Life would be so much easier if you knew every decision you made was the right one. That every horse you bet on was a guaranteed sure thing. You could make a killing on the stock market, make a second killing through sports wagering, and only surround yourself with people you knew would never judge you so harshly when you shared your unabashed love for Lady Gaga because you thought you were good enough friends that they could respect your quirky musical detour without thinking you've somehow completely changed as a person and have been living a lie your entire life and "what else don't they know about you, Chris, maybe you're a communist vegan anti-vaxxer with a dolphin tattoo on your ankle." Ugh.
I'll tell you what is an absolute, certifiable, guaranteed, sure thing, and that is the Behemoth Metal Sloth from James Groman and Xpanded Universe. It's a sure thing because right now they're running a Kickstarter campaign to fund its creation and it's already surpassed its goal, ensuring that it will indeed be produced. This sucker is 13 inches of hell raising fury that is more metal than your mom's boyfriend who swears he was "this close" to having his band open for Judas Priest in '88 if it wasn't for his drummer's bogus arrest for not paying child support.
You can check out the campaign at this link and start clearing some space on your shelf for when this bad boy shows up at your door.
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