Help Resurect The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

 

    Despite what the title of this post suggests, your certificate in necromancy from that online course you took will not be necessary here.  I'm sure they have a career counselor or some sort of job placement assistance to help you out, so don' beat yourself up over those student loans just yet.  

    The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys has suffered a mold malfunction, which is way more expensive than a wardrobe mishap, but thankfully less embarrassing.  I have no idea what happened to it, whether someone damaged it in a fit of rage or whether they don't have the heart to evict a family of spiders that are playing house, but these suckers aren't cheap.  That's why Lulubell Toys is offering up a special preorder to help cover the cost of producing this 14.5 inch behemoth.  There are two different versions available: a neon green for $95 and a mystery tri colored marble for $125.  Secure one or both for yourself at https://lulubelltoys.com/.

It's Splurrt Saturday at Lulubell Toys

    Now that all of the Columbus statues are coming down and we will hopefully be replacing his undeserved holiday with one that is actually based on merit, I've been thinking about what other holidays we could start celebrating.  Obviously, all would be days in which work was closed but we still get paid, cause nothing makes me feel like a boss than staying home AND making money.  First, I'd like Skee Ball Day where we celebrate what is truly the best sport in America that isn't professional wrestling.  Next is Professional Wrestling Day, because duh.  Those two should really be part of a four day weekend.  My favorite might be Flog the Moron, where through a voting process we take the person that has made the most ignorant Facebook post of the year and beat them on national television.  I'm really proud of that one. 

    Lulubell Toys has been hosting Splurrt Saturdays for some time and it may be the most perfect holiday of all.  The only requirements of celebrating are buying yourself some killer monster toys, which I find myself prepared to do every day of the year.  As always there will be multiple figures available that will add a special dose of weird to your collection.  It all goes down this Saturday, June 27th at 9am pacific time only from www.lulubelltoys.com.

Ghost Grey Skellene Sofubi from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

    At this point in 2020 if I were to step outside my home and see hundreds of these walking around my neighborhood I wouldnt even be surprised.  And frankly, they're better than the Jehovah's Witnesses who decide that during the pandemic would be a great time to magnetically affix literature underneath the driver's side door handle of everyone's cars.  I'm still not about having to touch anything I can avoid, so being forced to remove it from my car before going to work was an added irritation I didn't need.  I suppose the virus forced everyone to innovate, and it was smart to do under the cover of darkness,  but come on.  Had to throw out my favorite pair of bbq tongs after that.

    If you were ever nervous about inviting a small ghost into your house, this year seems like the one to throw caution to the wind.  And Skellene looks extra spooky in this grey smoke vinyl.   Miscreation Toys and Lulubell Toys are offering this version as a special preorder edition, but you only have until May 30th at 5pm pst or until the cap of 25 pieces is reached.  Each figure stands approximately 12 inches tall,  retails for $175 plus shipping, and can be had now by visiting www.lulubelltoys.com.

Emerald Green Sofubi Borealis Kid and More from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

     Not far from where I live there was a very specific collector who had decorated his front lawn with the objects of his affection. He was in love with glass insulators from power lines, which you've probably passed by in an antique store without paying much attention to. This man was so into them that he built utility pole- like structures around his property to display the thousands of them that he owned. Ranging from completely clear to a rich Pine Barrens green, they stood as a unique display that invited people to pull their cars over and gaze at the depths that the love for collecting can take us. Sadly he passed away and I believe the house was sold to someone who didn't appreciate them the way he did.  They were subsequently removed, leaving the drive down that particular stretch of road way a lot less interesting.

    The Insulator House is the first thing that came to mind when I saw Splurrt's latest update to his popular Cadaver Kid figure. Featuring a new head and arms, the Borealis Kid's melon and clear green vinyl are reminiscent of those relics of our country's infrastructure. Of course, when you have a color this amazing you don't limit its use to just one figure, so he also made a set of his Dokuro Pocket Monsters available in the same hue. These will be exclusively available from Lulubell Toys this Saturday, March 7th, at 9am pacific time. Each is limited to just 1 per household, so you will unfortunately have to find another way to decorate your lawn.

https://lulubelltoys.com

Protoduck Preorder from Grody Shogun x Lulubell Toys

    In the great state of New Jersey we have an over abundance of the majestic bird known as the Canada Goose.  They're really pretty birds but they have two qualities that are less than desirable.  For one, they love to walk across the street in droves.  One of them starts off, followed by a seemingly endless line of their relatives in tow, bringing traffic to a halt.  I don't mind waiting for them to waddle their way across the street and I will in fact block other cars from trying to drive around then until they all make it safely.  What makes me insane is that they can fly but insist on walking like confused tourists.  And it drives me insane because I don't want to see them get hurt by someone who isn't paying attention.

     The other thing about them that is less than ideal is the fact that they drop trucker sized turds everywhere they go.  They're these green tinted monsters that pepper the landscape like buckshot and are nearly impossible to navigate between without adding some stank to your shoes.  Thankfully, their uncontrollable bowel movements seem to be limited to when they are walking and eating because if they dropped those bombs on you from above it might knock you cross eyed.

    Geese are not in fact ducks, but the only duck stories I have for you involve my love of those tiny baby ducklings and you've already heard that a few times.  So to celebrate the release of the latest figure from Grody Shogun and Lulubell Toys I had to do a bit of substitution.  This is Protoduck, who has taken a strange detour on the evolutionary highway that has equipped him with a lone vampire fang and a horn that juts out from his head.  Sounds like a couple of people I know.

   This dude stands 6 inches tall and is available for preorder now for an intro-duck-tory price of just $30.  That is, until 50 orders are placed at which time the price will go up slightly to its normal $40.  Where else are you getting that much genuine Japanese sofubi for that price?  Only from https://www.lulubelltoys.com/.

Skellene Mourning Doll from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

    If I can do little more than mildly entertain you and provide you with enough nightmare fuel to get you to Halloween, then I feel my purpose is served.  Those of you with an aversion to dolls will probably be mad at me after this, which is fine because I love this figure.  I'm a sucker for anything Victorian and fetal skulls are just the most precious little things that look like they will sass you in a heart beat.  The latest creation from Miscreation Toys oozes narrative, and while I am not fan of merely cutting and pasting, I feel the story he created to go along with this figure is imperative to the item itself:

    During the Victorian era, people often used a physical representation to mark the death of a loved one. These doll-like effigies were created to help the families cope with the deceased, and were typically left at the grave site in remembrance. 

    From time to time, a little impoverished girl would be seen wandering alone in one of these cemeteries playing with the mourning dolls left at children's graves.  No one knew who she was or from whence she came. One day her visits stopped and eventually her lifeless body was found in the woods nearby. Nobody ever claimed her, and she was buried in an unmarked grave in the cemetery.
Years after her death, tales emerged about a little skeleton girl returning to play with the grave dolls in the middle of the night. Chatter and paranoia about the macabre sightings eventually lead to the girl’s grave being exhumed. However the figure in the small rotted casket was not the girl and instead was one of the mourning dolls she often played with. The girl was named “Skellene” in folklore ever since.

    Are you sufficiently creeped out?  It's good, right?  Now for a few more details about our turn of the century misses.  She stands a foot tall, is cast in Japanese soft vinyl, otherwise known as sofubi, and comes in three options that you can preorder right now.  There's the factory painted version, which is limited to 30 pieces, or you can choose a blank one in either green or black.  They are priced at $225 and $185 respectively and can be a wonderful addition to your cabinet of curiosities by checking out www.lulubelltoys.com.

The Mutator Ultrus Bog from Skinner x Lulubell Toys

    Is this the greatest Ultrus Bog that has ever been created?  I could argue for it, as it arrives just in time for the summer months looking all cool and refreshing like an evil snow cone.  It's no secret that this figure is one of my favorites of all time and this version is only stoking that fire of desire to five alarm levels. 

   Skinner's epic lord of the underworld has achieved next level status by being double cast in luxurious Japanese vinyl.  First a layer of clear plastic was poured, then followed by a layer of orange to give it a crazy, multi dimensional feel that will put you in direct contact with your infinite selves.  That's a lot to ask from a figure, yet it delivers in every way.  Lulubell Toys will have a limited run of only 20 of these sweet bay bays available when they go on sale this Saturday, May 25th, at 9am pacific time.  He costs $125 plus shipping and will be offered exclusively through https://www.lulubelltoys.com.  

"Rotten Lime" Sofubi Collection from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

    My heart is racing as I type this, and it's not just because my blood pressure and cholesterol have been a little out of whack.  It's my love for beautifully marbled sofubi.  And as much as I adore the plastic, I love equally the work of Splurrt, especially when it comes to that little dude Usir you see above.  Lulubell Toys will be making available quite a few pieces from Splurrt in this Rotten Lime colorway this Saturday and I have my eye on that little goat.  He even comes with an alternate head, which you can never really have to many of especially when your sinuses lose all sense of control.  That set will run you $65, and if you scroll down further I'll price out each one of these pieces for you so you can prepare your wallet for the damage you're about to inflict on it this Saturday, March 9th, at 9 am pacific time.  All of these are exclusive to www.lulubelltoys.com.  

Cadaver Kid: $65

Met Death Golem: $165

Cinema Monster: $140

No Masters Sofubi Minions from Skinner x Lulubell Toys

    I like that these Minions from Skinner and Lulubell Toys are exactly what minions should look like.  Evil little creatures who do the bidding of bigger evil creatures who can't be bothered with the minutia of their misdeeds. They should not look like giant goggle wearing Tic-Tacs who speak nonsense and frequently adorn the t-shirts of people arrested inside of Wal Mart.  They really give people who want to become minions an unrealistic expectation of what their future will look like, and I won't stand for the children of this world being misled about their career choices.

    One look at this colorful crew and you know they are up to no good. They've got their hands up, ready to bring bad guy stuff down hard on anyone who gets in their way.  Do I have a favorite of the two? Yes, but that's just to inspire them to work really hard to take that top spot that they don't know they already aren't in.  You don't learn management skills like that from reading a book; it only comes from getting other people to do the stuff at work you don't have time for.  Which is pretty much anything that doesn't involve me checking my Instagram activity.

     This dynamic duo will be available starting today (Thursday, February 28th) at 10am Pacific time only from www.lulubelltoys.com.  Each set is $80 plus shipping.

   

Aleister Growley Sofubi Debut from Dski One x Lulubell Toys

    Work sucks and everyone knows that, which is why every work place should have at least one dog present at all times to make it a little more bearable.  I have had it with my place of employment's utter lack of puppies, so my excitement for when someone has a dog with them always outweighs my need to enforce the no pets policy where I work.  If you're allergic that's just Darwinism at play and I refuse to allow it to ruin my good time.  Go and be allergic to something legitimate like cobra venom or Republicans.  I think dogs should be allowed everywhere that isn't conducting surgery and that's only if it's not an out patient facility.  I can just barely see the downside of having a corgi on your lap as your abdominal cavity is open. 

    Now if you show up with this dude as your chosen companion I might not be in such a rush to pet his little head.  Do you know how hard it would be for me to type these posts without fingers?  There's magic in those tips.  So thank goodness this little guy is only a toy and not some real hell hound that someone is going to try and claim as an emotional support animal and sit next to me on a plane with.  Dski One made a very limited amount of these in resin last year but has now made the jump to luxurious Japanese vinyl.  You can currently preorder one of these 4 and a 1/2 inch figures for only $25 plus shipping.  $25????  That's a no brainer.  Get yours at www.lulubelltoys.com. 

Cold Gloom Garglmon from Blurble One x Dski One x Lulubell Toys

    

    I have no problem believing that dudes that look like this are out there in the vast expanse of space.  I also have no problem believing that while they may have been interested at one time in coming to visit us, not even the sideshow carnival charm of Earth can entice them anymore.  For the sake of money, or feeling like our shrimps are more prawn-like than popcorn, we continue to wreck our planet and everyone on it.  It depresses me to feel like a helpless passenger in this flaming dumpster that has been pushed down hill, so I try to remember the good things we have that we can control.  That's why art is so important, maybe now more so than ever, because to me it is the greatest example that our humanity is not completely lost.  In spite of everything, or maybe because of it, we still create things to express ourselves and draw out expression from others.  So while the news is mostly depressing (except for yesterday, in which a few bad people got what they deserved) go and look at a painting, or in this case a toy, and realize that there is still hope for us yet.  

   Now that I've waxed philosophical while sitting in my underwear, lets talk toys.  This Garglmon from Blurble One and Dski One is releasing today at 3pm pacific time.  Cast in luxurious Japanese sofubi infused with glitter, then enhanced with a nice minimal paint job, he can be yours for a mere $80 exclusively from Lulubell Toys.  Each one is seven inches tall and features random eye colors to add a little bit of mystery into your life.  Pick one up for yourself by visiting www.lulubelltoys.com.  

Melted Crayon Editions from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

    Is this one of those posts that's going to come back and haunt me later in life?  By writing about undead babies am I setting myself up to be fired from a sweet gig later on?  All of their trouble people find themselves in by people digging into old Tweets and whatnot has made me think about my own internet history.  I try to be humorous and in doing so have joked about drugs, serial killers, mental illness, a plethora of criminal activity, dismemberment, republicans, bodily fluids, reptilian overlords, and a few other things that have become the victim of memory loss.  Screw it, let's talk about some zombie kids.

    My sister had one of those crayon melting machines when she was little, in which you load broken pieces onto a heated plate and create new ones with all the colors mixed together.  The results are not unlike the look of these two little heathens from Miscreation Toys.  Whether you have your eye on the very descriptively named Autopsy Zombie Staple Baby (as seen above) or the subtly named Gergle (as seen below) your journey into plastic parenthood will be more colorful than you could have ever imagined.  Available not through Lulubell Toys as an open preorder until August 11th, you can start or add to your brood by visiting https://www.lulubelltoys.com.

Mixed Parts Suckfly from Cure x Lulubell Toys

   Bats are awesome.  They're like little puppy birds that just want your love.  Sometimes they even seek you out for that love, which is really interesting when they do so by hanging on the curtains in your kitchen.  I lived in an old farm house in Virginia and the bats we didn't know were living in the attic decided that they wanted to check out the rest of the house.  So one day while attempting to get breakfast we found them taking a nap right above the window.  It nearly scared my mom to death but I thought they were cool (like any weird teenage boy would) and rather than disturb them we just left them alone and they moved on to more exciting pastures.  Which was most likely the house next door, which had no electricity and whose residents once forced us to evacuate after building a bomb on their porch with a propane tank.  A small thing like a bat infestation would probably go unnoticed there.

    After many moons the Suckfly from Cure has returned in mixed parts form. You don't get to choose your color combo, but how could you be upset by any version of these you get?  The answer is you can't, so stop worrying and start buying when these go on sale tomorrow, Wednesday July 11th, at noon pacific time from Lulubell Toys.