It's Splurrt Saturday at Lulubell Toys

    Now that all of the Columbus statues are coming down and we will hopefully be replacing his undeserved holiday with one that is actually based on merit, I've been thinking about what other holidays we could start celebrating.  Obviously, all would be days in which work was closed but we still get paid, cause nothing makes me feel like a boss than staying home AND making money.  First, I'd like Skee Ball Day where we celebrate what is truly the best sport in America that isn't professional wrestling.  Next is Professional Wrestling Day, because duh.  Those two should really be part of a four day weekend.  My favorite might be Flog the Moron, where through a voting process we take the person that has made the most ignorant Facebook post of the year and beat them on national television.  I'm really proud of that one. 

    Lulubell Toys has been hosting Splurrt Saturdays for some time and it may be the most perfect holiday of all.  The only requirements of celebrating are buying yourself some killer monster toys, which I find myself prepared to do every day of the year.  As always there will be multiple figures available that will add a special dose of weird to your collection.  It all goes down this Saturday, June 27th at 9am pacific time only from www.lulubelltoys.com.

Krell Edition Thomas Nosuke from Doktor A x Tomenosuke

    Man am I ever obsessed with the storming of Area 51.  This is the second day in a row I've written about it and I refuse to not be hype.  My wife pointed out, as she is the more observant of the two of us, that this is the first real thing to encompass every popular meme on the Internet.  Whether it's the woman with the crooked haircut that wants to speak to your manager, or Harambe (r.i.p.), or even Kyle and his love for punching drywall, this phenomena has brought them all together.  What if, now hear me out, the raid on Area 51 is just the thing this country needs to make us realize that deep down we're all the same?  That the need to "see them aliens" will heal the great divides that our horrible government seems to widen on a daily basis.   This could be the watershed moment our time needs; the moment historians will look back favorably on as the one that defined the prosperous future that they enjoy.  Probably not, but damnit a boy can dream.

   Who's to say what the aliens we liberate are going to look like, but maybe they'll have some of the old timey flair of Doktor A's Thomas Nosuke.  I'm completely smitten with the matte copper finish of this Krell edition and you already know I'm a sucker for a good patina.  This collaboration between the good Doktor and Tomenosuke is ridiculously limited at only 40 pieces to be sold online here.  Try your best when they go on sale this Friday, July 19th, at 7:59 pst.  If you miss out he will also have 5 artist proofs available, giving you two chances at owning one.  Me thinks you should follow him on social media for more info and to see whether he will be making his way out to the Nevada desert this September to join the raiding party.

Tiny Guardian Shi-Shi Sofubi Kickstarter from Bigshot Toyworks

    As of this writing, the latest creation from Bigshot Toyworks has far surpassed their Kickstarter goal and tons of these little cats will be making their way to homes around the world when it ends.  They don't need me to help them along, so instead of feeling completely useless I'd like to talk about the internet's plan to storm Area 51.  It started as people just wanting to force the government to show us the aliens they are sure are being housed there and (as most things on the internet tend to do) has degraded into some folks wanting to make sweet love to an extraterrestrial.  While I hope people don't actually get themselves killed bum rushing a secret government facility armed only with cases of Monster Energy Drink and their ability to do the Naruto run, I would love to see them actually go.  Can you imagine 300,000 people showing up and just having a good time in the desert while the military is forced to keep them at gun point?  They'd probably get one of those historic plaques along the side of the road detailing their exploits, and maybe the president would visit to lay a wreath every year for those that get too hype and have to be put down by a sniper after attempting to scale the fence.  We honor your future sacrifice.

      As bad as I would like to go to Area 51 and release the aliens I don't really do well in the heat and would just be a sweaty mess.  Instead I offer my moral support to those brave souls, no matter what their true motivation is for taking part.   Speaking of taking part in something, if you want to add an adorable sofubi kitten to you repertoire of toys, then you need to check out this link.  Tons of rewards abound at special prices and includes figures that can only be had as part of this campaign.  There's blind boxed teeny tiny ones and big ol resin versions  and of course the luxurious Japanese sofubi ones.  Start your week off right by filling your home with wittle bay bays.

The First Release of The Hextraterrestrials from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    There's nothing I could have used more than a pocket full of sorcerers this week.  I think I saw on Facebook that Mercury was in retrograde, which is supposed to make people extra crazy.  There may not be any science to it, but people most certainly seem to dial their nonsense level up to a thousand.  Whether it's been dealing with the public at work, or trying not to lose it on the beyond rude post office employee, my patience with my fellow man has certainly been tested.   Now if I had a bunch of mini sorcerers at my disposal I wouldn't hesitate to put an explosive diarrhea hex on anyone that is determined to make my life difficult.  I'm talking you ate some three day old Taco Bell digestive hurricane to make you think about what you've done.

  Sadly for me, I have yet to locate any real life micro wizard folk, but Martin Ontiveros keeps my hope alive with this set of Hextraterrestrials.  They're only an inch and a half tall and come in a set of six, so even if one isn't feeling your need for retribution, there's five more that may or may not have your back.  I'm betting it would be one of the skull guys. They look like they know how to have a good time.

   Toy Art Gallery produced this gang of magical misfits and they are available to join your collection right now by visiting www.toyartgallery.com.  Each set is $60 plus shipping.

Drorgs Star Wars Inspired Sofubi from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

     I can appreciate a good mashup because there are honestly too many things in the world for me to enjoy and not enough time to do so.  We as a society need to start condensing awesome things otherwise I feel like I'm going to miss something.  TV shows would be a great place to start because the list of shows I want to watch versus my ability to see them all if greatly disproportionate.  I remember when my wife and I started watching Breaking Bad just before the final season was to air and being freaked out by how many episodes we had to watch to catch up. Not only was it a daunting task but doing so just added to the backlog of other shows that I couldn't watch at the same time.  So if someone could figure out the technology where I could watch two totally different shows simultaneously while maintaining a high level of enjoyment for each it would be greatly appreciated.  Otherwise, I'm gonna need all the good shows to start blending their stories together so I can maximize my time and see everything that's recommended to me.  I think Good Omens and Superstore could easily become a single thing, so let's start there.

     I love Porgs and I love Droids, so Nathan Hamill and Science Patrol are freeing up my love for other things by combining the two in glorious sofubi.  They come in two colorways, Carbonite and Starfield, and will be available for the first time at the appropriately named Scum and Villainy Cantina in Los Angeles.  Each set will be $40 and you can pick up yours during the event that is happening tomorrow, June 28, at 8pm.  

Obsidian Black FrankenMerrick from Miscreation Toys

     I'm always amazed by things that have been completely taboo and then normalized within my lifetime.  Maybe normal is not the right word to use in this instance, but you certainly wouldn't be driven out of town with pitchforks and torches.  The thing I am speaking of is the time Michael Jackson was rumored to have attempted to buy the skeletal remains of The Elephant Man.  Now there are actual stores you can go to to buy skulls or bones or whatever other bits you want to own, but back then that was super creepy.  I remember hearing about it as a kid and wondering what exactly he planned to do with it.  In my mind he would mount it above his bed like a taxidermied fish.  I'm not sure why the reclined skeleton of Joseph Merrick on the wall of his bedroom is what I automatically came up with instead of a nice museum quality display case, because that seems really weird thinking about it now.

     Where you choose to put your Obsidian Black FrankenMerrick from Miscreation Toys is up to you and I promise I won't find it to be weird.  This sofubi figure combines one of medicine's most famous anomalies with the fictional creature of Mary Shelly's classic novel to create something at home in any nightmare.  Standing at 12 inches tall and featuring 7 points of articulation, each figure will retail for $150 as part of a preorder that is limited to 25 pieces.  Everyone who purchases one will also receive a lottery ticket that gives them a chance to win a special 1 off custom figure.  The preorder starts at 3pm est today, Friday February 1st at https://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com.

Hyper Orange Semi Korosiya from Cop A Squat Toys x Science Patrols

    Good lord is that not the brightest orange you have ever seen?  No amount of adjusting your computer's display will bring that sucker into focus.  The Semi Korosiya figure from Cop A Squat Toys was thought to be a thing of the past, as the molds were seemingly "lost" and forced this dude into an early retirement.  Enter Science Patrols, who retrieved the original iron needed to make these suckers and subsequently produced the orangiest orange I have ever seen.  I feel like I should be looking at this thing through those eclipse glasses to protect my retinas.  

    You'll be able to snag one of these blank figures tomorrow from http://sciencepatrol.storenvy.com when they go on sale at 12:00 pm jst.  There will also be an orange version of Husk, which is the cute little cicada pictured below.  I'm actually assuming it's a cicada based on it's name as they leave those little husks of their former selves attached to trees, but I could be wrong.  

SDCC Exclusive Key Lime Burgercat from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

   My sister and I are 18 years apart and I spent a lot of time babysitting when she was young.  There was one incident while I was watching her that I was sure was going to get me kicked out of the house permanently.   She was about four at the time and we were building with Legos when she bolted upright and ran through the kitchen and into the bathroom, laughing the entire way.  I thought it was strange so I got up to check on her and on the floor I noticed a randomly discarded package of food coloring.  All of the tubes were in the box except for the green one. Fearing the worst I banged on the bathroom door, eliciting an eruption of laughter from the other side.  I turned the knob and it was locked, so I yelled for her to get into the bathtub.  At the sound of her climbing inside I backed up and threw my shoulder into the door, less concerned about explaining the carpentry work that I would have to do than about what the hell she was up to.  The door gave way and standing in the bathtub, as proud as I've ever seen her, was my sister showing off her newly dyed green skin.  Thankfully she was less Incredible Hulk and more Jackson Pollock with her application, but it didn't negate the fact that it was a week before she started preschool and half her face looked like bad zombie makeup.  I couldn't even be mad because I was so panic stricken and she was laughing so hard and I was kind of nauseous as I tried scrubbing her back to her unblemished self.  Spoiler alert:  food coloring doesn't give a damn about a soap filled wash cloth or the fact that you may get murdered for not stopping your kid sister from giving herself an abstract facial tattoo.

    Some things were meant to be green, like string beans, American currency, and this Key Lime BurgerCat from Nathan Hamill and Science Patrol.  Is he a cat that looks like a hamburger or a hamburger that looks like a cat?  Who cares, because this kitty is made of luxurious Japanese vinyl and is down right adorable.  This edition is an exclusive to San Diego Comic Con and can only be had by visiting War Machine Marketing's booth #1415.  Nathan will be signing them as well on Saturday and all the info you need to meet him and score a BurgerCat are in the photo at the top.

BurgerCat Sofubi from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

    Have you heard about the tick that carries an illness that makes you allergic to red meat?  I'm freaking out about it because now the damn things have been found in New Jersey.  I swear to anyone that's listening if one of those things bites me I will make it my life's mission to cry myself to sleep every night because I miss hamburgers.  For real, this is a legit concern as my diet consists of 80% red meat, 10% generic honey and nut cereal from Target, and 10% Pepsi.  I am not capable of making a change that big in my life, least of all when it comes to food.  Here's a view into my desperation here:  I have a large garden and grow lots of edible things, not to eat mind you, but because I really really love looking at tiny baby vegetables.  Every morning I go outside and check to see if tiny baby vegetables sprouted.  That makes me happy and keeps me from punching strangers.  Ps: I love red meat.

   Let's make it perfectly clear that this is a cat that is shaped like a hamburger, and not some sicko's idea of lunch.  Nathan Hamill's latest creation has been brought to life using luxurious Japanese sofubi by Science Patrol and is making it's full color debut this Friday (June 29th).  A mere $25 will get you one and they are available exclusively at http://sciencepatrol.storenvy.com.




   

Metallic Devil Sofubi Sets and Blank Blue Kronos Release from Splurrt

    American pride has certainly taken a hit in recent years with the shenanigans that are going on in our government, but this metallic paint job from Splurrt is making me feel a little patriotic.  I got an urge to fire up the grill, light some seriously dangerous fire works, and put on a backyard wrestling match for the neighbors.  Do you see how two out of three of those things involved the word "fire"?   As Americans we've really embraced that discovery from our cave men ancestors and held on to it like the safety bar of a haphazardly constructed carnival ride.   Oh, and the third thing will involve fire as well when we have a no holds bared flaming table ladder match for the Southern New Jersey Bad Ideas Championship.  I know what my fans want.  

    Splurrt is one of the reigning kings of the American sofubi scene and his Usir figure is one of my favorite designs of all time.  He paired that little buddy up with his Demon figure for a special two pack that will have people scrambling on their internet machines.  Releasing this Saturday at noon eastern time, these sets, along with a special blue blank of his magnificently huge Kronos figure, will be available exclusively through http://splurrt.bigcartel.com.

Rotten Rexx and Diceratops GID Garage Kits from James Groman x Lulubell Toys

    So your career as the dude who glues dinosaur skeletons back together for the Smithsonian hasn't taken off quite as you've expected.  Whose career really pans out the way you dreamed it in first grade anyway?  If it did there'd be a whole lot of really weird and probably unnecessary jobs out there.  There would be so many ninjas that most would find themselves unemployed.  And "Han Solo" sounds like a fun job, until you realize that being a fictional space smuggler won't keep you current on your child support parents.  But for the dinosaur bone dudes, I've got a solution to your depression.

    From no until June 30th at 5pm pacific time, you can preorder these amazing glow in the dark garage kits from Lulubell Toys.  These dino pals are the creation of James Groman and come completely unassembled just waiting to be put together by you.  It's not too hard as long as you have a hair dryer and some anger issues to work through.  You can get a complete kit for $235 each plus shipping and you can get a different head for $65.  Mix em around to suit your mood or mount one on the wall like some twisted prehistoric trophy hunter.  Put those diy skills to the test at www.lulubelltoys.com.

Blind Bag Cadaver Balls from Splurrt x Toy Art Gallery

   We've all been there: that awkward moment when you're a kid and you find a good cadaver to play with but your parents get all freaked out about germs and the police and whatnot.  But you've already named your cadaver Bob and you share all your best secrets and you made plans to Weekend at Bernies him to show and tell.  Don't be a buzzkill, mom!

    Cadaver Balls from Splurrt and Toy Art Gallery are made of sofubi, so unlike your friend Bob they won't leave questionable fluids on your carpets or introduce your home to corpse flies.  And Cadaver Balls come with four interchangeable heads, which is three more than Bob ever had (and four more than he had after our fishing trip and that ravenous catfish).

     These are sold blind bagged so you can't pick your color, but you can buy up to 3 of them when they go on sale later today at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

Milky Bloom Hyper Kraken Raffle from Paul Kaiju

 

    Ok, here's the best case scenario the world can hope for right now:  That idiot from North Korea fires a nuke and it lands in the ocean, mutating sea creatures into massive kaiju, then all the nations of the world band together in some kumbayah moment to vanquish the beasts and save humanity from becoming a great source of protein.  And then America's idiot and all of his cronies fly out to check the damage but one of the monsters wasn't quite dead so it swallows their helicopter whole.  Yeah, maybe I did just write the prequel to Pacific Rim, no big deal.

   Paul Kaiju's Hyper Kraken looks primed to attack an island in the Pacific at a moments notice.  This Milky Bloom beauty will be available via lottery this Sunday, June 4th at 6pm pacific time.  You only have a half hour to enter for a chance to buy one so act quickly.  And if you know Guillermo Del Toro, pass along my movie idea.

New Rampage Toys Preorders from Tenacious Toys

    I broke down and watched Suicide Squad last night.  After Batman vs. Superman I expected another crap fest, but it wasn't bad.  The film was entertaining and Margot Robbie was a great Harley Quinn and Will Smith wasn't bad either, which surprised me.  Jared Leto as Lil Wayne/ The Joker however was beyond dumb, surpassing my even my lowest expectations.  And it wasn't merely that he looked like a Juggalo but his performance was so erratic I dreaded any time %1he was on screen.  What makes The Joker interesting is his balance between evil genius and utter psychopath and this version just made it seem like he was at best a low functioning meth head.  Whoever was responsible for that should be asking me whether or not I'd like to make it a combo on my next visit to Arby's.

    Now that I have purged my need for film review, let us talk about more pleasant things.  Tenacious Toys has yet again teamed with Rampage Toys to bring us exclusive sofubi.  Up for preorder now are the 11 inch tall "Rainy Day Revenge" Kesagake and the 3 piece Gold Sparkle Cyclops Dino set.   You have from now until May 5th to get your preorders in for these, unless you just like missing out on opportunities the same way Suicide Squad missed out on having an awesome version of The Joker.  I stand firmly behind that sentiment.  

        Available now at www.tenacioustoys.com    

Meat Marbled Cestoda Preorder from Miscreation Toys x Toy Art Gallery x Lulubell Toys

    This is pretty much what the back of my neck looks like after spending three hours at the flea market on Sunday.  I have no regrets because I did score a huge Steiff tiger and a small bunny with the button still in its ear for practically nothing and my wife made out like a Pyrex bandit.  I carried countless bowels to the point that I was sure I could have flipped the car over.  I should have known better about the sunburn though, because just thinking about going outside makes my skin turn a little pink.  I suppose if my cats were to eat me in my sleep I'm at least well cooked for them so they can rest easy without the fear of foodborne illness.  

    The Cestoda figure from Miscreation Toys and Toy Art Gallery is a beast that will make you have to rearrange your house in order to own one.  Standing at 11 inches tall and as wide as a Volkswagen (ok, it's a little smaller) this marbled meat version is available right now for preorder through Lulubell Toys.  You have from now until May 21st at 5pm pacific time to pull the trigger on this $250 Japanese vinyl beauty exclusively from https://www.lulubelltoys.com.  

Fuchsia Fight Luftkaiser from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

     Fuchsia is one of those words that look like a terrible idea when you're typing it, as it come dangerously close to being a vulgarity.  Then you realize that the word is derived from the German botanist Leonhart Fuchs and you begin to feel terribly sorry for him during his high school years.  That's a pretty brutal last name to deal with during your younger years, right up there with Weiner or Butts.   Maybe "right up there" wasn't the best phrasing I could have used.  

    This new Luftkaiser from Paul Kaiju is the ultimate tribute for any 16th century plant loving dude.   Available via lottery from Toy Art Gallery, you can enter from this Friday April 7th until the lottery closes on Monday, April 10th.  Just send an email to sales@toyartgallery.com with Luftkaiser Lottery as the subject along with your Paypal address and shipping details.  Only enter once though, or you'll get disqualified and feel like a dummy.  

  

Doro Sofubi Preorder from Remjie Malhan

    Do you know that the Vikings didn't just raid and drink mead, but also traded with nations around the world in a civilized fashion?  Items from Asia and Egypt have been found in graves of folks long dead, who really are the last people you should be disturbing during their eternal sleep.  Go ahead and wake up a Viking poltergeist to haunt you, that'll end well.  The stuff is fascinating though and last year I finally got to see some of it in person when they did a traveling exhibit in New York.  There was also a Star Wars costume exhibit as well, so we did both back to back as they are two of my favorite things in the world and them being in the same place at the same time was too much to pass up.  By the end of it I felt like I had been in a mental car accident with how overwhelmed I was by it all.

    The Norse are making their presence felt in the East yet again as world renowned toy painter Remjie Malhan prepares to debut her first sofubi offering.  Entitled Doro, this crazy looking dude is in production as we speak and blank figures are now being made available for preorder.  You can choose from cyan, milk white, green, or orange and buy as many of them as you like.  To get one all you have to do is this:

To place a pre-order send an email to "contact@remjie.com" with your
- name, address, phone number
- paypal address
- colours and amount of toys you want to buy

    You have until April 30th to get you orders in and they are estimated to ship in July.