The Heck Resin Figure from We Become Monsters

    Why is it that doctors have all the worst art in their offices?  You'd think they'd be able to afford something really nice, but everything looks like it belongs at a thrift store.  I get that you can't put anything crazy like a Hieronymus Bosch in the waiting room of your dentist's office (though Ive been to a dentist where that would have fit right in with his bedside manner) but you can certainly do better.  All this brings me to a painting hanging in the office of my doctor.  It depicts a man standing behind a basket that is filled with severed heads.  The basket is cleverly labeled "new heads" in case there was any question of what it contained, and is in theory supposed to represent how great it would be if you had an issue with your own mind to just swap it with a spare.  I personally read it as the young man that created the painting is in no subtle way trying to tell you about his love for dismembering human bodies and what would be found beneath the floor boards of his kitchen should you be curious.  His confessional looks like it was created by a fifth grader, which adds the unease I feel every time I look at it.  The only time I think a boring painting by Monet would be a bit more appropriate is if it is replacing one given to you by the criminally insane. 

    Having multiple heads lying around isn't always a bad thing, even if they do come knocking on your door with a search warrant.  Case in point, this new creation from We Become Monsters.  It's called The Heck, and is a scaled down version of one of his other figures, The Hell.  There are three different colors of this four inch figure to collect, and each comes with an alternate head for mixing and matching how you see fit.  Available exclusively from http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com, these suckers are hand made and extremely limited.   

Tenacious Toozie Scloozie Shagghoulie from We Become Monsters

    This time of year I wish we had shag carpeting covering every square inch of our house.  Hardwood floors are nice to look at, but when it's freezing out I feel like I'm trekking barefoot over a glacier.  The struggle is real my friends.

    I would settle for an entire suit made out of shag carpeting, baring in mind that it is coated on the inside with luxurious fleece.  That would be the height of warmth and comfort and still less stupid looking than Ugg Boots.  Look how happy this Shag Ghoulie from We Become Monsters is.  Dude is completely toasty and feeling fuzzy in all the right places.  He's part of Super a Series Sunday from Tenacious Toys and will go on sale...wait for it...this SUNDAY, January 11, at 7pm eastern time.  Limits to only 10 pieces at $100 each, you can only get one from http://www.tenacioustoys.com

Shagghoulies from We Become Monsters

    I've said it before and I'll say it again:  Not enough people wear fuzzy suits.  I'm not talking about those furry people who like to dress as animals and touch each others butts and stuff.  They make me reaaaaaallllllly uncomfortable.  I used to work in the mall and this family would come in and they all went to those furry conventions and wanted to talk to me about it which made my skin crawl.  They also looked like they might of had a "Hills Have Eyes" living situation going on, but that's something else entirely.  Have you ever noticed that attractive people aren't into stuff like that?  You never see anyone roaming around Wal Mart with cat ears on their head that you'd like to picture naked.  

    What I want people to start wearing are business suits that look like they were created from the remains of a dead Muppet.  How much more fun would it be to get fired by a guy (or girl, I'm all for women in power and whatnot) firing you while looking like Oscar the Grouch?  You couldn't even be that mad.  

    I'm digging We Become Monster's latest creations, the Shagghoulies!  If they're isn't already there should be a horror-themed rock band with that name.  I don't know if these guys have any musical talent, but they look like fun.  Only 8 of these dudes were ever created and they will be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world this Friday, November 14th, at noon Pacific time for $75.  They stand over a foot tall too, so that's a lot of fuzzy toy for your money.  Get yours at http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com/.

We Become Monsters Presents: Bog Boy

    This is the precise reason it is important to not have standing water in your yard.  They tell you it's bad because mosquitos will lay eggs and then inject you with horrible diseases while they steal your blood, which kinda sucks too.  But one night you'll be having a bbq with the family and all of a sudden a creature such as this will rise from that makeshift pond you meant to fill in and you'll have to abandon your home and all your worldly possessions and run in terror, all the while the Bog Boy just wanted to tell you how good your hamburgers smelled and ask for cooking tips so he stopped burning his.  

    As human beings we have an irrational fear of people whose skin appears to be melting off and who live in swamps.  Help break down those barriers by welcoming Bog Boy into your home.  If you live in the Las Vegas area you can pick up this newest creation from We Become Monsters in person, or for the rest of us you can utilize www.webecomemonsters.com to get one.  

   

The Eldritch Embryos from We Become Monsters

    Seems like everyone around me is having kids.  Sometimes I think I'd be good at raising a child, but other times I'm worried that I may try to sell them to a shoe factory as cheap labor.  And you never really know what you're going to get when you have a child do you?  It's biological gambling.  You may end up with a genius, you may end up with Charles Manson.  Kinda scary when you think about it.  

    What if one of these things pops out and starts calling you "dad"?  You know you're gonna have to ship it off to boarding school and hope it forgets how to get home, otherwise you can expect the rest of your town to eventually show up with torches and pitchforks at your front door.  We Become Monsters may have completely sworn me off of fatherhood with these Eldritch Embryos.  These frightening future monsters are available right now at http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com/ for $28 each and are sold in random colors.  

We Become Monsters Releases Dread Box Today!!!!!!

    Do you know what you can get for $6 these day?  You can't get two gallons of gas, or enough candy bars to make you feel sick.  There's really now much that you can do with such a paltry sum of money. Unless, that is, you want to buy a cool little resin toy that you can own for the rest of your life.  That's right folks, for a mere $6 you can own something unique and handmade that there aren't 10,000 of.  We Become Monsters is releasing the Dread Box today at 2pm Pacific time.  It stands an inch tall, is limited to only 25 pieces, and each one is completely different.  Skip that trip to Taco Bell and it's ensuing stomach distress and get yourself something cool instead.  

http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com/

Crypt Creepers from We Become Monsters Are Available Now!

    According to We Become Monsters, this here Crypt Creeper is meant to keep your crypt clean.  See, this is why science infuriates me.  Instead of bioengineering something like this for use in our houses, they're to busy making fat burning pills and putting lipstick on monkeys.  Do you know how much money you could make if you could create something like this that just roamed around all day eating dust and pooping it out in a trash can?  I would buy 100 right now, cause I suck at cleaning.  I could put a few in the cat's bathroom to eat their stray bits of litter.  Maybe stick a few in the tub drain so it never gets clogged.  Forget cloning sheep, this is where a good mad scientist could really make his mark.  

    While your house will still be dirty no matter how many of these you buy, they're still fun/kinda creepy to look at.  And if you use the power of your imagination you can pretend that they're eating whatever that weird sludge is in your kitchen sink.  This is a limited edition of 25 in a random assortment of colors and they're available right now from http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com/.  

    

Political Nightmare Figures from We Become Monsters

    There are few things more universally hated than a politician.  I would bet money that intestinal worms are more popular than anyone running for office.  I hate em, you hate em, their mothers hate em.  We Become Monsters is obviously no fan of those dirtbags either, because look how he portrayed them in this new resin figure.  Looks fitting to me.  Starting tomorrow, February 7th at noon Pacific time, you can pick either a left wing or right wing blind bag for $30.  And if you happen to be in the Las Vegas area you can check out the flyer posted below for a little shindig that's going on where you can buy one in person.  For everyone else, get em at http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com/.

Moving Sale from We Become Monsters

    Moving sucks.  I hate doing it.  The last time we moved we got our mattress stuck on the stairs trying to get it to the second floor.  We tried everything to move that sucker, and I even bought ratchet straps and folded it up like a taco.  After about an hour of trying to move it we just decided that sleeping on the stairs at a weird angle probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.  Then something came over me.  Maybe it was the "eye of the tiger" or the fact that we had to get the U-Haul back before they charged us more money, but I got underneath it and just bulldozed that S.O.B. up the steps and into the bedroom.  That would have been a good moment to die in my wife's arms, my last wish only for her to sleep in comfort.  I could have been a legend.

    So help We Become Monsters lighten his load, cause there is nothing about moving that is cool.