Willo Resin Sculpture Kickstarter from Kyle Kirwan

    I think I've told this story before, but it warrants a retelling.  While living in my first apartment with my wife I made a custom figure that utilized fake antlers from a taxidermy supply company.  They needed to be shaved down a bit at their base so they would fit into the head of the figure, so I grabbed my trusty Dremel, sat out on the front stoop, and began grinding them down.  Just then two degenerates who just bought drugs from our upstairs neighbor (that's a looooong story that ended with the US Marshalls and the fastest eviction you've ever seen) come walking by and I look up at them from behind my respirator (don't breath that crap in folks) and nod so they think I'm cool and won't want to steal my tv.  One looks at the other and says, and I quote, "That's some real Jeffrey Dahmer shit."  That is when I learned that if you live around sketchy people doing sketchy things, it doesn't hurt to have them think you might be a sociopath.  

    I'm a sucker for a nice rack (of antlers) and this Willo figure from Kyle Kirwan certainly has that.  This dude needs your help to become an actual toy and you can show your support via a Kickstarter campaign going on right now.  This thing is very very close to getting funded and just needs a little extra push to make it happen.  Be a part of creating this unique toy by clicking here.

Rootbeer Corn Float Unchimen from Skinner Release Today!

    Anything having to do with poop is hilarious.  You know you still laugh whenever someone lets out a fart in public.  If the biggest, scariest, most prison-rapey dude you've ever seen let one rip there would be nothing you could do to stop from laughing.  Sure, he may kill you for making fun of his gaseous indiscretion, but even the thought of being choked to death by his tattooed hands can't stop it from being funny.  There is only one time that poop is not funny and that's when it's happening to us.  But even that is only momentary, because afterwards you can laugh about how you "wrecked the pipes" in your house, or that time you almost had to poop in the ditch on the way to the Bob Dylan concert because you swore your bowels could no longer take the torture of the Kentucky Fried Chicken you ate earlier and it was really hard to hold back their fury and operate the clutch of the truck you were driving without there being a breach in your backdoor security.  But then like an oasis in the midday desert heat you saw rise an Exxon station in the horizon, and you knew your salvation was at hand and you would not lose a good pair of underwear or your dignity on the side of a highway in Delaware after all.  

    Skinner has painted up three of these turd men by Paul Kaiju so you can finally own something nice that your mother can be proud of.  They go on sale today (Wednesday,April 23rd) at noon Pacific time at http://theartofskinner.com/.  And by the way, if anything ever comes out of your body that looks like this, don't bother consulting WebMD or even your local emergency room.  You need a priest and a will.  

LiverDiet Custom Semi Korosiya from Cop A Squat Toys

    LiverDiet sounds like a good nickname for a viking.  Like, Harold LiverDiet.  It would strike the fear in your enemies that once they are defeated you will eat their iron-packed organs while they are still alive!!!!!!!!!!!!  That's pretty brutal.  Mine would probably be lame if it were left to other people to make it up based on my life.  I would end up Chris Litter Scooper, or Chris Crooked Toe.  I don't see my enemies running in fear of either of those.  

   In real life, LiverDiet is no marauder raiding monasteries and carrying off slave girls to Scandinavia, but a maker of clothing and toys.  Which is pretty brutal on its own, if you think about production runs and profit margins.  He has customized 8 of these Semi Korosiyas from Cop A Squat Toys and they are things of beauty.  The nice, subtle paint job goes a long way to bringing out the qualities of the figure itself.  Each one will come with an 8x10 serigraph (seen below) and one lucky collector will also get a snapback hat so you don't get sunburn on your head this summer.  Have you ever sunburned your scalp?  It sucks, don't do it.  You never think about that exposed part in your hair until it's too late and it feels like it's been licked by the fires of Hades.  

    These guys go on sale this Friday, April 25th at 7pm only at http://copasquattoys.bigcartel.com/.

    

Street Spirit Artist Series from Suburban Vinyl featuring The Sucklord

    These guys would be kinda scary is they weren't bright pink.  You can't take anything in pink seriously.  Like, if a dude came up to rob you and he was wearing a pink track suit you would probably just laugh and then beat him up and take his wallet.  Pink has the ability to drain the threatening aspect out of any situation.  

    But pink is the signature color of The Sucklord and he has used it liberally in customizing these Street Spirit figures from Nemo.  And he even covered the bottoms of them with the goings on in Asia as found in a Chinese newspaper.  What do they say?  I dunno, I studied useless things in school.  

   Sucklord only made 6 of these for Suburban Vinyl in what will be an ongoing series of these figures featuring different artists.  Spruce up your living space by getting one from http://www.suburbanvinyl.com/.

Entertainment Earth Exclusive Sons of Anarchy Figures from Mezco

    Oh, let's just make all my posts about Sons of Anarchy today.  This October we will be in the thick of the last ever season of this show, and while I'll doing my best to try and not be an emotional cripple, I'll also be buying up all of these figures that are coming out.  It's how I deal with the sadness that my favorite show is ending.  And while my wife is at work and unable to judge me I can reenact the entire series.  Hopefully they come out with a dead hooker expansion pack because Barbie is not to scale.  

    Mezco has made these versions of Jax and Clay exclusively for the nice folks at Entertainment Earth.  Both will be released this October, but you can preorder them now by clicking on the Entertainment Earth button on the right of this page.  You better do it or your collection won't be complete and you'll have to buy them from some jerk on eBay who will mark them up 200%.    

Second Series of Sons of Anarchy Coins from Mezco Toys

    While the first series of Sons of Anarchy coins was to commemorate those characters that had succumbed to their vicious lifestyle, the second set features characters that are still, for now, with us.  But as the last season of the series is quickly approaching, their time in this world is most likely coming to an end.  I'm both excited and sad that my favorite show is coming to an end.  I'm excited to see how all of the insanity is wrapped up and how much further everything can spiral out of control before they reach any form of resolution.  But I am saddened that these characters that I've invited into my home for the past seven years will be gone forever.  You build an emotional investment in their fictional stories and it's hard to let that go.  I am grateful that the show will be allowed to go out on it's own terms and we will all get to see the completion of Kurt Sutter's vision the way he intended it.  Not a lot of programs get that ability.  

      I went a little off course there, but I'll try and right the ship.  These coins were produced by Mezco to go along with the actor's that portray these characters appearing at Chiller Theatre in Northern New Jersey April 25th-27th.  I haven't been to that convention in a few years and am seriously tempted to go, if for no other reason than to meet Katey Sagal who portrays Gemma.  She is by far one of the most complex characters on television and I can't imagine anyone else bringing so much life to that role.  

    You can only get these coins online by visiting http://www.mezcotoyz.com/.  

Rotofugi Exclusive Jyujin from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and GEEK!

    Is this what everyone is always looking for on those monster hunting shows?  I hate those programs, because they never find squat.  Actually, I hate any program that goes hunting for the supernatural or mythological creatures because there is no payoff.  Let me dramatically recreate for you every episode of every one of those tv shows that have ever existed:

****Bunch of idiots with expensive equipment walking around in places that will require a tetanus afterwards.  Picture it in your mind's eye.****

Idiot one:  (stops suddenly and puts out his arms to signal everyone to stop as well)  "Shhh Shhh.  Did you hear that?"

Idiot two:  (looks spooked and turns up his super sonic listening device then holds his headphones tight to his ear)

Idiot one:  "Let's check our traps."

****The gaggle of morons walks slowly so they don't scare the majestic creature/raccoon away.***

Idiot one:  "I knew that sounded like a bigfoot.  Look at the trap.  He took a big bite out of that fruitcake we left here and must have run away when he heard us coming.  This is the real deal fellas"

    Multiply that by 13 and you have an entire season of stupidity.  

    When one of those dudes brings back something that looks like this Jyujin from GEEK!, then I'll be impressed.  This big hunk o plastic was expertly painted by Rich from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and is an exclusive to Rotofugi.  You want to add this mythical beast to your collection?  Well, you've got till tomorrow (Friday, April 18th) at noon Central time to enter the lottery for your chance to get one.  If you win you then gotta pay $165.  If you lose, well, you lose.  Enter it now by going to http://www.rotofugi.com/.