Big Time Awesome Toy Review Featuring Dalek’s Space Monkey Tenacious Toys Exclusive from 3DRetro

 

Jorah made a friend.

    Dalek's Space Monkey is designer toy royalty. It's on the same level as that rabbit with a nicotine problem, or those squarish bear figures that all the rappers love. There have been countless iterations of this guy because he's exactly what a good art toy should be: he's fun, a little creepy, sorta cute, and has a love for dangerous objects. That sounds like a dating profile, which I've never needed because I've been married since the Victorian era. One time when I was in a store buying a gift for someone they tried to get me to sign up for a rewards thing and I told them no thanks but they persisted and said "why not give it to your girlfriend" and I said I couldn't because my wife won't let me have a girlfriend and then my wife hit me because she was standing right next to me and boy was that something. I never miss an opportunity to prove why I deserve a Netflix special. 

Why did I pose him in my refrigerator in front of the orange juice? What are you, a cop?

    This particular Space Monkey was produced by Bigshot Toyworks for 3DRetro who then made this exclusive colorway for Tenacious Toys. I hope you got all that because there will be a test later. He's bright yellow with little green shorts that would make even the most confident man blush a little, but thankfully he is so unhinged he is not at all bothered showing off those thighs. I'm fact, he might be insulted if you didn't take a look and admire what his momma gave him. Go on, I’ll wait.

Thirst trap.

    Speaking of his physical attributes, this dude’s proportions are as aesthetically pleasing as designer toys come. He’s a cutely balanced physical specimen and standing at six and a half inches tall is that perfectly sized medium figure to fill those gaps on your shelf between your giant toys and your wee bitty ones. There are four points of articulation: one at each shoulder, one at the waist, and ball joint in his neck so you can spin his head like he needs an exorcism or cock it to one side like dogs do when you talk to them.  

   Good lord that’s unnerving. 

     He does come with two super sketchy accessories; a big knife and a mallet. Now having just watched that horror movie Smile, anyone with a grin like that and a weapon near by is not to be trusted. And this dude’s stretches almost to his brain stem. Add that to his crazy eyes and you’ve got something in front of you that has to be a little looney, right? Speaking of smiles, do you know what the hardest thing for me has been since I stopped wearing masks everywhere I go in public? Not making the same facial expressions I had such freedom with when they were hidden. I also developed a habit when I’m working on something and totally lost in the activity that my mouth kinda falls open and I stick my tongue out like I may have burnt through my last few brain cells. Those masks are really good at hiding the bit of drool that inevitably falls out and snaps me back to reality with a healthy dose of shame. 

    So now we have reached the inevitable conclusion of what has been, according to my mother, the greatest toy review in the entire world. The next logical step is for you to give into the obvious desire you have to own this figure and make it happen. You can do so by clicking this link. Now remember, this is a Tenacious Toys exclusive and is limited to only 100 pieces in the entire world, with only 80 of those actually available to purchase. That means you need to stop waiting around and grab yours today!