"We're crab people now." It's a simple, yet powerful quote from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia that is uttered by Charlie as he harvests sewage runoff crustaceans from the Delaware River. He had planned to sell them on the street, until Frank gets a government bailout and the plan is abandoned. Sharon and I have since used it to refer to any get-rich-quick scheme we come up with or when we're depressed and feeling rather destitute. Abraham Lincoln never had any quotes that versatile.
Hopefully we'll never have to say it because we've actually grown giant claws in response to all of the beef hormones in our food, but it's nice to know that it's there in case we mutate. Cop A Squat Toys has painted up a bunch of these crab looking dudes from Studio Kabuto and will be releasing them on his website Thursday, September 1st at 9pm eastern time.
Prepare yourselves to be wrapped in the luxury that is marbled soft vinyl. Allow your eyes to indulge in the subtle variations in color that enhance the beautiful sculpt of Candie Bolton's Bake-Kujiru figure. You may ask yourself whether you are worthy of such earthly delights. Even if you aren't, that's no reason to pass up this extremely limited release, because just having it in your presence could change your life for the better. Flowers will smell better, kittens will feel softer, and that weird noise your plumbing is making will seem less like an impending issue and more like a symphony your house is playing just for you.
Available this Friday, September 2nd at 6pm eastern time from www.candiebolton.com. Limited to only 9 pieces.
Go ahead and tell me the plots of the Avengers movies. I'll wait.
See, you can't do it, but its not your fault. Scientists have proven that if Scarlett Johansson is prancing around in a skin tight costume that 95% of people have no ability to recall anything else that is happening. Hollywood has used this technique to slip tons of movies that have no redeeming value past us and all we're left with is a little less money in our bank accounts and a two hour window of our lives thats blacked out. A small price to pay I suppose. And it's not like the Avengers films were bad, but I guess they didn't want to risk it just in case.
3A is continuing their line of Marvel figures with the ever dangerous Black Widow. Lucky for you the presale for her doesn't start until Wednesday, August 31st, so you haven't missed out yet on securing this purrty lady for your collection. Woo her at http://www.bambalandstore.com.
Josh Mayhem is known for transforming existing Dunnys into wind swept works of craziness through heavy doses of resin, paint, and magic spells. But what if he were to customize clear resin Dunnys with even more resin. It's like crazy resin inception, or maybe even more fitting would be to put a picture of Xhibit here with a certain caption that would adequately describe his philosophy on Pimp My Ride:
Yeah, that's more like it. These things are nuts and you could be one of 12 lucky folks in the world to add one to your collection when they go on sale Thursday, August 25th at 10am (that's today, sucka). Try your luck at snagging one from http://www.joshmayhem.com. May the favor of the toy gods shine down on you.
Pokemon Go has spread faster than the clap at a trucker convention and has consumed everyone's life like they left it untreated. There's been stories about people walking around, intent on catching some cute little Japanese critter and instead catching the grill of an oncoming Ford Focus or even stumbling upon a dead body. Whatever the appeal is it seems to be thus far the greatest mind control device ever utilized by the federal government (they're always watching) and so in the spirit of that I've come up with different games that puts this technology to use and will therefore make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. And my dreams are not PG13 ya hear? So without further ado:
1.). To Catch a Predator Go: It combines everyone's favorite game show, To Catch a Predator, with a mobile app. Are they hiding behind your bushes? Are they lurking behind a seemingly too good to be true Craigslist ad? Just point your phone they're way and identify all the creepers you can and see who can fill up the sex offender registry quickest. For ages 10 and up.
2.) Poltergeist Go: This is for those agoraphobics out there who want to enjoy a fun game while feeling safe and secure in their own homes. Just walk around your house and hunt for restless souls. Will they be friendly, or will they be malevolent ghosts who wish to inflict the pain of their untimely deaths on the living? Part of the fun is not knowing! Also works as a good tool to get you back out into the world cause your house is haunted and you probably won't feel safe there any longer. Not sure if it counts as therapy or not but I would try to get your insurance company to reimburse you.
3.) They Live! Go: Use this app to step into the wrestling boots of Rowdy Roddy Piper and figure out if the people close to you are really aliens hell bent on world domination. Then you can annihilate them! ( in the game of course, as I will not be held responsible for you "removing" the very real threat to human existence and any legal ramifications that may arise thereafter).
As you can see, the possibilities are limited only by the imagination. For those of you who don't get the concept of catching little monsters and making them fight each other for your own sick amusement, allow this English girl to explain it all to you:
There's lots of rules that you should abide when it comes to underwear. For one, don't buy it second hand. If you're gonna buy anything new it should be the garment that touches your sensitive bits. Those deals at the Goodwill are pretty awesome, especially when certain color tags are on sale, but treat yourself and make yours the first booty to reside in your britches. Oh and the words "man" and "thong" should never be allowed to coexist. Those are really the only two rules I can think of, but I'm sure there more and they are just as valid.
This dude from Plaseebo has the best hand gesture going on, as if he's trying to say "I pay my bills and I'm of legal voting age, so what are you gonna do about it if I don't feel like wearing pants." It's an argument that's easier to win versus your wife than the police, let me tell you. This one of a kind figure comes packed with a motion activated LED light so his underpants party can continue well into the night. Welcome him into your home when he goes on sale Wednesday August 24th at www.plaseebo.net.
I haven't seen Suicide Squad yet because I am cheap and my wife is violent towards unruly strangers, but I heard a lot of folks complaining about it because the Joker is supposedly not in it much. Instagram has lead me to believe that no one cared about any other character than Harley Quinn and studies have shown that you are seperated by no more than five degrees from a girl dressed up as Ms. Quinn, which doesn't make me upset by any means. Now the Joker on the other hand looks like he's gonna be slinging nitrous balloons at this year's Gathering of the Juggalos, and that's way more frightening than anything my heart can withstand. So maybe it's good his screen time is limited to a digestible amount. Not that I'll have a real opinion until it's on DVD and I can trick someone in to letting me borrow it.
There are other characters being released by Mighty Jaxx and Jason Freeny this weekend, but Harley is my boo, so it's the only one I really want. You can grab her and her other 4 inch tall compadres this Saturday, August 20th at 10 am eastern time from www.mightyjaxx.rocks. Id it too early to start begging for Christmas presents?
