Fatt Choy Bao from Scott Tolleson X Pobber Toys

    I will chase a brown bear into the woods just because I've never seen one in the wild, but I'll be damned if I put anything other than a plain hamburger in my mouth during dinner.  That last part's a little extreme, but I'm anything other than brave when it comes to food.  My wife spent a lot of her younger years in Taiwan and I remember the first time she took me to the Asian supermarket while looking for her favorite items.  As a southern kid with a cardboard palette I was so far out of my element it was probably embarrassing.  Since then I've tried to broaden my horizons if for no more reason than for her to not feel forced to feed me chicken nuggets every day.  You're a real gangsta if your wife buys you the dinosaur shaped ones, fyi.

    I couldn't eat anything that had a face like this.  He's so cute and sweet looking and you know you can't eat just one so chomping down on him will be both traumatic and non filling, which is a really bad combination.   This little dude from Scott Tolleson and Pobber Toys is decked out to celebrate Chinese New Year and is available now to help you commemorate the year of the dog.  Pick one up for yourself before the party's over at www.pobber.com.

   

    

Seafoam Dewdrop Resin Mini Figures from Chris Ryniak

    As I was attempting to write this post one of my cats jumped up on my desk, and peed on one of my work shirts.  No hesitation, just like it was something completely normal that we do everyday.  I'm about ready to call that Guy Fieri looking dude from Animal Planet to come over here and kitten whisper some better ideas to her.  Oh, and not only that, when she was done she went downstairs and punched one of the other cats in the face hard enough to leave a shed claw stuck in her nose.  Apparently she's become a drunken step dad over night and I am not cool at all with this phase.  Why couldn't she just go goth and dye her hair black and write Marilyn Manson lyrics on her notebooks like every other disgruntled teenager?

   Dewdrops are way too innocent looking to every spring anything like that on you.  Just look at that sweet little face and those big eyes.  My clean work clothes wouldn't have to all be washed again because they would still smell like Tide if I had a house full of these.  Chris Ryniak's little resin buddies have been cast in a brand new seafoam color way and will be available this Saturday, March 3rd at 3pm eastern time exclusively from www.bindlewood.com.  

Death Jaguar Kickstarter Campaign from Rocom

    When it comes to giant robot weaponry, you just can't go wrong with an axe.  Anyone that would use an axe as their primary fighting tool is someone that should be feared and avoided at all costs.  That dude is either stone cold crazy or the deadliest man on the planet and either way it spells bad news for his opponents.  During the American Civil War there was a group of dock workers from Louisiana that charged into the first battle of Manassas wielding Bowie knives after discarding their muskets, which must have looked as insane as it sounds.  They didn't make it very far, so they were more of the "crazy" variety rather than the "complete badass" sort, but what can you do.  

    This is Death Jaguar, a nine inch vinyl killing machine from toy designer Rocom.  He is part of a Kickstarter campaign that as of this writing is 80% funded with 22 days still to go and plenty of rewards left for you to obtain.  There's different color figures, customs, original art, and just about anything else you can think of to support the narrative of this intriguing looking character.  Check it out by clicking here.

Chinese New Year Resin Mascot from Tenacious Toys

    It is fitting that it is they year of the doggo, because I am obsessed with those dog speak memes that are popping up everywhere.  Here let me give you an example:

    So good.  They harken back to the I Can Has Cheezburger days when memes were pure and innocent and mostly concerned with the inner most thoughts of the animals we love.  Speaking of the word "meme" itself, I used to work with a dude who pronounced the word "may may" and couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he was completely wrong.  I think he does performance art now which seems fitting for someone who refuses to learn new things.

    In honor of Chinese New Year Tenacious Toys has released a red version of their resin mascot doggo.  As of this writing there are only 7 left available for preorder so you should direct your attention to www.tenacioustoys.com and secure yourself one before they are all gone.  Each one stands 2 and a half inches high and is one of the last things actually made in America.

Lucky Katju from Chris Pyrate and Strangecat Toys

    One of my cats got sick this week with a bit of abdominal distress and had to go to the vet.  He complained the entire way there to the point that it sounded like his meows were honest attempts at speaking English.  It seemed like it would be as much torture for Sharon and I as it would him, but that was until every woman at the vet's office fell in love.  From the receptionist to the tech he had found himself in the harem of his dreams.  The tech was his favorite of the bunch, and she was so smitten with him I expected her to take off her wedding ring and move into our home so they could be together.  He was hamming it up the whole time too, rubbing against her and purring.  He was so happy that he didn't make a single noise on the way home as dreams of his new girlfriend kept him occupied.  Thank God he's been fixed or we might have had a real problem.

    Had he still been the whole man he was born, I'm sure my cat would be the terror of cities far and wide to reach the one he loves.  I feel something similar would occur when looking at this Luxky Katju from Chris Pyrate and Strangecat Toys.  Sure, he looks all sweet now, but keep the object of his desire away from him and he could level our infrastructure like the best of them.

    This is the first ever production toy from the folks at Strangecat and he is available for preorder right now.  Standing 7 inches tall, made of polystone, and featuring a skeletal fish buddy, he can be yours for only $60.  He is limited to 50 pieces and available only at https://strangecattoys.com.

Pictures from Toy Fair 2018

    Sharon and I made a quick trip to Toy Fair on Sunday before we went to the Museum of Modern Art.  We struck quickly, like ninjas or cobras or something and there was some pretty cool stuff on display that we've already started making room for.   Check out the pictures we took on Facebook at www.facebook.com/TheToyViking.

Perv  

Baphomaniac Flesh Edition from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    Ok, I'm gonna be the one to have to say it I guess.  The fact that there has yet to be a Hulkamaniac version of the Baphomaniac is a serious misstep and can no longer go unnoticed.  This flesh edition of Martin Onitveros and Toy Art Gallery's fun little guy would be the perfect base for a steady handed customizer to realize what the universe desperately wants.  Then there will be no doubt in anyone's mind what you would do when Baphomania runs wild on you.  Say your prayers and eat your vitamins.

   Of course you don't have to paint this eight inch tall beast of sofubi perfection.  You can leave him just the way he is and marvel at his every nook and cranny.  But now that I've planted the seed of creativity in your brain, will you be able to resist visiting your favorite art supply store for a bit of yellow and red paint?  The choice is yours when this dude goes on sale tomorrow, Friday the 16th, at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  

Iron Maiden MUSCLE Figures in Red from Super7

   Nothing calls to mind Valentine's Day quite like Iron Maiden.  I can't help it if you choose to disagree and label yourself as unromantic, that's on you.  Super7 is doing its part to ensure they get the credit for being the ultimate mood setters by releasing this three pack of M.U.S.C.L.E. figures.  Cast in the ultimate lover's color, this limited set featuring a few different incarnations of the band's mascot Eddie can be had now for only $6.00 at www.super7store.com.  

Roses will die, but Iron Maiden will live forever.  

Sweet Tooth Marbled Cestoda from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys x Toy Art Gallery

    I scream, you scream, blah blah blah.  Talk about the low hanging fruit of ice cream jokes.  I'm above it, so I'm not gonna do it, even though I could imagine someone screaming if they ran into one of these Cestodas from Miscreation Toys.  Standing at 11 inches tall, dude could take a bite out of your calf muscles and lay eggs in the hole before you realized what has happened.  He looks parasitic and quick, which is not a good combination for you.  But he does come in a pretty array or marbled colors that remind me of those giant tubs of Neopolitan ice cream my mom used to buy, the effects of which ensured I would never make the school bus in the morning and would have to be driven in the mini van.  The effects of lactose intolerance stretch way beyond stomach discomfort.

    Lulubell Toys and Toy Art Gallery have formed an alliance to bring you this limited edition preorder.  Happening now until the 16th, which for those keeping track is this Friday, you can secure yourself one of these big ol sofubi masterpieces for $275 plus shipping.  Get on it now at www.lulubelltoys.com.

New Painted Edition Wing Kong from Super7

   My favorite gorilla story happened while my wife and I were at the Philadelphia Zoo.  There they have a very spacious outdoor enclosure as well as an indoor one where they can climb and put sticks in their butts (that's my second favorite gorilla story) and whatnot.  We walk into the indoor portion because that offers you the ability to get as close to them as their indestructible glass will allow and they really aren't paying us any attention.  We stand there for a few minutes to see if they'll do anything interesting when an Amish family approaches from behind us.  All of a sudden this one gorilla rushes over to the glass and sits down right in front of them like it's the craziest thing he's ever seen before.  This dude is seriously giving them the once over like they were on exhibit and instantly I didn't feel bad about the time I was trying to take pictures of one of their horse drawn buggies parked outside of Wal-Mart because it seems all creatures are equally fascinated by the Amish.

The end.

    Make your own monkey memories when this new version of Wing Kong from Super7 debuts today (Wednesday, February 7th).  He's going to be unleashed on a very expecting public at 3pm eastern time at www.super7store.com.  Quantities are limited so act with a sense of urgency, folks.

Dresden Frau Dark Parade MS from 3A

    Just when you think things couldn't get any dumber in American politics, the moron that is our president has taken a page out of Chairman Mao's book and ordered a military parade through our capital.  It's obvious that he feels inadequate in more ways than any sane person could have ever imagined, but would someone please tell him that no matter how many ballistic missiles he parks in front of the Smithsonian, that it won't make his wittle guy any bigger.  It won't make his hair not look like a dust bunny, it won't make anyone donate money to his idiotic wall, and it certainly won't wipe away the regret that is plastered on the face of his wife in every photograph.  What we as Americans should do is on this day of his so called parade gather and block it from ever occurring.  Stand thousands deep and let it be another massive failure in what has already been an overflowing septic tank of a presidency.  

    I can assure you that despite any recent advances in military technology, none of these will be marching in our parade that never happens.  If they were I'd still be totally against it, but I'd be a little more intrigued.  Ashley Wood and 3A have carved quite a niche reimagining warfare and the weaponry involved, but this is by far my favorite of their interpretations.  Oh come on, don't tell me if you were about to be mowed down by machine gun fire this isn't who you'd prefer to be doing it.  

   Available starting tomorrow, February 8th, this is a Bambaland exclusive and will only be found at www.bambalandstore.com.  Our president is still a moron, in case you forgot.  

Burger Bandit Wolf Thing Bat Mother from Joseph Harmon x Toy Art Gallery

   Oh, I do love every time there is a new Wolf Thing Bat Mother figure to write about because the titles of my posts sound like I just played dictionary roulette when creating it.  And this dude might be the best of them all because not only is he called a Burger Bandit, but he's painted up to look like an actual hamburger.  Being an American this pleases me more than you could ever understand and to show my appreciation I will now share with you the best hamburgers I've ever eaten.  The all time best was at an Irish pub in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.  There was something interesting mixed in with the meat itself which gave it a unique flavor that has yet to be topped by any hamburger since.  My second best hamburger was consumed in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and was comprised of buffalo meat.  This was so delicious I wanted to slap the table and curse but I didn't since my wife's grandmother was sitting across from me, even though I'm sure her vocabulary could make mine blush like a debutante.  I didn't want to be shamed in my word choice.  The third best hamburger ever was at a now defunct restaurant on the Eastern Shore of Virginia.  The place looked like someone had abandoned a house, then some amazing chef's moved in claiming squatters rights, and did absolutely nothing to change the crumbling decor.  The dishes were miss matched and Sharon found a toothbrush laying on the bathroom sink, but the burger made me proud that my family settled there four hundred years ago.  Honorable mention goes to an Irish pub in New Hope, Pennsylvania, which makes me wonder what ground beef secrets these Irish folks are passing down through the generations.

    I'm beyond hungry now so let's get these particulars down so I can go eat.  Joseph Harmon not only created this culinary freak of nature, but he hand painted each one himself making the The Hamburgler look like a common criminal by comparison.  Add one to your collection today (Friday, February 2nd at noon pacific time) by visiting www.toyartgallery.com.  They'll be $65 each and do not come with fries or a soda.  Those are extra, boo boo.

Lava Bear Winter Edition from Nathan Hamill x 3DRetro

   I'm very conflicted about this Lava Bear colorway.  He's called a Lava Bear, but he has a frozen motif going on.  Volcanoes don't erupt ice flows and glaciers aren't made of magma, so my head is spinning like that one time I hit it on a shopping cart.  Don't ask how that happened, not because it's an embarrassing story, but because I hit my head hard enough to not comprehend how things went down.  Or to give a more recent example, when I found out that there is a town in New Jersey called West New York.  What is that?  How can you even write that down somewhere without feeling weird about it?  I'm seriously working myself up into a panic over this.

   Nathan Hamill has burned out my mental cylinders with his willingness to spit in the face of nature,  but his addition of flocking has has swayed me to the dark side.  Yes, this is the first toy that he's ever made that's fuzzy!  But only 75 of you will be able to experience how great it will feel petting one of these, because that's all he made!  You'll get a shot at new toy ownership this Friday, February 2nd at noon pacific time.  Eighty bucks will get it done and they're only going to be available from http://nathanhamill.storenvy.com.  In the meantime I hope Nathan avoids all prosecution for witchcraft in his attempt to sway the natural order of things.  Don't act like you'd be surprised if we all of a sudden started burning witches again in this country, because things have taken a rather crazy turn for the worst this past year.

New Resin Skulls and Resin Dice from Paper + Plastick

    Unlike the great conquerors throughout history, it has no become nearly impossible to decorate your living room with the skulls of your enemies.  Things like "laws" and "common decency" have gotten in the way of being adequately able to express yourself as you vanquish those who oppose you.  But being the stubborn (or innovative, you decide) people we are, we have found our way around such nonsense so that we can properly watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills while still being surrounded by the ultimate trophy.  Those ladies are more ruthless than Genghis Khan ever was.

    Paper + Plastick has been creating these resin skulls featuring their logo as the face for some time now, but any time is a good time to start collecting these.  You'll get a shot at your first, or maybe your one hundred and first, when they release a new batch tomorrow, Friday January 26th at 3pm eastern time.  You'll notice in the picture that there are quite an array to choose from.   You may also notice the big ol resin dice just hanging out down there at the bottom, which will also be available. A few more resin body parts and we could have ourselves quite the game of Monopoly.  Check em out at http://paperplastick.limitedrun.com/categories/featured-products.

The First Ever Cinegantus from Justin Ishmael x Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

    Whenever you are presented with the opportunity to sever the head off of one mythical creature and place it on the body of another you should always do it.  Of course you would want to have both mythical creatures fill out the proper paper work to absolve you of any liability should the whole thing go terribly wrong in a Frankenstein sort of way, but that's stuff any mad scientist should already have been told by their lawyers.  In a world run by scandal and litigation you have to protect yourself from the inevitable get rich quick schemes and accusations of malfeasance that can plague even the most well-intentioned experiment.  A good insurance policy never hurts either and can pay for itself the first time you use it.

    Splurrt's Harryhausen-esque Cinema Monster has had his noggin replaced with that of Justin Ishmael's Galligantus to create Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuuuuuunnn......Cinegantus!  No one is safe when people are out there making super monsters, but safety is a relative thing anyway like I told the person who tripped on the walkway in front of my house.  I'm not sure if he understood me because his replies were muffled by his detached teeth and blood, but I think he saw the folly in his reasoning by the time he passed out and I drug him next door to the neighbor's sidewalk.  

    Lulubell Toys will be releasing what I'm told is a really really limited amount of these on Saturday, January 27th at 10am pacific time.  They are $200 each and sold blind and you can only buy one so don't get all greedy about it.  They will be available from www.lulubelltoys.com.


    

Sweet Devils Maneki Wananeko from Javier Jimenez

    If you're even considering buying your significant other candies or lingerie or anything else completely standard let me help you raise the bar for Valentine's Day.  One year, I took my wife to see a monster truck rally and instantly became the most legendary husband ever.  It's all about the romance, and there is nothing more romantic than spending time with the one you love while nearly going deaf from the roar of fossil fueled monstrosities.  I still can't hear anything she says unless we're directly facing each other.  

    You don't need to be as innovative as I am, in fact it's not recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists, but you can still do things differently for your loved ones by gifting them something that will never wilt.  That's right, I'm talking luxuriously smooth Japanese vinyl in the form of these Sweet Devil Maneki Wananeko.  Javier Jimenez has made em look just like candy, but unlike chocolate these kitty cats will last forever.  And by forever I mean at least the person's life span you are gifting them too, who knows what plastic will look like in a few hundred years.  Still better than anyone one of us, that's for sure.  This kind of took a dark turn.

    Snag one for yourself or someone you love this Sunday, January 28th, at 11am eastern time only from http://www.stickupmonsters.bigcartel.com.
   

New Metal Sloth Editions from Xpanded Universe

   Sloths may look like chill bros on the outside, but inside they are raging tigers with a thirst for all things metal.  Their minds work with the voracity of a double bass drum as they slowly make their way from tree to tree and directly into our hearts.  And there's nothing more metal than those crazy hands they have, which if they could get them to move a little faster would have no problem disemboweling someone. Now that I think about it I feel it's even more brutal to relieve someone of their digestive track in slow motion.  Sloths are obviously into the Norweigian black metal.

 
    Xpanded Universe has opened my eyes and ears to the musical preferences of these great creatures via this sofubi figure.  Available in black or glow in the dark, they are available for preorder right now by visiting http://xpandeduniverse.bigcartel.com.  They're extremely limited, so you'll want to move more like....well, anything that's faster than a sloth would work.  

 

   

Manky Neko Pink Edition Exclusive from Seymour x Clutter Magazine

    If you meet enough kitties in your life, you're bound to meet some sketchy ones.  Never ones to let any animal go hungry, Sharon and I would feed the stray cats that hung around our first apartment.  It was actually in this motley crew that we found our cat Wednesday, who was more than happy to leave behind a tough life on the street for the one of leisure she enjoys now.  Some of her friends were not as interested in consistent luxury and wanted to come and go as they pleased, which is how we met Fergus.  He introduced himself by peaking into our windows and banging on the screens for attention.  Figuring the people who lived there before kept him deep in kibble we started hooking him up.  Whenever he would come around he was always suffering from some new malady; one day part of his ear was missing while on another occasion he had a dangly tooth that was seriously pushing the boundaries of our hospitality.  I don't know who he was pissing off, but he evidently had a sassy mouth that his fighting skills couldn't back up.  Despite his dental woes we tried to get him to live in the house but he wasn't having it, as we were a mere rest stop on his adventures.  I wonder sometimes about him and hope in his old age he decided that a life indoors was better than one getting beat up by gangs of possums.  I like to assume there were possums involved.

   Fergus doesn't hold a candle to this freaky kitty from Seymour.  He looks like he's lived a rough life and enjoyed every minute of it.  This 7 inch tall soft vinyl feline is cast in retina scarring pink and is an exclusive to Clutter Magazine.  He even comes with his own resin ID tag, which is handy incase he is ever lost and someone is desperate to get the little heathen away from them.  He's available now for $95 by visiting https://shop.cluttermagazine.com. 

Bootleg Group Show and Artist Talk with The Sucklord at Con Artist

    Who scheduled this artist talk event with The Sucklord on a Wednesday?  The Sucklord should be experienced on a weekend, where you can sleep in after a night of absorbing all of his knowledge/cheap alcoholic beverages.  Most likely when you do wake up it will be in a place that you don't recognize wearing pants containing the wallet of someone you don't remember meeting.  You'll be scared at first, until you realize that what you've been a part of will be a story your grandchildren will beg you to tell them over and over.  And most likely the police as part of a large scale investigation, so it's best to have a lawyer on retainer before anything happens.

    If you've ever watched The Sucklord's video pod cast thingy then you know he's by far the most entertaining person in the whole art toy scene.  He's unfiltered, hilarious, and at times pretty insightful. So if you were supposed to go to work the day after this artist talk (everything you need to attend is right there in the picture) then you should probably be prepared to call in sick.  I'll be happy to sign your doctor's note.  Just make sure you block all of your coworkers from your social media.

"Scab Empire Babies" Minions from Paul Kaiju x Skinner x Lulubell Toys

    Back in the day if someone told you they had minions to do their bidding you'd imagine some dirty little cretins who lurked in the shadows and had low credit scores.  Now because of a very famous  animated film series all anyone ever thinks of are those yellow pill shaped critters who speak a language that makes Sylvester Stallone sound like a refined English gentleman.  Behold the rise of the Scab Empire, which sounds way grosser than the Empire Darth Vader was running.  Seriously, who wouldn't rebel against the Scab Empire, it's not the most appealing name to write on checks when paying your taxes.

    Skinner and Paul Kaiju have resurrected their evil little sofubi bay bays and are offering them up as a set this Saturday, January 13th through Lulubell Toys.  For $80 you get both because separating them would be a crime against minion kind and also because what kind of cruel freak would do such a thing?  They grew up together, raise hell together, and they'll be mailed to your house together and that's just the way it is, cowboy!

    The adoption line forms at https://www.lulubelltoys.com.

Warbot Full Load Preorder from 3A

   I love a good theme and what better theme than machines of war!!!!!!!!!!!!  I started it off Monday with a wrestling tag team named War Machine and I'm continuing it today with actual combat robots. Forget flying cars and Legos that don't hurt when you step on them, this is the future!  Each nation builds the best robots they can, they duke it out, and a winner is declared without so much as one drop of blood spilled.  And you could put it on pay per view to support educational funding so Americans could finally go to college for free.  Why no one begs me to run for public office I'll never understand.

   This is one mean looking dude from 3A and he certainly isn't going deer hunting with an arsenal like that.  There's nothing like the old skull and crossbones to let people know what you're about, but enough fire power to wipe a small town off the map doesn't hurt either.  Dude even comes with a machete and a cleaver in case things have to get real nasty.  Available now for preorder through http://www.bambalandstore.com for $200, this 13 inch figure is ready to come and lay down some hard truths on the rest of your collection.  

The Debut of CK Beta from Splurrt

    Splurrt's Cadaver Kid figure has upgraded his operating system, gotten a total body makeover, and is primed for military applications.  Use him to vanquish your enemies!  Have him negotiate that promotion you know you deserve!  Eliminate student loan payments by eliminating the people that collect them!  There's nothing that can stop him (except the prolonged exposure to liquids in which case the user bears all responsibility for any damage that may occur).

    This barrel chested hunk of plastic is set to debut this Saturday, January 13th, in both camo and unpainted versions.  There will also be other figures and even hats and who knows what else available to please your need to collect.  The shindig goes down at 1pm eastern time only at http://www.splurrt.com. 

War Machine's Hanson from Figures Toy Co.

     Living close to Philadelphia certainly comes with its share of benefits.  America was born here so there's tons of historical stuff to see, we have an amazing array of museums, and any time holes are dug anywhere there's a good chance of finding dead bodies which is kinda fun.  But beyond that, we have a storied history in the world of professional wrestling, much of which revolves around the old ECW Arena.  I've seen Ring of Honor do a couple of television takings here and they are by far the best wrestling events I've ever been to.  There's a feel that you're a part of something and not just a spectator and the level of talent and storytelling is superior to anything I've ever seen.

    I had read about the tag team War Machine before seeing them but nothing could adequately prepare me for men of their size performing the acrobatics they do.  You expect guys that look like berserkers to decimate anything that gets in their way, but you could never foresee then doing backflips from the top rope.  Now imagine watching it in person from ten feet away and trying to figure out if you missed the day in science class when they explained how this could be a thing.  Everytime I've seen them it's awe inspiring and now one half of that duo is finally getting the action figure treatment.

    No matter how much planning goes into it, it can't be a good feeling to know Hanson is in the air and about to land on your rib cage like a 747.  Figures Toy Company will now let you recreate his aerial terror on all of your other wrestling dudes.   Available now from http://figurestoycompany.com, hopefully Raymond Rowe will quickly follow suit so you can dominate the plastic tag team division in the comfort of your living room.  Hope all of your other figures have health insurance.

Milkface Resin Toy from Kyle Goodrich

    I've never had my face on the side of a milk carton, but it wasn't from a lack of trying.  Allow me to regale you with a tale of the time I purposefully went missing.

     For reasons that have been lost to me as the years have progressed, I decided that I needed to make people miss me.  I was around six years old at the time and camped my tiny body under my brother's bed.  As diner time approached my mother and father began to call my name.  They looked outside, looked all over the house, but no one was able to find me.  I quietly snickered to myself as their legs moved ever more frantically past me.  Seriously, who doesn't look under the bed first?  If I have a cat that is supposed to go to the vet and they are nowhere to be seen the very first place I look is under the bed.  It's standard protocol for anything that is missing: socks, important documents, children whose idea of a joke is maybe a little off kilter.  That part is on them.  The part that is on me is that I wasn't smart enough to end my prank before my mom called the police, who showed up and and tried to teach me one of those life lessons that would stick with me forever.  Ok, I was terrified I was going to jail at the time.  I was way too pretty for incarceration.

    This looks like the milk in my house before it is finally carted off to the dumpster.  Usually there is also a color and smell involved, which I doubt Kyle Goodrich was mean enough to include in his Milkface resin figure.  He made 50 of these sour faced bros with his own hands and has included a sticker with each one for the low low price of $55.  I'm holding out for a lactose free option myself, but you can get one by visiting http://kyle-goodrich.com/milkface.store/.

Devilman Preorder from Mike Sutfin x Unbox Industries

    I'll admit that my familiarity with the Devilman character lives and dies with the background video Rob Zombie played at a show sixteen years ago during the song "Super Charger Heaven".  That chorus makes you want to drop kick someone in the face.  But I've always thought the look of him was pretty crazy, that is until I saw Mike Sutfin's rendition you see hear, which blows any other version straight out of the water.  This dude has details on top of details, which then have more details that you didn't even notice the first time.  It's pure visual insanity, making the figure look like it has life, or death, flowing through every inch.  Pretty intense for a pice of plastic.  

   The folks at Unbox Industries produced this and have now made him available for preorder.  Standing at just over a foot tall and retailing for $120, you can secure yourself one right now by visiting http://store.unboxindustries.info.  These are scheduled to ship at the end of the month, so get to it.  

Dead Greedy's Beastie Droids to Appear on "The Goldbergs"

    For reasons that remain unknown to me, I am not being called to appear on television.  I'm a pretty easy guy to find, so you would think that somewhere there's a show that's perfect for me.  Hopefully, it won't be Monsters Inside Me, but if I were to ever catch an interesting parasite I'd be more than willing to share that with the world via dramatic reenactments and computer generated graphics.  Maybe they'd even let me write the script, which would stretch their budget to unheard of levels for the amount of explosions alone.  My parasites demand pyro.

   My dude Dead Greedy has been making bootleg figures for a while now, and they caught the attention of one Adam F. Goldberg who loves them so much he's actually put them in his hit sitcom, The Goldbergs.  That's a pretty incredible stamp of approval.  The episode is set to air next week and is entitled "The Goldberg Girls", which may or may not be a play on The Golden Girls, which is absolutely the best show ever about elderly women.  I used to watch that as a kid and while most of the jokes were beyond my innocent mind, I was certain that Sophia was my spirit animal.

    Check your local listings so you can see the episode and buy some cool stuff from Dead Greedy at this link.

Skull Flower Sculpture from Tara McPherson x Toy Qube

    Finally, someone has created the perfect representation for my success with plants.  Sharon is much better at growing things than I am and thankfully for any vegetation we attempt to grow she takes the lead.  The problem is I expect things to act like they would if they had been allowed to grow on their own without human interaction.  Plants have been doing fine without us so how come a little neglect on my part results in their demise?  Have we turned plants into entitled Millennial that need our participation trophies in order to thrive in the world we've created?  Get out there and do your thing rhododendron, I can't take how emotionally draining you've become!

    How awesome would it be if you could actually grow skulls?  I'm sure those companies that make genetically modified plants have accidentally done something like that and promptly had to incinerate it.  Thankfully Tara McPherson's Skull Flower is in no way a danger to our well being, and this staple of her artwork can now be yours in 3D form.  Produced by Toy Qube, you can bring home this morbid bit of horticultural genius in both 5 and 12 inch versions.  Available now from https://www.toyqube.com, these are a much better idea to give your loved one than regular old flowers that will whither away to crispy little corpses.  This one starts off dead!

Christmas Maneki Wananeko Set from Javier Jimenez

    Sharon and I have a cat named Wednesday who has been suffering from some pretty bad allergies. She scratches her ears almost obsessively to the point where she started cutting them open.  We've taken her to our vet, got the allergy testing done, and eliminated everything from the list of possible causes.  Nothing has worked so we decided to get a second opinion.  Now we knew that the person we were taking her to is very popular in our area and we also knew that he believes in a lot of alternative methods when it comes to treatment.  The day of the appointment we're in the exam room going over her backstory when he starts telling us about muscle testing.  Now I figured this was something akin to how they allergy test people by exposing them to substances and watching what the reaction was.  Or if anything it at least involved some apparatus that would make for a great Instagram picture while the cat was wearing it.  Neither of those was even close.  

    In walks his assistant like nothing out of the ordinary is about to happen at all.  They stand on opposite sides of the cat with each placing one hand on her back.  Then the assistant raises her free arm at a 90 degree angle, and he grabs a hold of her hand and pushes down to try and lower it.  With each push he is rattling off words of possible allergens.  If the arm goes down it means she's allergic, but if he is unable to force it from sticking straight out at him then it means she is not allergic.  My face was literally sore as I tried my hardest to prevent my muscles from making the biggest WTF look anyone has ever seen.  I couldn't even make eye contact with my wife because I knew that if I did I would lose it.  It was like being a part of some feline seance as he tried to contact her ancestors for clues about her itching.  Finally, mercy was bestowed upon us and the entire act was over and we placed her back in her carrier.  At least, we thought it was over as he had forgotten about a certain type of food, so he grabbed a bag of it, placed it against the roof of her inclosure with eyes closed, and declared her allergic to that as well.  Now I'm all for the fact that there is actually very little in the world that human beings understand and that modern health care has it's limitations, but next time I'm gonna need a Powerpoint presentation or something to ease my way into it before I'm just nonchalantly smacked with anything like this again.  

    I just needed to tell someone about that so I could come to terms with it, so I thank you for your patience.  No let us continue.  Javier Jimenez is making spirits bright this Christmas season with this festive Maneki Wananeko set.  You'll get two kitties in each pack, with one guaranteed to be that fancy green glitter while the other one will be a surprise color.  Made with luxurious Japanese vinyl, these will be available tomorrow at 17pm Spanish time only from http://www.stickupmonsters.bigcartel.com.   Luckily for you, these kitties will never need to go to the vet.

      

Gotta Burn Em All Resin Figure from Italiux

    I've never ridden a horse.  I'm not opposed to doing so, but facing a lack of trains worth robbing or sleepy mining towns to stroll into, the opportunity just hasn't arisen.  Sharon and I want to take the horseback riding tour through the battlefield in Gettysburg, which I'm sure will be both beautiful and a great source of material to post about once the restless spirit of a Civil War soldier spooks my horse and lands me in the hospital.  I don't know if expecting to end up in the emergency room means we have the best dates together or my threshold for bad ideas has gotten so thin that holes have started to form.

    Now after seeing this figure from Italiux, I shall be sure that when choosing a horse for riding that he is not engulfed in flames.  I was completely unaware of the existence of arson ponies until now, so the head's up before I made a terrible mistake is well appreciated.  Now my wife is telling me that this is based on Pokemon, to which I promptly point at her and yelled "NERD" and now I am now forced to scavenge for my own dinner tonight.  Impulse control Chris; work on your impulse control.

     Standing eight inches high (that's pretty tall) and retailing for $79 each, these figures are available right now by checking out http://italiuxshop.bigcartel.com.  

   

Forest Friend Fox Kickstarter Campaign from Natural Pop

     I like this little fox dude because he reminds me of a meme that my wife and I send each other whenever we're up against a challenge for the day.  Whether it be a job interview, or just trying to stay off of the FBI's most wanted list because people will just not stop working your last nerve, this little picture always seems to do the trick:

    Don't you feel beyond inspired now?  This is what they should hang in every therapist office instead of those inspirational quote posters that make you want to gag with their generic sentiment and stock imagery.  Whoever made this I sincerely hope you are rich now.

   Speaking of money, you should direct your attention to Kickstarter and the Forest Friend Fox plush that you can help make reality.  Then whenever you need a bit of inspiration just look at this little dude and know that he has your back.

    As of this writing there are 18 days left to make it happen and plenty of cool rewards left that could be yours.  Check it out at this link.

Two Fully Funded Kickstarter Campaigns For You To Get In On

    Life is full of uncertainty and no one wants to add any without good reason.  There's uncertainty throughout our jobs, and politics, and I'm fairly uncertain on my days off whether or not I'll put pants on before my wife comes home from work.  Unfortunately for any delivery people that may stop by, probably not.  So in this world where nothing is guaranteed, how about a couple of Kickstarter campaigns that have already reached their funding goals and taken the guess work out of wondering whether or not the toys will actually be produced.  

   First up is Lucky Cat, who despite his upbeat name doesn't appear to have the luck of the Irish or anyone else on his side.  He is the brain child of one Vincent Scala, who you may remember from his previously successful campaign for his Mickey Monster figure.  You can check out all the reward tiers that are still available at this link.  

     To go two for two on cat themed toys I present to you Rato Kim's DIY Box Cat.  This 5 inch vinyl art platform from Discordia Merchandising is a huge canvass for your creativity.  You can paint it. bedazzle it, or just leave it as is until a good idea comes to you.  Our cat Jorah sits in the bathtub sometimes and we believe that the shape of the tub itself is conducive to him gathering his thoughts from the universe.  My best ideas are usually born in some portion of the bathroom, so it's not that far fetched.  You can see all the cool still available at this link.  

Vinyl Bunnywith Figure from Alex Pardee x Mighty Jaxx

   Bunnywith is an inspiration to us all.  How many of us have sat around, watching Jerry Springer reruns and eating pork rinds by the pound rather than getting out there and living our dreams?  And yet here is a fictional rabbit, without the benefit of arms, that is making it happen everyday despite such obvious challenges.  In these dark times it is so important to recognize the good in the world and this bun bun is someone we can all look to for guidance.

 Bunnywith has shown up in hundreds of incarnations courtesy of its creator Alex Pardee, and now Mighty Jaxx is turning him into vinyl.  Available for a mere 24 hours starting on Saturday, December 9th at 9:59am eastern time.  The final edition size will be determined by the amount ordered, and stuff.  Buy one for yourself at www.mightyjaxx.rocks.

The 2017 MF Toy Show and Krampus Art Show

     Do you think there's a place somewhere that is populated by goat people like Krampus?  Chewbacca came from an entire planet of Wookies, so it's not out of the question to think some unchartered northern island is loaded with Krampus families.  There's mommas, and daddys, and wee babies whose favorite game is beating little human dolls with sticks.  Krampus himself is like their Beyoncé, as he's their most successful citizen.  But he's better than Beyoncé because his widely popular albums are actually listenable.  Take that.

    If you're a fan of Santa's evil little friend then you should check out the MF Toy Show and Krampus Art Show (that's a mouthful) in Brooklyn this weekend.  Curated by Mike "Nemo" Mendez and Moses Jaen, tons of your favorite toy customizers and artists will be represented with their take on Santa's more sinister half.  All of the info you need to go are listed in the picture above, so check it out and then spend a nice Saturday night in Brooklyn at MF Gallery.

It's Review Time Bay-Bay: She Headless Horse from Boon Velvet x Lulubell Toys

   

     I've quietly admired this toy from afar since I first saw it.  The creation of artist Boon Velvet stands tall amid other sofubi releases not only in a literal sense (at almost nine and a half inches), but in that its inspiration is drawn from well beyond the confines of Tokyo monster films.  So when I was asked if I was interested in reviewing one I was all about it.  The figure was provided courtesy of Lulubell Toys, and after spending a few days with it here are my thoughts.

    To sum up this staggering figure into a neat soundbite, I would present it as a southern gothic tale brought to life in Japanese vinyl.  The story itself is so good I wish each figure came with a page or two retelling it (or even just a link to the story online), as to learn her origins I had to scroll through Instagram postings of the artist until I could piece it together.  Of course just a mere glance at it lets you know this is not your average toy, as it seems to pay homage to nothing that's come before it.  I see so many figures where the reference is obvious but here you instantly know that it hacked and trampled a path traveled by no one else.

    The paint job from Obsessed Panda echoes the ghostly feel of the horse and it's internal passenger. Light sprays of silver and blue accentuate the ethereal quality of the body without overpowering it, while the clear head reveals a female figure that is hidden just enough to force you to get closer to be sure what you're seeing.  Honestly, this is the most time I've spent really examining a figure and taking it apart like I was studying it.  Not just because I knew I was going to review it, but because it almost demands your attention in that way.  I collect vintage Steiff animals and that would be the closest I've come to experiencing so much story contained within an object.  With those you can see visible signs of wear and know that at one time someone loved it more than anything else and a part of that seems to be transferred to the piece.  In regards to this figure I pick up a sense that the artist wants it to haunt you everytime you look at it.  That even though it's story is one of fiction it is so deeply embedded in the plastic that it relays it as being truth.

   The woman herself is cast in marbled vinyl, which accentuates sculpted detail unlike anything else.  There is also a marbled plug that can be used in place of the female that details the point of severance.  Combined with the removable head you have three different ways of displaying it, as detailed on the header card.  My favorite is the third way, in which the gore of the decapitation is left out of the equation.  To me it's the most interesting to look at.

    This toy isn't something that's put on the shelf and forgotten about; it's something experienced.  It will leave you thinking about it long after you've put it down, which is all any great art can ever hope to accomplish.  I think it's one of those figures that is ahead of it's time and that in the future people will seriously regret not picking up when they had the chance.  Lucky for you this Aki No Kumo edition is still available from the fine folks at Lulubell Toys for a lot less than you would probably expect for a sofubi toy this size.  Seriously, it's actually on sale for only $150 and the conversation it sparked between my wife and I about everything from toy production, to art, to the longing for more releases like this, would be worth the price alone. 

Skel-On-Wheels from ZenZen Toys

   I never realized how hard it was to sell a damn car.  I've put ads on Craigslist and Facebook, put a sign in the back window of the car, and asked and even offered up a finder's fee to everyone I know.  And by complaining about it here I'm trying a new way of advertising which is pretty cutting edge and makes me the Don Draper of toy blogs.  Put that on an enamel pin and send me my royalties.

    If I had this sweet ride from ZenZen Toys I wouldn't need to worry about selling it, because I would be driving it to work every day.  And I would want it in these exact proportions, so I tower over it like a beast with that monster sized shifter hanging out of the side. Maybe make the car a little bigger just so I have plenty of leg room and access to the radio.   But that's beside the point, the real reason you're all here is to check out Skeletor's new mode of transportation.  The figure itself is resin and he sits upon a die cast car, the color of which will be a surprise because "life would be boring without em", so says the proctologist as he snaps his rubber glove.

     Get yourself one at http://zenzentoys.bigcartel.com.