The Debut of Lord Mastomar from Wonder Goblin

   

    Do you spend your days trying to picture what the children of fictional beings would look like? Don't act like that's weird, especially when there are people out there actually interested in billionaires going to space.  I'd be more into it if they paid their employees a living wage, or eradicated homelessness or ended world hunger, but I've been told my lofty expectations will often lead to disappointment, so that's where we are with that.  

   So I started this off talking about weird couplings and their offspring and I can assure you that no matter who I would have put together, Cthulhu and Baphomet were not on the list.  Mikhail Gorbachev and Heidi Klum? That's a different, grotesque, story.

    Wonder Goblin's Lord Mastomar has adopted a very familiar pose as he sits on the bottom of the ocean floor dreaming. He is ready to now plant his behind on your shelf and judge you from a much closer proximity, but only if the fates comply.  To own this 9 inch sofubi dream boat, you are going to have to enter and win a lottery.  Begining this Saturday at noon eastern time, you can enter to purchase this debut edition, which is cast in black and glow in the dark marbled vinyl and features six points of articulation.  Visit https://www.wondergoblin.com/ to enter.  

Bake-Zame Lottery from Wonder Goblin x Candie Bolton

     Ol' Wonder Goblin is a busy dude: he's making movies, he's painting toys, he's sculpting toys, he's shaping foreign policy.  I guess that's why he has the word "wonder" in his name, cause I wonder where he's getting all this time.  The obvious answer is that he has opened portals into other dimensions and wrangled all of his mirror selves up and put them to work.  Genius!

    Not only did Wonder Goblin paint a run of these new Bake-Zame figures from Candie Bolton, but he actually sculpted them for her.  This paint job just screams spooky ocean to me, which is fitting because the name of the figure actually translates to "ghost shark" in Japanese.  Wasn't Ghost Shark one of those SYFY movies?  If not it should be.  The last one of those I watched had professional wrestler Rob Van Dam as the main star and for some reason he never did his frog splash finishing move in the entire hour and a half of the film.  Why fight against the obvious, screen writers of America?

    This 9 inch tall figure features 4 points of articulation and can only be had by entering a lottery, which will begin accepting entries on Saturday, July 6th at noon est and close 24 hours later. The winners will be drawn live on the Wonder Goblin Instagram page at 1pm on Sunday and each figure will be $250 plus shipping for those of you that fate deems worthy.    You can enter by visiting https://www.wondergoblin.com.  

Budfoot Unlimited Edition from Wonder Goblin

     You know what sucks?  Lots of things do, I suppose, but let's not turn this into the airing of the grievances.  I'm trying to be more positive about things and so far I've done really well since I made the decision a day ago.  You gotta purge yourself of negativity not unlike you have to purge yourself of hot dogs that have managed to linger past the use by date in your refrigerator.  You may be tempted, but it's easier to throw them in the trash then it is to pray for a quick death at a rest stop on the Garden State Parkway.  That was probably just specific enough for you to wonder whether I've experienced such an issue and only me and God's stenographer know for sure.

    One thing that sucks for sure is wanting a toy real bad and having it sell out before you could snag one.  It sucks pretty hard.  Wonder Goblin is doing his part to make sure you never have to worry about not adding a Budfoot to your collection, as this particular shade of green will be available forever.  Gotta wait till you get paid?  No worries. Doing a stint in county because of a terribly planned crime spree?  Your girlfriend may not wait for you, but Budfoot will be there on the day of your release.

     Each figure is $85 plus shipping and are available now, later, and forever at https://www.wondergoblin.com.

"Purple People Eater" Hag Defender Lottery from Wonder Goblin

    

     I've had this idea about human illness that I'd like to go ahead and share with you right now.  My wife and I have been battling some mutated sinus nonsense for the better part of two weeks and nothing in the world has been as satisfying to me than to crank the water in the shower to scalding, inhale the steam, and fire as much matter from my nose as I'm physically able.  There's nothing quite like having a mass dislodge from your sinus cavity and having it wash down the drain.  So while I have no power to make this a thing, wouldn't it be amazing if any time you had a cold or virus or any type of illness that you just had to evict some sentient ball of ick to know that you would be ok?  Like, once it came out you knew that you wouldn't be sick anymore.  I imagine it having little arms and probably cursing at you in German upon being exposed to the light, but the personal attacks it would lob at you would be nothing when you realized that soon all of your sniffles would be gone.  

    Wonder Goblin's Hag Defender looks a little more extreme than the viral core I described to you above, but he also looks like he could do some damage if you ever ingested one via undercooked fish.    Thankfully for us this dude is less interested in wrecking your immune system than he is keeping his queen safe.  This limited "Purple People Eater" colorway is going to be available via a lottery system that begins on Saturday, January 12th at 6pm est and ends 24 hours later.  And lest you think there will be some random number generator picking the winners, because they will actually be picked live on Instagram via this contraption:

    This thing is insane and I guarantee Wonder Goblin is going to get a lot of requests to purchase it.  He's not for sale, but the Hag Defenders sure will be.  Each 5 and 1/2 inch figure will retail for $180 plus shipping, so if you win have those dollar bills ready to go.  Enter the lottery by visiting https://www.wondergoblin.com.

Wonder Goblin DesignerCon Exclusives

    The psychedelic nightmare creatures of Wonder Goblin are some of the most interesting figures you're going to see at DesignerCon this week.  Each one is a visual over load of color and detail that may or may not forever imprint themselves on your retina, casting a monstrous shadow in your line of sight forever the way that looking at an eclipse without filtered glasses will.  These toys won't LITERALLY burn their image into yours soft tissue, it's more figurative than that.  But will you see them when you close your eyes at night, taunting you as slow heavy metal music plays in the background?  Probably not either.  You're taking this way too seriously.

   Let's take a look at some of the craziness you can take home with you:

    * 2 Budfoot releases - "Yeti" and "Yeti Kush" one is painted and the other is flocked. $300 for Yeti. $350 for Yeti Kush. 12 inches tall. Each run is limited to 7 pieces. (se above picture)

 

* Windigo "Night Tripper" release limited to 8 pieces, 3 of which will have special dread hair       attached. $350 with hair. $300 without hair. 13 inches tall. Painted in black light reactive vinyl paint. Windigo is part of the Boogey Boys toy series with Grizlli Atom. 

* Hagopuss Family - Queen + Defender + Baby. All 3 figures are sold as a set, and limited to 7 sets. Each set includes a 20 x 14 inch signed and numbered giclée print of the Hagopuss Family Portrait oil painting, printed with archival inks on cold press paper. The figures are painted in vinyl paints to match the fine art print! $450 for the whole set.

* Fungoid Man "Marbled Watermelon" release limited to 24 pieces. This will be the first soft vinyl Fungoid Man sold within the USA! Collaboration with Skinner and produced by Science Patrol! $150 each.

Get all this and more by visiting booth # 1251. 

El Cuco Lottery from Wonder Goblin x Grizlli Atom

    Mysteries are what make the world interesting to me and there are some I hope no one ever solves. Whether it involves famous monsters like the Jersey Devil or Bigfoot, or human monsters like Jack the Ripper, in this age where everyone and everything is way over exposed, a little bit of mystery goes a long way.   How many great folk tales will spring forth from our culture not that everyone and almost everything is being documented in some fashion at all times?  Would anyone care about the pyramids if the ancient Egyptians had taken selfies during their construction?

"Yo, this is ya boy Khufu, just hanging at my future crib." #blessed 

    Nope, we need the unexplained which is why I am glad that Wonder Goblin and Grizlli Atom have started a new venture in which they celebrate the world's boogeymen.  The first in this series in a dude from South America named El Cuoco, who parents have used to keep their children in line for many years.  I believe that the best behaved kids are the ones who have a crippling fear of being devoured by monsters, but for some reason most parenting books neglect to include that chapter.  He seems way more effective at his job than Elf on the Shelf, as that little nerd could have never gotten me to stop acting up.  

    Standing at twelve inches tall and featuring eight point of articulation, this soft vinyl figure can be yours via lottery beginning on Sunday, July 29th.  Here is how to enter:

    This will be sold via lottery on 7/29/18 at 11 AM EST - $300 + Shipping (USA is close to $14. International is between $40 and $50 depending on country).
To enter the free raffle, click the "LOTTERY OPEN" ticket during the above date and time at the top of the Wonder Goblin home page and complete the online form. 12 hour lottery closes 7/29/18 at 11:00 PM EST. The winners will be drawn randomly from all entries and notified via their email with a private shop link. Lottery entries not chosen will not be notified.
    If chosen, payment must be paid within 24 hours of notification. After 24 hours, winner's link will expire and be passed on to the next random winner in line. Any winner refusing to pay by set deadline will be excluded from all future lotteries. Thank you for understanding!

   Enter to own one exclusively from https://www.wondergoblin.com.  

Glow In The Dark Budfoot Preorder from Wonder Goblin

   New Jersey is on the verge of legalizing recreational marijuana and the ads for jobs in that industry have already popped up online.  They're looking for people that have a history with growing the stuff, which last time I checked is a skill that can land you in jail until it can't.  Who in their right mind is going to put on paper that they've got a degree from Cheech and Chong University when that could be used against them in a court of law?  Then again, the Gratefull Dead were considered quality entertainment by stoners for many years, so clear lines of thinking and massive weed consumption might be mutually exclusive.  The kicker is those jobs pay a lot and I wish I had been more of a deviant when I was younger so I was qualified.  My egg plants are doing really well, though.

   This is Buddfoot, and in this incarnation he glows as green as his favorite substance on Earth.     Wonder Goblin's 12 inch tall super sofubi figure has six points of articulation and comes with an extra special accessory that he doesn't want to get pulled over with in the Garden State just yet.   Those days are coming, good buddy, and soon the we won't just be famous for growing award winning tomatoes.  The state is famous for it, not me.  My tomatoes always end up with worms.

   For $125 those midnight trips to the bathroom can get a whole lot more interesting.  Snag one when they drop this Sunday, July 1st at 11am, only from https://www.wondergoblin.com.