Lizzie: The New Resin Figure from Peter Kato

    Lizards get a bad rap.  Most of it I feel is due to that Godzilla character who's always stomping on poor Tokyo and leaving a general mess of things.  Most lizards will never be mutated by radiation and wreak havoc on our infrastructure, but all we ever see are the one's that are behaving badly.  What about all of their humanitarian efforts?  You never hear about that stuff because the media is biased. 

    Just look at these Lizzies from Peter Kato.  They look more apt to ask you how your day is going than to step on your brand new Buick.  These are the types of lizards that would help you clean up after a particularly messy get together, or offer you sound financial advice when determining just how to invest your 401k.  Each one is completely hand made and limited to 15 pieces for this inaugural offering.  Get one for yourself this Thursday, July 10th, at midnight for $35 from  http://peterkatoshop.com/.

Infected Smorkin Labbits from Frank Kozik x Scott Wilkowski

    I'm thankful that this toy brings to light a serious issue, possibly the most serious issue, that is affecting our society today.  It unwittingly raises awareness for the dangers of animals smoking.  Hundreds of forest fires every year are caused by raccoons and squirrels that have come home from extra long shifts at their jobs, only to fall asleep on the couch while watching Naked and Afraid reruns and puffing on a menthol.  Not to mention he countless possums and chipmunks who, in a fit of coughing from years of tar buildup, are unable to make it safely to the other side of the road.  These tragedies can be avoided if we are willing to hold the tobacco companies accountable and put a stop to their over-aggressive marketing to woodland creatures.  

    Smoking also makes the bone structures of bunnies look kinda freaky, as evident in these Infected Smorkin Labbits from Frank Kozik and Scott Wilkowski.  These were made for a comic con release many moons ago, but Frank found a bunch of them while he was packing up to move to his new studio.  The few remaining pieces will go on sale today (Monday, July 7th) at noon Pacific time for $150 each.  These are only available at www.frankkozik.net. 

Toy Tokyo Exclusive Red Batmobile Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    If you're lucky enough to ever be in New York City you could wait in line for hours to go to the top of the Empire State Building, fight through crowds of very confused tourists in Times Square, or you could skip all that stuff and go to the greatest landmark the city has to offer:  Toy Tokyo.  I'm not blowing smoke either, Toy Tokyo is my favorite store in all of New York.  Even though I've been there a handful of times it never ceases to make my draw drop and turn my brain to mush with the shear amount of things I want.  Sharon just holds stuff up and I nod and drool and that's how we know what to buy.  Seriously, this place does not suck and nothing will have ever made you wish you were rich so badly.  

   And Toy Tokyo has all the hookups, so they get cool stuff like this exclusive Red Batmobile Pop! Vinyl set from Funko.  Now, they are doing something really different for this release for those of you that will be trying to order online.  It will only be available (in limited numbers mind you) at this new website they set up:  http://toytokyoexclusive.com/.  Don't try and go to their regular site, cause there will be no Batman for you.  There all also other things that you need to know about this release, and for that info I direct you to https://toytokyo.com/blogs.  Seriously, you better read it if you want one.  These drop tomorrow (Tuesday, January 8th) at 2pm on that special site I just told you about a few sentences ago.  You got this.  

SDCC Exclusive Butt-Face in Space from Falcon Toys x DKE

    You know what's great about DKE?  Just look at the picture, cause everything important that you need to know about this toy is right there for you.  There's nothing for me to get wrong.  I can now focus my attention on being snarky, which I'm a lot better at than rehashing facts.  

    I suppose if you had a butt for a face, outer space might be the appropriate setting for you.  You'd be pretty much by yourself, except for those guys at the space station, but from what I understand it's pretty easy to avoid other folks in the cosmos with it being all endless and whatnot.  And if you were to have a butt face you probably aren't that good at making friends, since people aren't going to just let that go unnoticed.  As if you weren't aware you could make your chin fart! 

   Butt-Face in Space is the creation of Falcon Toys and will be exclusively sold at this year's San Diego Comic Con.  I want to give DKE serious props, as they are focussing their efforts on limited run, hand-made items, which is pretty cool.  Not only will you get something truly unique, but you'll be supporting artists who aren't afraid to take risks.  

Super7 Exclusives for SDCC 2014

    There's only one reason to go to San Diego Comic Con and it's not waiting in line for days to see a panel or that unique odor of 100,000 people crammed in one place during the Southern California summer.  It's for the crazy toys that companies produce just for this event that will never see the shelf of a toy store.  Super7 unveiled their exclusives for this year and I would punch your grandmother in the mouth to own them.  First up, check out that sweet Alien egg.  You's think that would be enough by itself, but it opens up to reveal a special uber rare figure.  These are sold blind boxed for $25 and you can only buy 4 of them, so hopefully you've paid tribute to the plastic gods and they will smile upon you with what's inside.  

    So now you've got your armful of Alien eggs and nowhere to put them.  If only they created a sweet playset where they could be nurtured and then hatched into little evil space demons.  Oh, would you look at that.  Look how much fun those kids are having, turning every human in the galaxy into a walking incubator.  There are only going to be 250 of these made and are strictly limited to one per person.  

    Girl, I got something real important to give you.  It's a gimp in a box!  But it's not just any gimp, its that pleather-clad weirdo from Pulp Fiction that has probably made you uncomfortable since you first saw him.  Well, now you can have your very own Gimp ReAction figure in a little wooden crate.  Limited again to only one per person, this naughty little monkey can be yours for $25.

    Oh good Lord this is a lot of vinyl!  Alright, I'm a bit overwhelmed so lets just handle these guys in list form so you can have all the pertinent details at your disposal:

Caveman Dinosaur- $35

Mongolian - $65

Crystal Mecha - $95

Fossila - $95

Mummy Boy Adventure Set - $65

Honoo- $35

     I think there's gonna be more stuff too but my head is spinning and I should probably lay down before I fall over on a cat.  Get all this stuff at booth #4945 or get yourself one of those toy mules.  But be specific that it's not necessary to bring the toys back the same way they would, say, something illegal.  Things could get messy.  

SDCC Exclusive Infected Androids from Scott Wilkowski x DKE Toys

    Well, it looks like it's that time of year again where I show you cool stuff that will be available at San Diego Comic Con that you'll have to pray is available after the show.  Or if you're lucky enough to be going, it will be the stuff that you'll want to make sure you're early in line for.  I only talk about the cream of the crop son!

    I'm never not impressed by the work of Scott Wilkowski.  First off, he makes these crazy freaky looking skeleton things in the shape of popular toys, then he casts them in resin so they look like some kind of horror movie candy that while tasting delicious, will implant a fetal poltergeist in your gut.  DKE will be selling these exclusive Infected Androids in 4 different colors with 100 figures per.  Buy 1 or buy all 4, just don't put them in your mouth as I can guarantee you they don't taste as good as they look.  Plus, who wants to risk having some dark entity burst out of your chest and call you its momma? Not this guy.  

    

Most Epic Review Time: Lurker Sets from Skinner x Unbox Industries

     Not every toy can be part of the most epic of reviews you will ever read.  There's a vigorous screening process, lots of bribery, and I just have to be in the mood.  But some toys just demand to have great stories told about them, as do these Lurkers from Skinner and Unbox Industries.  Now sit back, pet a cat, and let me tell you a tale of such secrecy that it may be the last one I am ever able to write.

    There is much misinformation about the Cold War.  Many people think that it was just one huge standoff between the United States and The Soviet Union, but there is more to the story than that.  It was literally a "cold war" as we had enough of Gorbachev's crap and invaded.  Our troops landed in the frozen wastelands of Siberia and were quickly met with great resistance.  Behold, a dramatic recreation of those events:

Our brave men fought hard, hitting those commies with everything they had.  

But the Russians were, like, way determined or something to not fall that day.

    The battle was intense, and there were many casualties on both sides.  But all of this fighting stirred a greater evil that was lying dormant in a nearby cave.  They awoke, the Lurkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    These unholiest of creatures were kinda pissed that their deep slumber had been interrupted, but took it as a sign that this was the dawn of their enslavement of man.  

    The US and Soviet soldiers quickly realized they had a much greater problem on their hands than whose form of government was the most baller, so they joined forces in an attempt to stop the Lurker advancement.  

    The Lurkers were being pushed back into the depths from whence they came, but as any good evil entity does, they had learned much about their enemies even during their long sleep.  They had even learned our scientific advancements, which led to them to mutate and become:

FULL BLOWN NUCLEAR WARHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh, you didn't see that coming did you?  Well neither did those brave soldiers that day and they were forced to surrender in the face of these hideous creatures with enriched uranium in their blood that made them glow like some really glowy object thingy.  The Lurkers demanded to negotiate only with the heads of both countries and upon meeting them they slaughtered everyone in both governments, assumed their identities, and continue to run the world even now.  Makes a lot of sense to me.  

    With your new found understanding of world events you will no doubt want to commemorate this awakening with Lurker figures of your own.  The only place to get them is http://shopcriticalhit.com and they are a mere $20 for a pack of 5 figures. Now you can create epic battle scenes on your living room floor like I did!!!  Get em for everyone on your Christmas list!