Silver and Gold Sparkle Bite Size from Radioactive Uppercut

     I don't keep up with the phases of the moon because I work with the public and they are more than happy to act crazy whenever there is a full one.  Sometimes they don't even need any lunar encouragement to test the level of my patience, and it used to really get to me.  In my younger days I was all about arguing back if someone started to act foolish as I would be damned to let them think they got one over on me.  But as I got older I realized that the best thing to do when people are loosing their mind is to maintain a calm demeanor and totally not acknowledge their behavior in any fashion that they want you to.  There's nothing better that for a person to be screaming at you because they have some sort of issue that is in way within your control and you just calmly watch them as they wear down. This is normally the part where I would give you a recent example of this happening but I honestly do it so often that nothing stands out.  I feel that I have let you down, but if you get mad about it just know that you will yell until you're hoarse and I won't bat an eye.

   Radioactive Uppercut's Bite Size figures are much more predictable when they will transform into monsters than the average person, because they are actual werewolves.  Which, standing at 4 inches tall each and cast in silver or gold sparkly vinyl, go in sale in a matter of minutes by visiting http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.  Go get em!

Mighty Jaxx Exclusive Skull Flower from Tara McPherson x Toy Qube

    As the cold, depressing grip of late fall/early winter chokes out the sunlight on New Jersey, I am trying to remember all of the success my wife and I had with our gardening efforts this year.  She enjoyed a bountiful harvest of peppers, though our attempts at growing eggplant produced nothing but no edible runts. All of the blueberries were consumed by the chipmunk that lives under our porch which I don't really mind because I'd like to think he looks forward to them every year.  Flower-wise we were smarter this year, as we only planted things that could tolerate a healthy amount of neglect and that would attract butterflies and hummingbirds for the cats to watch.  Right now the only color outside of our house comes from the uncarved pumpkins that are well past their expiration date and that I'm scared to pick up lest they explode in my hands and cover me in their gore.  I can see it now as I go to toss them into the woods and their already soft rinds give way, ruining a perfectly good pair of shoes.  Whatever happened to juvenile delinquents stealing them to throw them at houses they didn't like?  Please, come and take them!

     This Skull Flower from Tara McPherson perfectly illustrates the grave yard that is my flower bed this time of year.  Death thrives in the damp mud left behind from melted snow fall and the only thing that will grow is the shortening of daylight.  Alas, before I start reciting The Raven, let me tell you that this exclusive Mighty Jaxx version of this figure will be released on Saturday, December 14th at 9am eastern time for $55 (which includes world wide shipping).  You can snag one for yourself by visiting https://mightyjaxx.rocks.  

“Mandrorglorian” Edition Sofubi Drorgs from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

    I have yet to watch The Mandalorian for a few reasons, but mostly because I have been spoiled by the age of binge watching and was waiting for the first season to end.  I had also committed to the final season of The Man in the High Castle (whose last episode I would have preferred to have ended about two minutes sooner) and Mrs. Maisel, which serves as my palette cleanser between serious programming.  After that ends I will then dive deep with my borrowed Disney + account info and revel in the exploits of Baby Yoda.

   Speaking of which, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that little green dude is the inspiration for Nathan Hamill's latest series of Drorgs figures.  They're a mashup between everyone's favorite robot duo and those little puff balls that had held the title of "cutest things in the Star Wars universe" until Baby Yoda batted those big black eyes and made you forget everything you thought you knew.  Science Patrol (who handled all of the production on these figures) will be offering these as an open edition, which means that starting on Friday, December 13th and lasting until January 13th, you can place your order at http://sciencepatrol.storenvy.com and be guaranteed a set.

"Let Us Prey" Vinyl Art Sculpture from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

    If the United States government was held to the same truth standards as any consumer product advertised on television, this would rise ten stories tall in New York Harbor, beckoning the rich, evangelical, and the gullible to their promised land.  I have no problem with religion or God and in fact I wholly believe that he cringes just as much as I do with each broadcast of the evening news.  But I find myself more and more mentally trudging though life, bogged down in the endless swamp that is Kanye West, and televangelists, and politicians vomiting their rhetoric all over the internet knowing that so many will sop it up with ultra absorbent dollar bills and miss informed ballots.  I guess I can't really find anything funny to say about this vinyl sculpture from Frank Kozik, but I don't feel the sentiment that it invokes is really conducive to my normal shtick.  It kinda makes me mad because I feel that it is sniper-accurate in it's portrayal of what's wrong with America right now; a plastic representation of how I feel any time someone dares equate our Idiot in Chief with divine provenance.  Surely if his coming is anything Biblical it is most certainly written about in the book of Revelations.   So yeah, I'm gonna tell you that its manufactured by Kidrobot and I'm gonna tell you that it comes in two different versions that both will be available on Friday, December 6th at 10 mst.  But I'm not telling you because it inspired me to retell a story about how my favorite picture of me as a kid involves one arm around a goat and the other holding a can of Pepsi as I grinned like an All American paid spokesperson.  I'm writing about this because you can look at it as just another toy that will remind you how bad you are at dusting your house every few months, or you can look at it as scathing protest art that would look equally as good plastered on brick walls faster than the secret police could have them removed.

www.kidrobot.com

The Great Cthulhu Vinyl Toy Kickstarter from Sea Demon Vinyl

     The other day I learned that, in what can only be described as the biggest "ok, boomer" move this holiday season, Joe Biden has named his little bus tour of the Midwest "No Malarkey".  Of course he didn't stop there, because in the second biggest "ok, boomer" move this holiday season, he actual printed the Websters dictionary definition of the word beneath it.  I hate Donald Trump with as much vigor as I love cats, and I will vote for anyone who runs against him, but Joe Biden makes my butt clench when I think about his ability to move our country forward.  Next year is gonna be a rough one for sure, but as long as we get the orange idiot out and fitted for his prison jumpsuit in upstate New York, we still win.  But there's also a third option...

     The Great Cthulhu could rise from the depths of the ocean and wipe out mankind before we embarrass ourselves any further!!!!!  Sea Demon Vinyl is tired of waiting for our reckoning and has decided to get the process started on their own...and with a little help from all of us.  Right now on Kickstarter they are running a campaign to bring their interpretation of H.P. Lovecraft's most famous creation to life in four inch vinyl form.  Check out this link for all the different ways in which you can score a killer new toy by supporting this fundraiser.  

Gold Chrome Edition Astro Crash from Josh Divine x Strangecat Toys

      You've survived another year of Thanksgiving without anyone getting arrested, though Uncle Mike's political tirade certainly warranted being choked out.  There's no better way to reward yourself for your restraint than with the gift of gold and Strangecat Toys is ready to make your collection shine like it's been fondled by King Midas.

    This is the latest version of Josh Divine's Astro Crash figure, which sees our hero face planted after not quite sticking his landing.  I mean, he made it back to solid ground, but he may have scraped his face off in the process.  The French judge will surely deduct points, but things can always be worse. 

  This figure is extremely limited to only 25 pieces and will retail for $225 when it goes on sale today, Novemer 29th at 10am eastern time. 

A Trifecta of Black Friday Exclusive Releases from Tenacious Toys

    I enjoy a dumb American ritual as much as the next guy, but I have never once participated in the battle royale that is Black Friday shopping.  I'm talking about the old school, "get in line at 5 in the morning and be willing to punch as many people in the face as it takes to get a George Forman Grill for half price" event that place the day after Thanksgiving.  I've been an employee at a few companies where Black Friday was important, and by far the craziest scene was when Tickle Me Elmo was released.  I worked at a department store in Virginia and we only got 6 of the creepy vibrating Muppets for sale, though a mob of about 50 people were pawing at our doors like extras from a George Romero film that morning, desperate to own one.  In the store manager's infinite wisdom he decided the fairest way to deal with what would obviously be a problem was to line all 6 of them up on our service desk, unlock the door, and get the hell out of the way.  I think you know what happens next.  A surging mass of humanity nearly ripped the doors from the hinges, fighting and clawing its way to its goal.  Six people reached the plush toys; cradling them to their bodies to protect them from prying hands.  One woman was literally punched in the jaw by a grown man looking to usurp her prize.  I stood there stunned at what I was seeing; my 15 year old body incapable if not unwilling to intervene.  Hovering just below the cries of vulgarity and injury I could here a fainter, yet easily distinguishable sound that underlined the chaos.  It was the sound of high pitched laughter, coming from the dolls that would soon make a few kids Christmas mornings the best ever, even if they had to be careful when hugging mommy so her stitches didn't break.

     Of course with the rise of online shopping the madness around Black Friday has died down a bit, but the amazing deals to be had are just as prevalent.  Tenacious Toys is using this time honored unofficial holiday to release three brand new exclusive figures that you won't even have to kick anyone in the head for.  I mean, you still can if you want, but it would be wholly unjustified.

    At 10 am you will be able to score the first ever production release from Cat Atomic as he has lent his signature style to the very popular TEQ63 figure from Quiccs.  It stands 6 inches tall, is produced by Martian Toys in soft vinyl and will be priced at $80 each.  Only 150 of these exist and their release will be staggered every 15 minutes for an hour.

   Last Resort Toys has created a new series of mini figures called Run-A-Mucks and in a not so surprising turn of events, has allocated the blue versions to be an exclusive for Tenacious Toys.  Each set comes with 6 designs that stand about 2 inches tall.  Each set is $22 and limited to 150 pieces worldwide.  These will be available beginning at noon.

And finally we have Candy Cornelius from Alex Pardee and 3DRetro in an exclusive Giant Shark edition.  Personally, it reminds me of the last scene in The Shinning where Jack Nicholson has taken on the appearance of a freezer burned chicken tender.  That probably would have been too long of a title to print on the box.  This mean looking sugar demon stands nearly 8 inches tall and is limited to, you guessed it, 150 pieces.  He'll cost ya $65 when he's released at 1pm.

All of these can only be found by visiting www.tenacioustoys.com