My Vintage Valentine Fuzzy Friends from Horrible Adorables

    My wife and I decided many moons ago that every year for Valentine's Day we would go and do something together rather than buy each other gifts. It was a few moments after that decision that we picked our first ever outing to celebrate the holiday...a monster truck rally. Neither of us had ever been before and it sounded ridiculous enough that it would be impossible to not have a good time. The people watching alone would have been worth every penny, but the actual event was really cool as well. And I almost got into a fight with a drunk guy whose kids kept jumping out of their seats and landing on us, which is just about as miserable as it sounds. He was about 5'5" and maybe 120 lbs., so his decision to mouth off when I asked him to control his children was kind of surprising. I'm usually a very calm guy but the idea of knocking out a few of his sporadically placed teeth was kind of appealing. Thankfully his sober friend got the kids to settle down and we all watched the show without further incident. Except that my wife called his something really funny, which I wish I could remember because it stunned that poor woman so hard I thought she got a concussion. All other Valentine's Days have been kind of boring by comparison.

    I'm not sure how the husband and wife duo behind Horrible Adorables will choose to celebrate the upcoming holiday, but I do know that they want to help you feel a bit more festive. Tomorrow, Thursday January 30th at 8pm they will release a limited amount of My Vintage Valentine Fuzzy Friends. Each one is flocked (hence the fuzzy part of their name) and has coloring that is reminiscent of those chalky candy hearts that i always think I like but only eat two of before feeling like "blek". Buy one for your significant other, keep it for yourself, or buy two so you dont have to make such ridiculous choices.  

   These will only be available by visiting this link.  

New Skellene The Mourning Doll Resin Edition from Miscreation Toys

 

    This figure always reminds me of my poor Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal that I have had since I was a baby. I used to carry him around everywhere and his plush body is a roadmap of just how much I loved him. He has lost most of his stuffing and most of his outer fur, leaving a rough fabric to hold what remains of his insides. He's down to one crudely embroidered eye and has a collection of stitched up scars in various colors that are the threads that literally hold him together. He hasn't had an easy go of it, but he's still around, now sitting in one of my display cases and enjoying retirement. I think one day when my body has given up on me and I am cremated that I'll have him in the fire with me, as he is the only physical item that has been with me my entire life it seems only fitting that he join me in the next one.

   Skellene the Mourning Doll is the epitome of Victorian era creepy, and that's saying something as the Victorians were all about keeping it strange. This resin edition from Miscreation Toys features a marbled purple and clear infused with silver glitter and was produced by Dubose Art. She is available for a very limited preorder right now by visiting https://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com/. She stands five inches tall and will be $60 for each figure, with a limit of two per order.

Frank Frazetta's Conan the Barbarian One:12 Collective Figure from Mezco Toyz

   No man cave should be legally allowed to be called such if it is not decorated with the artwork of Frank Frazetta.  Why bother with sports memorabilia or decapitated deer heads when you can have painted representations of gorgeous women, invading Vikings, or Conan the freakin Barbarian.  He's the ultimate symbol of peak sword wielding manliness and no one captured him the way Frank Frazetta did.  Mezco Toyz knows that fact as they have officially licensed this One:12 collective figure from his daughter, (her company is known as Frazetta Girls and they have honored his legacy with some exciting collaborations, including the Frank Kozik x Kidrobot figures from a few years ago) bringing the iconic painting to life with enough articulation and accessories to keep Crom happy for an eternity.

    He is up for preorder now for $90 and comes with everything you see in the picture below.  Preorder one now by visiting this link.

Behemoth Metal Sloth Kickstarter from James Groman x Xpanded Universe

    Life would be so much easier if you knew every decision you made was the right one. That every horse you bet on was a guaranteed sure thing. You could make a killing on the stock market, make a second killing through sports wagering, and only surround yourself with people you knew would never judge you so harshly when you shared your unabashed love for Lady Gaga because you thought you were good enough friends that they could respect your quirky musical detour without thinking you've somehow completely changed as a person and have been living a lie your entire life and "what else don't they know about you, Chris, maybe you're a communist vegan anti-vaxxer with a dolphin tattoo on your ankle." Ugh.

    I'll tell you what is an absolute, certifiable, guaranteed, sure thing, and that is the Behemoth Metal Sloth from James Groman and Xpanded Universe. It's a sure thing because right now they're running  a Kickstarter campaign to fund its creation and it's already surpassed its goal, ensuring that it will indeed be produced. This sucker is 13 inches of hell raising fury that is more metal than your mom's boyfriend who swears he was "this close" to having his band open for Judas Priest in '88 if it wasn't for his drummer's bogus arrest for not paying child support.

    You can check out the campaign at this link and start clearing some space on your shelf for when this bad boy shows up at your door.  

Charlie the Angry Elephant Tenacious Toys Exclusive from AngelOnce x UVD Toys.

 

     If I was an elephant who was blue I'd be pretty angry about things. For starters, unless you live in Smurf Village you have zero natural camouflage, making you a huge target for predators that think you might be blueberry flavored. Secondly, whenever anyone makes fun of people hallucinating they only use pink elephants to joke about what they are probably seeing, which would get old after a while and seems a bit discriminatory. If you were to do acid or bang your head unnaturally hard on a shelf at Wal Mart why can't you see blue elephants? And why couldn't you see green elephants for that matter? Do illusions of the mind have to maintain the same color standards as a gender reveal party? I'm about to compose a sternly written letter as soon as I can figure out who to send it to.

I have no idea as to why Charlie the Angry Elephant from AngelOnce and UVD Toys is actually in such a state, but I know that this version is an exclusive to Tenacious Toys. Pretty much any time you see a blue toy you should know that Tenacious has that on lock down, as it was passed into law in 2005 by the Designer Toy Council for a Better Tomorrow. This vinyl bro will be available starting on Friday, January 17th at noon eastern time.  He is limited to 50 pieces, will retail for $50 each, and can only be had by visiting www.tenacioustoys.com.  

Iolite Edition Nordic Lucky Cat On Sale Now!!!

    Iolite is a purple hued stone that the famous Viking Leif Erikson used to find the sun on cloudy days while at sea. The mineral acts in much the same way as a polarized sunglass lens, making it an invaluable tool to open water navigation. In the spirit of one of the world's greatest explorers I present to you the Iolite Edition of my Nordic Lucky Cat. Only 5 of them were made, making it the most limited run of these resin figures yet. Price will be $45 which includes free shipping in the lower 48 of the US. If you live somewhere else in the world then I'll have to find out what it would cost to send one to ya, but it can be done. They come with a hand stamped muslin bag and enough rune magic to fill a flat tire or give your enemy diarrhea. How you use it is up to you.

    Get one for yourself at thetoyviking.bigcartel.com

Orange Tabby Edition BurgetCat from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

    Do you think old memes will ever come back into fashion the way clothes do? I've pretty much worn the same things my entire life and every 5 years or so I accidentally become the trendiest person I know. Our collective love for nostalgia extends to every other aspect of life, so why not bring back the wholesomeness of I Can Haz Cheezburger as we stare down our dark reality? There is little more uplifting in this world than a picture of a cat with a caption that reads in an eastern European accent.

    Nathan Hamill is making me long for those days with his BurgerCat sofubi figure. Produced by Science Patrol, this Orange Tabby edition will be available beginning this Friday, January 10 at noon pacific time from http://nathanhamill.storenvy.com.