You're Gonna Need This. It's Shark Norris from Goodleg Toys

    Chuck Norris is already the most feared man on the planet, so what insane person would combine him with the most feared creature in the ocean thus creating mankind's doom?  Goodleg Toys of course!  They have totally disregarded the fact that Shark Norris is the most unstoppable killing machine ever dreamed of.  No tank can stop him from laying waste to his enemies, and he's gonna run out of those pretty quickly and therefore need new enemies, which is where the whole "humankind is screwed" thing comes from.  

    The carnage begins this Sunday, November 9th, when you can order your very own over at http://goodlegtoys.tumblr.com/.  

    

Marbled Shub Zeroth Release for Brian Ewing's "Scream With Me" Show

    Nothing as exciting as this has happened to the city of Chicago since the opening of the 1892 Columbian Exposition.  I wasn't there, but I heard everyone who wasn't turned into a medical school prop by H. H. Holmes had a wonderful time.  Tonight you can witness an event of comparable proportions (to the fair, not the murders) when Brian Ewing opens his solo show at Galerie F.  

    Those in attendance will have the chance to purchase the first ever marbled release of Shub Zeroth.  He is the perfect blend of dark gray and flesh colored vinyl, formed into a beast whose name shall never be spoken thrice, lest the underworld rise up through a tear in the temporal vortex of our minds, forever poisoning our very souls.  

Oooooooh, pretty.

Check out http://www.galerief.com/ for more info on the show.

New Trailer for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    I really shouldn't be allowed to watch stuff like because I am so pumped up right now that I could sword fight all of my neighbors.  I wish I lived in Middle Earth.  But instead of killing Orcs and conquering lands I have to go and take out the trash and pay the car insurance bill.  Real life is quite dumb.  

Exclusive Releases from Suburban Vinyl at Designer Con

    Wait a second, are you telling me the guys from Suburban Vinyl are actually allowed to leave the state?  California is in for it as the Robs will be making the journey to set up at this weekend's Designer Con.  But they won't be showing up empty handed, as they will be bringing with them many quality wares for to peruse at booth # 515.  Let's get to it.  

    This Brent Nolasco figure looks like a pretty chill bro.  I'm sure he scares visitors to his swamp when they see him coming towards them, but all he really wants is someone to talk with about the new episode of American Horror Story.  He thinks they should drop the musical numbers and reign their wacky story telling in just a tad to make a more concise experience for the viewers.  He's got a lot of opinions about shows.  Only 3 of these in this color scheme exist in the world and you can be one of the proud owners for $120.  

    Look, I get it, you think that if you hang Starry Night on your living room wall that naked chicks are just gonna fall out of the wood work for how artistic and sensitive you are.  It's a load of crap, in fact women should beware of any man who tries to use this ploy, cause it means they don't like art enough to explore it beyond a picture that is offered by Capital One as an option for their first credit card.  And if it's hanging next to a Bob Marley poster or one of "beers of the world" you need to get out of that house immediately before you needs years of counseling to undo whats about to go down.  The Toy Viking is nothing if not a resource for keeping women safe.  

    Now if you're at someone's house and they have a picture like this one from Jon-Paul Kaiser, then you've got the green light to have all of their babies.  For $70 you can up your art game with one of these prints that are signed and numbered to 50.  

    If the power happens to go out in Pasadena don't worry, because they will have enough glow in the dark toys at booth 515 to light the bathroom up so you don't pee on yourself.  Like these Bio Buds from Manny Romero or these Primordial Ooze Munny heads from artisdead with little ninja turtles trapped inside.  They will be priced at $40 and $21 respectively. 

    Or get yourself a mini Ice Scream Man from Brutherford Industries to light your way during those dark moments.  Get one for $20, but please don't lick it cause people will stare.  

Flat Bonnie Exclusives for Designer Con

     The only time I want to see critters look like they've been squashed by an eighteen wheeler is when they are created by Flat Bonnie.  Seriously, on my way to work it's like the contents of a zoo are strewn about on the road.  Stop driving like morons and look out for our fuzzy friends.  If you must hit something with your car aim for another human being, because there are way more of them and not enough raccoons in the world.  This has been a public service announcement by People for the Unethical Treatment of Other People and Stuff or P.U.T.O.P.S for short.  

   Look at these.  LOOK AT THESE!!!!!!!!!  They're friggin adorable.  I would call out sick every day and snuggle with them while watching Golden Girls reruns and getting fat off of Cheez-Itz.  That's a real American dream.  

    Flat Bonnie is gonna have booth of these critters at Designer Con this weekend at booth number 316.  The Jackalope is a special Frozen edition and limited to only 10 pieces, while Sparg the Babdy Dragon (pictured below) is limited to 20 pieces.  Each on is $50, exclusive to this show, and even comes with an adoption certificate in case you get investigated by the authorities and need to document your plush children for some reason.  You can never be too careful.   

Exclusive Releases from Plaseebo at Designer Con

    People that live in California have way too much to do.  This past weekend not only did you have Stan Lee's Comikaze, but you had a convention for Hello Kitty.  My wife would have lost her mind to go to Hello Kitty Con.  Between the two of them we would have ended up homeless, but with piles of cool new stuff.  And this weekend you have Designer Con, which is the equivalent of a crack convention for junkies.  It costs next to nothing to get in and it's row upon row of fiscal irresponsibleness/stuff to make your shelves look top notch.  Screw bringing your credit cards; bring a loan officer from your bank.  

    Plaseebo will be setting up his wares here for the first time ever at the Gorgoloid booth # 933.  Check out the picture above for the awesome stuff that will haunt your dreams for years to come.  

Cthulhu Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    I've decided my favorite genre of monster is anything that is lying dormant on the ocean floor, waiting to enslave mankind.  The joke's on Cthulhu though, because we've already been enslaved by our cell phones.  Yesterday, Sharon and I decided to begin celebrating our anniversary by eating lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, followed by a visit to the Body Worlds Animal exhibit.  Before we continue, I would like to offer my critique on the Cheesecake Factory.  First off, why are the employees dressed like an orderly in a mental hospital?  The all white kinda made me nervous, as if someone was going to come to the table and give me a little something to help me sleep.  Then I'd wake up in a straight jacket waiting for my turn on the electro shock machine.  It's creepy.  Secondly, what in the world is going on with the decor?  "Tuscan villa on acid" is not a good design choice.  The food is pretty good though, so I can't be too hard on them.

    While we were eating at the Cheesecake Factory I noticed a young couple, probably in their 20's, at an adjoining table.  The only time they put their phones down was when it was time to eat.  No conversation whatsoever that didn't involve talking about how they liked their food.  Then as soon as they were done they were back on the phones, completely ignoring one another in favor of seeing what everyone else was up to on Facebook.  Is this really what life has come to?  If so, whenever Cthulhu makes his way to land he's gonna be sadly disappointed with the state of things.  At best he'll trend on Twitter for a day or so, probably get a ton of uploads to Instagram, and then he'll be forgotten.

Cthulhu:  "I am here to enslave mankind."

Mankind:  "That's a pretty boring status update, so, like, I'm just gonna play Candy Crush until my retinas melt."

Cthulhu:  "But, you don't understand.  I have risen from the depths to rule once more over this world."

Mankind:  #annoyingseamonster

    But as a consolation prize, the Old One will be forever immortalized in Pop! Vinyl form by Funko this January.