"New Maps of the Abyss " featuring Arik Roper x Skinner at The Cotton Candy Machine

    Art doesn't have to suck.  Art is not all about some weirdo glueing a screwdriver to a urinal, or those crappy prints that you're forced to stare at in your doctor's waiting room.  It should make you feel something, whether you just like how something looks, or whether it makes you want to charge into battle, double fisting a couple broad swords, while "Reign in Blood" is blasted from the heavens.  If the latter speaks to your Lord of the Rings-loving soul, then do I have the place for you to be tomorrow night.

    The Cotton Candy Machine in Brooklyn is presenting "New Maps of the Abyss" featuring the work of Arik Roper and Skinner.  This is gonna take you back to the time when you were hiding in the basement in your Iron Maiden t-shirt, playing Dungeons and Dragons with your friends.  These are your most vivid fantasies, your darkest fears, brought to life and ready to hang on your wall.

    The event starts at 7pm and both artists will be in attendance.  

Shagghoulies from We Become Monsters

    I've said it before and I'll say it again:  Not enough people wear fuzzy suits.  I'm not talking about those furry people who like to dress as animals and touch each others butts and stuff.  They make me reaaaaaallllllly uncomfortable.  I used to work in the mall and this family would come in and they all went to those furry conventions and wanted to talk to me about it which made my skin crawl.  They also looked like they might of had a "Hills Have Eyes" living situation going on, but that's something else entirely.  Have you ever noticed that attractive people aren't into stuff like that?  You never see anyone roaming around Wal Mart with cat ears on their head that you'd like to picture naked.  

    What I want people to start wearing are business suits that look like they were created from the remains of a dead Muppet.  How much more fun would it be to get fired by a guy (or girl, I'm all for women in power and whatnot) firing you while looking like Oscar the Grouch?  You couldn't even be that mad.  

    I'm digging We Become Monster's latest creations, the Shagghoulies!  If they're isn't already there should be a horror-themed rock band with that name.  I don't know if these guys have any musical talent, but they look like fun.  Only 8 of these dudes were ever created and they will be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world this Friday, November 14th, at noon Pacific time for $75.  They stand over a foot tall too, so that's a lot of fuzzy toy for your money.  Get yours at http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com/.

"UnAmerican Activity" Custom Toy Show at Toy Art Gallery

    It's rare that I would ever open an email with a subject that involved the word "unAmerican" cause I am not trying to get on some government list or have the feds parked outside my house trying to see what I'm up to.  Not that I'm up to anything, but it just seems like a hassle.  I'd have to step up my style game if people are gonna be outside taking pictures all the time to go in my permanent file.  This is how their briefing on my case will play out:

 Boss:  "So, have you determined what the deal with this guy is?"

Cop:  "Sir, all we've been able to ascertain is that the house is filled with cats, and the subject looks FABULOUS!" (throws glitter in the air, much to the chagrin of his fellow officers)

    And that is how I will waste the taxpayer's money.  End scene.

      I opened that email anyway and instead of finding something that would send me to Guantanimo, I found out about a killer toy show this weekend.  It's called "UnAmerican Activity" because the artists involved aren't from America.  Oooooooooooooh, that makes much more sense than what I was worried about.  The show opens this Friday, November 14th, at Toy Art Gallery and features the work of Jon-Paul Kaiser, Doktor A, and Seymour Art.  Check out this little preview of what you can see live and in person:

"Center for the Performing Arts" Building Set from Citizen Brick

    Law school is expensive, and what's a girl to do when she wants to be a district attorney and the student loans just aren't covering it?  Citizen Brick is known for making the building block sets that a certain company would never even dream of creating.  Now you can make it rain on little plastic strippers without ever leaving the privacy of your own home!  Usually that costs a lot of money and you have to burn the pants you wear after you sober up and/or see the performer of your lap dance in natural lighting.  There's a reason these places are dark.  

    Impress your friends and forgo the feeling of needing a hazmat shower with your very own Center for the Performing Arts.  This thing is beyond amazing:  it comes with four exclusive figures, working led lights with batteries, and is made using the same techniques that the big guys use, so this thing is completely legit.  For $275 think of the endless fun you will have without having to worry about the strength of your immune system.  Seriously, have you ever been in a strip club that didn't resemble a third world country? Order yours now and it will ship out Black Friday.  

http://citizenbrick.com/

    

You're Gonna Need This. It's Shark Norris from Goodleg Toys

    Chuck Norris is already the most feared man on the planet, so what insane person would combine him with the most feared creature in the ocean thus creating mankind's doom?  Goodleg Toys of course!  They have totally disregarded the fact that Shark Norris is the most unstoppable killing machine ever dreamed of.  No tank can stop him from laying waste to his enemies, and he's gonna run out of those pretty quickly and therefore need new enemies, which is where the whole "humankind is screwed" thing comes from.  

    The carnage begins this Sunday, November 9th, when you can order your very own over at http://goodlegtoys.tumblr.com/.  

    

Marbled Shub Zeroth Release for Brian Ewing's "Scream With Me" Show

    Nothing as exciting as this has happened to the city of Chicago since the opening of the 1892 Columbian Exposition.  I wasn't there, but I heard everyone who wasn't turned into a medical school prop by H. H. Holmes had a wonderful time.  Tonight you can witness an event of comparable proportions (to the fair, not the murders) when Brian Ewing opens his solo show at Galerie F.  

    Those in attendance will have the chance to purchase the first ever marbled release of Shub Zeroth.  He is the perfect blend of dark gray and flesh colored vinyl, formed into a beast whose name shall never be spoken thrice, lest the underworld rise up through a tear in the temporal vortex of our minds, forever poisoning our very souls.  

Oooooooh, pretty.

Check out http://www.galerief.com/ for more info on the show.

New Trailer for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    I really shouldn't be allowed to watch stuff like because I am so pumped up right now that I could sword fight all of my neighbors.  I wish I lived in Middle Earth.  But instead of killing Orcs and conquering lands I have to go and take out the trash and pay the car insurance bill.  Real life is quite dumb.