SDCC Exclusive Butt-Face in Space from Falcon Toys x DKE

    You know what's great about DKE?  Just look at the picture, cause everything important that you need to know about this toy is right there for you.  There's nothing for me to get wrong.  I can now focus my attention on being snarky, which I'm a lot better at than rehashing facts.  

    I suppose if you had a butt for a face, outer space might be the appropriate setting for you.  You'd be pretty much by yourself, except for those guys at the space station, but from what I understand it's pretty easy to avoid other folks in the cosmos with it being all endless and whatnot.  And if you were to have a butt face you probably aren't that good at making friends, since people aren't going to just let that go unnoticed.  As if you weren't aware you could make your chin fart! 

   Butt-Face in Space is the creation of Falcon Toys and will be exclusively sold at this year's San Diego Comic Con.  I want to give DKE serious props, as they are focussing their efforts on limited run, hand-made items, which is pretty cool.  Not only will you get something truly unique, but you'll be supporting artists who aren't afraid to take risks.  

Super7 Exclusives for SDCC 2014

    There's only one reason to go to San Diego Comic Con and it's not waiting in line for days to see a panel or that unique odor of 100,000 people crammed in one place during the Southern California summer.  It's for the crazy toys that companies produce just for this event that will never see the shelf of a toy store.  Super7 unveiled their exclusives for this year and I would punch your grandmother in the mouth to own them.  First up, check out that sweet Alien egg.  You's think that would be enough by itself, but it opens up to reveal a special uber rare figure.  These are sold blind boxed for $25 and you can only buy 4 of them, so hopefully you've paid tribute to the plastic gods and they will smile upon you with what's inside.  

    So now you've got your armful of Alien eggs and nowhere to put them.  If only they created a sweet playset where they could be nurtured and then hatched into little evil space demons.  Oh, would you look at that.  Look how much fun those kids are having, turning every human in the galaxy into a walking incubator.  There are only going to be 250 of these made and are strictly limited to one per person.  

    Girl, I got something real important to give you.  It's a gimp in a box!  But it's not just any gimp, its that pleather-clad weirdo from Pulp Fiction that has probably made you uncomfortable since you first saw him.  Well, now you can have your very own Gimp ReAction figure in a little wooden crate.  Limited again to only one per person, this naughty little monkey can be yours for $25.

    Oh good Lord this is a lot of vinyl!  Alright, I'm a bit overwhelmed so lets just handle these guys in list form so you can have all the pertinent details at your disposal:

Caveman Dinosaur- $35

Mongolian - $65

Crystal Mecha - $95

Fossila - $95

Mummy Boy Adventure Set - $65

Honoo- $35

     I think there's gonna be more stuff too but my head is spinning and I should probably lay down before I fall over on a cat.  Get all this stuff at booth #4945 or get yourself one of those toy mules.  But be specific that it's not necessary to bring the toys back the same way they would, say, something illegal.  Things could get messy.  

SDCC Exclusive Infected Androids from Scott Wilkowski x DKE Toys

    Well, it looks like it's that time of year again where I show you cool stuff that will be available at San Diego Comic Con that you'll have to pray is available after the show.  Or if you're lucky enough to be going, it will be the stuff that you'll want to make sure you're early in line for.  I only talk about the cream of the crop son!

    I'm never not impressed by the work of Scott Wilkowski.  First off, he makes these crazy freaky looking skeleton things in the shape of popular toys, then he casts them in resin so they look like some kind of horror movie candy that while tasting delicious, will implant a fetal poltergeist in your gut.  DKE will be selling these exclusive Infected Androids in 4 different colors with 100 figures per.  Buy 1 or buy all 4, just don't put them in your mouth as I can guarantee you they don't taste as good as they look.  Plus, who wants to risk having some dark entity burst out of your chest and call you its momma? Not this guy.  

    

Most Epic Review Time: Lurker Sets from Skinner x Unbox Industries

     Not every toy can be part of the most epic of reviews you will ever read.  There's a vigorous screening process, lots of bribery, and I just have to be in the mood.  But some toys just demand to have great stories told about them, as do these Lurkers from Skinner and Unbox Industries.  Now sit back, pet a cat, and let me tell you a tale of such secrecy that it may be the last one I am ever able to write.

    There is much misinformation about the Cold War.  Many people think that it was just one huge standoff between the United States and The Soviet Union, but there is more to the story than that.  It was literally a "cold war" as we had enough of Gorbachev's crap and invaded.  Our troops landed in the frozen wastelands of Siberia and were quickly met with great resistance.  Behold, a dramatic recreation of those events:

Our brave men fought hard, hitting those commies with everything they had.  

But the Russians were, like, way determined or something to not fall that day.

    The battle was intense, and there were many casualties on both sides.  But all of this fighting stirred a greater evil that was lying dormant in a nearby cave.  They awoke, the Lurkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    These unholiest of creatures were kinda pissed that their deep slumber had been interrupted, but took it as a sign that this was the dawn of their enslavement of man.  

    The US and Soviet soldiers quickly realized they had a much greater problem on their hands than whose form of government was the most baller, so they joined forces in an attempt to stop the Lurker advancement.  

    The Lurkers were being pushed back into the depths from whence they came, but as any good evil entity does, they had learned much about their enemies even during their long sleep.  They had even learned our scientific advancements, which led to them to mutate and become:

FULL BLOWN NUCLEAR WARHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh, you didn't see that coming did you?  Well neither did those brave soldiers that day and they were forced to surrender in the face of these hideous creatures with enriched uranium in their blood that made them glow like some really glowy object thingy.  The Lurkers demanded to negotiate only with the heads of both countries and upon meeting them they slaughtered everyone in both governments, assumed their identities, and continue to run the world even now.  Makes a lot of sense to me.  

    With your new found understanding of world events you will no doubt want to commemorate this awakening with Lurker figures of your own.  The only place to get them is http://shopcriticalhit.com and they are a mere $20 for a pack of 5 figures. Now you can create epic battle scenes on your living room floor like I did!!!  Get em for everyone on your Christmas list!

Dark Forest Pollen Kaiser and Luftkaiser from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    I would not be surprised if critters like this have set up camp in my nasal passages.  See, I'm sick, and it's all I can focus on right now cause I feel like bag of poo that someone lit on fire and is currently being stomped on by a gullible neighbor.  I must moan about it as if it is my only course of action until whatever is inside my head grows board and moves on to the next person.  I know, it isn't the soundest of plans but it is gratifying to a degree.  

   These new hand painted Pollen Kaisers and Luftkaisers from Paul Kaiju are being referred to as the "Dark Forrest" editions.  Now, where I come from, a dark forest is something to be leery of, especially if it is dark during the day, which I suppose would make sense because every forest is dark at night.  Unless the forest has electricity and an abundance of lamps hanging from tree branches, but that's something else to be scared of entirely.  

   Both of these figures go on sale at noon Pacific time today from the fine folks at Toy Art Gallery.  

New Young Gohst from Ferg x Grody Shogun x Lulubell Toy Bodega

    Uggh, I have a sinus infection.  And it's not as if they aren't sucky any time of the year, but they're especially sucky when it's 90 degrees out.  It's hot, the humidity is high, and you can barely breath because all of your cranial cavities are filled with snot.  I just felt like complaining a bit to start my Friday off on the right foot.

    This guy is looking like he's having a rough go of it as well.  This dude is the latest Young Gohst from Ferg x Grody Shogun and is somehow made of a mixture of glow in the dark, red, teal, and magenta vinyl.  I don't know how they do it, but it gives him the look of having gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson with his hands tied behind his back.  Getting punched in the face repeatedly is probably not a good way to clear your congestion.  

   If you want one of these there is gonna be a limited 24 hour pre-order window open starting June 30th at 10am Pacific time.  These suckers are made to order and each one will be unique.  Available only from http://www.lulubelltoys.com/. 

Limited Pre-Order Run Krawluss from Skinner x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    Skinner not only creates the greatest monsters the world has ever known, but he is a mythical being himself.  See, Skinner has been making stuff before he was ever born into his human body.  Just look at what I found in the Smithsonian's American History Museum over the weekend:

    Making steam engines obviously bored him, so he decided to inhabit his current form and bring plastic nightmares to life instead.  And this one may be the most horrific of all.  Krawluss is the result of him melding his mind together with Mutant Vinyl Hardcore, passing the unholy amalgamation off to Shinbone Creative (for sculpting purposes) through a series of haunting visions in a Whopper Value Meal, and then having the plastic bits meticulously cast by dark elves hidden in the mountains of Japan.  Then Skinner puts their pieces together and paints in all the stuff that will keep you up at night.  Slap the biggest header card ever known in the 9 worlds and you have a toy that will make all of your other life decisions meaningless.  

    It's not a question of whether you will buy one or not, for his eyes have already permeated your very soul.  The only question is when you can do so, and that would be starting tomorrow, Friday June 27th.  This sale will last until June 29th or until all of the figures are spoken for.  I would bet on the latter happening.  And everyone who pre-orders one of these fine specimens will be entered into a drawing to win this:

    Are you kidding me?  You might end up getting two figures for the price of one?  His accountant is gonna have a fit.  

    Each figure will retail for $250 and will only be available from this link.