Art Attack Toys Exclusive "Abyss" Resin from Dynamite Rex

    Doesn't this look edible?  Like it's coated in layer of sugary goodness just waiting to rot your teeth.  If you were to bite into one of these "Abyss" edition resin figures from Dynamite Rex, cavities would be the least of your problems.  Not only are they hard enough to crack your Chiclets, they would probably taste bad.  So just put it on your shelf, dust it once in awhile, and marvel at how cool it looks.  Your dentist will thank you.

    This sucker is an exclusive to Art Attack Toys and releases today at 10am Pacific time, which as I am writing this is just a few short minutes away.  Hey, I've been kinda busy.  Go immediately to http://shop.artattacktoys.com/ before it's too late.  

Funguhs Custom Wave 3 from Dead Hand Toys

    Benefits of being a cyclops:

1.) You save tons of money on contact lenses.

2.) You're a shoe in to be cast in any movie involving Greek mythology.

3.) Your lack of depth perception means you never have a turn to drive in your carpooling group.

    See, many of life's genetic defects have bright sides that you never thought about before.  Unless you're a Nickelback fan as that mutated gene is born of pure evil.  Sorry.

    Dead Hand Toys is releasing this third wave of custom Funguhs today at 5pm Eastern time via http://deadhand.bigcartel.com/.  They're only $15 each, which makes them the most affordable hand made toy I can think of.  

Creamy GID SDCC Exclusive from Gary Baseman x 3D Retro

    See, now this is effective toy marketing.  I'm lactose intolerant and I suddenly find myself wanting some ice cream.  I know the price I'll pay almost instantaneously for it, but it sounds good right about now.

    Gary Baseman and 3D Retro are the geniuses behind this photo.  To be honest, I'd love this little ice cream dude even if he was sitting by himself on some boring background.  His name is Creamy and this glow in the dark version is headed to San Diego Comic Con.  They made 200 of these guys and it will run you $55 to get one for yourself.  Mr. Baseman will be making an appearance at the 3D Retro booth some time during the convention to sign 'em for you and make chit chat.  No word yet whether he will be bringing the model with him or not.  

SDCC Hellboy Mini Qee from Toy2R x Dark Horse

    My friend Heather loves Hellboy.  She owns just about every Hellboy product, has a tattoo of him, and would probably marry him if society could get passed its issue with human/fictional character relationships.  Who are we to define love?

    So I know she's gonna need one of these San Diego Comic Con exclusive Hellboys from Toy2R and Dark Horse.  And just look at him, all decked out with his Comic Con logo tee.  Ready to stand in line for hours to buy exclusives to sell on eBay.  Ready to enjoy that special smell that you can only experience when surrounded by 150,000 of your closest pals.  Ready to file for bankruptcy as soon as he returns home.  Am I a bit bitter that I can't go?  Yeah, a tad.  But one day I'll make it out west and experience the madness for myself.  For those of you lucky enough to be there this guy will be $20 and there were 350 of them made.  They're available at the Dark Horse booth.

The Outland Store 8th Anniversary Party Exclusives and Signings

    I'm continuing my anti-cute toys theme today with these two exclusives that were produce for The Outland Store's 8th Anniversary.  What's cute about a brain shaped like a skull?  Nothing.  In fact, it's pretty weird, but in the good way.  Not like the way people are weird on public transportation in rural areas.  When you live in a city, public transportation is a must and everyone uses it.  When you live out in the country, riding the bus is like attending a sideshow, or shopping at Wal-Mart.  You never know what kind of crazy things you will see or hear.  I have the same theory about people who ride bikes.  People riding bikes in the city are hipsters.  People riding bikes in the country are crack heads.  Just look next time you're out and about as my theory blossoms right before your eyes.  You're welcome.

    Back to skull brain thingys.  Emilio Garcia made 8 of these limited red ones just for this event and he will be there to sign 'em too.  Pretty nifty.  

    Jesse Hernandez x Kuso Vinyl also made this Shadow Edition Death Serpent to help Outland Celebrate their milestone.  Eighty of these angry looking bros exist and Jesse will also be there in person to sign them.  The event takes place June 16th in Amsterdam, which I hear is a fun place to go anyway.  I've never been, but I don't get out too much.     

Prey For Me by Godmachine x Disturbia

    I get tired of cutesy things.  Sure, my house is filled with little plastic creations that fall into that category, but sometimes you need something a bit darker.  Something that will make people wonder what you have going on in your basement.   

    Godmachine and Disturbia have just the thing.  Just look at it.  It's magnificent.  It looks like it was pulled from the bowels of Hell and is ready to be put on your shelf so your cats can rub their faces all over it.  Or put it on your desk at work so everyone stops stealing your favorite pen (I know who you are).  This sucker is 8 inches tall and comes in black, bronze, and white.  They made 100 of the black and just 50 of the other two, making this evil little monk pretty limited.  You can open your house up to the dark side on June 18th when they are available to preorder through http://www.disturbia.co.uk/. 

New Releases Tomorrow from Frank Kozik

    When I was a wee little viking lad I had a love of prank calls.  I would dial random numbers in the phone book and make up the most elaborate stories I could just to see how long I could keep people on the line.  I was kind of a jerk.  Once, there was this kid that irritated me, so a friend of mine and I called up his dad to let him know that the Playboy subscription his son had ordered with his credit card was about to expire and would he like to renew.  Hilarity ensued.  But this was long before caller ID and being scared to death when someone read you back your phone number in a "GOTCHA" tone of voice.  My mom tried to tell me that operators listened in on all of your phone calls and if you said anything bad they would send the police to your house and you would be in huge trouble.  Who knew that she had the gift of prophecy and that it would actually come true one day?  She was well ahead of her time.  

    Mr. Halliburton  isn't listening in on the other line, but he would be happy to use that information against you.  I for one have never trusted business squids, but I am a natural born skeptic.  Frank Kozik has made 30 of these guys to deploy all over the world to act as your own personal Dick Cheney.  Just don't take him hunting.  $85 will get you one with a signed and numbered header card.

    Why not also pick up some new artwork so your house looks better when it's featured on Hoarders?  Plus, when the regime change happens you don't want to not be displaying the logo of our new (improved?) governmental body.  Sixty people will be able to pledge their allegiance for the low price of $50.  It beats being sent to Guantanamo.  Get both of these tomorrow (June 12th) at noon Pacific time at www.frankkozik.net.

End Transmission