Kaaarg Glow in the Dark Debut from Jeff Lamm x Clutter Magazine

     Sharon and I are on day three of our shelter at home order and the cats have begun to get suspicious.   I would bet my hard earned money when we're not home that the majority of their day consists of taking the best naps that anyone has ever known.  But now their day consists of staring at us all the time wondering why we would dare interrupt the routines that they hold dear.  I think they enjoy it somewhat, especially as a few of them are all about getting our attention, but the others just seems confused as to what to do.  Are they feeling some obligation to entertain us? Are they worried that we have lost our jobs and thus the ability to feed them? Now I'm starting to think their licks of endearment are their attempts to determine which parts of us to eat first.

    There are lots of things to do while in isolation that sound way more fun than being devoured by five confused felines.  How about doing some shopping? Jeff Lamm and Clutter Magazine have now introduced a killer collaboration by the name of Kaaarg, who you may recognize from the inaugural Five Points Festival poster.  This sofubi chunky boi stands eight inches tall, features five points of articulation, and even has an exposed brain that you can poke and peod as you see fit.  Limited to only 30 pieces in this debut glow in the dark edition, you can snag one for yourself by visiting shop.cluttermagazine.com.  

Radical Greasebat from Jeff Lamm x Glyptigo

    While Greasebat is hanging ten you can catch me hanging out on the boardwalk.  Having lived by the ocean most of my life I am surprisingly not much of a beach person.  I wanted to try surfing when I was younger, that is until I got stung by a jellyfish all up and down my legs and my need for being in the sea abruptly ended.  I was maybe 9 at the time, minding my own business in waste deep water, when the rage of Poseidon latched onto my skin.  Clear gelatinous tentacles delivered sting after burning sting of liquid fire all while that smug snot ball they dangled from laughed maniacally.  The real horror struck me when I got back onto the beach and had to tell my mom what had happened.  Red lightning shaped welts turned my skin into a topographical map and I, as well as any other kid who revels in arcane knowledge knows, there's only one way to make the pain go away:

You pee on it.

    And whenever such a thing happens on tv they never pee in a cup first and then throw it on the affected area.  Nope, the dose has to be administered directly from the source, which is horrifying on levels I refuse to explore.  Of course now I know that having someone tinkle on your wounds is kind of dumb, but I was scared to death some Good Samaritan was gonna rush over, drop their Speedo, and practice the most shameful of first aid.  I grabbed my stuff and ran back to our car before there could even be a discussion about what might happen next, not willing to be traumatized any further than that simple organism at high tide had already managed.

    Jeff Lamm has taken his world famous character and dropped him right in the midst of California Kulture with this latest release with Glyptigo, who also happens to be his wife.  Gotta keep those Greasebats in the family!  If you want one for your brood, they will debut today (Friday, April 19th) at 3pm eastern time at https://glyptigo.com.

Undead Greasebat Set from Jeff Lamm x Monster Worship

  Are you prepared to not only have an instant Jeff Lamm collection but to have all of your Halloween decorating needs met?  Of course you are, because everyone loves a bundle deal.  Remember when you used to buy CDs or DVDs and they would come with something cool like a figure or a t-shirt but only certain places would have them and you got so excited on release day that you were first in line at the store to make sure you didn't miss out?  Sadly, those days are mostly behind us, but this set from Monster Worship is helping me relive them a bit.

   Each set contains a mini Grease Bat, a micro Grease Bat, and a killer paper jointed decoration of a Grease Bat Skeleton.  They are extremely limited and at only $70 they probably won't last long.  If you just want the decoration there will be a few of those available for only $10 each, which again means they probably won't last long.  Get em all this Friday, October 19th from www.monsterworship.com.

Mixed Parts SMD5 from Jeff Lamm x Unbox Industries Available Now!

    The MTV VMA's were on as I was writing this post.  Let me clarify, they weren't actually on MY tv at home, but supposedly they were on someone's, which makes me sad for them.  The only reason I even knew it was airing was because of those ridiculous commercials with Miley Cyrus and her tongue all hanging out, trying to be edgy, or whatever it is that mall kids aspire to be these days.  I wish someone would make clothing that she likes to wear so she can stop showing off her 13 year old boy's body like its something anyone wants to see that isn't already in jail for sex crimes.  Do they air MTV in prison?  They should make you watch it on death row so you stop appealing and start begging for the electric chair.

    I haven't watched the VMA's since Nirvana played on them.  And if you're like me and couldn't care less about who wore what on the red carpet or what dumb thing Kanye West did, you could instead focus your attention on securing one of these mixed parts SMD5 figures from Jeff Lamm and Unbox Industries.  What color combo will you get?  Who knows, cause that's a surprise, and it won't matter anyway cause the figure is so sick that they could make a color scheme called "scab" and it would still be awesome.  These are on sale right now and will be until September 6th or until supplies last.  Snag one for yourself or your favorite internet pseudo-celebrity (no, not Grumpy Cat) by going to http://store.unboxindustries.info. 

More NYCC Exclusives from Clutter Magazine

    New York Comic Con just opened it's doors, and while I won't be there until tomorrow, there is plenty to see and do right this instant.  Clutter Magazine sent me an email filled with all kinds of nutty stuff you're gonna want so let's get to it shall we.

   Fact:  Bears have skulls the same shape as human beings do.  It's on the internet, so it must be true.  Luke Chueh only made 15 of these Dissected Bear Heads in Kenner prototype blue, with 5 being released each day via an 11am lottery system.  The lottery last 15 minutes, after which time the winners will be announced and then they get to buy this dude.  No lottery today, only on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so you have time to plan accordingly.  

    Tim Clarke is a legend.  The day he followed me on Instagram I almost pooped my britches.  This dude not only created Boglins and Sectaurs, but he worked on The Dark Crystal with Jim Henson.  We're talking about things that defined people's childhoods.  He's got a new toy series out called Totims and he will have a bunch of those and those prints you see above.  He'll be hanging around Saturday starting at noon and if you're gonna shake anyone's hand during the show, his would be a good one.  Maybe some of the magic will rub off.  

    Ron English is obviously not as big a fan of breakfast cereal as I am.  And I love Cap'n Crunch, even though it shreds the rook of your mouth like you were chewing razor blades.  This is the latest edition of his obese faux pirate, and it will be released Saturday at 1pm and Ron will be there to sign em and tell you the dangers of high fructose corn syrup.  

    I've been in a few fights in my day.  Most of those involved dust ups in my high school cafeteria and certainly never with anyone that looked like this.  Who would fight this guy?  I don't care how bad you think you are, when you see a guy dressed like this and with such an unpleasant look on his face, you need to move along.  Restore made this glow in the dark Neo Japan in such uber limited quantities (10) that he will be sold through a lottery system on Saturday at 2pm with the drawing taking place 15 minutes later.  

    Saturday is gonna be busy for whoever is manning booth # 504, cause at 3pm Jon-Paul Kaiser and UME Toys will be present to release their Buford Mandrake figure.  He comes with two masks, though which one is more disturbing is open to debate.  Meet those fine English gents and pick up this collaboration piece that is sure to be a hit, cause I said so.

    Ok, this is pretty killer.  We've never seen Jeff Lamm's Greasebat figure so...so...cuddly.  Lana Crooks hand made five of these stunning plush toys and I hope there is one left just so I can see it in person.  

    The Flyers lost last night and I'm kinda bummed about that, but they did play pretty well.  And I love the orange and black no matter what and this lizard bro makes me thankful that there's another game tonight with which they can redeem themselves.  Chris Ryniak's Snybora has long been a favorite of mine and this paint job from Squibbles Ink and Kirby Kerr makes it even closer to my heart.  Only 25 folks can own one though, so you better be quick if you wanna play with him on the ride home.  

    Visit the Clutter folks at booth #504 for all that you see and more.  That kinda sounded like something a game show announcer would say.  I need some sleep.  

Monster Worship at SDCC

    Monster Worship is making the trek west for San Diego Comic Con and is bringing a metric butt ton of stuff for you.  Lets get to it sucka.

    From the twisted mind of Johnny Ryan come his Prison Pit creations Cannibal Fu**face and Rottweiler Herpes.  How are these not characters in the WWE?  Someone get Vince McMahon on the phone.  They're unpainted, yellow as all get out, and rarer than a watchable Jennifer Aniston film.  Each one is $75 ya cheapskate.

     

    Where my Galaxy People at?  Ok, that was lame of me to say and now my street cred level has dropped below zero.  I would like to apologize to all of my friends, my family, and my fans that I let down.  I will now be entering a rehab facility to help me work through my problems.  These little dudes are $25 each or $75 for the set, cause that's how math works, son.  

    Oh, this is something else from Johnny Ryan and it's called Mass Murder.  That is a not a good name for a child at all, so don't be easily influenced by pop culture and name your kid that.  You're just asking to drive up to the federal penitentiary every weekend for the rest of their natural life.  But he is all sparkly, which I'm a sucker for.  $85 will get you one.  

    These are the tiniest little Greasebats ever.  Jeff Lamm created these wee little bros and they are $15 each in slime green or unpainted glow in the dark.  Don't put them in your nose. 

    This guy looks like fun and not horrifying at all.  Just kidding, he scares me a bit.  Not pee my pants scared, but scared enough that I wouldn't take my eyes off of him for any period of time, less he catch you on the sneak!!!!  Michael Skattum designed this freaky dude and you can have your very own for $50.

   If you want any of this goodness you have one chance this Friday at 3:30pm at the Lulubell Toys booth # 5047 when they start giving out tickets for the sale which will last from 4-6.  

Monster Worship Exclusives Available Now at Foe Gallery

    We have a grocery store nearby that just got this machine that will buy your unwanted gift cards from you.  I'm sure it doesn't give you full value for them because they have to make a little something for themselves, but it's still a good way to get rid of those cards to Aeropostale you'll never use and get cash instead.  Then you could convert that cash into awesome toys instead of crappy shirts with a store's name on them. 

    Personally, I would buy these exclusive Monster Worship toys from Foe Gallery.  They are part of the Mysterium show that is currently on exhibit, but these guys are ready to ship to you right now.  Both are cast in clear red vinyl and extremely limited so get to ordering son!  Pick em up from http://www.shopfoe.com/.

Giant Monsters Total Combat! Solo Show from Jeff Lamm at Rivet Gallery

    Giant Monsters Total Combat! is the greatest name for an art show in the history of the world.  None of those bums that the ninja turtles were named after came up with anything that awesome.  Nope, that honor goes to Jeff Lamm for his solo show this Saturday at Rivet Gallery.  And of course the man that is famous for making monster toys is gonna have a few new releases to keep ya happy.  There will be a special edition Greasebat and Friends Gummi Playset as well as this beauty that Unbox Industries posted on their Instagram account:  

    Oooooooh, sparkly!  The opening reception will be from 7-10pm where you can meet Jeff and buy lots of cool stuff for me for Christmas.  Or your other friends, that's cool too.  

Monster Worship's Post NYCC Exclusives Sale Happens Today!!!!

    I missed Monster Worship at New York Comic Con this year because they were there on a day I couldn't make it.  Sometimes that's the way things work out, and even if I happened to be in the building there is no way to see everybody.  That place is like a mad house and I always end up forgetting something.  But fear not, because all of their remaining exclusives will be going online today at 4pm Eastern time.  Behold all that will be available, like the micro Greasebat from Jeff Lamm, and the Greasebat Gummi Playset from Jeff x Unbox Industries.  Or you could pick up the black and orange swirly Altar Beast of the brand spanking new Slime Bat from Michael Skattum.  Or just get em all and recreate this picture on your own hardwood floor.  Mine would include tumbleweeds of cat hair that mysteriously appear from beneath my couch and float across the ground like some sort of filthy poltergeists.  

KaijuMonster at NYCC

    Obviously, KaijuMonster wants all of my money.  If anyone is a fan of crazy monster toys be prepared to file for bankruptcy protection after New York Comic Con.  Just look at this lineup.  You have everyone from Max Toy Co., to Unbox Industries, to Guumon.  These are some heavy hitters and I can't wait to see the actual toys they'll have available.  

M5 Bravo and Stee-Gar Unpainted Blanks from Jeff Lamm x Unbox Industries

    I know what you're thinking.  Mostly I know because I have your house bugged and listen to thousands of hours of very bizarre recordings for market research purposes.  Some of you are real sickos.  But I know there's at least one of you who has seen the awesome monster creations of Jeff Lamm and wished you could get them in My Little Pony colors, complete with little butt tattoos.  It's ok, no one's judging you (weirdo) and to help you along in that quest I present to you these unpainted M5 Bravo and Stee-Gar figures.  Well, Unbox Industries presents them to you, I'm just the messenger that makes your day a whole lot better.  Both of these guys will be available online later today at http://store.unboxindustries.info/ for you to paint like little talking horses or just leave as they are and admire in their raw form.  

Black Unpainted Mecha Greasebat from Jeff Lamm x Monster Worship

    With the government listening in on our phone calls and wanting to deploy drones to spy on us, it's only a matter of time before we start seeing stuff like this policing the streets.  Well, maybe not EXACTLY like this, because that would involve a level of creativity our elected officials just don't possess.  But something along these lines, ready to club you for not picking up your dog's poop.  

  

    Today is the day that Mecha Greasebat will be unleashed upon the world!  Designed by Jeff Lamm and produced by Monster Worship, these big hunks 'o black plastic will be going on sale at 7pm Eastern time at https://store.monsterworship.com/ for $85.