Dark Goliath Krawluss Blanks from Skinner x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

   Oh my God, I feel like I've been in a drought when it comes to stuff to write about (unintentional rhyme there).  My throat is dry, my typing fingers have atrophied, and it took me three hours to type this last sentence in the proper order.  I thought about retiring and moving to Florida but then I remembered that everything really dumb I see on the news happens in Florida, so I decided to just wait it out.  And shazam, my prayers have been answered courtesy of Skinner.  I should have known he would come through in a pinch.

   The mighty Krawluss is a collaboration between Skinner and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and these blank dudes will be available to add a pop of color to your drab living spaces this Friday at noon pacific time.

    For those of you needing some Skinner goodness but also trying to take your lady out to Taco Bell this weekend, here's a bag of two heads and a club for just $30.  You can never have too many spare body parts laying around, or paint em yourself and become the next toy customizing super star.  Like an RKO, the colors are random and come seemingly out of nowhere.  

Get it all at http://theartofskinner.com this Friday, July 7th, at noon pacific time.  

    

Five Points Fest Booth Visit: Black Drove

    If you wanted something different from your typical cutesy vinyl toy, then Black Drove was the booth for you at Five Points Festival.  Their collective was a mix of different artists and their limited edition nightmare fuel that would keep even the toughest of dudes from sleeping.  And they featured a visit from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore, whose lottery grabbed the attention of nearly everyone in attendance and drew a crowd large enough to shut down the entire aisle.  

   Check out many more pictures from the event at www.facebook.com/TheToyViking and catch the remaining releases (including some that didn't make it in time for the show) at http://blackdrove.bigcartel.com today (May 26th) at 3:33 pm est.  

    

Even More New Releases from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    My wife won't let me have this toy.  It's my own fault really, cause when I first saw Zug the Troll he wasn't wearing his fancy loin cloth and his twigs and berries were hanging out for all to see.  I made the joke that if I got one of these I would, every so often, snap a picture of his ding a ling and text it to my wife.  Here's how it would play out:

Sharon:  I miss you.

Me:  I miss you too.  But you know what else?

Sharon:  What?

Me: "troll ding a ling pic"

Sharon: I'm not speaking to you.

    It's kind of like the next level of Deez Nuts jokes and I thought she would be proud of me coming up with such a great innovation to a classic that also involved our toy collection.  Now I'm gonna have to buy her shoes.  

    All kidding aside, this new figure from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore is pretty intense.  Dude looks like he would have no problem gnawing the meat off of your bones if you dared to pass over his bridge.  He's making his debut tonight in both painted and unpainted versions.  And you don't even need to enter a lottery to get one.  All you have to do is visit http://store.mutantvinylhardcore.com at 8pm eastern time and pray that your Wi-Fi holds up.  

    Oh you thought that was all?  Nope, cause tomorrow night Sam Heinous makes his once per year appearance.  Also releasing at 8pm eastern time, this guy looks hellbent on bringing the tricks rather than the treats (Didn't that sound like I could almost work for Buzzed there for a second? )  I have a feeling a lot of people's credit cards are going to be screaming for mercy by the time this week is over.

"Rotten Gourd" Marbled Sludge Demon from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Available Tonight

    Very few things in life make me happy.  There's my wife, my cats, cable television, grilled meat products, Slurpees, professional wrestling, and marbled vinyl.  God I love toys that are made with a multiple colors of plastic.  They give me a special feeling deep down in my soul each time I gaze upon their beauty.  You can't tell me you're not in love with these Sludge Demons from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore the way I am, and I'm so in love with them that I won't ever tell my therapist about it because he may try to have me committed.  

    I sure don't!  Especially being that these beauties are dropping tonight at 8pm eastern time over at http://store.mutantvinylhardcore.com.  There will be unpainted versions for $75 and painted ones for $85.  They don't let you have access to the internet or your credit cards in the nut house.  At least that's what I heard anyway, it's not like I've been or anything.  Stop judging me.  

Red October DC13 Astronauts Battle Set from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    Ok, this one is a gimme so I'm gonna do it:  "You could say your hunt for Red October has come to an end."

"That's not funny."

    Suck it, Connery.  Your Scottish accent and ability to woe the entire female population of the world have no power here.   I'll make all the cheesy jokes I want, because I am a megalomaniacal dictator of this little piece of the internet and I intend to weird an iron fist when it comes to comedic content.  Shall we move on?

    Right this moment, even as you read this, there is a new lottery going on from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore for this super sick Red October DC13 Astronauts Battle Set.  You get two 10 inch tall figures with 9 points of articulation each.  That's way more articulation than you can probably handle, so try not to get overwhelmed.  But wait, that's not all cause you also get a set of wearable dog tags, a sticker, and a huge sew on patch so you can really immerse yourself in a space robot war fantasy. 

    As I stated before this lottery is happening now and will close just before midnight eastern time tonight.  Winners will be notified tomorrow.  Get on it at www.mutantvinylhardcore.com

Custom Cinema Monsters from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore x Secretoy Releasing Tonight

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    We are completely out of American heroes.  Think about it, who is left that isn't dead or scandalized?  People used to tremble at the sight of Uncle Sam and now we got Vladamir Putin making our president look like a sissy at every turn, while China gives us irritable bowels at the thought of them cashing in our debt.  We have to take back the glory that is the American machine.  And how do we do that without an inspiring figure head with which we can rally behind?

    Give the bald eagle a rest and say hello to Mutant Vinyl Hardcore's awesome take on Secretoy's Cinema Monster.  This crazy freak is decked out in the ol red, white, and blue and glows like a beacon of freedom in the darkest of nights.  There's not lottery to enter if you want one of these, you just have to pray that you're quick enough when they go on sale at 8pm eastern time tonight at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com.  These are sold blind bagged with two slightly different versions you could get, or you could score the ultimate one off that is sporting a sick beard and different color scheme.


    

"Leviathan" Lottery from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Happening Now

    I'm gonna say it:  This is my favorite release EVER from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore.  Other than the fact that this dude looks literally and figuratively killer, I have been obsessed with great white sharks since I can remember.  My dream vacation would be to go to South Africa and see the ones that jump out of the water.  They have boat tours that will fill the water with blood and guts to attract them to the boat and you can see freakishly close, as in they could bite your face off close.  Having never seen one in person I wonder if they would even look real to me.  When Sharon and I went to the National Zoo in Washington we were hell bent on seeing the panda bears.  Upon arrival the three of them were chilling inside this glass enclosure, eating bamboo, and looking like they might have been little people in suits.  You see them on tv and they look so cute, but in person they look like any minute they're gonna check their cell phones and you're gonna realize they're just tiny college kids trying to earn some extra money.  

    If this guy attacks you while you're enjoying a nice day at the beach with the family don't bother punching him in the nose.  Save your energy and start praying for forgiveness for all the bad stuff you've done in life, cause you're gonna meet your maker real soon.  The lottery to own on of these Leviathan figures is happening right now and ends just before the stroke of midnight tonight.  Get your funds together and enter over at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com.

    If lotteries aren't your thing and you're more into impressing people with the speed that you can enter your credit card info, then take a crack at purchasing one of these Sludge Demons.  They go on sale this Sunday at noon eastern time only at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com.

"Candy Gore" Custom Show featuring Brandt Peters x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Opens Tonight at Stranger Factory

    There's sooooooo many custom toy shows out there every week that I can barely keep up with them.  Not that it's a bad thing, it's just I have to go to work eventually and can't begin to tell you about all of them, let alone attend them.  But let me tell you something, I would smack the teeth out of your grandma to be at Stranger Factory tonight when the Candy Gore show opens.  Brandt Peters and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore are bringing the plastic pain for this show and there hasn't been one piece that they've teased that I didn't want to own.  Seriously, there is no toy show that's gonna be better this year and if you're lucky enough to be in attendance you need to know how jealous I am of you.   I am so jealous I would put your mom in the Camel Clutch until she testified in open court that my legal name was the Iron Sheik.

     Now, the show itself doesn't start until 6pm, but if you want to purchase one of the insane pieces on display, and trust me you do, then you need to get your hind parts there at 11am and register for the lottery.  Here's some info of how that is gonna go down:

– You can sign up for the lottery starting Friday, August 7th at 11am when Stranger Factory opens

– You may start viewing the opening of Candy Gore at 6pm August 7th

– Random drawing order to purchase work begins at 6:15pm August, 7th

– When your name is drawn, you may choose 1 piece of work by each artist: Brandt Peters and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore totaling 2 pieces for your turn

– When all names have been drawn, a second round of names drawn will begin allowing 1 piece of work by each artist: Brandt Peters and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore totaling 2 pieces second round

Mutant Vinyl Hardcore's Ollie is Hulk-ing Out

    I'm kinda sad today.  Not long after I write this I will be on my way to the doctor to turn my kidney stones in for analysis.  After all the pain, the heartache, and the downright horror of bringing them into this world, they are now off to some lab where someone who won't care nearly as much as me will cut them up to figure out what made em.  Is this how all mother's feel when their children go off into the world?   I have a nice spot in my cabinet where I think they'd look good.  My stones, not other people's children.  Weirdo.

   Don't cry for me Argentina because it's time once again for another Mutant Vinyl Hardcore lottery.  This time you have the chance to own one of these gigantic Ollie figures painted up to look like the Hulk.  Have they ever explained how Bruce Banner's pants stretch to fit him when he rages out?  They seriously ned to investigate what fabric those things are using because I would take that to Shark Tank stat.  Imagine, only ever having to buy one pair of pants that will stretch and shrink to fit you no matter how many trips you make to the buffet in your life.  It's a billion dollar innovation.

    The lottery for this figure begins at noon eastern time today and will run for 24 hours.  If you win, you have the ability to purchase this behemoth of a toy.  If you lose, you get the satisfaction of knowing you tried.  Hey, this isn't t-ball, not everyone gets a trophy.  Get on it at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com/

Lifesize SludgeDemon DX from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore x Toy Art Gallery

 

 
        There's a liquor store near where I live that for some reason has lined their sidewalk with life size figures of the most random things.  There's Batman, Marilyn Monroe, an oddly colored Humphrey Bogart, a pirate lady, a cow that is also a bench, C3PO, one of The Blues Brothers, Elvis missing his guitar, and a scantily clad tattooed lady with a chalkboard sign.  It reminds me of those bad posters of the random dead celebrities hanging out at a bar, except rather than drinking and having a good time these statues are part of some really bizarre police lineup.  I'd love to see that episode of COPS.

     I love the idea of giant toys, but I have absolutely no desire to have fat Elvis standing behind my kitchen table.  What I would like is one of these fiberglass SludgeDemon DX's from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and Toy Ary Gallery.  I have a half dozen places I can already picture him in, but I just gotta come up with the the cash. At $1,500 he's not an impulse buy and I have owned cars that didn't cost that much.  He's definitely on my lottery-winning dream list though.  And for an extra $500 you can get a Sam Heinous head, you know, for when you wanna mix it up a bit.  Gotta keep your decorating options open.  

Sludge Kraken DX Lottery from Paul Kaiju x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    I totally get why everyone is so interested in space.  It's infinite vastness is beyond mind blowing to comprehend and I don't know anyone that wouldn't poop themselves at the discovery of alien life.  But we have some important loose ends to tie up here on Earth, like whatever is lurking at the bottom of the ocean.  Since the dawn of time we've had fantastic notions of what could be swimming around down there and no one has yet to prove that we're not on the verge of some serious aquatic warfare.  Right now creatures could be holding planning sessions on what do with our yucky corpses once they take over the planet.  That whole melting of the polar icecaps is probably there way of accessing currently unreachable places that would be the key to their overall world domination.  While we're staring up at the sky contemplating the stars, they are going to rise from the depths and attack.  

    Paul Kaiju and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore have glimpsed our future and captured it perfectly via this Sludge Kraken DX.  You'll get a shot at welcoming our fishy-smelling overlords into your home and praying for their mercy when the lottery to purchase one opens this Sunday, April 19th, at noon pacific time.  You have exactly one day to enter for your chance to buy one, after which your bag of bones is on its own during the uprising.  

Enter at http://paulkaiju.com/

"Full Resin Vinyl" featuring Mutant Vinyl Hardcore x Retroband at Toy Art Gallery

    Some combinations are awesome, like chocolate and peanut butter, or fedoras and creepy dudes.  On paper Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and Retroband don't seem like a pairing you would make for an art show.  One makes crazy Japanese vinyl toys, while the other one makes carded action figures that we all wished we had as kids.  They're seemingly polar opposites, but that's exactly why it's gonna be cool cause there's going to be something for every collector to be amazed by.  Whether your favorite medium is resin, vinyl, or even enormous fiberglass figures, your mind is gonna freak out.  The whole thing happens at Toy Art Gallery tomorrow night starting at 7pm.

Miscreation Toy's Iron Monster Gets the Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Treatment

    The other day I was watching the morning news and they had a bunch of kids on who had created some little robots that could kick a miniature ball into a net.  The newscasters were treating them like little geniuses but I know better.  Yeah, it may be cute that you could have a little game of soccer between a few critters made from the Radio Shack clearance bin, but this is how the end of the world starts.  Today they kick a ball, tomorrow it's human heads into overflowing trash cans.  Amazon wants to deliver stuff to our house using drones, but what happens when those drones decide that The Birds is an instructional film and decide to not carry our junk anymore?  You'll walk outside only to be swarmed by them.  I'm all for innovation, but not in ways that could turn on us, so those kids building robots should stick to the old baking soda volcano and just be quiet before I have to raise an army of bullies to infiltrate schools and keep these smart kids in check.  Every wedgie is one step closer to saving mankind, people!

    Look at this guy.  He probably started out like a cool robot butler or something and then got tired of taking our crap, thus becoming a literal killing machine.  And apparently he is in league with Satan, which just makes it all the worse.  Do we need devil worshipping robot butlers?   Not on my watch.  Luckily this guy is only made of plastic and doesn't have any of the components necessary to strangle you in your sleep.  This version of Miscreation Toy's Iron Monster was painted up by Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and will go on sale tomorrow (Friday the 13th no less).  He is limited to 10 pieces and will be available at 8pm eastern time through http://store.mutantvinylhardcore.com/.

Mutant Vinyl Hardcore's "Wasteland Warrior" Berserker Lottery

     I feel that whenever I look at a Mutant Vinyl Hardcore toy there should automatically be some brutal music playing in the background cause these toys get me hyped up and ready to fight!  So we're gonna make this happen right now by you clicking on this video while you read:

   Much better right?  Now let's talk about the Wasteland Warrior Berserker.  This dude looks like something that epic tales would have been written about to scare Viking kids into not being wussies, lest they be dragged away to his troll cave and nibbled on for eternity.  Who wants that to happen?  Plus, and maybe even worse, he would totally make out with your mom in front of you after having ripped off your arms and legs, leaving you with that image to ponder until the end of time.  This dude is no joke!  Think about that next time you wanna skip sword fighting practice to go hang out with your loser friends.  

    If you want one as a trophy to decorate your mead hall you're gonna have to enter a lottery for the chance to buy one. All the info you need on that can be found at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com/.  May the toy gods smile upon you.  

"Toxic Goldfish" Toxigon Lottery from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    You know whats a weird popular thing online that I don't think anyone ever saw coming?  Zit popping videos.  And these aren't your run of the mill teenage grease pockets either.  I'm talking about giant-sized, cottage cheese gushing skin maladies that would challenge even the strongest stomach to get through.  Some of these videos have views well into the millions, making them on par with a new Taylor Swift video, and just about as watchable.  

   Just once I'd like for them to open up some giant growth on a dude's neck and have Toxigon pop out.  He looks like he'd be quite comfortable marinating under your skin until he was ready to wreak his own special brand of havoc on the world.  This "Toxic Goldfish" paint scheme really makes him look like some crazy biological anomaly that will one day have it's own daytime television commercial asking anyone who has experienced giving birth to a Toxigon to call some phone number and join a class action lawsuit against the makers of some new drug after it is determined that this crazy demon dude is the side effect of those pills you take just to be able to leave the house everyday and not freak out on people.  

    "Have you or someone you know taken the drug Prozac and as a result had a terrible hell spawn climb out of a skin blemish causing you extensive personal damage as you try to be the best parent anyone has ever been to such a hell-spawn even though his taste for flesh and vengeance on an unsuspecting world was greater than your capacity to love?  If you answered yes, you may be entitled to compensation.  We have lawyers who are also demonologists ready to take your case."

    Getting one of these beasts is actually a lot less painful than having one grow on the side of your neck.  You just have to enter a lottery and cross your fingers that you get picked.  Starting today (Friday, December 12)  at noon eastern time and lasting until tonight at 11:59pm eastern time, you can enter your pertinent details at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com/.  There are only 25 of these dudes to go around, so the winners will be announced on Saturday and invoiced for the price of the figure, which is $200 plus shipping.   

    

NYCC Exclusive Bone Usir DX from Splurrt x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    If I owned this toy I would sleep with it every night.  I don't mean in the sicko way ya perv (maybe though) but in the innocent way a child cuddles his favorite toy.  It's not only cause I would love it so much, but it's to keep other people from trying to touch it.  My life is like those commercials for the Dodge Dart, where the neighbor is always trying to come over and touch the other dude's car but he's all like "no bro, keep your filthy mits to yourself."  Why is everyone's first inclination when they see something they like to pick it up?   I'd probably be bad at owning a store, cause I'd put everything under glass.  You want to touch something?  You can touch it all you want after you pay for it and take it home.  Until then it belongs to me.

    The chances of me scoring one of these sick Bone Usirs from Splurrt and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore is pretty slim.  For one, they only made 7 of them, and for two, I'm not the best at parting with my money.  It takes me some convincing (mostly in my own head) that my house won't get foreclosed on if I splurge a little, and by then they will all be sold.  So what I'm gonna do is start convincing myself now in the days leading up to New York Comic Con and by the time they go on sale this Friday at 2pm at the Monster Island booth, I should be ready to pull the financial trigger.  Plus it helps when you're in a crowd of people and you wanna join in on all the excitement.  I imagine that's how most people die from drinking too much, actually.  Peer pressure will help me bring this sucker home!

Black Magic Witch Hunter from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    Do you ever have days that are just so amazing that you have to run out and buy a lottery ticket just to see if your good fortune will turn into a monetary windfall?  I had one of those days yesterday.  First and foremost, I had the day off, which in and of itself is pretty nice.  Then I got a phone call saying that someone I "worked" with ( I use the term loosely) found another job and quit, which saves me the 

trouble of finding an abandoned well, tricking him to meet me there, and giving him the whole "This is Sparta" treatment.  Then Twitter let me know that one of my favorite authors has a new book coming out in October.  And finally, and most importantly, my cat Ophelia had a good visit at the vet.  Sadly, I forgot to buy a lottery ticket, but I did get a Slurpee and that's a definite win.

    Speaking of lotteries (you see what I did there? oh my goodness the transition was flawless) Mutant Vinyl Hardcore has a pretty sweet lottery running this very minute that you probably want to get in on.  It's for this super sick Black Magic Witch Hunter.  Just read the name again.  Good God do I even need to type anything else?  How could you not want it?  You better check with your local government office and see if you need a permit to own something this brutal in your town.  Right now there is a band forming somewhere in Norway that will only write songs in tribute to this guy.  Some kid in algebra class will be drawing this dude on his notebook and probably get sent to the guidance counselor for psychological testing.  And he comes with accessories.  He comes with a sick trident with a severed head at the end of it and a haunted axe.  When you really need to get the job done why settle for a regular Home Depot axe when there's a haunted one available?  I know I wouldn't.  

    Here's the important stuff.  To enter the lottery visit http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com/lotteries/ and put in all your pertinent information.  Then start praying, and hoping, and wishing, and whatever else you think might help you get your name pulled so you have the opportunity to buy one of these.  The lottery closes tonight at 11:59pm so stop thinking about it and just do it.  

Bone Usir Dx from Splurrt x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    Ok, I need this.  Like, really badly.  I was gonna start a campaign on that Go Fund Me website so I could raise enough cash to buy one, but then I felt kinda bad because there were people there with legitimate issues that could really use the help.  But I'm not above shameless begging on my own website, free of disasters or diseases that might make me feel like a bit of a heel.  Donate now, donate often, because like an otter to an ice cream sandwich:

   Now that I have made my impassioned plea, I shall tell you more about the object of my affections.  This, the greatest toy of this year, nay, this decade, is the Bone Usir DX.  Featuring the combined workings of Splurrt and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore, this fine specimen will be available this Saturday at noon Eastern time in both of the versions you see above.  I don't know how much they'll be, but I do know that they will only be available from http://splurrt.bigcartel.com/.

Limited Pre-Order Run Krawluss from Skinner x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    Skinner not only creates the greatest monsters the world has ever known, but he is a mythical being himself.  See, Skinner has been making stuff before he was ever born into his human body.  Just look at what I found in the Smithsonian's American History Museum over the weekend:

    Making steam engines obviously bored him, so he decided to inhabit his current form and bring plastic nightmares to life instead.  And this one may be the most horrific of all.  Krawluss is the result of him melding his mind together with Mutant Vinyl Hardcore, passing the unholy amalgamation off to Shinbone Creative (for sculpting purposes) through a series of haunting visions in a Whopper Value Meal, and then having the plastic bits meticulously cast by dark elves hidden in the mountains of Japan.  Then Skinner puts their pieces together and paints in all the stuff that will keep you up at night.  Slap the biggest header card ever known in the 9 worlds and you have a toy that will make all of your other life decisions meaningless.  

    It's not a question of whether you will buy one or not, for his eyes have already permeated your very soul.  The only question is when you can do so, and that would be starting tomorrow, Friday June 27th.  This sale will last until June 29th or until all of the figures are spoken for.  I would bet on the latter happening.  And everyone who pre-orders one of these fine specimens will be entered into a drawing to win this:

    Are you kidding me?  You might end up getting two figures for the price of one?  His accountant is gonna have a fit.  

    Each figure will retail for $250 and will only be available from this link.  

Unpainted Glow Toxigon Lottery from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    How is it everyone that lives in New Jersey doesn't look like this?  This place is littered with toxic waste super fund sites and enough wilderness to hide plenty Hills Have Eyes-looking characters, so maybe we do have our fair share of mutants lurking in the shadows.  If any of those mutants are reading this, please feel free to move to the beaches and live under the boardwalks, where you will be able to eat your fill of seagulls and tourists, both of which are equally as annoying.  Though admittedly, I have never had a tourist poop on my head.  That's not to say they wouldn't though, and I believe in taking a preventative stance.

   You've seen the pictures.  You've been drooling on your internet device for months.  Now you can actually own the latest figure from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore: Toxigon!!!!!!!  And this one is special because not only does he glow in the dark and will light your way to the bathroom when you have to pee late at night, but he's a little different from future releases because the mold was changed after two runs were made.  That will make this guy uber collectable.  The only way you can get one is by winning the chance to purchase it.  There is a lottery open now at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com/ that closes just before midnight so you gotta decide quickly on this one.  Go on, you know you want one.