Flat Bonnie Exclusives for Designer Con

     The only time I want to see critters look like they've been squashed by an eighteen wheeler is when they are created by Flat Bonnie.  Seriously, on my way to work it's like the contents of a zoo are strewn about on the road.  Stop driving like morons and look out for our fuzzy friends.  If you must hit something with your car aim for another human being, because there are way more of them and not enough raccoons in the world.  This has been a public service announcement by People for the Unethical Treatment of Other People and Stuff or P.U.T.O.P.S for short.  

   Look at these.  LOOK AT THESE!!!!!!!!!  They're friggin adorable.  I would call out sick every day and snuggle with them while watching Golden Girls reruns and getting fat off of Cheez-Itz.  That's a real American dream.  

    Flat Bonnie is gonna have booth of these critters at Designer Con this weekend at booth number 316.  The Jackalope is a special Frozen edition and limited to only 10 pieces, while Sparg the Babdy Dragon (pictured below) is limited to 20 pieces.  Each on is $50, exclusive to this show, and even comes with an adoption certificate in case you get investigated by the authorities and need to document your plush children for some reason.  You can never be too careful.   

Exclusive Releases from Plaseebo at Designer Con

    People that live in California have way too much to do.  This past weekend not only did you have Stan Lee's Comikaze, but you had a convention for Hello Kitty.  My wife would have lost her mind to go to Hello Kitty Con.  Between the two of them we would have ended up homeless, but with piles of cool new stuff.  And this weekend you have Designer Con, which is the equivalent of a crack convention for junkies.  It costs next to nothing to get in and it's row upon row of fiscal irresponsibleness/stuff to make your shelves look top notch.  Screw bringing your credit cards; bring a loan officer from your bank.  

    Plaseebo will be setting up his wares here for the first time ever at the Gorgoloid booth # 933.  Check out the picture above for the awesome stuff that will haunt your dreams for years to come.  

Cthulhu Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    I've decided my favorite genre of monster is anything that is lying dormant on the ocean floor, waiting to enslave mankind.  The joke's on Cthulhu though, because we've already been enslaved by our cell phones.  Yesterday, Sharon and I decided to begin celebrating our anniversary by eating lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, followed by a visit to the Body Worlds Animal exhibit.  Before we continue, I would like to offer my critique on the Cheesecake Factory.  First off, why are the employees dressed like an orderly in a mental hospital?  The all white kinda made me nervous, as if someone was going to come to the table and give me a little something to help me sleep.  Then I'd wake up in a straight jacket waiting for my turn on the electro shock machine.  It's creepy.  Secondly, what in the world is going on with the decor?  "Tuscan villa on acid" is not a good design choice.  The food is pretty good though, so I can't be too hard on them.

    While we were eating at the Cheesecake Factory I noticed a young couple, probably in their 20's, at an adjoining table.  The only time they put their phones down was when it was time to eat.  No conversation whatsoever that didn't involve talking about how they liked their food.  Then as soon as they were done they were back on the phones, completely ignoring one another in favor of seeing what everyone else was up to on Facebook.  Is this really what life has come to?  If so, whenever Cthulhu makes his way to land he's gonna be sadly disappointed with the state of things.  At best he'll trend on Twitter for a day or so, probably get a ton of uploads to Instagram, and then he'll be forgotten.

Cthulhu:  "I am here to enslave mankind."

Mankind:  "That's a pretty boring status update, so, like, I'm just gonna play Candy Crush until my retinas melt."

Cthulhu:  "But, you don't understand.  I have risen from the depths to rule once more over this world."

Mankind:  #annoyingseamonster

    But as a consolation prize, the Old One will be forever immortalized in Pop! Vinyl form by Funko this January.  

Krampus on a Shelf from Forces of Dorkness x Tenacious Toys

    If you want your kids to behave themselves in the time leading up to Christmas, why would you put some little sissy on your mantle that's gonna supposedly go off and rat em out for the bad stuff they do? Kids know that snitches get stitches and they're not gonna take some dainty little elf seriously.  What you need is some crazy looking demon guy that will stuff them into a bag and beat the tar out of them with a stick.  Now that's something that will make even the littlest psychopath think twice before giving into those bad voices in his head.

    Krampus is the greatest thing to happen to Christmas since presents, and it warms my heart to see people in America start to embrace Santa's enforcer.  Now if only we could start working him into our holiday traditions.  Kids need a healthy dose of fear.  They need a freaky goat man to smack them around as they stare mindlessly into their cell phones instead of taking out the trash.

    Ok, this has nothing to do with what I'm talking about, but I couldn't stop laughing at this video when I saw it.  It is Christmas themed though:


    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm dying, I'm dying.

     Krampus on the Shelf was created by Forces of Dorkness to watch over your little nut jobs as they go about their heathen ways.  They are going up for preorder this Sunday, November 2nd, at 7pm as part of Super Series Sunday from Tenacious Toys.  You'll have two weeks to place your order for one of these dudes, who stand 8 inches tall and retail for only $50.  It's cheaper than putting those little monsters in obedience school (do they have that for kids?).  Get yours at http://www.tenacioustoys.com/

Brutherford Industries Has A Pile of Releases for Halloween

    It's been a while since we heard from Brutherford Industries.  What's he been up to?  Was he abducted by aliens, or raising alpacas for their wool?  Did he open a Chik-Fil-A, or maybe he just took a long nap. Who knows, cause tomorrow (which happens to be Halloween) he's got a veritable horde of releases.  Let's get started cause it's almost my lunch time.  

    Look at that sweet can of paint, caught right in the moment before the cops come and arrest you for vandalism.  Don't worry, you'll probably just pay a fine.  But how cool is this?  The answer is "very cool" especially cause it's limited to only 25 pieces and it can be displayed like you see it or you can hang it on the wall and make it look like a ghost is helping you redecorate.  $125 and it's yours.  

    Oh snap son, you know you need these.  I see you out there, trying to live your life like you're in a rap video.  You can't do that when your Ikea entertainment center is filled with nothing but video game manuals though.  You gotta add some shine to it.  One of these Ice Scream men would do the trick.  And you have two different sizes to choose from, but logic dictates you should get them both for maximum wow factor.  The big one is limited to 25 pieces and the small has 50 little brothers and sisters running around.  They are $85 and $15 respectively.  

    Our maybe you're more like me and your house is closer to a Marilyn Manson video than it is Jay-Z. Then do I have something for you.  Check out this little domed specimen.  The display alone is worth the $45, but you also get a sweet gold skull.  Limited to 50 pieces.  

    If you've got some painting ability you might wanna get something to stir those creative juices.  Here are two pieces just waiting for your customizing skills.  Get a blank Ice Scream man for $35 or a blank skull for $15.  

    Ok, we finally reached the end, which is good cause I'm developing callouses on my typing fingers.  Hungry Hungry Hordak wants nothing more than to come live with you and flash his man bits every time you look at him.  He's kind of a weirdo like that.  For $15 you can be eternally shocked by his vulgarness.  

    Everything goes on sale tomorrow at noon eastern time from http://www.brutherford.com/.

Shallow Grave Mummy Skelevex to be Unearthed on Halloween

    It looks like someone had a productive day in the yard.  How long do you think it will be before every square inch of populated land on Earth will have a dead body under it?  I feel that this is one of those things that could be solved by an equation of some sort that is well beyond anything I'm willing to risk bruising my brain to figure out.  But I would assume with the way people are breeding there's got to be some point in time where its gonna happen.  It will be so commonplace that they'll probably have to issue everyone a new type of recycling bin just to throw old bones in whenever they find them.  Unearthed human remains pick up will be every other Wednesday or they will make special trips if you call in advance cause your bin is overflowing after digging for your new pool.  

    We're a long ways away from all of our backyards being as rich with marrow as the Paris catacombs, but people do make unexpected finds every once in a while when planting a new rose bush.  And these Skelevex look like they are ready to give some unsuspecting gardener the scare of their lives.  Only six of these "Shallow Grave Mummy" versions exist and you can snag one on Halloween (that's this Friday!!!) at 11:59 GMT at this link.

Phantom Edition of Jermaine Roger's Choices Available on Halloween

    That evil looking bunny is back and this time he's wearing his invisibility cloak.  Is there really any doubt now to his intentions?  That bunny is gonna cut you some new ventilation holes if you're not careful.  His wee beady eyes betray his attempts at stealthiness, so if you see two floating red orbs in your bed tonight, you better hope his depth perception sucks.  Or you just need to stop drinking so much.

    Jermaine Rogers has made 100 of these crystal clear killing machines and they will be released, appropriately enough, this Friday October 31st.  They will only be available at www.JermaineRogers.com for $75 each and 10 random figures will come with a special ticket that entitles you to an exclusive art print.  Screw buying bulk candy to give out to the neighborhood heathens and instead get yourself something nice to celebrate Halloween.