyone here is a Godless heathen who are too jaded to be truly effected by my artistic endeavor.  Back to depression it is!

    I'm just kidding of course.  About being depressed, not the people of New Jersey.  I stand by that.  UME Toys is about to unleash the newest incarnation of his GeekWok figure, this time in tiki form.  Add some cuteness to your collection when these drop on April 8th at 9pm London time, which I love to type cause it feels so fancy!  These will only be available through http://umetoys.bigcartel.com.

"Sunshine Yellow" Bloodthirst from Brent Nolasco x Toy Art Gallery

    This is why you never eat undercooked pork.  Forget Freddy or Jason, those dudes aren't scary; parasites dying in your brain tissue is scary.  My behavior is already erratic and doesn't need any help from rotting little critters in my frontal lobe.  Not to mention what they do before they die.  Now I won't be able to sleep.

    Brent Nolasco's Bloodthirst looks all innocent in this bright yellow color way, but don't let his sunny disposition fool you.  He's out for your bloodiest of tissues.  Toy Art Gallery is unleashing him into,the water supply on Wednesday, March 30th at noon pacific time.  Get him only at www.toyartgallery.com

threezero Present Pinhead from Hellraiser III Hell on Earth

    This is Pinhead, who quite frankly is one of the freakiest looking things on the planet.  My wife and I used to go to horror conventions a lot when we first started dating and one of the people we met was Doug Bradley, the actor underneath all the makeup and roofing nails.  He's the nicest unassuming British guy who you never would suspect would be the face of terror for children and adults all over the world.  It's always interesting to meet the people that play such characters because then you realize how much talent they actually have in turning themselves from everyday dude in sociopathic otherworldly murderer.  Either that or they're really good at hiding how twisted they actually are, which could be a good premise for a horror movie itself. 

   Ol Pinhead's looking a little too realistic in this figure from threezero.  This 1/6th scale figure is the first in a line of Horror Movie Heritage collectibles, so you're not going to want to miss this debut.  He's up for preorder right now on http://www.threezerostore.com and he comes with interchangeable hands, the infamous puzzle box, and enough sleepless nights to usher you into madness.  

The Weird Ways In Which People Find This Website

    The Google search phrase of the day kiddos is "action figure bondage".  Yup, someone stumbled upon my humble website by searching for that term.  One of you out there has a strange hobby.  

The Blacksmith Resin Figure from Jon-Paul Kaiser

    Is there any profession that's more manly than being a blacksmith?  You bend metal to your will to make implements of death, like swords and axes, and its pretty much mandatory that you grow a killer beard that somehow is fireproof just out of respect.  I couldn't do it though, cause I'm a big fan of air conditioning, which seems like an impossibility when your surrounded by furnaces.  Modern luxuries have ruined me.

    The preorder window for Jon-Paul Kaiser's latest resin creation is now open for a mere 48 hours.  Visit http://jonpaulkaiser.bigcartel.com and live your medieval dreams vicariously through this 4 inch tall hand painted figure.

Marbled Cadaver Kids and Mecha Brain Cadaver Kids from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

    Look at those swirley butts!!!  I don't even have to see the rest of their little bodies to know that I want these toys.  I guess it helps that I already know what they look like, so that does take some of the risk out of it and allows me to be way more confident in my assertion.  And you already know I get those special feelings just thinking about marbled vinyl, which is like the premium roast beef of plastics.

    Grody Shogun has bestowed his marbling wizardry on these Cadaver Kids and Mech Brain Cadaver Kids from Splurrt and they will be made exclusively through Lulubell Toys on Saturday, March 26.  They will be $50 and $55 respectively and you can buy up to three of each type.  They drop at noon pacific time at http://www.lulubelltoys.com. 

Two New Releases from Super7

    Who is the devil that invented that plastic Easter grass that you use to fill Easter baskets with?  That's something Cobra Commander wished he thought of, cause that stuff is almost as impossible to get rid of as your weird cousin who just needed a place to crash "for a few days" back in '05.  It gets eaten and deposited in the litter box, it gets stuck in the vents, and wedges itself in the cracks on the bottom of your shoes so it can spread its evil everywhere you go.  That stuff was sent to unhinge our society.

    Super7 might send you some packing peanuts when you order a toy, but they're not the type of folks to send you unwanted plastic grass.  They will be more than happy to send you a Mixed Parts Mystery Fighter in a giant egg.  No joke, each on really comes packaged like it was laid by a big plastic chicken.  Get one for yourself on Thursday, March 24th at noon pacific time for $65.

   If you happen to be at Wondercon this Friday the 25th you need to visit booth #2114 and snag one of these Ghost Ghoul Skeletor figures.  Then turn the lights out in your home and do your best to scare your vintage He-Man collection half to death.  Don't worry if you can't go to Wondercon, cause everyone will have a shot at them online and in Super7 locations on March 26th at noon pacific time.  Once again, $65 will get you one.  

Resin Minion Figures from MikeFX x RenOneLab

    This dude is nothing like those little yellow guys with the same name.  In fact, he looks like he would like to use those razor teeth to bite their heads clean off.  Which is fine by me, cause I'm beyond seeing those things in every fifth Facebook post along with some quote about how Monday's suck, or how everyone at their job annoys them.  The only thing those inspire me to do is wish I drank.  

    You've seen RenOne's Minion face plastered all over the world in sticker form, but now you can welcome him into your home as a fully realized three dimensional figure.  MikeFX brought this 5 inch resin dude to life and he will be available as a 10 piece run in DIY grey with one lucky buyer scoring the Cherry Bomb figure you see below.  These dudes will go on sale Friday, March 25th at 9am pacific time.  Available at http://rottenresin.storenvy.com.

Candie Bolton Tackles Paul Kaiju's Mock Pilot

   

    Are you in a state of depression because everything from Paul Kaiju's show this past weekend at Stranger Factory sold in one night?  Wipe those crusty tear trails from your face and get back on your toy buying horse because you're getting another chance at glory.  And if having a Paul Kaiju figure wasn't prize enough, Candie Bolton applying a sweet paint job on top of it is like getting a brownie covered in birthday cake topped with fried twinkies.  That will probably kill you in real life, so please realize it is only safe to consume as a metaphor.

    Now for the all important details of how you can actually own one of these.  They will go on sale Tuesday, March 22nd at 6:30 pacific time only at http://www.candiebolton.com.  Each set will be $200 and most likely sell very quickly, so don't get caught up in watching Judge Mathis and forget about them.

    

MC Supersized Platinum from Ron English x K. Olin Tribu

    Oh snap, look at that big old hamburger king!  He took so much money from you in exchange for hid diseased meat that he's gone and covered himself in platinum!  See, I never understand why people trust clowns.  When has a clown ever tried to get you to do anything and the results were good?  John Wayne Gacy was a clown and we know how all that turned out, so I guess a certain fast food clown's crimes against humanity aren't that extreme.  He at least doesn't kill you right away.

   I can't act like I don't appreciate fast food every once in a while.  Usually that appreciation ends the moment I realize what a terrible mistake I've made, but what can you do.  Is there a more grandiose ode to the king of instant gratification than this MC Supersized by Ron English?  Certainly not, especially when it's cast in porcelain by K. Olin Tribu and decked out in platinum.  He's available right now to lend your house some fanciness while simultaneously making a cultural statement.  Kind of like the way I saw myself in my teenage years.  Minus the fancy part, cause my jeans all had holes.  

One of a Kind Garamon Tank from Plaseebo

    Bet you didn't know that the government has been working on military weapons entirely powered by monsters.  I stumbled upon it on the dark web while looking to sell some extremely rare bootleg Pokemon cards.  Plaseebo evidently knows about it too, cause this custom Garamon tank figure is almost exactly what was being described to me by the guy who bought my Charizard.  Getting ahold of this is way easier than getting a criminal to Paypal you the money he swore he would, cause all you have to do is visit http://www.plaseebo.net/, drop a little cash, and welcome this crazy looking dude into your home.  He goes on sale Friday, March 18th at noon pacific time.  

Kidrobot Week at Entertainment Earth

    Hey, you there.  You want some Kidrobot toys AND you want to save money?  Click on this here picture and shop till your credit card bursts into flames.  

Stealth Mecha Dunny from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

    Where I live we have a national landmark named Lucy the Elephant that is exactly what it sounds like: a really big elephant.  I think there used to be a hotel in it or something and I know there's a window you can look out of right in the giant elephant butt, which was either bad planning or a work of genius; I have yet to decide.  I guess it's cool but how much better would it be if it was some hyped up weapon ready to protect our shores at any cost?  Imagine this: the enemy lands on the beaches of Atlantic City, ready to destroy all the monuments of grandeur that President Trump (cringe) has built in his name and suddenly the giant elephant comes to life, annihilating all that dare invade this nation.  Missed opportunity.

No, those tusks aren't actually hiding an array of missiles.

    If Frank Kozik was our president I'm sure our country would be filled with these Mecha Dunnys, ready to be deployed at a moments notice to vanquish all threats.  Or Amazon could use them to deliver books to you faster than a pizza.  Or both, which would be a real efficient use of resources and probably mean he wouldn't have to raise taxes.  Corporations should sponsor everything.

    Kidrobot is unleashing this color way of the popular 8 inch figure on Friday, March 18th.  Protect your homestead for only $74.99.

Stranger Factory Presents: Paul Kaiju

    You know what I hate: art critics.  And I hate the people that stand in front of museum paintings and wax philosophical about how an artist was struggling with a bout of hemorhoids and how if affected the troubled faces of the people he painted.  Who gives a crap (pun intended).  Nickelback may be singing about the deepest stuff that would forever change the way I look at the world but until their music becomes anything other than the sonic equivalent of sports sandals I'll never know the difference.  I like art that looks cool; that I can wake up every morning excited to look at.  I like to be aesthetically pleased.

    I would straight lose my mind if I could see this Paul Kaiju show at Stranger Factory.  The place is going to be filled with his monstrous creations and I would bet money no one tries to impress their date by explaining the political significance of a Mockbat in these troubling times.  They're just gonna smack themselves to stop the trance it puts them in and try to buy it before anyone else can.  The show opens Saturday, March 19th and will only be visible for a few days.  If you're interested in buying something I would get there opening night because anyone who collects toys would punch their own grandmother to own one of the pieces.  Don't worry, my grandma is tough and a few knuckles to the jaw ain't gonna slow her down.

"Purple Heart" BC Blasters from James Groman x Toy Art Gallery

    I'm thinking that if the dinosaurs had been packing heat like this that they'd still be running the show to this day.  They'd go to museums and look at human skeletons, talking about how their superior fire power wiped us from the face of the earth.  Thank God for us their little pea brains weren't big enough to actually invent anything like gunpowder, or nuclear weaponry.  We will happily rid ourselves from the earth thank you very much lizard face.  

    James Groman's reptiles of mass destruction have returned in this limited "Purple Heart" edition.  Toy Art Gallery will begin offering these dudes on Friday, March 11th at noon pacific time.  Get one for $35 or the whole squad for $140.  These will only be available from www.toyartgallery.com.

"Motley Edition" Koralo from Kyle Kirwan

   

       

    Let me go on the record as saying that every sweet snack food is made better by adding sprinkles.  I went to Dunkin Donuts once and asked for a strawberry iced one.  The dude behind the counter proceeded to grab one without sprinkles, while there was a whole pile of them covered in technicolor bits of sugary goodness.  What kind of psychopath would deliberately try to sell me some naked donut while the option for sprinkles was sitting right next to it?  I thought it was obvious that he'd give me a sprinkled one because he valued my business and didn't want to get shanked, but no, he thought he was gonna pass of some garbage like I wasn't even human. No, I do not regret setting that fire, let me tell you.

   This first edition Koralo from Kyle Kirwan obviously knows what's up when it comes to pastry, cause he looks like he just housed the best cake of his life.  The debut of this seven inch tall resin figure is slated for Friday, March 11th, at noon eastern time.  It's an edition of ten and each one will sell for $65 only from http://www.kylekirwan.com.  

Mishka Dunny Series from Kidrobot + Release Party

    Oh my goodness this is the craziest Dunny series ever made.  They got zombie looking ones, crazy animals with guns and forked tongues.  There's even one that looks like you're creepy uncle Ted. This series is not for people that have never been in a fight or haven't had a tetanus booster shot in the last five years.  Each one is decorated with pure snake venom and contains the angry soul of a biker demon.  I want them all.

   Mishka and Kidrobot have teamed up to bring you these Dunnys that are sure to make your mother cry and tell all her friends how disappointed she is in you.  She doesn't get you man, but I do!  These are being released into the wild on Friday, March 11th, but if you're lucky enough to live in the San Francisco area you can get yours a day early by going to the release party at Woot Bear/Kidrobot SF.  Hit it up from 6-9pm, buy a ton of toys, and trade with your fellow collectors.

Here's a few of my favorite designs from the series:

Labbit With Littons Box Set from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot Available Now

    If you thought Labbits came from a factory somewhere in Asia you couldn't be more wrong.  Well, you could be more wrong if you also enjoy listening to Nickelback while you thought that, but then you'd be so wrong there's no hope for you.  Sorry, but it's fatal.

   Labbits are born, not created silly goose.  There are farms located all over the world responsible for breeding these majestic creatures.  They're no joke to raise either, because God forbid they could eat something cheap like carrots.  They require the finest in snack cakes and caffeinated beverages and woe is the farmer that dares buy store brand.

     This pack of momma Labbit and her five bey beys is on sale right now at www.kidrobot.com for $19.99.

Kerberosman Custom Figures from Kenth Toy Works x GEEK!

    I'm not sure what exactly this dude's name translates to, so he could either be a reference to Cerberus, the three headed dog that guards the underworld, or he could just be an overly ambitious werewolf.  Either way, you don't chain someone's hands together for no reason, so he's probably not someone you'd want to meet while taking the trash out late at night.  

    Kenth Toy Works has customized a run of these figures from GEEK! and is offering them up now through this Wednesday at 23:00 Japan time.  Here's how you can get your hands on one of them:

Please enter your Name, Address, Phone No and Email to [ktw.order@gmail.com]

    All payments will be made through Paypal and if they generate more interest than the amount of figures they have then they will resort to a lottery system.  

The Nordic Legion Alavaka from Devil's Head Productions

    It makes me sad that music doesn't freak people out anymore.  Teenagers today will never know the joy of wearing a bands shirt that was scary enough to make people cross to the other side of the street.  Not that this is black metal related, but I remember going to see Marilyn Manson during the time when people actually gathered outside of his shows to protest them.  It was in Richmond, Virginia and while we waited in line to get in people yelled at us and threw things and there was even a local news station that was outside filming it all.  The reporter came up to me and started asking questions about why we were there and what attracted us to his music, and 17 year old me leaned into the mic and calmly said "we're just here to see a damn good rock concert."  It certainly wasn't the blasphemous rant he was hoping for and I made sure I stayed calm to let the idiot protesters really look like the savages of the whole affair.  It was a cool moment for me.

    I had yet to be exposed to the craziness that was going on in Norway at the time that was making Marilyn Manson look like Captain Kangaroo in comparison, but the music eventually made its way to my ears.  It's still unlike anything else you could even think to compare it to and now you can celebrate the madness with your own Nordic Legion Alavaka from Devil's Head Productions.  Decked out in corpse paint and blood, this figure will bring the northern darkness to all it touches.  Available starting Saturday, March 5th, only from http://devilsheadquarters.storenvy.com.

Hawaiian Death Ray Wolf Thing Bat from Joseph Harmon x Toy Art Gallery

    I live in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey, which is home to the world famous Jersey Devil, so I have some knowledge of strange beings.  Most of the knowledge is not Devil related however, and has more to do with the migration of weirdos from the Staten Island area to our beaches.  They are usually the same color of the toy you see above and are extremely flammable due to the amount of hair product they use.  While they don't fall into the category of cryptozoology, they can't be that far off.

   The greatest name for any toy ever is the Death Ray Wolf Thing Bat.  It's great because it sounds crazy, and also because of how descriptive it is.  This piece from Joseph Harmon and Toy Art Gallery will be available starting Friday, May 4th, at noon pacific time only from shop.toyartgallery.com

Super7's Wing Kong Gets The Yeti Treatment

   Look at this snow monkey.  This doesn't look like those snow monkeys in Asia that I saw on Nattional Geographic years ago that sit in hot springs and eat bugs off of each other.  That's ok though, cause those monkeys are weird.  I've never owned a hot tub and never will if that's the type of behavior that it attracts.

    Super7 is opening a new store in San Francisco on Friday (March 4) which will be where you can get you're filthy mitts on this chilly simian.  Here's the address so you can celebrate the grand opening with them from 6pm-10pm: 3253 16th street.  

Jeremyville Vinyl Banks from Kidrobot

    Storing money under your mattress is way safer than investing in stocks.  Of course it won't grow that way, but you won't lose any of it either.  Not unless someone steals it of course, but the police actually arrest those types of criminals, not the ones who steal your mishandled investments.

    Now if you have enough coinage to make your mattress all uneven you might want to think about a different place to store your riches.  Well, would you look at that, I just happen to have to viable alternatives right here courtesy of Jeremyville and Kidrobot.  Each of these banks stands 10 inches tall and will retail for $100 each when they go on sale this Friday, March 4th at www.kidrobot.com.

    By the way, these were expertly produced by the folks at Bigshot Toyworks.  Give them a buzz when you're ready to make your own figures. 

Win a Trip To Wrestlemania While Supporting a Great Cause

    I don't have to tell you how tough Mick Foley is.  The man's body has endured punishment that would send a Mac truck to the junkyard.  His post wrestling life however has been defined by his generosity to those in need, and now he's giving you the chance to help out a great charity and win the vacation of a wrestling fan's life.

    Check out this link right here and for as little as $10 you could be on your way to this year's Wrestlemania is Dallas, Texas.  You'll also receive tickets to RAW,  Axxess, and diner with the hardcore legend himself.  Maybe if you're nice he'll let you toss him off the top of a steal cage.  Probably not though.

    100% of the proceeds from the sweepstakes will benefit RAINN.  

Full Color and Soft Vinyl! It's Skeletor from Super7

     You know what would be awesome about being Skeletor?  Besides living on Snake Mountain or having a gang of minions that do what you say, those are pretty much a given as to being really cool perks.  But one you may have never thought of is having a head that is only a skull.  Hear me out now, cause if you've ever suffered from sinus problems you're about to be on my side.  By having nothing but skull you have no tissue to get inflamed, no ability to produce mucus that clogs your head and makes you feel gross, and if anything were troubling you in your sinus cavities you could easily solve any problem with a flash light and roofing nail.  Can you tell I've been sick this week?

 
     Super7 has been killing it recently and there's no stopping them with this sofubi Skeletor figure.  Dude looks amazing in his full color debut and I need one as bad as Donald Trump needs to come to terms with being bald.  These will be on sale this Thursday, March 3rd, at noon pacific time for $65 each from www.super7store.com.