Toy Art Gallery's Holiday Sale

    Today is that glorious day where I showcase my terrible present wrapping skills.  I usually do fairly well on the first one or two, but then I just start to rush through it, creating more of an over-taped wad of paper than anything resembling something Martha Stewart would make.  The bright side is that I've set the bar so low that everyone expects me to do a bad job which alleviates any pressure I may have once felt.  

   Thankfully I have at least completed all of my shopping so I don't have to fight through the madness of retail on Christmas Eve.  I can just sit at home, procrastinate on the present wrapping, and maybe or maybe not get dressed for the day.  And I can also peruse all the stuff from Toy Art Gallery that I want, which is a lot.  The good thing is from now until the new year is that it's all 20% off.  Buy yourself something nice with all of your gift cards at www.toyartgallery.com.  

Milky Purple Slugbeard Lottery from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    My wife and I have a black cat named Icarus who has a bit of an eating disorder.  He likes to ingest anything from shoe laces and string to loosely woven fabrics.  One time he ate half of a shirt sleeve and had to go to the emergency vet to have some help in passing it.  We lock up all of our shoes and clothing and anything else we think he might decide to nibble on.  But sometimes you can't help what he decides is gonna taste good, especially if it's something you didn't bring into the house.  

   We first met Icarus when he was a kitten and he became lodged behind the engine of my car.  Four hours later and with the aid of a tow truck lifting the front of the car, we were able to liberate him from his automotive prison, and hoist him above our heads for the gathered crowd to see (picture the Lion King with more grease).  Needless to say the experience was rough on him and he wasn't too into being social, and by not too into it I mean he wouldn't let us touch him for six months.  He loved our other two cats but he was kind of leary people.  Slowly he began to socialize more and more with us; coming up to us to pet him, sitting near us on the couch, etc.  This is when we began to notice his weird eating habits, which we attributed to his traumatic experience of having been trapped for who knows how long underneath the car.  

    One night he was playing behind the couch and we started to hear this weird slurping noise.  We figured he had gotten into something we missed and was now making a meal of it.  I pulled the couch back to take it from him and witnessed, what is to this day, the weirdest thing any of my cats has ever tried to eat.  There, laying on the carpet, was a slug with the back half of its slime sucked clean off of his body.  My wife asks me what he has, and I tell he she doesn't want to know (she thinks slugs are the grosses things in the world) but she looks anyway.  I'd never seen her move so fast to get as far away from something.

    The moral of the story is my cat tried to eat a slug and my wife would probably object to me owning anything named Slugbeard.  But look how pretty Paul Kaiju's monstrous creation looks cast in a milky shade of purple.  I think she'd be able to look past the name don't you?

    Toy Art Gallery will be holding a lottery to give you the chance to buy one of these pretty behemoths.  Starting tomorrow at noon pacific time and running through December 22nd at noon pacific, you can send your pertinent details (PayPal address, shipping info) in an email to sales@toyartgallery.com with the subject line "Slugbeard Lottery".  Then you cross all your fingers and toes and hope the toy gods smile upon you.  If you win, you have to pony up $165 (which is a steal considering how freakin huge this thing is) and then wait patiently for the mail to come.  No early or multiple entries suckas.    

Alice In Wonderland Bedtime Bunnies from Candie Bolton x Peter Kato

    Have you ever thought about just how Alice fell down a rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland?  How big was that freakin bunny that it could dig a hole wide enough to swallow up a kid?  Or was he just an overachiever who was trying to show off his advanced constructing skills? Yeah, I know it's not based on a true story and that its a pretty wacky story overall.  I just want to make sure that there isn't some species of mutant bunnies trying to get rid of mankind on the sly.  What if they're responsible for those sinkholes you always hear about that cars and houses fall into?  I think this needs more investigation.

    Don't let the new panic I've instilled in you take away from this amazing collaboration between Candie Bolton and Peter Kato.  She's given 10 of his Bedtime Bunnies the Wonderland treatment and you could be lucky enough to own one when they go on sale tonight at 6pm eastern time only at http://peterkatoshop.com/.  Each one is $75 and comes packaged like a deck of cards.  

Purple Butterfly Porcelain Skull from NooN x K. Olin Tribu

    Skulls.  I love em, you love em.  They protect our brains from traumatic injury (most of the time), they give your head a shape much more pleasing than just the blob of skin and muscle it would be without it, and they are the perfect decoration for your palace once you have conquered your enemies (or your front porch to scare away would be sales people).  But what if you want to have, say, a dinner party at your house and your run of the mill skull collection just doesn't fit with the elevated theme of the evening?  Your prayers have been answered, because now you can put away all of those objects the police would like to question you about and display something far more artistic.

    NooN and K. Olin Tribu have just released the latest in their line of porcelain skulls with this one featuring purple butterfly embellishments.  Limited to only 50 pieces and housed in a wooden crate,  these are available to order right now from http://www.artandtoys.com/.  

Lolgolth Gnazgoroth Black and Red Preorders from Skinner x Unbox Industries

    You thought that if you hid under the warmth of your blanket it would go away.  That if you focused your mind on more pleasant things it's existence would cease.  There is no escape from the amalgamation of horror that is LOLGOTH GNAGOROTH!!!!!!

     I actually yelled that when I typed it, and now I think I've lost my voice.  Scared the crap out of the cats that were in the room too.  Now I'm gonna have to go buy them treats to apologize.  I can't help it though, sometimes I just get so intense while writing these posts that I have to vocally bring them from the digital world into the real world.  Sometimes that means I have to assure the police that no one is in fact being murdered in the house, all while not wearing pants.  Have you ever noticed the police tend not to believe you when you're not wearing pants?  Like it's part of their training or something.  

    I showed you pictures waaaaaaaaay back like a year or so ago of this crazy figure and told you about what a beast he was gonna be to produce.  Well Skinner and Unbox Industries must have found an ancient book of manufacturing spells cause the time has come for you to own one of these.  You can pick from red or black or get em both during the preorder period that runs until December 29th or until the amount of toys they've allocated for each color runs out.  They're $125 each, which is waaaaaaay less then I would have thought they would be, given the amount of detail and the amount of virgin's blood mixed into each one.  That last part is not confirmed, but let's just call it fact anyway.  Preorder yours now at http://store.unboxindustries.info/ 

Solar Stare Ultrus Bog from Skinner x Lulubell Toy Bodega

    We're doing some fascinating stuff in space right now.  We landed a little doohickey on a comet, we've got a Power Wheel on Mars driving around and finding ancient organic chemistry (like historical meth or something?) and the new Star Wars movie has got the whole world a buzz.  Space is the place to be and be seen.  But like your mom, space is vast and filled with unexplored areas our feeble human minds couldn't dream of.  What lurks there, waiting to enslave us?

    Could it be Ultrus Bog, that horrible beast that sprung forth from the mind of Skinner?  I dunno, I don't even know what is in my basement.  But I know that I love Ultrus Bog and you can love this new Solar Stare version from Lulubell Toy Bodega.  Time is running out though, because preorders went live for this dude yesterday, and will end in six days.  Six days!!!!!!!!!!  Cross someone off of your Christmas list that you really didn't like anyway and buy this for yourself.  

Order now at http://www.lulubelltoys.com/

"Toxic Goldfish" Toxigon Lottery from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    You know whats a weird popular thing online that I don't think anyone ever saw coming?  Zit popping videos.  And these aren't your run of the mill teenage grease pockets either.  I'm talking about giant-sized, cottage cheese gushing skin maladies that would challenge even the strongest stomach to get through.  Some of these videos have views well into the millions, making them on par with a new Taylor Swift video, and just about as watchable.  

   Just once I'd like for them to open up some giant growth on a dude's neck and have Toxigon pop out.  He looks like he'd be quite comfortable marinating under your skin until he was ready to wreak his own special brand of havoc on the world.  This "Toxic Goldfish" paint scheme really makes him look like some crazy biological anomaly that will one day have it's own daytime television commercial asking anyone who has experienced giving birth to a Toxigon to call some phone number and join a class action lawsuit against the makers of some new drug after it is determined that this crazy demon dude is the side effect of those pills you take just to be able to leave the house everyday and not freak out on people.  

    "Have you or someone you know taken the drug Prozac and as a result had a terrible hell spawn climb out of a skin blemish causing you extensive personal damage as you try to be the best parent anyone has ever been to such a hell-spawn even though his taste for flesh and vengeance on an unsuspecting world was greater than your capacity to love?  If you answered yes, you may be entitled to compensation.  We have lawyers who are also demonologists ready to take your case."

    Getting one of these beasts is actually a lot less painful than having one grow on the side of your neck.  You just have to enter a lottery and cross your fingers that you get picked.  Starting today (Friday, December 12)  at noon eastern time and lasting until tonight at 11:59pm eastern time, you can enter your pertinent details at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com/.  There are only 25 of these dudes to go around, so the winners will be announced on Saturday and invoiced for the price of the figure, which is $200 plus shipping.