Lava Bear Winter Edition from Nathan Hamill x 3DRetro

   I'm very conflicted about this Lava Bear colorway.  He's called a Lava Bear, but he has a frozen motif going on.  Volcanoes don't erupt ice flows and glaciers aren't made of magma, so my head is spinning like that one time I hit it on a shopping cart.  Don't ask how that happened, not because it's an embarrassing story, but because I hit my head hard enough to not comprehend how things went down.  Or to give a more recent example, when I found out that there is a town in New Jersey called West New York.  What is that?  How can you even write that down somewhere without feeling weird about it?  I'm seriously working myself up into a panic over this.

   Nathan Hamill has burned out my mental cylinders with his willingness to spit in the face of nature,  but his addition of flocking has has swayed me to the dark side.  Yes, this is the first toy that he's ever made that's fuzzy!  But only 75 of you will be able to experience how great it will feel petting one of these, because that's all he made!  You'll get a shot at new toy ownership this Friday, February 2nd at noon pacific time.  Eighty bucks will get it done and they're only going to be available from http://nathanhamill.storenvy.com.  In the meantime I hope Nathan avoids all prosecution for witchcraft in his attempt to sway the natural order of things.  Don't act like you'd be surprised if we all of a sudden started burning witches again in this country, because things have taken a rather crazy turn for the worst this past year.

New Resin Skulls and Resin Dice from Paper + Plastick

    Unlike the great conquerors throughout history, it has no become nearly impossible to decorate your living room with the skulls of your enemies.  Things like "laws" and "common decency" have gotten in the way of being adequately able to express yourself as you vanquish those who oppose you.  But being the stubborn (or innovative, you decide) people we are, we have found our way around such nonsense so that we can properly watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills while still being surrounded by the ultimate trophy.  Those ladies are more ruthless than Genghis Khan ever was.

    Paper + Plastick has been creating these resin skulls featuring their logo as the face for some time now, but any time is a good time to start collecting these.  You'll get a shot at your first, or maybe your one hundred and first, when they release a new batch tomorrow, Friday January 26th at 3pm eastern time.  You'll notice in the picture that there are quite an array to choose from.   You may also notice the big ol resin dice just hanging out down there at the bottom, which will also be available. A few more resin body parts and we could have ourselves quite the game of Monopoly.  Check em out at http://paperplastick.limitedrun.com/categories/featured-products.

The First Ever Cinegantus from Justin Ishmael x Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

    Whenever you are presented with the opportunity to sever the head off of one mythical creature and place it on the body of another you should always do it.  Of course you would want to have both mythical creatures fill out the proper paper work to absolve you of any liability should the whole thing go terribly wrong in a Frankenstein sort of way, but that's stuff any mad scientist should already have been told by their lawyers.  In a world run by scandal and litigation you have to protect yourself from the inevitable get rich quick schemes and accusations of malfeasance that can plague even the most well-intentioned experiment.  A good insurance policy never hurts either and can pay for itself the first time you use it.

    Splurrt's Harryhausen-esque Cinema Monster has had his noggin replaced with that of Justin Ishmael's Galligantus to create Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuuuuuunnn......Cinegantus!  No one is safe when people are out there making super monsters, but safety is a relative thing anyway like I told the person who tripped on the walkway in front of my house.  I'm not sure if he understood me because his replies were muffled by his detached teeth and blood, but I think he saw the folly in his reasoning by the time he passed out and I drug him next door to the neighbor's sidewalk.  

    Lulubell Toys will be releasing what I'm told is a really really limited amount of these on Saturday, January 27th at 10am pacific time.  They are $200 each and sold blind and you can only buy one so don't get all greedy about it.  They will be available from www.lulubelltoys.com.


    

Sweet Devils Maneki Wananeko from Javier Jimenez

    If you're even considering buying your significant other candies or lingerie or anything else completely standard let me help you raise the bar for Valentine's Day.  One year, I took my wife to see a monster truck rally and instantly became the most legendary husband ever.  It's all about the romance, and there is nothing more romantic than spending time with the one you love while nearly going deaf from the roar of fossil fueled monstrosities.  I still can't hear anything she says unless we're directly facing each other.  

    You don't need to be as innovative as I am, in fact it's not recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists, but you can still do things differently for your loved ones by gifting them something that will never wilt.  That's right, I'm talking luxuriously smooth Japanese vinyl in the form of these Sweet Devil Maneki Wananeko.  Javier Jimenez has made em look just like candy, but unlike chocolate these kitty cats will last forever.  And by forever I mean at least the person's life span you are gifting them too, who knows what plastic will look like in a few hundred years.  Still better than anyone one of us, that's for sure.  This kind of took a dark turn.

    Snag one for yourself or someone you love this Sunday, January 28th, at 11am eastern time only from http://www.stickupmonsters.bigcartel.com.
   

New Metal Sloth Editions from Xpanded Universe

   Sloths may look like chill bros on the outside, but inside they are raging tigers with a thirst for all things metal.  Their minds work with the voracity of a double bass drum as they slowly make their way from tree to tree and directly into our hearts.  And there's nothing more metal than those crazy hands they have, which if they could get them to move a little faster would have no problem disemboweling someone. Now that I think about it I feel it's even more brutal to relieve someone of their digestive track in slow motion.  Sloths are obviously into the Norweigian black metal.

 
    Xpanded Universe has opened my eyes and ears to the musical preferences of these great creatures via this sofubi figure.  Available in black or glow in the dark, they are available for preorder right now by visiting http://xpandeduniverse.bigcartel.com.  They're extremely limited, so you'll want to move more like....well, anything that's faster than a sloth would work.  

 

   

Manky Neko Pink Edition Exclusive from Seymour x Clutter Magazine

    If you meet enough kitties in your life, you're bound to meet some sketchy ones.  Never ones to let any animal go hungry, Sharon and I would feed the stray cats that hung around our first apartment.  It was actually in this motley crew that we found our cat Wednesday, who was more than happy to leave behind a tough life on the street for the one of leisure she enjoys now.  Some of her friends were not as interested in consistent luxury and wanted to come and go as they pleased, which is how we met Fergus.  He introduced himself by peaking into our windows and banging on the screens for attention.  Figuring the people who lived there before kept him deep in kibble we started hooking him up.  Whenever he would come around he was always suffering from some new malady; one day part of his ear was missing while on another occasion he had a dangly tooth that was seriously pushing the boundaries of our hospitality.  I don't know who he was pissing off, but he evidently had a sassy mouth that his fighting skills couldn't back up.  Despite his dental woes we tried to get him to live in the house but he wasn't having it, as we were a mere rest stop on his adventures.  I wonder sometimes about him and hope in his old age he decided that a life indoors was better than one getting beat up by gangs of possums.  I like to assume there were possums involved.

   Fergus doesn't hold a candle to this freaky kitty from Seymour.  He looks like he's lived a rough life and enjoyed every minute of it.  This 7 inch tall soft vinyl feline is cast in retina scarring pink and is an exclusive to Clutter Magazine.  He even comes with his own resin ID tag, which is handy incase he is ever lost and someone is desperate to get the little heathen away from them.  He's available now for $95 by visiting https://shop.cluttermagazine.com. 

Bootleg Group Show and Artist Talk with The Sucklord at Con Artist

    Who scheduled this artist talk event with The Sucklord on a Wednesday?  The Sucklord should be experienced on a weekend, where you can sleep in after a night of absorbing all of his knowledge/cheap alcoholic beverages.  Most likely when you do wake up it will be in a place that you don't recognize wearing pants containing the wallet of someone you don't remember meeting.  You'll be scared at first, until you realize that what you've been a part of will be a story your grandchildren will beg you to tell them over and over.  And most likely the police as part of a large scale investigation, so it's best to have a lawyer on retainer before anything happens.

    If you've ever watched The Sucklord's video pod cast thingy then you know he's by far the most entertaining person in the whole art toy scene.  He's unfiltered, hilarious, and at times pretty insightful. So if you were supposed to go to work the day after this artist talk (everything you need to attend is right there in the picture) then you should probably be prepared to call in sick.  I'll be happy to sign your doctor's note.  Just make sure you block all of your coworkers from your social media.