Silver and Gold Sparkle Bite Size from Radioactive Uppercut

     I don't keep up with the phases of the moon because I work with the public and they are more than happy to act crazy whenever there is a full one.  Sometimes they don't even need any lunar encouragement to test the level of my patience, and it used to really get to me.  In my younger days I was all about arguing back if someone started to act foolish as I would be damned to let them think they got one over on me.  But as I got older I realized that the best thing to do when people are loosing their mind is to maintain a calm demeanor and totally not acknowledge their behavior in any fashion that they want you to.  There's nothing better that for a person to be screaming at you because they have some sort of issue that is in way within your control and you just calmly watch them as they wear down. This is normally the part where I would give you a recent example of this happening but I honestly do it so often that nothing stands out.  I feel that I have let you down, but if you get mad about it just know that you will yell until you're hoarse and I won't bat an eye.

   Radioactive Uppercut's Bite Size figures are much more predictable when they will transform into monsters than the average person, because they are actual werewolves.  Which, standing at 4 inches tall each and cast in silver or gold sparkly vinyl, go in sale in a matter of minutes by visiting http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.  Go get em!

The Debut of the Nether Realm Tyrants from Radioactive Uppercut x Toy Art Gallery

     I've been to a lot of places, but I've never managed to find myself in the Nether Realm.  Last spring I found myself in Lurray, Virginia, home of the world famous Lurray Caverns and the almost as famous Cooter's Dukes of Hazard Museum. Yeah, I went to both.  I also ate at a McDonald's there that had televisions in the dining area, one of which was playing a Civil War documentary while the other featured a fire and brimstone televangelist that wouldn't let me eat my chicken nuggets in peace.  I'm originally from the South, so things like this are not nearly as frightening to me as they are my wife, but I have lived in New Jersey long enough for the scent of distrust to permeate my skin and instantly give me away as an outsider.  It's probably the closest I've ever come to being in a Jordan Peele film.  

    If I ever make it to the Nether Realm I'll be sure and find somewhere I can purchase a magnet for the ever growing collection I have on my fridge.  It seems like the American thing to do.  I also hope that the residents of a place with such a name are in fact the exact size of this group of Tyrants from Radioactive Uppercut and Toy Art Galley, because they don't look too friendly.  Maxing out at 2 and a half inches tall, their brand of sorcery can't be but so potent, and their weaponry would be ike being attacked by a chipmunk wielding a razor.  I feel like that's the kind of fight I was built to win.

    This set of six vinyl figures are packed with menacing detail and feature a paint job that Freddy Krueger would be get nightmares from.  You get the whole set of 6 for only $70 + shipping when they go on sale later today (Wednesday, April 17th ) at 3pm pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  

"Chocolate Covered Cherry" Marbled Keshi from Radioactive Uppercut

    Last minute Valentine's Day shopping is no longer limited to your local gas station and their selection of international phone cards and off brand perfume.  You try to bring some culture home and no one appreciates it, am I right?  Nope, your game is now leveled up courtesy of Radioactive Uppercut and his gang of Freaks, Finks, and Spazzes.

    Each of these 3 inch figures has been cast up in a special marbled Chocolate Covered Cherry motif that perfectly emulates the holiday.  They will be sold separately for $30 each and will be available starting tonight at 8pm eastern time from http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.

Glow in the Dark Bite Size from Radioactive Uppercut

 

    I know that by Tuesday of next week one or more of you are probably gonna light some explosives to celebrate America's independence.  I'm not saying don't do it, cause I grew up down south and bad ideas are pretty much a lifestyle, but whatever you do don't do anything that would prevent you from getting the best, most informative and strikingly handsome toy news on the internet via this very website.  If you lose a couple of fingers you'll probably still be able to type The Toy Viking address and be enlightened (pun intended) by whatever wisdom I choose to bestow upon you.  But you were only gifted with two eyes, and losing both of them while kneeling to inspect whether or not a Roman candle is a dud would suck pretty hard.  Plus, I know you're reading this while at work and avoiding your responsibilities and you're totally gonna get caught if you have to ask someone to read it to you.

   There are many alternatives to lighting fireworks that will not only let people from far and wide know just how damn free you are, but have little to no chance of disfiguring you. I've been assured by Radioactive Uppercut that his Bite Size figure, no matter how menacing looking, is not likely to turn your flesh into something the cops are gonna want you to explain.  These dudes are cast in milky white vinyl and glow like Abraham Lincoln's ghost when he defeated the aliens during the War of Roswell.  There ain't many of these bros in existence, and your chance to snag one comes on the evening of July 1st at 8pm eastern time.  Get er done at www.radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.

Christmas Candy Cane Marbled Keshi Franken Corpse from Radioactive Uppercut

   My favorite candy in the world is that Christmas hard candy that only people above the age of 85 seem to know where to get.  I look for it every year and I can never find it.  It usually comes in these big tins and half the time it's all stuck together and you have to break chunks of it off with an ice pick to even eat it.  But once you manage top free a section small enough to fit in your mouth it is beyond worth all the work.  Unless you get one of the spicy ones, then it's like your taste buds were assaulted to the point that a police report should be filed.  Those always end up in the trash where they should have been put in the first place.  

    I like candy canes too though, cause they're like non portion controlled peppermints.  They're the equivalent of half a bag of candy but it's ok to eat it because its the holidays and social norms about sugar consumption are put aside in favor of more rational thinking.  Radioactive Uppercut celebrates this yule tide tradition with his Franken Corpse keshi figure.  He's 3 inches of marbled goodness that probably would taste a whole lot worse than he looks.  Get one right now by visiting http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.  

Freaks, Kinks, and Spazzes Preorder from Radioactive Uppercut Happening Tonight!

    I went to the doctor today and when I entered the room this is what I saw:

    Now let me expand on this a bit more.  While this would be a horrifying sight for any man to stumble upon, what made it worse was the fact that I was at the urologist having a follow up from The Great Kidney Stone Disaster of 2015 (as it's been dubbed in the media).  So be you man or woman, the only place this stuff was gonna end up was somewhere that would traumatize you (and make your pee hurt) for days to come.  I know what goes on in these places, heck I've got some stories that would make you put a pad lock on your jeans and hide in a closet, but I really don't need to see the aftermath of someone's urinary tract pain.  Hell, the hotel we stayed at in Brooklyn for Summerslam had better maid service than this, and there was a damn lucite wall between the tub and the bed.  I didn't go anywhere near this exam table except to take this picture and after than I parked my behind as far away as the architecture of the building would allow.  I wish they had comment cards so I could have rated the state of the room, cause urethra jelly and a box of tissues is worse than finding a dead body.  

    As you may have figured out, that story was just something I really had to share and has nothing at all to do with the toys you see pictured.  I view stories like this in the same way filmmakers viewed that VHS tape from the ring.  You gotta pass that trauma on if you want to have any peace.  Now, back to business.

    Radioactive Uppercut is opening up preorders tonight for his latest creations: Freak, Kinks, and Spazzes.  Those three little dudes are adorable in a gross way, kinda like your mom, and like I said before you can get your hands on them tonight at 8pm eastern time (also like your mom).  They were expertly sculpted by David Arshawsky of Turtle Milk Studios and are being cast in soft resin by Tru:Tek of Disart ToyLabs, which basically means they're of the utmost quality.  These little dudes stand 3 inches tall and are available individually for $30, or as a set for $87.  Look how cute they are, you wouldn't dare think of separating them from their friends would you?  Or are you one of those people who would see two kittens and just adopt one of them?  Don't be a sicko.  Do the right thing tonight by visiting http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.  

X-Ray and Pink Eye 8-Ball from Radioactive Uppercut

    Is there a much grosser disease than pink eye?  It may be easy to cure and may not lead to any crippling deformity, but as far as nasty things go, this ranks up there.  And it's ridiculously easy to catch.  Did you know that the evil that causes it can live on a surface for 30 days!!!!!!!!!!!!   Stuff that can literally kill you can't survive outside of the body for that long, but pink eye is stubborn.  Go ahead, rub your eyes right now, I'll wait.  

   Radioactive Uppercut is proud to present these two newest incarnations of his 8-Ball figure.  Both of these suckers go up for pre-order tomorrow, Friday July 11th, at 8pm Eastern time for $40 each.  They will each be made to order, so if you don't buy now, you don't get them, which will probably ruin your summer.  They're only available from http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com/.