The Debut of Sextopigon from Skinner x Unbox Industries

    I don't have kids because they are frightening little creatures.  The reasons I feel this way are too numerous to list here, but one of the big ones is how expensive they are.  If something is ridiculously pricey you can bet your life that they're not only gonna want it, but they're gonna probably break it as soon as they get home.  They're risky little investments that may or may not disappoint the crap out of you when they mature.  No matter how dicey the stock market gets, you will never have to visit your portfolio in jail because it turned out to be a little psychopath.

    You just know that Sextopigon's mother had a heart attack the moment he was born.  Not just because he was doomed to a career in the sideshow, but because he had all those feet.  Feet that would want the newest Air Jordans and put her in bankruptcy.  And you can just tell he's not gonn take good care of his stuff.

    Skinner and Unbox Industries are proud to release the first version of this monstrosity, which is an exclusive for Medicom.  Get one for yourself by visiting this link.  

The Last Knight "Classical Edition" from Andrew Bell

  Look how classy this is.  This is rap video prop classy.  You have to put this in a place of prominence, so when MTV Cribs shows up all the viewers at home can be jealous.  It must be the white and gold color scheme that makes me think about it belonging to someone who owns cars they've never even driven.

   The Last Knight from Andrew Bell might make you think you're a baller, but just use some caution before you upload a video of yourself rapping to Youtube, cause being Tosh.0 famous ain't gonna mean the money's rolling in.   Work on your lyrical skills while you're waiting for this to land at your favorite toy stores.  Limited to 200 pieces and priced at $75 each, it's perfectly priced for those of us still waiting on our recording contracts to come in the mail.  

The Iron Giant Deluxe Figure from Mondo

    If you can watch The Iron Giant and not become an emotional wreck then you might need to reconsider the state of your feelings.  It's a great film and one of the first instances of animation that I can remember that really transcended the Saturday morning cartoon for me and showed me how much more that medium could be.  

   Obviously that film effected a lot of other people in the same way because it continues to inspire the creation of new art. Like this impressive new figure from Mondo.  Known for their amazing poster releases, their new venture into toys has so far been pretty impressive.  This toy is made from the actual digital files they used to create him in the movie, features 30 points of articulation,  and comes with a bunch of different accessories.  You can preorder him now for $300 from http://mondotees.com/.  

    If you can't quite swing the cash for the whole figure but are still feeling nostalgic, you could purchase this life-sized replica of his bolt (if you've seen the movie you'll know why this is important).  It features a flashing light and at only $65 you can own this piece without feeling too guilty about your bank account.  

Battlesaurs from Small Angry Monster x Goodleg Toys

    If this picture is not what the new Jurassic park movie is based on then I can guarantee I'll never see it.  This is why Hollywood sucks, because they'll never understand the need to have a big budget robot dinosaur movie.  They're so focused on remaking things that have already been successful that something this insane would probably send them into meltdown mode.  Who of you wouldn't go to see a movie with characters like this?  If we could mix in professional wrestling then we'd have an instant classic on our hands.  

   Movies will never be this cool, but thankfully we have the people at Goodleg Toys to keep the dream alive with their War on Prehis line of figures.  For these Battlesaurs they enlisted the help of Small Angry Monster to give them a super sick paint job.  These reptilian warriors go on sale Friday at 11pm GMT+1 (that's Berlin time) over at http://goodlegtoys.storenvy.com/.

  

    

Pushead's Snotblower Verdigris Edition from Medicom

    Oh, I'm a sucker for a good patina and this my friends, is A-1 Antiques Roadshow grade.  Not to mention the figure itself is quite stunning/disturbing.  If you bought a house and found something that looked like this wrapped up in stained linen behind the basement stairs you should legally be allowed to burn the place down and get your money back.  

    Thankfully this figure from Pushead is made from plastic and not the biological remnants of some weirdo's enemies.  That's not to imply that it won't prevent your kids from sleeping until they move away to college, but the only permanent damage will be mental and not to their eternal souls.  

   I want one of these pretty badly, so I'm gonna go ahead and officially start my Christmas list for this year with this at the top of it.  You can get one for about $134 in hard American currency when it goes on sale this Saturday, January 24th through http://shop.syncstore.jp/.  They are based in Japan, so you might wanna consult the world clock and get your timing down so you don't miss it.  

Wanted: The Masked Marauder from The Sucklord

    Ol Cobra Commander looks like he may be riding a horsie too big for him.  I'm just concerned that he's gonna pull his groan playing cowboy and no ones gonna take him seriously as a super villain if he walks around like he's got a poop in his trousers.  I don't care what acts of horror anyone may have committed, as soon as they display the hint of having soiled their britches the effect is ruined.

   Sucklord has been on a cowboy kick recently, this being the second of his western bootleg offerings.  He made 29 of these and somehow you can still buy one.  You waiting for your W-2's to come in or something?  Buy now, regret later.

http://supersuckstore.com

Breaking Bad's Infamous Crystal Ship Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    When young people ask me for career advice I always say two things.  First, I ask them why the hell they're bothering me, then I recommend they become drug dealers.  I'm just kidding, I would never say that.  But when you think about it, it is a stable job.  There's plenty of demand and every day is an adventure.  You never know if someone will rob you, or try to kill you, or if the police will lock you up and seize all your earthly possessions.  Talk about never getting bored!  

    Breaking Bad sure made it look like fun, kinda sorta.  I just tried to focus on the barrels of money buried in the desert and not so much all the violent parts.  When you look at it like that it's pretty much living the dream.  They even had a sweet Winnebago, which I wouldn't mind having without all the meth equipment in it.  Funko has captured this now iconic caravan as a Pop! Vinyl with a little Jesse figure included.  Hopefully they made it so he can't lock the keys in it again.  This sweet ride will be available next month.