Cheese Cat Lottery from Rato Kim x Strange Cat Toys

    Being lactose intolerant means that cheese is the devil.  I've actually only tasted cheese once and it was a terrible accident that was very traumatizing to me and should have resulted in a lawsuit.  I was attending a birthday party when I was young at Burger King and I distinctly recall ordering mine plain:  meat and bun and nothing else.  I take a bit into what I anticipated was flame broiled deliciousness and was instead met with some awful taste.  I inspected the sandwich that had betrayed me and found that there, just atop the meat patty and below the top bun, was a slice of cheese.  I blacked out with the realization that cheese had made its way into my mouth despite being so careful in my 6 years of life.  I spat out the offending bite, wrapped up the Benedict Arnold of a hamburger, and returned it to the counter for a replacement.  Now I am much more careful and thoroughly deconstruct all of my food to ensure no contraband dairy filth makes it past my defenses.  I'm gonna need a minute to work through some feelings.

    I have no quarrel with things that merely look like cheese, so I feel ok with endorsing this latest release from Rato Kim.  Her ridiculously popular Bread Cat is living the fromage life in this exclusive release with Strange Cat Toys.  There are only 10 of these available and for the opportunity to purchase one you must enter a lottery via email.  You have until August 2nd to get your entry in at strangecattoys@outlook.com, and please use "cheese cat" in the subject line so they don't think you're  a hot single in their area trying to meet up tonight.  

SKLFKR: Untouched from Huck Gee x Clutter Magazine

    If I were president of America (which let's be real the standards of the job have been dramatically lowered to "can spell own name" and "can list favorite color")  one of my top priorities is approaching the United Nations about implementing the concept presented in the film Robot Jox to settle all disputes.  In case you're not familiar with said movie, it would involve each country building their own giant robots to duke it out in lieu of actual warfare.  Not only are we saving lives but we're saving a ton of money in military spending that can actually be diverted into more important areas.  Plus, you actually MAKE money by selling tickets to the fights and broadcasting them on pay per view.    Feel free to call me a genius at any time.  

    Who wouldn't watch this guy from Huck Gee and Clutter Magazine give Mecha Kim Jong the business end of that axe?  This twenty inch beast was engineered by the folks at Cubo, is made of a mixture of solid and rotocast resin, and features 11 points of articulation which is just below the legal limit.  You can preorder this white version for $300 when it goes on sale this Friday, July 28th, from shop.cluttermagazine.com.  Until then you should start reinforcing the are where you're going to put him so you don't have one of those Breaking Bad bathtub through the ceiling incidents.  

First Painted Edition of Orion from Brandt Peters x Unbox Industries

    I would have sworn by the year 2017 we would have all kinds of cool Terminator body parts that could shoot flames and save MP3s.  While awesome replacement parts aren't readily available at Costco, having snakes for arms like this dude would be super weird and probably not the most fun.  Could you even carry heavy stuff around, like could you get your snakes extra swole at the gym?  And shaking hands would require the person you're greeting to be bit by venomous reptiles, so good luck making friends.  You'd probably take some pretty epic Instagram pics though, which could get you sponsorships from lots of dumb companies that make weird beauty products that no one needs.  See, I took that positive and totally turned it into a negative.  I am in no way shape or form ready for snake arms.

    While I am not responsible enough for serpent limbs, this mummy bro from Brandt Peters and Unbox Industries has adapted quite well.  This is the first painted version of Orion that's ever existed and you can welcome him into your home this Saturday (July 22nd) when he goes on sale at http://store.unboxindustries.info.  Check that site for more info as it pertains to your area of the world.

Giant Vinyl Mockbats from Paul Kaiju x Unbox Industries

   Forget fiberglass, because Unbox Industries is proving that not only can you make giant figures out of vinyl, but it can also be relatively affordable.  These Mockbats from Paul Kaiju are nearly three feet of sweet sweet plastic that are just as articulated as their smaller relatives.  You have your choice between orange, black, and pink and the preorder for them will begin this Saturday, July 22nd, and they will retail for $750 each, which considering their size seems like a great price to me.  Check out the details at http://store.unboxindustries.info to secure yourself one.  Get one just in time for Halloween and take your decorating into the year 2087.

Attend the First Ever Sucklord Artist Lecture

    You looking for something classy to do with your new Whole Food's shopping friends that play in the band who only use antique ink wells as instruments?  This is not that event.  But if you're looking to have a good time, learn the secrets of being an international toy bootlegger, and probably meet other folks of ill repute, then do I have your plans sewn up for Friday night.  The Sucklord is hosting an artist talk at Con Artist Collective in New York.  For a mere $6 you will not only get to hear a world famous artist wax poetic about his life and work, but you also get a free toy and a drink ticket!  It's like buying a Happy Meal but without the heart disease!  Get more info and tickets at https://conartistnyc.com.  

Naomi Knaff is Running a Summer Sale

    The summer is flying right by, which I'm cool with because it is too hot for my blood out there.  I've used gallons of sunscreen so I don't fry like bacon and I've certainly been bitten by enough bugs to have turned into Spider Man by now.  Summer is not all bad though, because sometimes you get to buy cool stuff on sale.  Case in point, Naomi Knaff is running a sale on her website that will give you 25% off anything you want by merely typing in the code SWEATYTOYS at checkout.  Get yourself some crazy resin madness at low low prices by checking out http://www.naomiknaff.com.  The offer is only good for the week so quit your procrastinating.  

Puddle Dunny Rustic Edition from Josh Mayhem

    I've read plenty of times how cotton swabs are the worst thing you can stick in your ear.  Probably not worse than a hot poker, or a hunting knife, but neither one of those is marketed to clean your ears other than by your uncle Bubba from Louisiana who for some reason don't hear so good.  Those padded sticks just push the wax down into the nooks and crannies of your ear canal and it sucks.  I went to the doctor the other day because I was having ear issues and compacted wax was the diagnoses.  The cure was this squirt bottle with a special nozzle that shot a mix of peroxide and hot water in there.  It's not what I would call an unpleasant feeling, but let me tell you the joy of seeing what came out.  Ok, it wasn't joy so much as it was "holy crap, how do I have spare room in my skull for that?"

    I doubt very seriously that Josh Mayhem was inspired by my medical plights as he was the pretty colors of rusted metal, but you never know.  He's releasing these rustic Puddle Dunnys later today (Tuesday, July 18th) at 10 am pacific time only through http://www.joshmayhem.com.  There are 10 different ones sold blind box style with 1 chase version that's a bit different from the rest.

The Clairvoyant Dunny Teal Edition from JRYU x Kidrobot

    The thing about the spirit realm is that you don't get to decide when it's finished with you.  Once words are spoken, once doors are open, your control of the situation is non existent.  You might as well enjoy the ride, for the destination is no longer up to you.

    J*Ryu's insanely popular Clairvoyant Dunny has returned in this gorgeous teal that was voted on by the fans.  This eight inch figure and three inch crystal ball companion will be available starting tomorrow, July 14th, only through select Kidrobot retailers.  Start hitting up your favorite shops to see who will have them and may the fates smile in your favor.  

Bozu Takigyo Edition from Planet 3 Toys x Lulubell Toys

    I learned today that Takigyo is a Shinto purification ritual that is done through meditation under a waterfall.  It is similar to the ritual I do under the shower every morning called "try and build up the strength to deal with crazy people at work."  I should probably come up with a shorter name for it, but as great as the English language is it does have its limitations.  Now the German language, that's something to behold because they have words for just about any situation one might find themselves in.  I don't know any of them off the top of my head, but say that I fell off of my donkey while on the side of a mountain and rolled into a wasp's nest.  Undoubtedly the Germans have one single word that would sum it up so we could all move on with our lives.  

    Planet 3 Toys is celebrating the one year anniversary of their Bozu figure's debut with this marbled Takigyo edition.  You know I love marbled vinyl, so I am crushing hard on the different tones of blue.    Standing three and a half inches tall and complete with a hand made tag, this little dude will retail for $30 each plus shipping when he goes on sale this Saturday (July 15th) at 10am pacific time from Lulubell Toys.  

https://www.lulubelltoys.com

Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct 1/4 Scale Figure from Blitzway

    Is there a scene in movie history that caused such a commotion for teenage boys around the world?  Now for those of you youngsters that don't know, this movie was originally released on VHS, an archaic medium that used large magnetic tape to store a film.  There was no internet, certainly no Youtube, so when word got around the school that Sharon Stone exposed her most secret of secrets on film you had to put in work if you wanted to see it.  You had to find someone whose parents owned the tape, then they had to somehow sneak it out of the house, then you either had to have a group viewing (which was gonna lead to some awkward moments) or you had to pass it around your circle of friends which could theoretically take a month until everyone saw it.  All of this while the kid who borrowed the tape was nervous that he was going to get the beating of his life if he got caught.  You kids have no idea how easy you really have it.  

    There is a 100% chance that the first thing anyone does when they buy this is to check its anatomical accuracy.  Now I don't know whether or not they got every detail (you freaks) but Blitzway certainly seems to have had no problem reproducing that famous interrogation scene.  This figure is over a foot tall and about as realistic as you could possibly get without traveling back in time and paying the real Sharon Stone to hang out in your living room.  Trust me, this is more affordable and won't lead to a restraining order.

   You can pre-order this right now from Bluefin for $429.99 with an expected release date of February 2018.  

Red Eye Cyclops X / Prototype 2 from Plaseebo

    I've never bought into the fact that cyclops are scary creatures.  Yeah, they may live in caves and make wind chimes from the bones of their victims, but unless you are already horribly injured or just dumb there's no way a cyclops is catching you with just a club.  They only have one eye, so their depth perception must be crap, right?  What are the odds that the dude is gonna play whack a mole with a bunch of sailors who mistakenly landed on his island?  As long as you're not standing around like a doofus you should have no problem escaping one of these guys.  That is my mythological creature survival tip of the day.

   For what he may lack in being able to judge distances, Plaseebo's cyclops bro more than makes up for in terrifying looks department.  This one of a kind resin/vinyl amalgam stands almost 9 inches tall and of course lights up like the Fourth of July courtesy of a color changing LED.  Start gathering tasty sheep for when this guy goes on sale tomorrow, July 12th, only from www.plaseebo.net.

Horrible Adorables Solo Show "Matriarchy" at Stranger Factory

    I bought Sharon her first Horrible Adorables original for her birthday this year and the thing about them is that once you own one, you want and entire wall full of them.  Think about how amazing that would look in your living room:  you're just sitting there watching tv with a hundred heads of whimsical felt creatures staring back at you.  Don't be surprised if they break into song from The Muppets catalog of hits.

    This Friday, July 7th,  at Stranger Factory you can witness their latest solo show entitled "Matriarchy."  The theme centers around females in the animal kingdom who are boss ladies and the lives that revolve around them.  If you're close to Albuquerque you can check it out during the opening reception from 6-9pm, while the show itself will run until the 30th.  

Dark Goliath Krawluss Blanks from Skinner x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

   Oh my God, I feel like I've been in a drought when it comes to stuff to write about (unintentional rhyme there).  My throat is dry, my typing fingers have atrophied, and it took me three hours to type this last sentence in the proper order.  I thought about retiring and moving to Florida but then I remembered that everything really dumb I see on the news happens in Florida, so I decided to just wait it out.  And shazam, my prayers have been answered courtesy of Skinner.  I should have known he would come through in a pinch.

   The mighty Krawluss is a collaboration between Skinner and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and these blank dudes will be available to add a pop of color to your drab living spaces this Friday at noon pacific time.

    For those of you needing some Skinner goodness but also trying to take your lady out to Taco Bell this weekend, here's a bag of two heads and a club for just $30.  You can never have too many spare body parts laying around, or paint em yourself and become the next toy customizing super star.  Like an RKO, the colors are random and come seemingly out of nowhere.  

Get it all at http://theartofskinner.com this Friday, July 7th, at noon pacific time.  

    

Happy Birthday, America!