New Artifacts Releasing Today from Maximum Fluoride

    These are the kinds of things that teenagers find in abandoned cabins in the forest right before they get slaughtered.  Touching one will certainly open a portal to another dimension that is filled with creatures beyond what our human minds can comprehend.  Blood thirsty and hungry for power they will step into our world, devour our souls, and render our WiFi signals unusable.  

    Ok, none of that will probably happen unless either a.) you're house was built on an indian burial ground or b.) you seriously need your meds adjusted.  But I say throw caution to the wind and welcome one of these Artifacts from Maximum Fluoride into your life.  Worst case scenario is you have an awesome conversation piece that will make you feel like Indiana Jones.  Best case is that you become some sort of supreme overlord that rules an army of the undead.  Either way, pick one up when they go on sale at noon today from http://maximumfluoride.bigcartel.com/.

New Holiday Releases from Peter Kato Happening Today

    Christmas is getting dangerously close for you folks that haven't finished your shopping (me).  Since you're reading this, I figure you or someone you know likes toys right?  So why not get them something unique and handmade instead of a pile of socks (send those to me, I can never find any around here).  

    Peter Kato is releasing two new colorways of his popular figures today to help you with your last minute gift needs.  Not only are they toys, but they're original art, made by the man himself in his Brooklyn studio.  Pick em up at http://peterkatoshop.com/.

Alderaandie & Sith Resin Stormtroopers from Kid Ink Industries

    Just because you're all the same person underneath your helmets, doesn't mean you can't personalize your wardrobe.  These chill Stormtrooper bros know that no one can tell them apart (cause of the whole clone business) but they still want to express their feelings through fashion!!  Kris Dulfer/Kid Ink Industries just put these up for sale at http://kidinkindustries.storenvy.com/ and they're already starting to sell out, so stop reading my nonsense, click that link, and get yourself something cool.  

Heavy Metal Wookie from I Break Toys

    Of course Chewbacca is a metal fan.  Do you think anything covered in that much hair is not listening to Iron Maiden?  Lisa Rae Hansen/I Break Toys has really outdone herself with this figure, and it's better than anything Star Wars has officially released in the last ten years.  She took an old school action figure and made it better, which is not something that's easy to do with such an iconic character.  If you want one for your collection (you do, I can see it in your eyes) then you better be quick when these go on sale tomorrow, December 12th, at 10pm GMT cause everybody's gonna want one.  And no, they most likely won't let you play with theirs.  

http://ibreaktoys.storenvy.com/

Smells Like X-Mas Smoking Poo Ornaments from Frank Kozik

    Decorating with poop is an old tradition that began with the pagans many moons ago.  Their feeling was that life was already pretty crappy, what with an average life expectancy of 20, so let's throw some turds around the house and see if it wards off evil.  It didn't stop evil as much as it invited parasites, thus cutting their life expectancy to 18.  Hey, this is how scientific breakthroughs happen people.   So while the tradition of decorating with your recycled food has been replaced with indoor plumbing, we can pay tribute to those pioneers with these much safer/less disease ridden substitutes.

    Mr. Frank Kozik is up to his usual shenanigans, this time taking over our Christmas trees with these resin poop ornaments.  His stuff is already in every other place in my house, so this is the logical next step.  Though I do wish he would make Labbit-shaped non slip stickers to put in my tub.  He should propose that to his research and development team.  Safety should not only be important, it should be stylish.

    These smokin' coils are sold as a set for $40 and only 25 sets were made.  Get em now at www.frankkozik.net.  

Modern Hero Bank in Blue from MAD x Tenacious Toys

    I'm great at saving money.  However, I suck at making money, so there's never really anything to save. It is my curse.  I do however have the hair of a Sears catalog model, so I have that going for me.

    If I had money I would want to keep it in this Modern Hero bank from Mad.  You just lift off his little hat and fill his plastic body with your riches.  I would fill it mostly with rocks and whatever change I find in the parking lot so people thought I was a baller if they tried to pick it up and shake it.  This sucker is huge too, standing a whopping 18 inches high.  And it would be really awesome to walk into the bank carrying this when you have to cash your coins/rocks in.  Tenacious Toys is the exclusive retailer of this blue version and have it up for preorder right now on their website.  They only made 30 of them so act quick sucka and get on the road to successful wealth management.  

Dead Kozik Bust in Green from Kevin Gosselin x Suburban Vinyl

    I would think that it would have to be a weird feeling to have someone make a toy of you as a corpse.  I'm not sure my wife would want a Dead Chris bust, but that might be because I told her I was gonna haunt her if I die first.  Nothing major like Poltergeist or anything, I would just try to keep up the level of annoying stuff that I did while I was alive.  

  Kevin Gosselin has paid tribute to the future insect buffet of Frank Kozik in this limited edition bust.  Suburban Vinyl has got this exclusive green version that is limited to 50 pieces and will cost ya $200.  I think he would look lovely next to grandma's urn.