Custom Fiji Mermaids from Candie Bolton x Gorgoloid x Awesome Toy

     If Fiji Mermaids were real no one would ever go fishing again.  The thought of pulling some haggard old monkey fish onto your boat is just the sort of thing that can ruin an afternoon of fun.  Not that I've ever really thought catching fish was the most fun thing.  I'd rather stay at home and watch Netflix and not have worm guts all over my hand and smell like something from the deep sea.  Any time I've ever gone fishing I've managed to impale some part of my body with the hook, which I take as a sign from the universe that I should be doing other things.  Once it even went all the way through my thumb and the dumbest part about that was that it happened in a friend of mine's garage and nowhere near the open ocean.  I was just bouncing around on a Pogo Ball and I fell over next to some fishing rods and the next thing I knew I was wondering how the hell I was gonna explain this.  That whole Pogo Ball reference just dated me big time, didn't it?

    Awesome Toy and Gorgoloid have one of the most bizarre sofubi creations ever with this dude and Candie Bolton has lent her talent to pretty them up a bit.  They're so shiny that now they look like the lures you would use if you wanted to catch one.  Get one for your collection this Sunday, July 31st at 6pm pacific time only from http://www.candiebolton.com.  Bait not included.  

New Stuff From Splurrt Available Today from Lulubell Toy Bodega

    It will take me longer to think of something witty to say about these dudes than it will for them to sell out when they get posted later today.  Splurrt's work, deservingly so, is highly sought after and it's not going to change with the release of Serpent Sata and Puppoo.  I would watch a buddy comedy staring these dudes and this would be the premise: Serpent Sata is a hard nosed cop whose partners always seem to end up dead, while Puppoo is just a rookie turd who has more heart than brains.  Together they are trying to bring order back to a once peaceful Chinatown that finds itself riddled with organized crime.  Then hilarity would ensue in some fashion.  I really see The Rock and Kevin Hart taking this project to new heights.

    Today at non pacific time these will go up only at www.lulubelltoys.com, so schedule your work breaks accordingly.   

"Stardust" Edition Skelevex Spectrum Series

    When decorating your home I think it is important to keep in mind that one day the police may have to enter to investigate your untimely demise.  Put their detective skills to the test by keeping plenty of insane objects lying about.  Personally my wife and I have accomplished this by having the entire wall outside of our bathroom decorated with the Virgin Mary, a cabinet of curiosities that alone would take them a week to catalogue into evidence, and a book collection that would look at home in Charles Manson's cell.  I feel that even after you've exhausted this life its important to maintain a sense of humor.  

   You can never go wrong with skulls either in shear amount or different types.  But if you're not at the level of having the meat helmet of former person sharing your living space, might I suggest these Skelevex as an alternative.  They're all geometric and sparkly and the more you buy the more you save.  Get em all and taste the morbid rainbow when they go on sale Friday, July 29th at http://skelevex.bigcartel.com/. 

Why You Should Nominate Me for a Designer Toy Award or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

    When I started this website I was just a naïve guy who wanted to be a part of something he loved.  I can't draw for crap and the best paint job I've ever laid down was courtesy of some weathered old lawn furniture and a can of Rustoleum.  But I could string together a word or two and using the inspiration that toys provided me I could feel that in some small way I was adding to their narrative.  Through stories about my cats or the ridiculous places I've managed to find myself in I could take an object and offer a different perspective that maybe the artist themselves hadn't even considered.  And hopefully at times it would be funny too.  It would be an exercise to not only keep me writing but to do so with purpose.  For years this website has hovered on the fringe of a movement  that was already fringe, so I guess that's fringe squared or something.  I really should have tried harder in algebra, despite the fact that I never did actually use any of that like they swore I would.  And before you go thinking that this is some farewell speech, it's anything but.  It's not about death but rebirth.

   I've always stayed mum about the Designer Toy Awards, basically because my opinion was never really black or white.  While I may not feel that art really needs a gold trophy, it is not for me to take away the happiness that it may bring someone.  And I totally get the need to be recognized for your work as I think anyone who creates does.  So I've never pandered for a nomination nor have I ever posted a picture of the Toy King with a red circle and line through it with the words “No Masters” emblazoned across the bottom.  But the presidential race in America, with its Ringling Brothers meets Monty Python, meets House of Cards vibes, has inspired me to wipe the dust from my long dormant political side and jump feet first into this acid trip we call democracy.

    Now I'm not here asking you to nominate me for a little trophy because I want to win it or because I think I even can.  In fact, the later would be kind of foolish, cause even though David slated Goliath, he didn't realize that Godzilla was waiting for him in the sequel.  No, I want you to nominate me because it's high time the pot got stirred.  It’s time that the status quo was turned into status no.  That original thinking replaced cut and pasting.  It's time to punch convention in the mouth, knock out a few teeth, and then surprise reveal ourselves as the dentist when they seek medical help.  What a twist!

    Lets make one thing clear; this is not about wanting an award, this is about thumbing my nose at the same old same old.  Business as usual doesn't account for the unusual and that's who I want to represent.  I want to stand for the freaks, the misfits, the people who dared to have a dream in spite of the opinions of others and the obstacles they threw in your way.  This is for the lone wolves (I was going to say lone gunman, but that phrase hasn't had the best history with politics now has it) who were told “no” or “I don't get it” or “get out of here before I call the cops.”  And this is to recapture the excitement I had when I made my first ever post under that Toy Viking logo that cost me a case of beer and a meat lovers pizza.  When I committed to doing things differently because it was the only way I knew how and the only way that made sense to me.


The road to glory is long and perilous and I totally forgot to renew my AAA membership.


#maketoyblogginggreatagain

Custom Molezilla-X from Plaseebo

   Chipmunks are about the cutest little thing you can have living under your porch.  Trust me, I've got a little family of them and they come out and stuff their little cheeks with all the birdseed that falls on the ground and they're just adorable.  I don't even mind the series of holes they've dug all around as they seem to be expanding their living quarters/constructively trying to undermine the integrity of my porch to which it will inevitably collapse as I stand upon it.  Then I will go tumbling like Alice down into a subterranean world where the chipmunks speak english and have set up a democracy that runs better than any we could have imagined.  

     It could be worse, because I could be infested with Molezillas, or even worse the dreaded Molezilla-X!!!!!  They dig holes that could swallow a Volkswagen and they feed on neighbor children, which is their lone benefit and as far as I see it a community service.  This is another insane custom from the mind of Plaseebo and features led lights that mimic the souls of the aforementioned neighbor children as they scream for you to release them from their hell.  Just ignore it, they'll tire themselves out eventually.  

    Add this 8 inch tall monstrosity when it goes live on www.plaseebo.net Thursday, July 28th.  

Hang Out With The Sucklord Later Today for Some Food and A New Figure

   What are you doing later today?  Are you stuck at work?  Going to a baseball game?  Attending a funeral?  Well, cancel all your plans cause if you live in the New York area you are now going to break bread with the Sucklord as he celebrates the release of his newest bootleg figure, the Chili Oil Trooper.  You may nhttp://www.suckadelic.comot recognize this figure because the food court scene inside the Death Star got cut from the original Star Wars, but I can assure you this bro was there cooking up Asian delights for those hardworking cogs of the Empire.  Remember his sacrifice today from 4-8pm at the Nom Wah Bakery in sweaty New York City.  GPS that jawn and get going so you make it on time.  

Super7 SDCC Exclusives Online Now

   

    You didn't go to comic con and neither did I.  That practically makes us family.  That also makes us straight out of luck when scoring those exclusives without paying disturbing flipper prices.  Or does it?  Super7 has just posted their remaining exclusives online at www.super7store.com so now you can get all the stuff you wanted without some cosplayer poking you in the eye with a fake sword due to lack of costume awareness (that happened to me once).  Check out some of what you could treat yourself to:

WWE's The New Day Immortalized as Funko Pop! Vinyls

    "Ooooooh Toy Viking readers, don't you dare be sour, clap for your world famous two time champs, and feeeeeeel the pooooooooooweeeeeerr...."

    It's The New Day, yes it is, shrunken down and turned into Funko Pop! Vinyls.  These are definitely not Booty and will be available this holiday season as exclusives to Toys R Us.  Will they all three be packaged together?  Will that package be a box of Booty O's?  Will the WWE ever hire me to live out my literary fantasies as a writer for their programs?  Only those with true unicorn magic know for sure.  Holders of said magic drop me an email and answer all my questions.  I'm still only half way through my unicorn magic guide but my allergy pills keep making me fall asleep right when I get to the good part.  Curse you pollen and the wall you've built blocking my path to enlightenment!

It's New Release Friday from doubleparlour

    Comic con is sooooooooooooooooo dumb.  Just kidding, I'm pretty jealous of all you folks hanging out in San Diego, so I'm talking smack to make myself feel better about not being there.  Not that I'm really that bummed about it, cause then I'd be really broke and trying to figure out how to keep the lights on so I could look at all of my purchases.  Comic cons are dangerous for your credit rating.

    You wanna know the other good thing about not being at comic con?  Instead of being shoulder to shoulder with strangers on Friday, you get to take advantage of new releases from doubleparlour.  Take a look at some of what will be available when these go on sale today at 3pm pacific time from http://doubleparlour.myshopify.com.

Who Needs Comic Con When There's Healeymade

    Don't you hate it when you see killer exclusives that only people at comic con can get?  Then it sucks twice as much when they pop up on eBay for so much money you have to choose between toys and healthcare.  To hell with that noise, cause Healeymade has got a ton of new releases for all of us that are stuck at home and can't find anybody to buy our extra lung for straight cash.  Browse his wares he will have for sale, then point your browser to www.healeymade.com at 8pm eastern time on Wednesday, July 20th (that's tonight, sucka).

Four New Flavors of Frank Kozik X Rotofugi's Jerome for SDCC

 

    There are some aspects in life that are way different from what I know having lived in America my whole life.   For instance, did you know that in Taiwan the garbage trucks come around playing ice cream truck music to let you know when to bring your trash out?  Then you have to chase the truck down and throw the bags in the back yourself.  Now, I know you think I may be a dang gone liar, so here's video proof that even Agent Scully would have to accept:

    I just knocked your teeth straight outta your mouth with that truth slap.

    My wife and her family lived over there for a bit and were pretty confused the first time they witnessed it, and I had only seen it online after one of her friends recorded and posted it.  Technically there is probably ice cream somewhere buried in there, but that's better left to the rats.  They also have strippers that you can hire for funerals but that's a topic for another day.

    When it comes to ice cream choice is the key and Rotofugi is giving you plenty of it courtesy of Frank Kozik's Jerome.  There are four new flavors to choose from and because they're not jerks and realize everyone can't be at comic con, they're making them available online as well.  If you're not in San Diego you can get em starting Wednesday, July 20th, at 8pm central time at www.rotofugi.com.
   

Mini Glow in the Dark Seated Boo and Kuma Set from Brandt Peters X Kathie Olivas

    Sharon and I recently went to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania and stayed at a haunted bed and breakfast. For those of you who don't know, Gettysburg was the site of the bloodiest battle in the American Civil War and has become a hot spot for people ghost hunting.  Not that we were there for that reason, but if we were gonna pay the same price to stay at the Econo Lodge then the prospect of seeing some restless souls was like a bonus deal.  The place had become a hospital after the battle to treat the wounded so we thought the chances were high we might have an otherworldly encounter.  That night we heard a lot of weird sounds, bits of conversations, and what sounded like boots walking  across the hardwood floors just in front of the bed, but we weren't treated to any visuals.  Not that I'm upset that I didn't wake up to a soldier's blood soaked face leaning over mine.  I'd never live it down if I screamed like a girl.

    There's easier ways to see ghosts than to traipse around old battlefields or haunted houses.  You can just buy them.  Ain't this a great time to be alive?  Kathie Olivas and Brandt Peters are all set to release this glow in the dark set of figures ready to bring some mini spookiness to the comfort of your own home.  Each seated Boo and Kuma set glow in blue to let you know that they're active at night opening all of your cabinets and rearranging your collectibles.  Get em when they go on sale Wednesday, July 20th at noon pacific time only from http://www.circusposterus.com.

NES Classic Edition from Ninetendo

     

    May I present to you the one item that is guaranteed to get moms fighting UFC style on Black Friday this year.  Ninetendo just announced that they're releasing this NES Classic gaming system that comes pre loaded with 30 of their most popular retro games of all time.  You get all three Mario Bros., Metroid, The Legend of Zelda, and one of my all time favorites Techmo Bowl.  I used to destroy people in this game because I would always play as the Raiders and just run Bo Jackson through their defense all day long.  There was nothing they could do but slam the controller in disgust  as I celebrated touchdown after touchdown.  I would try and trick my wife into playing against me but I'm not looking to sleep on the couch the rest of my life.

   This little bundle of joy is set to retail for $59.99 when it's released in November and it comes with one controller.  A second controller will run you another $9.99, which is totally worth it to assert your 8 bit dominance on everyone you know.

Candie Bolton's "Rose Gold" Oh My! Yokai Set from Toy Art Gallery

    Times are hard for everyone as far as economics go, and if you're not Lebron James you gotta be smart with your toy buying money.  That means you need value for every dollar you spend, and one thing I know if you can't beat getting five figures for $75, especially when they're made of sweet Japanese sofubi.  It's the Ferrari of plastics and it's what makes up the Oh My! Yokai series from Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery.  But you're not gonna get these figures as blanks because they've even been nice enough to throw in a cool little paint job to bring out every detail in their masterful sculpts.  I'm starting to sound like an infomercial.  Snatch em up Friday, July 15th at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

"Wildfire Edition" Autopsy Zombie Staple Baby from Miscreation Toys

   One of my favorite scenes ever from Game of Thrones is during The Battle of the Blackwater when Bronn draws back his bow, launches a flaming arrow, and ignites the ship loaded with wildfire thus destroying Stanis Baratheon's invading fleet.  That moment as it races towards the vessel is the most peacefully epic moment... right before it melts the flesh from those unfortunate souls.  It's pretty much the best way you can end a battle as long as you don't miss.  My luck I'd burn my hand on the arrow, double over in pain, and end up shooting Tyrion through the head.  The show would have taken a much different turn without the imp.

    Wildfire is dirty business but it sure is pretty to look at, which explains the vinyl color of Miscreation Toy's latest Autopsy Zombie Staple Baby.  Who knew an undead baby thing could be so attractive.  These will be available on Friday, July 15th at 3pm eastern time from http://www.miscreationtoys.com and I'm told will not explode if lit.  Unlike a real bloated corpse who will explode if you take a speed bump too quickly.  You only make that mistake once.
 

Super7 Vinyl Exclusives for SDCC

    I've never been to San Diego Comic Con.  Heck, I've never even been to California.  In fact I only crossed the Missipssippi for the first time in my life last year.  I'm not what you would call well traveled, but I've got spunk and by golly that's gonna carry me to the top!  Now I may just be simple caveman toy writer, but I know that Super7 is the booth with the goods at comic con.  Peep all the goods you can pick up at booth number 4945, including the debut of Bat Boy!!!!!!!

Watermeloncat from Rato Kim

    I have solved all of the problems that now face the world.  Ok, well most of them, because I think many of the world's issues stem from folks being miserable.  And you know what makes it impossible to be miserable?  The act of holding a baby skunk.  It's true!  I held one the other day and as his little face nuzzled under my chin there was absolutely nothing that could have upset me.  You could have tried, but you would have failed.  I have no idea how to implement this on a global scale, so I'll probably have to get Mark Cuban to help me out.

Happiness is a warm skunk.

    Ooooooh, maybe one of these Watermeloncats would be better.  For one you wouldn't have to feed them, and you'd never have to worry about bathing in tomato paste to counteract any spraying that may go one.  Rato Kim is offering these right now until the 13th and here's how you can get one for yourself:

- Name -
- PayPal account -
- WatermelonCat number -
- Residential land -
- Address -
- Contact -
- Select Shipping - 1 [EMS] , 2 [Air Small Packe] [Information] - SIZE [w4 / h4.5 / d5]
- PRICE [65 USD]
- Payment: PAYPAL
- EMS (3-7 days / Safe delivery.)
- Air Small Packet (7-15 days / I shall not be liable even if not to make delivery.)
- Asia 10 USD / Other 15 USD
- Plz, Email me for the order - [ ratokimtoy@gmail.com ]

"Got Milk?" Custom Night Gamer from Plaseebo

    Remember those got milk? campaigns where they took pictures of famous people with mil mustaches and that was somehow going to revive the dairy industry and get more people to drink the stuff?  I do, because I am lactose intolerant and was bombarded with images of Shaquille O'Neal reminding me that my bones will probably crumble to dust from a lack of calcium.  Then as a puddle person I'd be forever stared at and used as an example for parents to get their kid to finish their milk so they didn't suffer the same fate of having to crawl around on filthy floors like some shell-less mollusk man.  Welcome to my nightmare.

    Plaseebo's custom Got Milk? Night Gamer is much more innocent than all that, as he's just a dude trying to quench his thirst.  He would never judge you for your body's inability to process certain foods.  He's just content to sip his beverage and glow courtesy of a color changing LED light in his body.  You can welcome him into your home on Sunday, July 10th only from www.plaseebo.net.  

Shark Tank Action Figures from Biff Bang Pow

     I'm not gonna lie to you; I'm completely obsessed with Shark Tank.  I get so into it that you would think I had money to invest in anything other than lunch.  My wife and I spend the whole show dissecting their ideas, their pitches, and then determining the offers we would make.  It is without fail that we always want to invest in everything that never gets any money from the rich people, which may explain why we are not one of the rich people.  And it's always the dumbest stuff that ends up making the most money, like some dude will walk in and say "hey, check out my pills I made that can transform a dog's farts into the smell of fresh oranges" and everyone loses their minds trying to get him cashed up.  Then I see them in Bed Bath and Beyond and kinda want to buy them even though I don't have a dog.  I have a problem.

    Entertainment Earth has turned the stars of everyone's favorite investing show into action figures under their Bifff Bang Pow label.  They're debuting at San Diego Comic Con but you can get them for yourself by clicking the Entertainment Earth link to the right.  Bring em home and tell them all the great ideas you have.  The results will probably be better than yelling ideas at them in person.    Now if they'd only make figures for The Bachelorette I could finally act out all the fan fiction I wrote.

    

Amazonian Poultry Rex from Ron English X Toy Art Gallery

 

    Man they are reaching with these Jurassic Park sequels.  I'm guessing this is how the story would go:  scientists tried to breed a new, more docile form of dinosaur that visitors to the park could interact with and possibly even raise as pets.  They crossed Dino DNA with that of the common chicken in an effort to balance out their desire to kill. Needless to say, as they always do with these damn tourist attractions, things go horribly wrong.  This time the hero of the film is a descendent of Colonel Sanders who then opens a killer fried chicken joint with Flintstones size portions.  With ideas like this how in the hell am I still working a day job?

    The wings on Ron English's Poultry Rex aren't gonna fill you up, but those drumsticks look meaty as all get out.  Toy Art Gallery is releasing the first ever painted version of this prehistoric fowl on Friday, July 8th at noon pacific time on www.toyartgallery.com.  He stands 8 inches tall and most likely does not taste as delicious as it may look.