The Debut of Zephron Space Wizard from Magitarius

 

  I'm fairly certain a girl named Zephron Space Wizard tried to recruit me to join some cult/commune situation in the parking lot after a Korn concert in 1998. It was her, some other girl that was whacked out of her head on some unknown substance, and a big hairy dude who carried all of the literature.  I seem to remember when their pitch for signing up to their group didn't work they pivoted to attempt to sell me some crappy bumper stickers, which I give them credit for at least starting high and working their way down.  Unfortunately for them, I'm way less likely to part with my money than I am to talk to strangers.  

    While its just an ok name for a hippie, Zephron Space Wizard is absolutely perfect for the latest vinyl figure from Magitarius.  Standing a whopping 14 inches tall, and featuring a whole mess of bonuses like accessories and stickers, this dude also glows in the dark to fully display the breadth of his cosmic powers.  This debut edition will be available begining Friday, September 17th at 9pm eastern time exclusively from https://www.magitarius.com/.  They are limited to only 15 pieces and will retail for $265. 

Mr. Puff Vanilla Edition from Andrea Kang x myplasticheart

 

     I'm adventurous in certain ways in my life, but with food I like to play things OSHA-level safe.  But I've been trying to branch out like the sad little culinary tree I am, and some times I'm even pleasantly surprised by the results.  Last Sunday was not one of those times.  

    My wife and I were in a large food court type place (the names of the offenders shall remain hidden) and I was dying for a cheesesteak.  The line was a killer though, and my wife returned from checking out all of the other options with something that was intriguing to me: a cheesesteak crepe.  I like crepes and I like steak, so what could go wrong? Well, much like professional wrestling and antiquing, not all things you love are meant to happen at the same time.  I was so hungry I powered through the overwhelming vanilla flavor but it took a solid 24 hours for the idea of what I'd done to allow the nausea to fade.  I really hate learning lessons via my digestive system, but there I was, a cautionary tale to no one but myself.

     This is not only the debut of Mr. Puff from Andrea Kang, but it's also the Vanilla edition, which ties my story back to the toy in a way you probably didn't expect.  Not only is that completely surprising to you, but you'll be surprised that this toy is available right now from myplasticheart (who also produced this little sweetie).  In hindsight I probably should have just told a cute animal story, but this has been a week all about what I should have done instead of what I did.  See, I just tied the story to the toy AGAIN.  Some one should pay me for this stuff.

    Standing 4 inches tall and made from soft vinyl, you can welcome one into your life by visiting https://www.myplasticheart.com/.

 

Tenacious Toys Exclusive Skull Dangler from DuBose Art

    

    During the pandemic my wife and I decided to expand our garden area, which required a lot of digging. Despite covering a large amount of ground with the shovel, we didn't unearth a single shallow grave.  Which depressed my wife because she has always wanted to find a dead body (specifically of a stranger) and it doesn't get any more convenient than finding one right next to your air conditioning unit. We did manage to dig up an old bone from a steak that some dog must have buried before we moved in, but that's not going to get us on Forensic Files.  It might endear us to the neighbor's chihuahua, though.

     DuBose Art's Skull Dangler has craniums for days and could easily place one in our flower bed for us to find like some morbid Easter egg hunt.  He's kinda busy though in his exclusive new Boo Berry colorway for Tenacious Toys.  Releasing this Friday, August 13th at noon eastern time, this eight inch tall sofubi bone monster can only be had by visiting www.tenacioustoys.com.  Each one is $140 and comes with a sticker and enamel pin.  

Splurrt Tenth Anniversary Golden Kid from Lulubell Toys

 

     Ten years is a pretty good run for anything these days, though not when it comes to my t-shirts.  Years ago when I was going to concerts all the time I used to by the shirts with the tour dates on them and I have been surprised more than once by how long they've lasted.  My oldest two are from when I was in high school: R.E.M. in 1995 and Smashing Pumpkins in 1996, and even though I don't wear those anymore I can't bring myself to get rid of them.  My wife is thankful I'm not nearly as sentimental about my underwear.  

   Splurrt's Cadaver Kid has hit the literally ripe old age of ten and to celebrate this undead plastic corpse is being released in a super neat gold vinyl from Lulubell Toys.  Featuring a smile only a coroner could love, this five and a half inch tall dreamboat can be yours this Saturday at 9am pacific time for just $55 plus shipping.  Fish one out of the river at www.lulubelltoys.com.

The Debut of Lord Mastomar from Wonder Goblin

   

    Do you spend your days trying to picture what the children of fictional beings would look like? Don't act like that's weird, especially when there are people out there actually interested in billionaires going to space.  I'd be more into it if they paid their employees a living wage, or eradicated homelessness or ended world hunger, but I've been told my lofty expectations will often lead to disappointment, so that's where we are with that.  

   So I started this off talking about weird couplings and their offspring and I can assure you that no matter who I would have put together, Cthulhu and Baphomet were not on the list.  Mikhail Gorbachev and Heidi Klum? That's a different, grotesque, story.

    Wonder Goblin's Lord Mastomar has adopted a very familiar pose as he sits on the bottom of the ocean floor dreaming. He is ready to now plant his behind on your shelf and judge you from a much closer proximity, but only if the fates comply.  To own this 9 inch sofubi dream boat, you are going to have to enter and win a lottery.  Begining this Saturday at noon eastern time, you can enter to purchase this debut edition, which is cast in black and glow in the dark marbled vinyl and features six points of articulation.  Visit https://www.wondergoblin.com/ to enter.  

Maneki-Astro Preorder from DoomCo Designs

  

    Astro Boy is looking like he might be trying to trick my wife and I into adopting him.  We have five cats now, which immeadiately after telling someone that I feel its important to add that we did not wake up one day and decide that was the number for us. Remember in Clash of the Titans when Perseus was walking around the amphitheatre and all the gods had left gifts for him to find? That's how we ended up with five cats.  I'm not sure how they will help us slay the Kraken at some future date, but I'm here for the surprise.

    I love seeing licensed toys presented in a new way and DoomCo Designs has certainly done that with this Maneki-Astro.  This five and a half inch vinyl figure is a fully legit Astro Boy collectible that is currently being produced right now by Squibbles Ink.  Created in virtual reality (which is often better than actual reality) you can preorder this little cutie now by visiting https://www.doomcodesigns.com/.

Tikumo: Super Tiki Sumo Sofubi from Gerald Okamura

     

     I've had a few nicknames in my life, but none of them have ever been as cool as  "Man of Many Weapons."  In fact not many of them are fit to print, but if I were to come up with some that are relevant to my life they would probably be along the lines of:

Man of Many Cats

Man Who Burns Easily in the Sun

Man of Gastrointestinal Distress 

Man who is Leary of Many Foods

   Based on this list, I am not nearly the badass that Gerald Okamura is. While I may be more suited to a life of observational humor and feline restroom maintenance, one thing Gerald and I have in common is our love of toys. And he loves them so much he decided to start making his own.  This Friday will mark the debut release of his new Japanese sofubi figure, Tikumo the Super Sumo Tiki.  Each four and a half inch figure has been painted by Mark Nagata in a limited run of just fifteen pieces.  They will be available on July 9th at 6pm eastern time exclusively from https://geraldokamura.com/.

The Billy Bloom from doubleparlour x Kyle Kirwan

 

  

      Next time there's a global pandemic the leaders of the world need to do two things differently: For one they need to start at the first press conference by saying that the virus causes erectile dysfunction.  There wont be a man on Earth not wearing a mask, covered by a motorcycle helmet, with a can of Lysol in each hand.  Trust me, its science.  The second thing is that no matter what the virus actually looks like under a microscope, they need to show a picture of this figure.  Anyone whose pee pee isn't directly threatened will in no way shape or form want this little vampire gremlin running amok in their blood stream.  Both of these ideas prove my value to the illuminati or whoever it is that actually runs this place, and I will be expecting my offer of employment to arrive any minute.  I will not be taking questions at this time. 

    Kyle Kirwan's Bloom sculpture has never looked more aggressive thanks to the talents of husband and wife duo, doubleparlour.  This murderous little imp is cast in resin, hand painted, and comes in two different colorways.  The pink is limited to 13 pieces, while the green is even rarer at only 12.  They will be $40 each when they are released this Friday, July 2 at 11am eastern time exclusively at https://www.kylekirwan.com/.

El-Chupacabra Vinyl Figure from Weston Brownlee x Tenacious Toys

    

    I know that Chupacabra translates to something really horrible and I know that the creature is not taking this goat to go and feed it a bottle, so let's just get that out of the way right now.  However, I choose to believe that El-Chupacabra is just an over enthusiastic visitor to the petting zoo and is hugging his favorite critter one last time before he leaves to get ice cream.  It's all about perception and whatever you can trick yourself into believing.  If he decides to change his diet and start sucking the blood from dismembered bits of human beings I'm totally ok with discussing that in gory detail, but goats are friends, not food.  My therapist will be proud that I'm able to set such boundaries.

    Tenacious Toys and Weston Brownlee are proud to present the debut figure from their Cryptozoo-fubi line, the aforementioned Chupacabra.  Living in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey I am well versed in the world of cryptids as one of the most famous of all time, the Jersey Devil, also makes his home here.  Do you think they ever get together, like once a summer with all the other cryptids just to reminisce and see how the others are doing? Then they all complain how Mothman stopped showing up cause he's married and had kids and started working in an Amazon fulfillment center part time.  I'd watch that show.

     Produced by Mile High Sofubi right here in America, each vinyl toy stands six inches tall and will be available in two different versions.  There's the fully painted edition for $65 (limited to 40 pieces) and a super limited run of only 10 pieces in blank green for   $40 each.  They'll be available starting Monday, June 21st, at noon eastern time exclusively from www.tenacioustoys.com.

Skull Dangler Sofubi Debut from DuBoseArt

 

    Is there anything more metal in the world than a creature made entirely of skulls?  Every bit composed of various sized craniums: from muscles to bone to tiny little skulls in his blood.  I imagine DuBose Art's Skull Dangler having graced the cover of an obscure German heavy metal band who, desperate to try and achieve superstardom, turn to a book of Arcane knowledge.  A few mispronunciations later, and this dude climbs out of their album and devours everyone in the group, adding their skulls to his body.  With ideas like this I cannot believe Netflix won't return my emails.  

    This is the first ever vinyl figure from DuBose,, who until now has honed his craft almost exclusively in resin.  He stands eight inches tall and features a handful of optional removable heads to completely change up his personality/blend in when the inevitable manhunt starts to thwart his  reign of terror.  

    The preorder is happening now for the glow in the dark version of this figure.  A blue version is pictured above in an effort to show you all of the gory details.  Pick one up at https://duboseart.com/.

Biting Vase Preorder from Josh Divine

 

     And now for something completely different.  You may know Josh Divine from having his own production Dunnys, or from his uber popular crash figures that face plant well known pop culture characters.  But no one that I've ever known that enjoyed making things wanted to make just one type of thing, so while I didn't expect him to tackle the world of floral display, I can completely understand it.  And after all, designer toys are pretty much a form of home decor, so it's not that much of a stretch.  If he had decided to create artisanal sausage or his own line of natural deodorants, then that might have made me pause a bit.  Especially if they turned out to not be separate products.

     This is the Biting Vase, and as you can see from the picture above, the name is self explanatory.  Stephen King has made a living writing stories about inanimate objects coming to life to kill people, but even he didn't think of this one.  Not so smart now are you, Mr. Wrote-Lots-of-Books-and- Stuff? I love you, Stephen King, I'm just jealous and shouldn't have brought you into this.

   This unique piece of contemporary design is available in both white and black versions and can be preordered right now by visiting https://joshdivinestudio.com/shop.

"Dark Sparkle" Dungby and Pooba Vinyl Set from Andrew Bell

     

       The second night of wedded bliss with my wife was interrupted by something so unholy that by telling the tale I risk invoking its wrath.  But I'm gonna do it anyway because unlike my waistline, my shame has been getting thinner.  It was probably three in the morning and both of us were sound asleep when the ghost of diner's past decided he could no longer linger in silence.  Despite my best nocturnal efforts, a noise rang out from beneath the covers that would have sent shivers down the spine of a corpse.  It was loud, unmistakable for what it was, and I could do nothing but laugh.  I made no attempts to pin it on a burglar or some wild creature that lived in the crawlspace and betrayed any thoughts of innocence as my wife yelled at me using my full legal name and that of Jesus.  Nearly thirteen years later it is still just as funny as it was then.  Possibly because there was a more recent repeat offense, but who can be sure.

    Thankfully the services of our neighborhood dung beetle were not needed that night, because that might have been harder to find the humor in.  The insect you see above is named Dungy, and his perfectly round poop buddy is Pooba, and they are the two best friends that anyone could ever imagine.  And in fact someone did imagine them, as they were created by Andrew Bell and very soon (as in, today) they could become part of your story.  This is the debut edition of this boy (or girl) and his turd will be available begining today, May 12th, at 11 am eastern time exclusively from https://shop.deadzebra.com/.  They are limited to 100 sets and are $65 each.  Oh, and if you remember the fun of dissecting owl pellets in school, you'll be excited to know that Pooba opens up so you can store all of your tiny bones inside.

The Infernal "De Profundis" Edition from Transmission Toys x Unbox Industries

 

    Not having skin would suck, obviously for the whole "you'd be dead" reason, but if you could live without it there are no upsides.  Do you remember those sticky hands you used to be able to get from 25 cent machines at the store and how all the fun was ruined once they got covered in dirt and hair? Now imagine that's your entire body.  I feel gross just thinking about it.  I'm sure I had other examples ready when I started writing this but I am so skeeved out by the idea of my organs looking like an industrial lint trap that I just can't get past it.  

    Transmission Toys has teamed up with the fine folks at Unbox Industries to create their debut figure, The Infernal.  As you can see, he is not a man rich in dermis, but what he lacks in protective covering he more than makes up for with his can-do attitude (probably not though). This toy is made of beautifully marbled soft vinyl, stands 7 and 1/2 inches tall, and will retail for $75 when he goes on sale this Saturday (May 8th) at 11am eastern time. Get yours at http://store.unboxindustries.info/.

Empty Pinata Custom Figures from Pricilla Marquez x Tenacious Toys

 

     According to a semi popular meme we all have two wolves inside of us.  Where they are in relation to our actual guts I have no idea, but that seems to be besides the point.  People post said meme in an attempt to sound tough on Facebook, as one wolf is a nice doggo while the other one is a complete Monster Energy drinking bad ass that will punch holes in your dry wall if you don't watch your mouth! If I had two wolves that somehow lived in my body I'm sure one wants chicken nuggets and the other probably forgot to load the dishwasher.  Put that on a t-shirt and send me my royalties.

     Pricilla Marquez has taken a host of JT Studio's Empty Wolves and added some killer Mexican flare that is so clean I at first thought they were factory made.  I'm loving the colors and motif of this Tenacious Toys exclusive run of hand painted figures, and if you find yourself equally smitten you can add one to your collection when they go on sale this Friday (May 7) at noon eastern time.  Each seven inch figure will retail for $175 and there is a special one of a kind chase figure with different painted features.  Snatch em up at www.tenacioustoys.com.  

Skeletor Shogun Warrior from Mattel Creations

 

    I usually don't write about licensed toys because honestly, most of them are boring.  They're usually the exact same thing you've already seen a thousands times and totally not worth all the dead dinosaurs it took to make them.  But when given some creative freedom, familiar characters can be presented in a way that is not only refreshing, but will make you remember what you love about toy collecting in the first place.  

    Mattel Creations has nailed it with this Shogun Warrior Skeletor figure so damn hard they might be charged with assault.  This is a glorious matchup of one of my favorite supervillains of all time and the giant robot toys from Japan from the 1970's. This thing is massive, standing nearly 2 feet tall and featuring a rocket fist and rocket firing staff.  It will be available tomorrow, Friday April 23, exclusively from https://creations.mattel.com/ for $300.  

Help Resurect The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

 

    Despite what the title of this post suggests, your certificate in necromancy from that online course you took will not be necessary here.  I'm sure they have a career counselor or some sort of job placement assistance to help you out, so don' beat yourself up over those student loans just yet.  

    The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys has suffered a mold malfunction, which is way more expensive than a wardrobe mishap, but thankfully less embarrassing.  I have no idea what happened to it, whether someone damaged it in a fit of rage or whether they don't have the heart to evict a family of spiders that are playing house, but these suckers aren't cheap.  That's why Lulubell Toys is offering up a special preorder to help cover the cost of producing this 14.5 inch behemoth.  There are two different versions available: a neon green for $95 and a mystery tri colored marble for $125.  Secure one or both for yourself at https://lulubelltoys.com/.

Evil Ape Fink "Stunt Fink" Edition from MCA x UVD Toys

     If you think that I have not been to Hell's Canyon, where Evel Knievel unsuccessfully launched himself in a rocket car from Idaho to Oregon, then you are about to feel mighty silly.  Because the fact of the matter is that not only have I gazed nervously over the rocky ledge of the deepest canyon in America, but I have also stood inside of it at the bottom.  I got to the bottom in a much slower, yet ultimately safer way than Evel Knievel did, because its hard to enjoy nature's majesty when your bones are in places no one intended.  And I'm always careful since the time I tried to jump over a little muddy creek in the woods and I fell gloriously, nearly breaking my arm in the process.  My wife still brings that up years later, so falling into Hell's Canyon was never an option.  

    For reasons that are beyond my comprehension, the American flag jumpsuit never caught on as standard office attire.  I think work satisfaction and productivity would skyrocket if you were allowed to feel that good about what you were wearing.  UVD Toys and MCA have decked out the Evil Ape Fink in said attire and frankly, the little guy has never looked better. This four inch titan of vinyl will be available to add to your collection when he's released this Friday, April 9th at noon eastern time.  He'll only be $60, which is way less than the copays my insurance would have charged if I had actually broken my arm.  

Summoning Devil Kickstarter Campaign from The Spicy Donut

   

  While I certainly never agreed with his political views, ol' Charlie Daniels sure wrote a banger when it came to "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."  And while that song, for some reason, isn't a staple at wedding, or bar mitzvahs, or doctor's waiting rooms, its influence is readily apparent in this new vinyl figure from The Spicy Donut. I kinda wonder what I'm good enough at that I'd feel I could beat Satan in a challenge for my soul.  If he wants to square up in a battle of anxiety attacks or picky eating then by golly he better be ready to go home empty handed.  

   Striking a familiar lucky cat style pose, Summoning Devil has a contract for your soul in one hand and a sweet golden fiddle in the other, ready to crank out some crazy riffs.  While this may be one of the most amazing things I've seen in recent memory regarding vinyl toys, it will only come to life if you support the Kickstarter campaign happening now.  As of this post there are only 9 days left, and I know you've got those sweet Biden Bucks at the ready.  Check out the link here and support this sucker while there's still time.  

"Godzilla Blue" Y'arrruma Sofubi from PNL Toyworks

   

      I may or may not resemble this toy right now.  The combination of the pandemic and winter pushed me into a sloth-like state of my former self, leaving me to a more unhealthy relationship with food and television. For example, one of my wife's coworkers is from Ireland and gave us a quarter loaf of soda bread. Sharon brings it home and sets it down on the table next to my side of the couch and as the night progresses I am craving this thing pretty badly.  The problem is that she had already fallen asleep while watching tv and our smallest cat Daenerys had curled up on my lap.  Not wanting to wake either of them so I could cut a slice, I decided to just bite the equivalent directly from it.  It was delicious; her raisin to bread ratio was spot on and as it danced on my taste buds I thought a little more couldn't hurt. Before I knew it I all that was left was a wee tiny bit, which was too small to save, so I ate that too.  I wish my shame was as apparent as my waistline is right now.  

     PNL Toyworks is releasing my Rubenesque  kindred spirit this Thursday in a special Godzilla blue sofubi colorway.  Y'arrruma will be available in an edition of 10 expertly painted pieces and ultra limited run of 3 blank versions.  They'll be $35 and $20 respectively when they go on sale March 25th at 2pm eastern time only from https://www.pnltoyworks.com/.  

Stormy Vault's Galaxy Show This Saturday

 

     Everything in the world is changing and I feel like the old man yelling at the kids to get off my damn lawn.  You know what I'm talking about; people are working from home, and I don't know when I'll ever be able to sneeze in anyone's mouth again, and everything exists only on the internet.  Actually, that last part is kinda nice, especially when it comes to conventions.  I do love going to conventions, or I think I remember loving it, but there are some aspects that make having them online way better.  There are no weird odors or sweaty bodies pressed up against you.  There are no lines, no travel expenses, and no convention center hot dogs that will alter your DNA by ingesting one.  

    Art shows have also gone almost exclusively online, which evens the playing field when it comes to being able to purchase incredible one of a kind pieces.  Stormy Vault is throwing one of these digital shindigs this Saturday (March 20) with a galaxy themed custom show.  Tons of customs will be available during their Facebook live streamed show from 8-10pm est.  It will be completely interactive and you can seee all the pieces and take part by checking out their Facebook page here.  

Kryptonite GID Grumpy Coal from The Bots x UVD Toys x The Toy Chronicle

 

   Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!   If you're one of my readers I assume you're already way past drunk or about to be assigned a public defender, but like you're criminal record, this post will be here for you after you sober up.  

     You wouldnt know it by how I dress, but green is my favorite color.  I can't explain it, but it has been since I was a wee little lad and I'm nothing if not loyal.  So in the spirit of the holiday and my ride or die hue, I present to you this Kryptonite Grumpy Coal from The Bots and UVD Toys.  This displeased lump of vinyl is filled with so much negativity that it's even visible in the dark!  That's dedication to one's craft if I've ever seen it.  

    Measuring in at 2 inches tall and 2 inches wide, this version is limited to 100 pieces and exclusively available from The Toy Chronicle. Get one for yourself by checking out this link.  

"Strange Flower" Ushi-Oni from Cereal Box Toys x Tenacious Toys

 

    At my day job I was sitting across the desk from a customer when out of the corner of my eye I saw something descend from the ceiling.  This tiny little spider went full blown Mission Impossible and rappelled directly into her hair.  And when I say hair I mean she had a massive amount of curls that this little dude could get lost in and set up shop virtually undetected until the next time she shampooed.  Not knowing how she would react to a spider on her person and not wanting her to smack and kill it, I had to think quickly to save her dignity and his tiny life.  

"This is kinda weird but I need you to hold still for a second."

   I reached over and snatched the little spider out before he could find any prime real estate. Thankfully she wasn't upset when I showed it to her before putting him outside so he could run free and do whatever it is spiders dream of doing.  And that's why, should the zombie apocalype fall upon us, you should elect me as leader of your survival tribe. I can take decisive action while maintaining a level of compassion so desperately rare in the wasteland.  

    Had he been the same size or looked like the Ushi-Oni from Cereal Box Toys I may have been less inclined to help and more likely to have saved myself.  You're no longer a hero if you don't live long enough to make it to the medal ceremony at the end of the movie.  These Pokemon inspired arachnids are a super limited edition of three pieces and exclusive to Tenacious Toys.  Measuring ten inches wide by six inches tall, they will be $120 each when they go on sale Friday, March 12 at noon eastern time at www.tenacioustoys.com.

Cotton Candy Danger Dog Two Pack from Tenacious Toys

  

   There's not much better in the world than a dog or a cat, until you remember that there are TINY dogs and cats.  Oh my God I am overwhelmed by thoughts of baby animals of all sorts now, like wee baby goats, and the one adorable duckling that's always a little more distracted than the others and has to run real fast to catch up.  As rotten as human beings can be, these tiny little creatures never stop trying to help us achieve our most perfect selves.  I'm gonna need to wrap this up so I can watch videos from The Dodo the rest of the day and attempt to reach Nirvana.

     Tenacious Toys have a cute/fierce looking mascot that is known the world over and now you can bring him home with this special two pack.  You get one pup that stands 5 inches tall, and an oh-so-adorable little guy that stands 2.25 inches.  Only 50 of these Cotton Candy marbled sets were produced and can be yours for only $55. They were manufactured in the United States by Mile High Sofubi and will be available this Friday, February 26 at noon eastern time exclusively from www.tenacioustoys.com.

An Onslaught of Intergalactic Sloths from Cop A Squat Toys

      

     Space freaks me out a little.  Not the idea that's it's there our that its infinite (please brain, do not contemplate that idea) but more or less that I don't want to go and realize I can't turn around and come back.  It's so difficult to get there that if I decide it's not for me after all I am completely stuck until whenever the return trip might be.  I've had this experience the few times I conned myself into getting on a roller coaster and the only thing that saved me from a fatal panic attack was that the ride ended after five minutes and whoever I was with bought me a present for my reluctant bravery.  I am not about to go to space and embarrass myself the way I almost did on the Scooby Doo roller coaster at King's Dominion.  

    There are many times, such as you might have guessed in the first paragraph, that the calm and collected demeanor of the sloth would come in handy for me.  The Sekijun from Cop A Squat Toys exudes a cool confidence needed for space travel.  Well at least his sloth persona does, as his alternate Stalagmite head has a level of distress I'm more familiar with.  There are three sets of five figures, with one of those being completely unique one off versions.  Bring some zen into your life when they go on sale this Saturday (February 20) at noon eastern time only from https://copasquattoys.bigcartel.com/.  Each comes with the aforementioned alternate head so you can change them based on your mood, or you could just leave it as a weird serial killer trophy.   That's probably what you'll do, you sicko.  

Review: Shin-Cookiezilla from Bottleneck Gallery x Gabriel Marquez

    I can unequivocally, without question, assure you that this is the most ridiculously awesome thing I own.  Equal parts bad ass and absurd, Gabriel Marquez and Bottleneck Gallery have created the weirdest figure I have in my collection.  I love Shin Godzilla, and while my big takeaway from the movie was that a lot of bureaucracy is involved when responding to a giant murder lizard, I never would have connected him to everyone's favorite diabetic Muppet.  Luckily, I didn't have to do the hard work and just get to enjoy the end results.  

    This thing is a behemoth in every sense of the word.  I don't know why I am surprised literally every time by a toy's size even though all of them clearly state their measurements beforehand, especially when I work with rulers every day.  He stands nearly a foot tall and is made out of resin, which make this big boy a good sized piece of plastic.  It's been a long time since I've gotten a toy that could double as a weapon, and one well placed smack would be deadlier than any can of Twisted Tea.  

    Despite being a figure that doesn't take itself too seriously, the amount of detail packed into this thing is astounding.  We're talking a full on, high end, movie quality sculpt that would rival any official Shin Godzilla release.  I love the pose of his little arms, like he's beyond frustrated that his local store already sold out of the Lady Gaga Oreo's before he could get there.  There's so much pain, so much longing, so much hell that's about to be unleashed on whoever bought all the limited edition cookies.  

    By far though my favorite detail, which borders hilarity and night terror-inducing, is the face of Grover on his tail.  I don't know whether to laugh or to cover it with a blanket while I sleep, though I suppose neither is the wrong answer.  

    If you were unlucky enough to miss out on these fear not, because Bottleneck Gallery held some back for a second wave. Follow them on Instagram here for more info. And they have an entirely new sculpt they're working on with Gabriel Marquez featuring everyone's favorite flying insect which will be available soon.   

    As an aside, my cats usually love photobombing my toy photos whenever I do reviews, but they all kept a healthy distance from this one.  These are the same cats that tried to punch a snake to death when it slithered in through a previously unknown hole in the wall, so I assumed nothing scared them.  My money is on Grover looking a little too untrustworthy.  

New Limited Edition Dumpster Fires from 100% Soft

   

  The year 2020 was something else, huh? And now that we're a month into 2021 it doesn't look like the magical change we hoped for is coming any time soon.  But do not despair, for every dark, evil, storm cloud has a silver lining, and silver is worth a lot of money if you have enough of it. See, things are getting better already!

    100% Soft created the perfect toy in response to the nonsense that was last year and he has just released two new limited versions so we can continue to celebrate the never ending smolder. There's one for Valentine's Day with extremely non edible candy hearts, and one for the lunar new year, that may or may be filled with enough luck to get you through to brighter days.  Both are available now at https://100soft.shop/.