"We're crab people now." It's a simple, yet powerful quote from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia that is uttered by Charlie as he harvests sewage runoff crustaceans from the Delaware River. He had planned to sell them on the street, until Frank gets a government bailout and the plan is abandoned. Sharon and I have since used it to refer to any get-rich-quick scheme we come up with or when we're depressed and feeling rather destitute. Abraham Lincoln never had any quotes that versatile.
Hopefully we'll never have to say it because we've actually grown giant claws in response to all of the beef hormones in our food, but it's nice to know that it's there in case we mutate. Cop A Squat Toys has painted up a bunch of these crab looking dudes from Studio Kabuto and will be releasing them on his website Thursday, September 1st at 9pm eastern time.
Prepare yourselves to be wrapped in the luxury that is marbled soft vinyl. Allow your eyes to indulge in the subtle variations in color that enhance the beautiful sculpt of Candie Bolton's Bake-Kujiru figure. You may ask yourself whether you are worthy of such earthly delights. Even if you aren't, that's no reason to pass up this extremely limited release, because just having it in your presence could change your life for the better. Flowers will smell better, kittens will feel softer, and that weird noise your plumbing is making will seem less like an impending issue and more like a symphony your house is playing just for you.
Available this Friday, September 2nd at 6pm eastern time from www.candiebolton.com. Limited to only 9 pieces.
Go ahead and tell me the plots of the Avengers movies. I'll wait.
See, you can't do it, but its not your fault. Scientists have proven that if Scarlett Johansson is prancing around in a skin tight costume that 95% of people have no ability to recall anything else that is happening. Hollywood has used this technique to slip tons of movies that have no redeeming value past us and all we're left with is a little less money in our bank accounts and a two hour window of our lives thats blacked out. A small price to pay I suppose. And it's not like the Avengers films were bad, but I guess they didn't want to risk it just in case.
3A is continuing their line of Marvel figures with the ever dangerous Black Widow. Lucky for you the presale for her doesn't start until Wednesday, August 31st, so you haven't missed out yet on securing this purrty lady for your collection. Woo her at http://www.bambalandstore.com.
Josh Mayhem is known for transforming existing Dunnys into wind swept works of craziness through heavy doses of resin, paint, and magic spells. But what if he were to customize clear resin Dunnys with even more resin. It's like crazy resin inception, or maybe even more fitting would be to put a picture of Xhibit here with a certain caption that would adequately describe his philosophy on Pimp My Ride:
Yeah, that's more like it. These things are nuts and you could be one of 12 lucky folks in the world to add one to your collection when they go on sale Thursday, August 25th at 10am (that's today, sucka). Try your luck at snagging one from http://www.joshmayhem.com. May the favor of the toy gods shine down on you.
Pokemon Go has spread faster than the clap at a trucker convention and has consumed everyone's life like they left it untreated. There's been stories about people walking around, intent on catching some cute little Japanese critter and instead catching the grill of an oncoming Ford Focus or even stumbling upon a dead body. Whatever the appeal is it seems to be thus far the greatest mind control device ever utilized by the federal government (they're always watching) and so in the spirit of that I've come up with different games that puts this technology to use and will therefore make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. And my dreams are not PG13 ya hear? So without further ado:
1.). To Catch a Predator Go: It combines everyone's favorite game show, To Catch a Predator, with a mobile app. Are they hiding behind your bushes? Are they lurking behind a seemingly too good to be true Craigslist ad? Just point your phone they're way and identify all the creepers you can and see who can fill up the sex offender registry quickest. For ages 10 and up.
2.) Poltergeist Go: This is for those agoraphobics out there who want to enjoy a fun game while feeling safe and secure in their own homes. Just walk around your house and hunt for restless souls. Will they be friendly, or will they be malevolent ghosts who wish to inflict the pain of their untimely deaths on the living? Part of the fun is not knowing! Also works as a good tool to get you back out into the world cause your house is haunted and you probably won't feel safe there any longer. Not sure if it counts as therapy or not but I would try to get your insurance company to reimburse you.
3.) They Live! Go: Use this app to step into the wrestling boots of Rowdy Roddy Piper and figure out if the people close to you are really aliens hell bent on world domination. Then you can annihilate them! ( in the game of course, as I will not be held responsible for you "removing" the very real threat to human existence and any legal ramifications that may arise thereafter).
As you can see, the possibilities are limited only by the imagination. For those of you who don't get the concept of catching little monsters and making them fight each other for your own sick amusement, allow this English girl to explain it all to you:
There's lots of rules that you should abide when it comes to underwear. For one, don't buy it second hand. If you're gonna buy anything new it should be the garment that touches your sensitive bits. Those deals at the Goodwill are pretty awesome, especially when certain color tags are on sale, but treat yourself and make yours the first booty to reside in your britches. Oh and the words "man" and "thong" should never be allowed to coexist. Those are really the only two rules I can think of, but I'm sure there more and they are just as valid.
This dude from Plaseebo has the best hand gesture going on, as if he's trying to say "I pay my bills and I'm of legal voting age, so what are you gonna do about it if I don't feel like wearing pants." It's an argument that's easier to win versus your wife than the police, let me tell you. This one of a kind figure comes packed with a motion activated LED light so his underpants party can continue well into the night. Welcome him into your home when he goes on sale Wednesday August 24th at www.plaseebo.net.
I haven't seen Suicide Squad yet because I am cheap and my wife is violent towards unruly strangers, but I heard a lot of folks complaining about it because the Joker is supposedly not in it much. Instagram has lead me to believe that no one cared about any other character than Harley Quinn and studies have shown that you are seperated by no more than five degrees from a girl dressed up as Ms. Quinn, which doesn't make me upset by any means. Now the Joker on the other hand looks like he's gonna be slinging nitrous balloons at this year's Gathering of the Juggalos, and that's way more frightening than anything my heart can withstand. So maybe it's good his screen time is limited to a digestible amount. Not that I'll have a real opinion until it's on DVD and I can trick someone in to letting me borrow it.
There are other characters being released by Mighty Jaxx and Jason Freeny this weekend, but Harley is my boo, so it's the only one I really want. You can grab her and her other 4 inch tall compadres this Saturday, August 20th at 10 am eastern time from www.mightyjaxx.rocks. Id it too early to start begging for Christmas presents?
Are you going to New York Comic Con? I'm going, and my wife is going, and I hope like the last two years we ride the train into New York sitting next to the Honkey Tonk Man and the one dude from The Bushwackers. Seriously, we pulled into Penn Station and both of them were standing behind us two years in a row. Being an old school wrestling fan I was pretty stoked but resisted acting like a complete weirdo, except for the fact that both times I pointed and very loudly proclaimed "it's the Honky Tonk Man" in a southern accent that came out of nowhere. I regret nothing.
Kidrobot is also going to New York Comic Con and will have a booth there filled with exclusives. If you're attending as well you can preorder all three of these figures so you can pick em up at the con without having to worry that they may sell out. I'm gonna preorder that little Scott Tolleson Cthulhu Dunny jawn for sure, and most likely the Brandt Peter's one too cause I know I'll be kicking myself if I don't. That thing is nuts looking.
You can read about all the rules and regulations at blog.kidrobot.com so that you ensure you don't miss out on these. And visit them during the con at booth # 502.
I am currently committing the cardinal sin of literature by reading the Game of Thrones series after having seen the show. Say what you will, but there was no way I was gonna finish the book series before caving and watching the show. Some internet meme would have slipped past my defenses and ruined a pivotal occurrence and I would have been pissed. Thus far the two are matching up pretty well so I'm hopeful that trend will continue as I get further into the story. Don't spoil it or I'll hit you.
Threezero are continuing their ridiculously detailed Game of Thrones line with what has turned out to be a very complex character; The Hound. Don't worry, I won't spoil it for the four of you that don't watch it, but dude isn't just a chargrilled face. There are two different versions of this killer with the heart of imitation gold, as the one offered as an exclusive to threezero will come with his killer dog helmet. It's only a couple of bucks more, so do the right thing and spring for it otherwise there will be regret, and regret is an emotion that will get you killed on the field of battle. I take this very seriously.
Sharon and I went to one of those Chiller Theatre shows in North Jersey many years ago where they have lots of weird celebrities show up to sign things and tables filled with all sorts of collectibles to buy. We were walking down the hallway just taking it all in when we see this mass of people coming towards us taking pictures but we couldn't see who the object of their attention was. We get closer and in the middle of this group stood Pee Wee Herman, dressed completely in character, doing the voice and everything. He was on his way to wherever he was signing autographs and we just happened to be there. Yeah, it's not the best story but it's the only one I have. Oh, and maybe ten years later my wife finally saw Pee Wee's Big Adventure for the first time, so there's that. I'll just sit here and wait for the publishers to come to me for this one.
Dead Greedy made me a little nervous when I opened his email, because a Pee Wee/He-Man mash-up was not the first thing I thought of when I read Her-Man. I thought maybe one of the best loved characters from my childhood had decided through surgical means to pursue the gender he always felt he was inside. But alas, I am safe from those conflicted feelings as this is the result of some parallel universe on tv where beloved shows blend together in bizarre fashion.
You can own one of these handmade carded figures by visiting www.deadgreedy.com.
Well, between the title of this post and the two photos listing the event info and participating artists, there's not a lot left for me to say about Black Drove. Just look at the names on the flyer below and tell me there's anything else I can do to convince you that this is the place to be on August 27th. I don't even have anything sarcastic to say, which is weird cause that's kinda my thing. Just get your funds together and go and buy some amazing work. The judge will understand if you have to cut your ankle monitor off.
I could have sworn when I was preparing my extensive research about these (aka reading my emails) that the price must be a typo. You can get a handmade Skelevex figure, with custom artwork from British graffiti dude Hoakser, and it will only run you about $19 plus shipping? I feel like this should be a late night tv infomercial and I should be telling you how this is once in a lifetime deal, and people that don't take advantage of it will tell their grandkids how they could have left them one in their will but they were too lame to pull the trigger. Don't be the person that has to look at the disappointed face of their grandchild.
These little dudes are killer and look like they were just plucked fresh from that particular section of town that you always see on the morning news. Snatch one up for yourself by visiting http://skelevex.bigcartel.com on Saturday, August 13th at 6pm bst.
If I owned this toy I would reply to any of my wife's questions that need to be answered in the affirmative by whipping this sucker out and yelling "DYNO MITE" just like JJ from Good Times because I am all about pushing boundaries and living like the rebel I am. Eventually she will get tired of it and hide it from me, which will force my hand into finding some new way to establish the proper level of awesome for which I am entitled as an American. You don't need Monster Energy drinks when you are filled with the spirit of Kenny Powers. I totally just power watched Eastbound and Down and was way more inspired by it than I should have been.
Munky King is releasing the latest Trouble Trouble figure from Dabs Myla in black on black with a wee bit o gold for some spice. If you want one you can get it at noon pacific time today from www.munkyking.com. Put it on a plate, cover it in birdseed, and finally nail that pesky roadrunner once and for all.
If a cyclops has two heads does that mean he can see in stereo? Does he, or they, have depth perception or the ability to see in 3D? Will their separate brains converge for the sole purpose of being able to view that bad art that was popular in the '90's that you had to squint to see and it was always a sailboat? See, that's why Ray Harryhausen made his cyclops with only one head so he didn't spend sleepless nights worrying about these things.
Planet X have been teasing us for what seems like forever with this beast and the time has finally come for you to own one. If you're lucky that is, cause you have to enter and win a lottery just for the chance to buy this beautiful sofubi creature. Here's how you do it:
To enter lottery, please send the following information to info@planetx.asia from NOW till Aug 14, 2016 (24:00 HKT)
1. Name 2. Shipping Address 3. Country 4. Phone Number 5. PayPal Account 6. Instagram / Facebook ID
How come the enamel pin thing didn't blow up while the people at TGI Fridays were forced to wear flair on their suspenders? You'd think that with those restaurants and all those folks needing pins that the market would have responded accordingly. But nope, now they just wear polo shirts with no hint of their personality or what they're really about and the pin game is stronger than ever. I for one am not into eating crappy food served by people who all look like extras from 1984, so bring back the flair and stop feeding us your agenda of conformity and indigestion, TGI Fridays, if that is your real name.
When Josh Divine isn't dreaming up craziness for Kidrobot he's out there doing his own thing in the art world, like making his Alley Kids series of pins. The latest is Alexis, who is a rocker girl who is waaaaaaay more Joan Jett than Avril Lavigne and would bring love to bring a heavy dose of sass to your jean jacket. Get her right now by checking out www.alley-kids.com.
We all have two sides: one that's light and fluffy and wants to hugs baby duckies and laugh at Tina Fey movies, and one that's dark and brooding and wants to listen to Slayer and kick people in the face. Sometimes one rises up to cancel the other out. Sometimes they both remain even and you flip flop between the two. It's just basic human nature, but according to my lawyer it is not a valid excuse for throwing out a request to appear for jury duty. That sounds like some University of Phoenix Law School thinking to me and I've gotta do better when picking legal representation on Craigslist.
Don't be ashamed of either of your personalities; instead celebrate them with the help of Cop a Squat Toys. He's ready to release two new editions of his popular Fumetsu figures in the form of the brightly colored Summer's End and the mysteriously evil Dark Arts sets. Each figure is sold individually for $80 a pop. There won't be many to go around, so be ready when they are on Tuesday, August 9th, at 2pm eastern time only from http://www.copasquattoys.com.
I know you thought Bedazzling your toy shelves was gonna elevate your collection to a whole nother tax bracket, but that's not the way to do it. You've gotta raise the caliber of the collection itself and what better way to do that than with porcelain. And no one does porcelain like K. Olin Tribu,
who have teamed up with Medicom to create this stunning 400% Bearbrick.
You can preorder one right now by clicking on the link to the right of this post. Your friends will be impressed and your family will probably think you have extra money to lend them now that you're so fancy.
We all commemorate milestones in our life differently. Some people get them tattooed on their body for all to see. Some make glorious Facebook posts that may or may not get them fired from work. Sometimes you just want to celebrate and you wake up three days later wearing someone else's pants in a zip code different from where you swore you left your car all the while being stared down by a table full of people who don't speak your language or necessarily have your best interests at heart. Not everyone would find it appropriate to celebrate fixing your dishwasher to such a degree, but I take appliances very seriously.
Cristina Ravenna has chosen to mark her tenth year living in Granada, Spain by painting up a handful of Javier Jimenez's Dorobannii figures. That's probably way more appropriate than what I would have thought of. Each resin toy is adorned with a motif inspired by Fajalauza pottery, which has been around since the 16th century. That's even older than I am!
I love self-produced carded figures but I'm always torn between opening them and leaving them in as mint condition as possible. Part of me wants to tear into the package and check the toy out from all angles while another part of me wants to leave everything intact and appreciate it as a complete package like the artist intended. For those of you that obsess over things like I do, sometimes you just need that decision removed from the equation so you can continue on with your life as a somewhat normally functioning human being.
Renone and Extraruckestrial have combined their talents to bring to you the first ever action figure of The Nothing from The Neverending Story. Not only will you get this perfectly detailed, film accurate version of creeping emptiness, the entire box it's mailed in will be filled with extras of the uncarded version to display as you wish!!!! Put some Nothing in your display case, let your children play with a big pile of Nothing, or just tote them around in your pocket and hand them out at work when people need to bring it down a notch. You'll have so much Nothing you won't even know what to do with them all!!!!!!
Snag one for yourself on Sunday, August 7th only from http://renonelab.storenvy.com and make this easily the figure that most people want to ask you about in your collection.
Moby Dick would have been the size of a pamphlet if Ahab had seen this dude from his boat. He would have immediately given up hunting whales, moved further inland, and become an accountant. By comparison it's not as compelling a story, and Herman Melville is not a name we would all know had he wrote that one instead. But who cares about all that cause the important part of this is coming up riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight now:
Finally, collectors around the world can get their hands on the majesty that is Bake-Kujira!!! Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery made a killer choice in debuting this figure in gray vinyl with silver and copper flakes, really playing up the ghostly aspect of the piece. This thing looks stunning online so I can only imagine how much better it is in person. Find out for yourself when it goes on sale Friday, August 5th at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.
This is Lemmy. He was in a band called Motorhead. Unfortunately he is no longer with us. But now he is one of Funko's Pop Vinyl figures. Just holding this toy will probably get you stoned and make you as attractive to the opposite sex as an antelope carcass is to hyenas. That's how Lemmy would have wanted it.
So you're some hot shot giant lizard just chilling off the coast as you await the day that you rise and destroy everything in your path. What you don't know is that we're paranoid as hell about terrors from the deep so we've ensured that the moment you breach the surface your bits and pieces will be feeding the fishes for years to come. Meet the savior of humanity, Dairobo-Z from Kidrobot and Dolly Oblong. This is the latest 5 inch Dunny in the Emerging Artist Series and it's rocket powered fist is ready to stop the threat of any giant lizards, squid thingys, or little dictator people from certain countries whose rockets barely make it past their own beaches despite their claims of actually being able to hit the United States. We will rearrange your grill, son!
There's two different versions of this jet-packed hero: the blue one is the regular release, while the purple glow in the dark one is an exclusive to www.kidrobot.com and limited in number. You know you need them both so you can form a tag team the likes of which have not been seen since the Legion of Doom. Get em on Friday, Aug 5th.
And now for something a little bit different. For all of you that aren't obsessed with knowing every bizarre thing there is to know in the world, let me tell you a little bit about what a hand of glory actually is, courtesy of it's Wikipedia definition:
The Hand of Glory is the dried and pickled hand of a man who has been hanged, often specified as being the left (Latin: sinister) hand, or, if the man were hanged for murder, the hand that "did the deed."
Old European beliefs attribute great powers to a Hand of Glory combined with a candle made from fat from the corpse of the same malefactor who died on the gallows. The candle so made, lighted, and placed (as if in a candlestick) in the Hand of Glory, would have rendered motionless all persons to whom it was presented.
Pretty freaky right? So say you're the nefarious type who enjoys breaking and entering but you're not much for confrontation. Whip out one of these bad boys, light it up, and no one will ever know you robbed them blind until you're long gone. It's like the ancient version of deactivating a security system but way more smelly.
Now you can own one made not of pickled human flesh but instead of sofubi, which is way less traumatizing to the people you live with. Although I did tell my wife if I got one I was gonna put it under her pillow which led her to banning me from owning it because I "don't know how to act" so I kinda messed that up already. And it sucks because this gem from artist Florian Bertmer and Unbox Industries not only looks super freaky in the daytime, but it has a blue glow at night which would have really been hilarious.
Up your cabinet of curiosities game by preordering one of these right now from wherever you prefer to buy your toys.
