Death Gnasher from Miscreation Toys

  

   I'm not sure if all couples do this, but I like to play a game with my wife I call "Would You Still Love Me If..." where I come up with the most outlandish things that could happen to me and then ask if she could live with it. It's nothing bad like voting republican, or listening to an entire U2 album, just harmless stuff like if for some crazy reason I woke up and had a golden retriever as an arm. You know, the basic things you worry about. My favorite though is what if I all of a sudden had no lips. Just a big, toothy forever grin that I can't explain. Then I pull my lips back as far as I can and try to get her to kiss me so she can work through any anxiety it may give her, which is usually the point she stops speaking to me. Not really sure why I'm the bad guy, but that's how it goes.

    Miscreation Toys has a brand new figure called Death Gnasher, who just so happens to be faced with the very lack of lips scenario I just described. Admittedly he has a few other issues that may prevent him from a happy marriage, like the exposed organs thing.  This ten inch tall horror show is going to be available begining this Saturday, January 29 at 3pm est and will come in two different versions.  There will be an unpainted flesh colored vinyl (limited to 25 pieces) for $155, and a Miscreated painted version (limited to 15 pieces) for $249.  They can be purchased by visiting https://www.miscreationtoys.net/.

Help Resurect The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

 

    Despite what the title of this post suggests, your certificate in necromancy from that online course you took will not be necessary here.  I'm sure they have a career counselor or some sort of job placement assistance to help you out, so don' beat yourself up over those student loans just yet.  

    The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys has suffered a mold malfunction, which is way more expensive than a wardrobe mishap, but thankfully less embarrassing.  I have no idea what happened to it, whether someone damaged it in a fit of rage or whether they don't have the heart to evict a family of spiders that are playing house, but these suckers aren't cheap.  That's why Lulubell Toys is offering up a special preorder to help cover the cost of producing this 14.5 inch behemoth.  There are two different versions available: a neon green for $95 and a mystery tri colored marble for $125.  Secure one or both for yourself at https://lulubelltoys.com/.

Gizzard Mutant Chicken Kaiju from Figurehead Vinyl

 

    I used to live in Virginia, more specifically the Eastern Shore area.  It's a peninsula that you would assume is part of Maryland if you were looking at a map and is known more to people as the place they drove through to get to Virginia Beach from the north.  As you're passing by on a hot summer day and are unlucky enough to not have air conditioning, you will be assaulted multiple times by the smells of chicken farms and processing plants.  The factories are a mixture of raw bird parts and that special juice that leaks from the back of garbage trucks.  In the world of odors, they are merely offensive and certainly not something you would go out of your way to experience.  The places they raise the actual chickens, however, emit a brand of funk that should be arrested and charged with attempted murder.  Those birds that are destined for a bucket of original recipe expell noxious droppings that will make you wish for the delicate bouquet of week old corpse just to clear your palate.  I grew up near it and it still inspires me to expel my guts when I get a whiff.  Anybody down for 25 cent wing night?

    Miscreation Toys and NastyPLT have teamed up to form a new endeavor known as Figurehead Vinyl and their first release is the mutant chicken, Gizzard.  You don't have to worry about what sauce will pair best with your nuggets because Gizzard will be dunking you in his favorite flavors .  Standing ten and a half inches tall and featuring removable bulging eyes and a little bird omake, this freak of nature is available now for $145 by visiting https://figureheadvinyl.bigcartel.com/.  Might wanna hide that air fryer before he shows up in the mail.

Ghost Grey Skellene Sofubi from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

    At this point in 2020 if I were to step outside my home and see hundreds of these walking around my neighborhood I wouldnt even be surprised.  And frankly, they're better than the Jehovah's Witnesses who decide that during the pandemic would be a great time to magnetically affix literature underneath the driver's side door handle of everyone's cars.  I'm still not about having to touch anything I can avoid, so being forced to remove it from my car before going to work was an added irritation I didn't need.  I suppose the virus forced everyone to innovate, and it was smart to do under the cover of darkness,  but come on.  Had to throw out my favorite pair of bbq tongs after that.

    If you were ever nervous about inviting a small ghost into your house, this year seems like the one to throw caution to the wind.  And Skellene looks extra spooky in this grey smoke vinyl.   Miscreation Toys and Lulubell Toys are offering this version as a special preorder edition, but you only have until May 30th at 5pm pst or until the cap of 25 pieces is reached.  Each figure stands approximately 12 inches tall,  retails for $175 plus shipping, and can be had now by visiting www.lulubelltoys.com.

New Skellene The Mourning Doll Resin Edition from Miscreation Toys

 

    This figure always reminds me of my poor Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal that I have had since I was a baby. I used to carry him around everywhere and his plush body is a roadmap of just how much I loved him. He has lost most of his stuffing and most of his outer fur, leaving a rough fabric to hold what remains of his insides. He's down to one crudely embroidered eye and has a collection of stitched up scars in various colors that are the threads that literally hold him together. He hasn't had an easy go of it, but he's still around, now sitting in one of my display cases and enjoying retirement. I think one day when my body has given up on me and I am cremated that I'll have him in the fire with me, as he is the only physical item that has been with me my entire life it seems only fitting that he join me in the next one.

   Skellene the Mourning Doll is the epitome of Victorian era creepy, and that's saying something as the Victorians were all about keeping it strange. This resin edition from Miscreation Toys features a marbled purple and clear infused with silver glitter and was produced by Dubose Art. She is available for a very limited preorder right now by visiting https://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com/. She stands five inches tall and will be $60 for each figure, with a limit of two per order.

Resin Skellene Mourning Doll from Miscreation Toys

    I love going to estate sales, mostly just to have a look at how other people lived. Going through their house is more fun than actually buying anything, especially when you're competing for items with people who have eBay on their phones and search for everything they come across. Estate sales are the real world equivalent of the "followers" tab that Instagram just took away, that gave you a look into what deviant things your friends were up to. Some of ya'll are freaks and you know it.

    On occasion I have found interesting items while digging through the dead's former possessions, but I never find anything quite as exciting as this Skellene Mourning Doll. I'm expecting to every time we enter a new house, but I'm usually greeted by the deceased's poor investment in Beanie Babies or stacks of pastel colored '80's mixed media art that I wouldn't waste a match to burn. Is it that people are beating me to all of the haunted items or have those movies featuring murderous dolls that come to life scared enough of us away from the idea of inviting one into our home? I explicitly buy things with the idea of it creeping out anyone who happens upon my estate sale but I'm nothing if not a humanitarian.

    Miscreation Toys is of course turning this young lady into a larger vinyl figure, but she will be making her debut in resin courtesy of DuBose Art. Each five inch toy is masterfully marbled the way only a toy possessed by restless souls could be.  Each figure is completely unique and is a deal at only $55 plus shipping.  Add some Victorian era creepy to your life when these go on sale today, Friday October 25th, at 7pm eastern time from https://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com/.

Skellene Mourning Doll from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

    If I can do little more than mildly entertain you and provide you with enough nightmare fuel to get you to Halloween, then I feel my purpose is served.  Those of you with an aversion to dolls will probably be mad at me after this, which is fine because I love this figure.  I'm a sucker for anything Victorian and fetal skulls are just the most precious little things that look like they will sass you in a heart beat.  The latest creation from Miscreation Toys oozes narrative, and while I am not fan of merely cutting and pasting, I feel the story he created to go along with this figure is imperative to the item itself:

    During the Victorian era, people often used a physical representation to mark the death of a loved one. These doll-like effigies were created to help the families cope with the deceased, and were typically left at the grave site in remembrance. 

    From time to time, a little impoverished girl would be seen wandering alone in one of these cemeteries playing with the mourning dolls left at children's graves.  No one knew who she was or from whence she came. One day her visits stopped and eventually her lifeless body was found in the woods nearby. Nobody ever claimed her, and she was buried in an unmarked grave in the cemetery.
Years after her death, tales emerged about a little skeleton girl returning to play with the grave dolls in the middle of the night. Chatter and paranoia about the macabre sightings eventually lead to the girl’s grave being exhumed. However the figure in the small rotted casket was not the girl and instead was one of the mourning dolls she often played with. The girl was named “Skellene” in folklore ever since.

    Are you sufficiently creeped out?  It's good, right?  Now for a few more details about our turn of the century misses.  She stands a foot tall, is cast in Japanese soft vinyl, otherwise known as sofubi, and comes in three options that you can preorder right now.  There's the factory painted version, which is limited to 30 pieces, or you can choose a blank one in either green or black.  They are priced at $225 and $185 respectively and can be a wonderful addition to your cabinet of curiosities by checking out www.lulubelltoys.com.

Obsidian Black FrankenMerrick from Miscreation Toys

     I'm always amazed by things that have been completely taboo and then normalized within my lifetime.  Maybe normal is not the right word to use in this instance, but you certainly wouldn't be driven out of town with pitchforks and torches.  The thing I am speaking of is the time Michael Jackson was rumored to have attempted to buy the skeletal remains of The Elephant Man.  Now there are actual stores you can go to to buy skulls or bones or whatever other bits you want to own, but back then that was super creepy.  I remember hearing about it as a kid and wondering what exactly he planned to do with it.  In my mind he would mount it above his bed like a taxidermied fish.  I'm not sure why the reclined skeleton of Joseph Merrick on the wall of his bedroom is what I automatically came up with instead of a nice museum quality display case, because that seems really weird thinking about it now.

     Where you choose to put your Obsidian Black FrankenMerrick from Miscreation Toys is up to you and I promise I won't find it to be weird.  This sofubi figure combines one of medicine's most famous anomalies with the fictional creature of Mary Shelly's classic novel to create something at home in any nightmare.  Standing at 12 inches tall and featuring 7 points of articulation, each figure will retail for $150 as part of a preorder that is limited to 25 pieces.  Everyone who purchases one will also receive a lottery ticket that gives them a chance to win a special 1 off custom figure.  The preorder starts at 3pm est today, Friday February 1st at https://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com.

Melted Crayon Editions from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

    Is this one of those posts that's going to come back and haunt me later in life?  By writing about undead babies am I setting myself up to be fired from a sweet gig later on?  All of their trouble people find themselves in by people digging into old Tweets and whatnot has made me think about my own internet history.  I try to be humorous and in doing so have joked about drugs, serial killers, mental illness, a plethora of criminal activity, dismemberment, republicans, bodily fluids, reptilian overlords, and a few other things that have become the victim of memory loss.  Screw it, let's talk about some zombie kids.

    My sister had one of those crayon melting machines when she was little, in which you load broken pieces onto a heated plate and create new ones with all the colors mixed together.  The results are not unlike the look of these two little heathens from Miscreation Toys.  Whether you have your eye on the very descriptively named Autopsy Zombie Staple Baby (as seen above) or the subtly named Gergle (as seen below) your journey into plastic parenthood will be more colorful than you could have ever imagined.  Available not through Lulubell Toys as an open preorder until August 11th, you can start or add to your brood by visiting https://www.lulubelltoys.com.

Sweet Tooth Marbled Cestoda from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys x Toy Art Gallery

    I scream, you scream, blah blah blah.  Talk about the low hanging fruit of ice cream jokes.  I'm above it, so I'm not gonna do it, even though I could imagine someone screaming if they ran into one of these Cestodas from Miscreation Toys.  Standing at 11 inches tall, dude could take a bite out of your calf muscles and lay eggs in the hole before you realized what has happened.  He looks parasitic and quick, which is not a good combination for you.  But he does come in a pretty array or marbled colors that remind me of those giant tubs of Neopolitan ice cream my mom used to buy, the effects of which ensured I would never make the school bus in the morning and would have to be driven in the mini van.  The effects of lactose intolerance stretch way beyond stomach discomfort.

    Lulubell Toys and Toy Art Gallery have formed an alliance to bring you this limited edition preorder.  Happening now until the 16th, which for those keeping track is this Friday, you can secure yourself one of these big ol sofubi masterpieces for $275 plus shipping.  Get on it now at www.lulubelltoys.com.

Meat Marbled Cestoda Preorder from Miscreation Toys x Toy Art Gallery x Lulubell Toys

    This is pretty much what the back of my neck looks like after spending three hours at the flea market on Sunday.  I have no regrets because I did score a huge Steiff tiger and a small bunny with the button still in its ear for practically nothing and my wife made out like a Pyrex bandit.  I carried countless bowels to the point that I was sure I could have flipped the car over.  I should have known better about the sunburn though, because just thinking about going outside makes my skin turn a little pink.  I suppose if my cats were to eat me in my sleep I'm at least well cooked for them so they can rest easy without the fear of foodborne illness.  

    The Cestoda figure from Miscreation Toys and Toy Art Gallery is a beast that will make you have to rearrange your house in order to own one.  Standing at 11 inches tall and as wide as a Volkswagen (ok, it's a little smaller) this marbled meat version is available right now for preorder through Lulubell Toys.  You have from now until May 21st at 5pm pacific time to pull the trigger on this $250 Japanese vinyl beauty exclusively from https://www.lulubelltoys.com.  

"Wildfire Edition" Autopsy Zombie Staple Baby from Miscreation Toys

   One of my favorite scenes ever from Game of Thrones is during The Battle of the Blackwater when Bronn draws back his bow, launches a flaming arrow, and ignites the ship loaded with wildfire thus destroying Stanis Baratheon's invading fleet.  That moment as it races towards the vessel is the most peacefully epic moment... right before it melts the flesh from those unfortunate souls.  It's pretty much the best way you can end a battle as long as you don't miss.  My luck I'd burn my hand on the arrow, double over in pain, and end up shooting Tyrion through the head.  The show would have taken a much different turn without the imp.

    Wildfire is dirty business but it sure is pretty to look at, which explains the vinyl color of Miscreation Toy's latest Autopsy Zombie Staple Baby.  Who knew an undead baby thing could be so attractive.  These will be available on Friday, July 15th at 3pm eastern time from http://www.miscreationtoys.com and I'm told will not explode if lit.  Unlike a real bloated corpse who will explode if you take a speed bump too quickly.  You only make that mistake once.
 

"Titanium Edition" Iron Monster from Guumon x Miscreation Toys

    How on earth do you make a freaky looking toy that was born in a burning oil drum filled with nightmares look so dang...pretty?  Guumon applied some serious paint wizardry to these Iron Monsters from Miscreation Toys that almost makes you forget that they look like they want to choke you out.  Instead you are mesmerized by the metallic colors as they dance before you; hiding the great evil underneath.  Or something, I've been dramatic since they upped my meds.  

    These dudes are being released this Friday, February 12th at 7pm pst only at http://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com.

My Top 10 Exclusives for This Year's New York Comic Con

    Let me tell you how prepared I am for New York Comic Con:  I went out today and got a flu shot.  I normally get one every year, and usually well before now, but there was no way I was gonna be pressed up against the sweaty, sniffling, masses without giving my immune system a chance at survival.  Plus, I'm totally out of sick days after The Great Kidney Stone of 2015 and I ain't trying to not get paid, suckas. So the only thing I have left to do is prepare my credit cards to be used and abused and to present to you my top 10 favorite exclusives I've seen for this year's convention.  

    Now this isn't one of those arbitrary lists with random numbers like Buzzfeed puts out there.  I have respect for the sanctity of the top 10 list and damn it without some sort of tradition we're just a bunch of apes rubbing sticks on the rocks to poke each other with.  I will not be poked by an uncouth monkey!  Speaking of ape-like creatures, the top dude you see there is the brand spankin new Wing Kong from Super7.  I love it.  It's a monkey, who looks pissed off, and he's got wings.  That's pretty much the total package.  Available at booth 174.  

    And speaking of horrible illness, check out this infected Dunny from Scott Wilkwoski x Kidrobot.  See, this is the type of thing that I am confident my flu shot will protect me from.  Available in purple or grey and only $60 each, you better be quick to the Clutter Magazine booth # 603 to get one.  

    If I were to ride a horse, which I'm not saying I will, I would hope that it would be a demonic hell pony with a tentacle mouth and bat wings.  Oh, what a coincidence, I happen to have one right here.  Bigshot Toyworks has these Lil Maddie figures at booth #208 just in time to rustle up your demonic cows and send them to the demonic slaughterhouse for processing into demonic burgers.  

    Is it an ice cream cone?  Is it candy corn?  Is it andy corn flavored ice cream?  Is it ice cream cosplaying as candy corn?  I don't know, but now I have a headache thinking about it.  Kozik's Monger Jerome from Rotofugi x Squibbles Ink is looking very Halloween-y in this paint job.  I need one and you do too only at booth # 603.

    Oh let me tell you how I love some marbled vinyl.  It's like the sweet patina of the plastic world.  These Cestodas from Miscreation Toys are the size of a small child without the nagging.  Mishka will have these available at booth # 110.  Bing a back brace to carry this sucker.

   I have yet to even see what the latest Shub Zeroth figure from Meta Crypt looks like, but I am so confident that it couldn't possibly suck that I'm adding it to my list.  Go pay a visit to Brian Ewing at booth # 120 for some killer art and metaphysical plastic.  

   I love snow cones, so now you can add that to the list of facts you know about me.  I hope that a snow cone never turns on me like this crazy dude from Jason Limon x Martian Toys.  Damn, this is a great figure and available at booth # 203.  

   CATS!  It's huge, it's a cat, and I need it.  Komatsu x myplasticheart have a special release of this new Daioh Negora at booth 113 and I'm gonna try and get one cause I'm that kind of pimp.  

    Another Dunny and another item I have to own.  Like, I won't die per se if I don't get one, but I wouldn't stand to close cause I may rage out.  doubleparlour killed this and it's debuting at booth # 603.

    The award for "most adorable freakin thing at comic con" goes to these Sleepytime Sea Bunnies from Peter Kato.  They are limited to 30 pieces and will be available from the Piq Products booth # 614 starting tomorrow.   

"Famous Last Words" Group Show at Toy Art Gallery

    In what is a sad yet growing trend, Toy Art Gallery is closing up their physical location.  I don't know anything beyond the fact that they will continue to operate their store online and continue to manufacture toys.  They want to close their location with a bang, and thus you have the aptly titled "Famous Last Words" group show.  It's happening this Saturday, September 5th, and features all of the artists you see listed above.  You should go, and pour some of your 40 out on the sidewalk for your fallen homies.  

"My Pet Gurgle" Custom Autopsy Baby from Topheroy x Miscreation Toys

    

    Dear God this is frightening.  This is like all those dead baby jokes coming back to haunt you for telling them.  I'm lucky enough (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) to seemingly have instant karma, so any time I say something I maybe shouldn't have it usually results in me injuring myself a few seconds later.  So I'm not worried about a zombie baby hiding behind a dumpster, just waiting to gnaw through my chillies, cause if it was gonna happen it would have a long time ago.  I still may walk a bit further away from them though, just in case.

    The Autopsy Babies from Miscreation Toys are enough to scare the skin off of you by themselves, but with this tribute to everyones favorite monster from the '80's, that freakish level has somehow been elevated.  Topheroy is the man behind this haunted looking doll and if you've got the intestinal fortitude to have one in the house with you there will be 10 of them available this Saturday, August 15, over at http://customantics.bigcartel.com.  They'll be $200 each and come with a metal chain and removable eyeball, just like my uncle Jeff.  

Skinner Puts a Hex on The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys

        I've been thinking about building my own Iron Monster for a while now.  I've been saving all these soda cans, so I guess he's gonna be more of an Aluminum Monster, but that makes him sound kinda weak.  I figure if I layer the cans thick enough he could withstand a pretty brutal attack.  There's also the problem of bringing him to life, which I'm really not sure how to do.  I found some local witches I thought could help but all they wanna do is volunteer at the Renaissance Fair so they can get free admission.  I'd totally pay for them to get in and take em to The Cheesecake Factory afterwards if they could conjure some rotten old souls to inhabit my monster, but it's starting to look like they don't have the witch skills I require.  They need to be more specific in their Craigslist ads.

      You know Skinner don't need no witches to bring his toys to life and strangle your neck meat in your sleep, cause he's got paint infused with ancient demon blood.  That stuff's expensive, but look at how it shines!  These Iron Monster figures from Miscreation Toys have been given the special Skinner treatment and will be unleashed upon the world this Friday, August 14, at noon pacific time.  Only 6 of these will be available and will probably sell out in less time than it took you to read this.  Try your luck at www.theartofskinner.com.

Preorders for "Cestoda" from Miscreation Toys x Toy Art Gallery Happening Now!

 
    Did you watch True Detective last night?  I liked last season but good Lord have mercy I am loving this new one.  Last year my wife and I coined the term "Haunted Bayou" which we determined was our favorite genre.  This year we have invented "California Noir", which we now think may be our newest favorite genre of television.  We had another term involving the Appalacians but I can't remember it right now so it probably wasn't nearly as impressive.  We've just realized we prefer stories that are set in certain parts of the world, and our country is so drastically different that particular areas lend themselves to better story telling than others.

    Cestoda from Miscreation Toys x Toy Art Gallery demands a setting in which he can cause the most destruction, so you can't tell a story about this guy in Oklahoma.  He's gotta have some huge body of water to rise up from and a packed city with lots of people to eat and structures to destroy.  Could you imagine him just stomping around in a barren field, bored out of his mind and forced to hear about high school football?  Nobody wants to watch that movie.

    You could make this behemoth the story of your own home movies as he is available for preorder right now.  You could get a red one, a grey one, or buy em both and start your own giant monster wrasslin league.  They're $175 each and available only from www.toyartgallery.com through July 2nd.

The Iron Monster "1939" edition from Miscreation Toys

    Dude looks pissed!  He must have gone to the doctor last year for this weird pain he was having and was shocked by how little his insurance actually covers.  And it's a new shock every time you go and get the mail and there's a balance due for another test that was run.  Yeah, he's obviously very mad about the state of health care in America and how ridiculously expensive it is to not die in this country.  Not that I would know anything about that, but I can see it in his face.

    Who am I kidding, The Iron Monster looks that way because he wants to end you.  And because the next season of Downton Abbey is reported to be the last, but mostly because he wants you dead.  You should make all his dreams come true and invite the 1939 edition of this killing machine into your home when Miscreation Toys puts him up for sale tomorrow (Friday March 27th) at 9pm eastern time.  Each one will sell for $200, or you can get an all black blank version for $150.  

Adopt yourself a monster at http://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com/.

Miscreation Toy's Iron Monster Gets the Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Treatment

    The other day I was watching the morning news and they had a bunch of kids on who had created some little robots that could kick a miniature ball into a net.  The newscasters were treating them like little geniuses but I know better.  Yeah, it may be cute that you could have a little game of soccer between a few critters made from the Radio Shack clearance bin, but this is how the end of the world starts.  Today they kick a ball, tomorrow it's human heads into overflowing trash cans.  Amazon wants to deliver stuff to our house using drones, but what happens when those drones decide that The Birds is an instructional film and decide to not carry our junk anymore?  You'll walk outside only to be swarmed by them.  I'm all for innovation, but not in ways that could turn on us, so those kids building robots should stick to the old baking soda volcano and just be quiet before I have to raise an army of bullies to infiltrate schools and keep these smart kids in check.  Every wedgie is one step closer to saving mankind, people!

    Look at this guy.  He probably started out like a cool robot butler or something and then got tired of taking our crap, thus becoming a literal killing machine.  And apparently he is in league with Satan, which just makes it all the worse.  Do we need devil worshipping robot butlers?   Not on my watch.  Luckily this guy is only made of plastic and doesn't have any of the components necessary to strangle you in your sleep.  This version of Miscreation Toy's Iron Monster was painted up by Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and will go on sale tomorrow (Friday the 13th no less).  He is limited to 10 pieces and will be available at 8pm eastern time through http://store.mutantvinylhardcore.com/.