Realm Runners Board Game from Skinner x Jason Furie

 

   There are very few things in life that could ever be considered a sure thing. At this point I would usually list three gradually funnier things, but this morning when I was getting out of the shower one of my cats jumped on my back while I was hunched over drying off my legs and in the interest of him not tearing my flesh as he slid down, I remained in said position. Then I took a step forward, and hit my head on the door jam. At which point I said a few choice words, stood upright causing him to lose his grip, and was flayed like a medieval prisoner anyway. The moral of the story is I left my cleverness for the day in the skull shaped dent of my bathroom and there it shall remain for the time being.

    So other than me getting creatively injured in a feline related incident, the other sure thing in life is that this board game created by Skinner and Jason Furie has already been completely crowd funded and is guaranteed to go into production. So backing it comes with no risk of disappointment, unlike the look on Jacob Peterson’s face when I bested him in the third grade science spelling bee. You really thought you had it wrapped up with “mitochondria”? 

    As with anything Skinner involves himself in, this game looks cosmically insane. His neon Lovecraftian style is splattered all over every inch of this thing, from the box art to the boards, to the miniatures that are exclusive to the deluxe edition set. 

  While this project is fully funded, they’ve got plenty of stretch goals available to make the final product even more mind melting than what you see here. So check out this link and get in on it before you miss out and are all sad and stuff. 

Relic of a Jupiter Tomb by Skinner x House of Gog

 

    Anyone my age that spent their younger years watching late night television in the hopes that the scrambled version of Cinemax would come into focus just long enough to see something of interest, remembers Miss Cleo. She was the woman who looked like a lunch lady and had a convincing Jamaican accent that would implore you to call her 1-900 number so she could tell you your fortune. She was dialed into the cosmos and could see forwards, backwards, and sideways and for the low price of $3.99 per minute she'd be happy to tell you all about it. I never had the nerve to try it myself, for I was less worried about the future than I was my stepfather getting the phone bill and the ensuing hell that would cause. I did consult a fortune teller on a Jersey Shore boardwalk once like Bruce Springsteen did, and the only thing I got out of that was my debit card number stolen.

    I would be easy to convince that Skinner had a direct line to some otherworldly folks and used them as the inspiration for his work, kind of like Pickman's Model. Is he warning us about what lies beyond the veil, just waiting for their chance to inhabit our minds like fleshy Oldmobiles, or is it that the monsters have always lived deep within us and he is the only one with a torch and the bravery to light the way to their discovery? 

    Relic of a Jupiter Tomb is the latest collaboration from the visionary artist and statue makers House of Gog. Prepare to have your psyche melted like a grilled cheese sandwich at a Phish show by this one. Standing nine inches tall and featuring a removable helmet with two different faces, you get a lot of look that you can change up on a whim, or when that little voice in your head that may or may not belong to you suggests it. Limited to 300 pieces and retailing for $325, you can preorder yours on Thursdsday, December 1st at 3pm eastern time at www.houseofgog.com. 

Alien Phantom Ultrus Bog from Skinner x Lulubell Toys

    The biggest let down of this year has got to be the Storm Area 51 event that resulted in absolutely no one seeing those aliens.  Now as someone who values my freedom/life there was no way I was gonna show up to help, but you can't tell me there aren't a ton of Internet dudes hopped up on energy drinks and other questionable substances that could have made it happen.  Hell, half the state of Florida makes the news for much crazier reasons than this, so I was sure something exciting was gonna happen.  But apparently no one wants to see me happy, which seems to be a running theme.  Stop being so selfish!


    If it's any consolation I'm sure the aliens are nowhere near as awesome as Ultrus Bog.  They are probably all sickly and wouldn't even understand any of the memes you'd want to show them. Skinner's  Ultrus Bog gets all the current meme references and looks forward to seeing all the ones you text him while at work.  He looks awesome in the crazy marbled vinyl pour from Lulubell Toys and tons of people are gonna want to bring him home.  Only 30 pieces were created with the Alien Phantom color scheme and they are up for grabs begining Wednesday, October 30th at 6pm pacific time.  He retails for $125 each plus shipping and can only be had at www.lulubelltoys.com.


    

The Mutator Ultrus Bog from Skinner x Lulubell Toys

    Is this the greatest Ultrus Bog that has ever been created?  I could argue for it, as it arrives just in time for the summer months looking all cool and refreshing like an evil snow cone.  It's no secret that this figure is one of my favorites of all time and this version is only stoking that fire of desire to five alarm levels. 

   Skinner's epic lord of the underworld has achieved next level status by being double cast in luxurious Japanese vinyl.  First a layer of clear plastic was poured, then followed by a layer of orange to give it a crazy, multi dimensional feel that will put you in direct contact with your infinite selves.  That's a lot to ask from a figure, yet it delivers in every way.  Lulubell Toys will have a limited run of only 20 of these sweet bay bays available when they go on sale this Saturday, May 25th, at 9am pacific time.  He costs $125 plus shipping and will be offered exclusively through https://www.lulubelltoys.com.  

No Masters Sofubi Minions from Skinner x Lulubell Toys

    I like that these Minions from Skinner and Lulubell Toys are exactly what minions should look like.  Evil little creatures who do the bidding of bigger evil creatures who can't be bothered with the minutia of their misdeeds. They should not look like giant goggle wearing Tic-Tacs who speak nonsense and frequently adorn the t-shirts of people arrested inside of Wal Mart.  They really give people who want to become minions an unrealistic expectation of what their future will look like, and I won't stand for the children of this world being misled about their career choices.

    One look at this colorful crew and you know they are up to no good. They've got their hands up, ready to bring bad guy stuff down hard on anyone who gets in their way.  Do I have a favorite of the two? Yes, but that's just to inspire them to work really hard to take that top spot that they don't know they already aren't in.  You don't learn management skills like that from reading a book; it only comes from getting other people to do the stuff at work you don't have time for.  Which is pretty much anything that doesn't involve me checking my Instagram activity.

     This dynamic duo will be available starting today (Thursday, February 28th) at 10am Pacific time only from www.lulubelltoys.com.  Each set is $80 plus shipping.

   

Wonder Goblin DesignerCon Exclusives

    The psychedelic nightmare creatures of Wonder Goblin are some of the most interesting figures you're going to see at DesignerCon this week.  Each one is a visual over load of color and detail that may or may not forever imprint themselves on your retina, casting a monstrous shadow in your line of sight forever the way that looking at an eclipse without filtered glasses will.  These toys won't LITERALLY burn their image into yours soft tissue, it's more figurative than that.  But will you see them when you close your eyes at night, taunting you as slow heavy metal music plays in the background?  Probably not either.  You're taking this way too seriously.

   Let's take a look at some of the craziness you can take home with you:

    * 2 Budfoot releases - "Yeti" and "Yeti Kush" one is painted and the other is flocked. $300 for Yeti. $350 for Yeti Kush. 12 inches tall. Each run is limited to 7 pieces. (se above picture)

 

* Windigo "Night Tripper" release limited to 8 pieces, 3 of which will have special dread hair       attached. $350 with hair. $300 without hair. 13 inches tall. Painted in black light reactive vinyl paint. Windigo is part of the Boogey Boys toy series with Grizlli Atom. 

* Hagopuss Family - Queen + Defender + Baby. All 3 figures are sold as a set, and limited to 7 sets. Each set includes a 20 x 14 inch signed and numbered giclée print of the Hagopuss Family Portrait oil painting, printed with archival inks on cold press paper. The figures are painted in vinyl paints to match the fine art print! $450 for the whole set.

* Fungoid Man "Marbled Watermelon" release limited to 24 pieces. This will be the first soft vinyl Fungoid Man sold within the USA! Collaboration with Skinner and produced by Science Patrol! $150 each.

Get all this and more by visiting booth # 1251. 

Death Berry Blast Ultrus Bog from Skinner x Lulubell Toys

    Oh my goodness I looooooooove marbled vinyl, and this beautiful Ultrus Bog has got me drooling.  Not nearly as bad as when I had my dental work the other day, cause that was embarrassing.  I got a filling done and then was scheduled for a cleaning immediately afterward so I can look good for my dozens of fans.  I can't feel the entire left side of my face and I get handed a cup of mouthwash to use before we start.  One swish and it's cascading down my shirt in a waterfall of minty freshness.  The hygienist looks over and says "uh oh, still a little numb from the anaesthetic?"  April is out here solving mysteries, people!  Bring your cold cases Monday through Friday and all your questions will be answered.  She needs to be quicker with the paper towels and less so with the detective skills.

    Death Berry Blast sounds like a hardcore Slurpee flavor,  it is instead sofubi bliss courtesy of Skinner and Lulubell Toys.  This is the first time this figure has ever had the marbled treatment and it is long overdue.  Look at the way those swirled colors fill every detail in the sculpt.  Go ahead, look at it.  "Majestic" may not be the word you were looking for, but it really should have been.

    You can score yourself one of these beauties when they go on sale today, Friday May 18th, at noon pacific time exclusively from www.lulubelltoys.com.  They will be $95 each plus shipping to wherever you happen to live.

"Scab Empire Babies" Minions from Paul Kaiju x Skinner x Lulubell Toys

    Back in the day if someone told you they had minions to do their bidding you'd imagine some dirty little cretins who lurked in the shadows and had low credit scores.  Now because of a very famous  animated film series all anyone ever thinks of are those yellow pill shaped critters who speak a language that makes Sylvester Stallone sound like a refined English gentleman.  Behold the rise of the Scab Empire, which sounds way grosser than the Empire Darth Vader was running.  Seriously, who wouldn't rebel against the Scab Empire, it's not the most appealing name to write on checks when paying your taxes.

    Skinner and Paul Kaiju have resurrected their evil little sofubi bay bays and are offering them up as a set this Saturday, January 13th through Lulubell Toys.  For $80 you get both because separating them would be a crime against minion kind and also because what kind of cruel freak would do such a thing?  They grew up together, raise hell together, and they'll be mailed to your house together and that's just the way it is, cowboy!

    The adoption line forms at https://www.lulubelltoys.com.

Preorder Skinner's Necronomicon Pop Up Book from Poposition Press

    You may have read everything that H.P. Lovecraft ever committed to paper, but you've never had his stories literally jump off the page to drag your soul into unescapable madness!!!!!  Now you can experience these tales like it was the first time with this Necronomicon Pop Up book from Skinner and Poposition Press.  Featuring five stories of terror to keep you up at night and probably pee a little, this book goes beyond anything the master of horror could have envisioned himself.  Available for preorder now at a special discounted price and in three different versions for collectors, no home would be complete without one.  Get all the details and secure one for yourself by visiting 

https://www.necronomiconpopup.com.  

Dark Goliath Krawluss Blanks from Skinner x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

   Oh my God, I feel like I've been in a drought when it comes to stuff to write about (unintentional rhyme there).  My throat is dry, my typing fingers have atrophied, and it took me three hours to type this last sentence in the proper order.  I thought about retiring and moving to Florida but then I remembered that everything really dumb I see on the news happens in Florida, so I decided to just wait it out.  And shazam, my prayers have been answered courtesy of Skinner.  I should have known he would come through in a pinch.

   The mighty Krawluss is a collaboration between Skinner and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and these blank dudes will be available to add a pop of color to your drab living spaces this Friday at noon pacific time.

    For those of you needing some Skinner goodness but also trying to take your lady out to Taco Bell this weekend, here's a bag of two heads and a club for just $30.  You can never have too many spare body parts laying around, or paint em yourself and become the next toy customizing super star.  Like an RKO, the colors are random and come seemingly out of nowhere.  

Get it all at http://theartofskinner.com this Friday, July 7th, at noon pacific time.  

    

Morgogg amd Ogos Teal Blanks from Skinner

    If you think getting a a blank Morgogg or Ogos figure from Skinner himself was a thing to celebrate, you'd be right.  Just by themselves these figures will elevate your collection to Master P MTV Cribs status.  Their limited availability alone at only 10 pieces each would easily bring you to that baller status, but Skinner is raising the stakes even higher by throwing in 10 original 5x7 art works for 10 lucky people that are able to score one of these plastic behemoths. That's right, half of the people that order these figures will also get some original art to hang on the wall.

    Look at these drawings!!!!!  Hell, these are alone worth the price of the figure and will make some lucky sons of guns very happy.  Once you own original art I imagine the invitations start pouring in for museum openings and you probably get to sit next to Kanye at fashion shows.  Can you imagine all the crazy stuff he'll try to talk to you about?  It will all be just about him, but you'll just have to realize that any connection you make will be completely one sided and he's not the dude to call when you're feeling a bit depressed.  Not that I know anyone like that who just can't let me vent for two seconds without trying to one up me on the "had a bad day" scale.  Just listen Kanye, just listen.

    These will be available at noon pacific time today (Tuesday April 18th) from https://shopcriticalhit.com.

Morgogg (Steel Bearing Hand) from Skinner

    It is important that when you welcome people into your home for a visit that you lay down the ground rules without the use of words, but merely through your decor.  People will try and trick you and get their mail delivered to your house and stay indefinitely without the benefit of monetary compensation, but rather than offend them with a sharp tongue I prefer to own things that will make them think that living with me would be worse than squatting in an abandoned campground.  Here's some tips that I have proven through rigorous field testing:

1)  Always keep your basement door closed and never offer to show it to anyone when you give a tour of your digs.  Yeah, you may have a sweet vintage Kiss pinball machine down there, but you also may have the mummified corpse of a gypsy who grants you wishes.  No one has ever been frightened away by Kiss pinball.

2.)  There's no such thing as owning too many skulls.

3.)  An altar on the back of your toilet to appease the child who may or may not haunt the bathtub goes a long way toward making someone wonder whether they could do their business in such an environment.  If you have two bathrooms fill the other with litter boxes.  Bonus crazy points if you don't actually have cats.    

4.)  Most importantly, collect some beastly looking toys to fill all your free space.  Make sure their wee beedy eyes are pointing at all times at the only places that guests can sit.  You'll be shocked and/or amazed at how fast they will pick up the excessive amount of suitcases they brought with them to Thanksgiving dinner and head off to search for the next sucker to take them in.  

    Skinner makes a living off of making your non toy collecting friends uncomfortable with his creations, like this dude Morgogg.  He's big, he's mean, and he looks like if he were real he would smell like a tannery.  He's pretty much perfect, and if you want to own one of em you're gonna have to send an email to criticalhit.info@gmail.com to enter the lottery for the chance to purchase.  Do it right now, cause Friday at noon Skinner is gonna send out emails to the lucky folks and you want that to be you, right?  Of course you do.  

Killer Toys You Need from Skinner

    It's hard to do a serious post on April Fool's Day because everyone thinks you're just yankin their chains.  Well, we don't do any chain yankin when it comes to toys, cause that's serious business not fodder for a good laugh.  Besides, there's plenty of other things to laugh about: like Donald Trump's hair, or the fact that he might actually become president, or if that happened how life would be just like sliding down a greased pipe straight into the fires of Hades.  F-U-N-N-Y.

    What's Skinner been up to recently?  I dunno, but somewhere in his schedule he worked out the time to paint up some toys for ya.  He made 10 of the dashing cyclops Ogos, and he made ten of this big ol heap of a Cthulhu figure.  Snatch me up quick like on Aril 1st at noon pacific  from www.shopcriticalhit.com.

Epic Cthulhu Beer Steins and Mugs from Skinner x Münkstein

    I swear you better not invite me over to your house to watch WWE Network and try to serve me purple drank in some stank old glass you got with your kids meal back in the day.  Unless it's a Star Wars one that I don't have, cause then I will totally make that sucker disappear in my shirt sleeve and make a hasty exit after a sudden bout of food poisoning.  I require my beverages to be served in vessels worthy of the feudal lord I am destined to become.  Just when all hope seems to be lost I discover these gems.

    You may know Skinner as the modern renaissance man responsible for twisted plastic monsters, horrifying works of art, and even short films to accompany musical performances, but now you can add designer of epic drink wear to his list of accomplishments with these beer mugs from Münkstein.

    Good lord almighty how would you drink out of anything else ever again?  From what I hear Odin himself just threw out all the mead mugs in Valhalla and replaced them with these.  It must be true if I read it on the Internet, so why would you not jump at the chance to sip your Kool Aid from the same objects that worthy dead Vikings do?  Here's the info you need:  the steins will only be available for three months, while the lidless mugs will be available for the foreseeable future.  You can chose from either the full color design or the dynamic wash, or get one of each for when you have company.  All the details you need to up your juice game are located at www.munkstein.com.

Skinner x Leecifer Hand Painted Picklebabies Dropping Today

    I have a lot of things that I suspect may be haunted in my house.  It's bound to happen when you are drawn to coolecting weird stuff that may or may not have once been housed in a now dead human being.  You think I don't have a jar of my wife's great grandmother's gallstones, just chilling in the living room?  Or an antique glass eye that may or may not have been willingly given up by its long dead German owner?  I like my knick knacks like I like my women; riddled with a sketchy past (Sharon's gonna hit me for that one).  Now I'm not crazy mind you and if I think something might be housing some poltergeist with a crappy attitude I can easily walk away.  Unless it has a really sick patina, cause God knows I love a patina.

    I'm convinced Skinner is only interested in painting haunted toys and now I have photographic evidence to prove it:

    How is this little antique person holding a Picklebaby that was created even before Leecifer, the father of all Picklebabies was born?  What madness has conceived the creation before the creator?  What messed up relative bought this girl such a bizarre looking doll baby for Christmas?  Those answers may lie deep in a New England grave, but on this very day you can become the newest caretaker of the Picklebaby, guarding its secrets and succumbing to its most vile demands.  

    There are 8 of these available beginning at noon pacific time only from http://shopcriticalhit.com.  They are $100 each in human money (no eternal souls will be accepted as payment at this time - Management)

Three Witches: Skinner Edition Preorder from Unbox Industries

     With all these bozos trying to run for president you would think that maybe, just this once, someone would focus on an issue that is long in need of attention:  the lack of witch burnings.  Now you can't tell me that we stopped doing it cause we got em all, cause I don't believe that.  Or that it just fell out of fashion, cause what better thing can you think of to bring a community together than the warmth of a good witch burning in a carnival-like atmosphere with corn dogs and stuff?.  You got nothing.  And it's just not about the good times that are to be had, it's about all the evil doings that are, as of this posting, going unchecked.  Why just last week a woman was mad at me at work and I didn't poop right for a few days.  It's empirical evidence of a hex and I'm sure if I had some milking goats they would probably be dry right now as a result of said curse.  How can we allow this to continue?

   The tricky thing about witches is that they all don't stand out as readily as these that Skinner painted up.  They blend in, like that Miley Cyrus girl, so they could be amongst us right now!!!   John Kenn Mortensen and Unbox Industries made these old hags and you can preorder them from now until September 25 (or until the original allotted amount runs out).  Order some right now at http://store.unboxindustries.info and make them reveal the identities of their sisters in the black arts.  Also, make sure you have enough to lighter fluid, cause there's nothing that ruins a good ol witch burning like an absence of the actual burning part.  It's embarrassing.

Skinner Puts a Hex on The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys

        I've been thinking about building my own Iron Monster for a while now.  I've been saving all these soda cans, so I guess he's gonna be more of an Aluminum Monster, but that makes him sound kinda weak.  I figure if I layer the cans thick enough he could withstand a pretty brutal attack.  There's also the problem of bringing him to life, which I'm really not sure how to do.  I found some local witches I thought could help but all they wanna do is volunteer at the Renaissance Fair so they can get free admission.  I'd totally pay for them to get in and take em to The Cheesecake Factory afterwards if they could conjure some rotten old souls to inhabit my monster, but it's starting to look like they don't have the witch skills I require.  They need to be more specific in their Craigslist ads.

      You know Skinner don't need no witches to bring his toys to life and strangle your neck meat in your sleep, cause he's got paint infused with ancient demon blood.  That stuff's expensive, but look at how it shines!  These Iron Monster figures from Miscreation Toys have been given the special Skinner treatment and will be unleashed upon the world this Friday, August 14, at noon pacific time.  Only 6 of these will be available and will probably sell out in less time than it took you to read this.  Try your luck at www.theartofskinner.com.

Not at Comic Con? Neither is Skinner and He Has New Stuff For You

    I know what you've been doing.  You've been looking at all your social media sites, living vicariously through everyone you know that's going broke in San Diego.  I've caught myself doing it too; being transfixed by all the toys you wish you could buy but instead were bought by jerks looking to flip em on eBay and make some money off of your hopes and dreams.  I get it, because as I sit 3,000 miles away from comic con, I'm wishing for nothing more than to stand in line for hours on end and for sweaty people to constantly brush up against me and transfer their inhuman funk to my person.  See what we're missing out on?

   Skinner isn't at comic con either and is instead having his own party on his website starting today at noon pacific.  He's gonna have t-shirts and prints and lord knows what else, but for me the highlight of the whole shindig is this massive Abominox figure.

    This will easily make you forget all about not being in California, meeting celebrities and whatnot. Plus, you can't go to comic con in your underwear (well, technically you can if you're dressed as some recognizable character) but Skinner doesn't care if you're stark naked when you buy this dude.  In fact, I think he prefers it.  

     This chilly looking giant bro is limited to only 20 pieces and will be $150 each when they go on sale at the previously mentioned time today.  And if you're wondering just how big they are, here is a life-sized Skinner barely able to hold two of them up.  

Freakin huge.

www.theartofskinner.com

Sextopigon "Dark Void" Edition from Skinner x Unbox Industries Releases Today!!!!

    Stare, stare into the appropriately titled "Dark Void" edition of the mighty Sextopigon.  His skin is the night sky, his blood the fading light of long dead suns.  Will he foretell your future?  Will he be the last thing you see before your death?  Will I continue to be so dramatic?  Who can say for sure, but you can get one of your own soul priests from Skinner and Unbox Industries when they go on sale today at http://store.unboxindustries.info.  The time of your demise is set at 22:00 BST.    

"Blue Glow" Lolgolth Gnazgoroth Preorder from Skinner x Unbox Industries

    And you though those nasty bros from beyond the wall in Game of Thrones were brutal, what with their icy stare and army of the dead.  You think Jon Snow's not gonna send them back to whatever black hole you crawled out of?  Cause that's gonna happen.  See, raising people up from the ground that you just put there is all well and good, but the impressiveness of that is gonna wear thin once you start getting carved up with Valerian steel.  You gotta have a wow factor, like when the Wildlings got those Giants to hang out with them.  Well feast your eyes on this bad boy my White Walker friends, and have those pesky folks in Westoros cowering in their boots and unable to fight back.

    Lolgolth Gnazgoroth from Skinner and Unbox Industries has no problem inspiring fear in any one he, or it, comes across.  Now you can have one in your house that will glow in the darkest of nights, scaring the hell out of you even when you try to sleep.  Or lighting the way as you get older and can't quite hold your pee pee until morning.  I don't want to talk about it.

    This sucker is going on preorder today for $145, which is a paltry sum for the crazy detail that goes into one of these.  Seriously, I've seen one in person and was struck dumb by how intense manufacturing this behemoth must be.  Get yourself one and be amazed by its brilliance every day of your life by clicking here.

How my butt feels after eating at Golden Corral.