Super Awesome Fun Time Review Party Featuring Lil Maddie from Bigshot Toyworks

    It's been awhile since I've gone full on crazy mode and done a toy review.  I just can't do these things all the time cause I put so much into them that I literally have to stay in bed for three days and recover afterwards, which is kinda not ok with where I work or my wife when she has to throw the sheets out.  We have a king size bed and those things are freakin expensive.  Have you ever noticed the price difference between a queen and king size mattress let alone a set of luxurious sheets?  It's like the sleep industry got together and determined that people who are living like ballers/morbidly obese shut-ins are gonna get railroaded for that extra bit of comfort that a larger mattress provides.  And even with pillow top goodness the size of Grenada, one of the cats will inevitably puke near my face.  Not like, every night, but it's happened once or twice and was scary enough that I think I have phantom puke syndrome now.  Don't waste your time asking your shrink about it because they'll say it's not a thing but I know what I go through each time the slightest noise is made while I'm asleep.  I got hairball shell shock.

   Do you see now why I can't review toys too often?  I just wrote an entire college essay about filthy linens and cat vomit.  I've got to be in line for a Pulitzer, or Grammy, or something, cause this stuff is gold.  Ok, so what we have to talk about today is a purple demon pony named Lil Maddie from Bigshot Toyworks.  I'm gonna go all hipster on you now and tell you about how I was waaaaaay into this before it was ever cool.  That's because Klim from Bigshot posted a picture on his Facebook page with the original art and I knew right then that it had to be a real toy.  So after annoying him with comments like "Hey, this should be a real toy" or "Take my money now" he actually listened and made it into an object that is now making people happy the world over.  I haven't had a good delusion of grandeur for awhile, so I'm gonna keep this one nice and shiny in the old frontal lobe and admire just how impressive it really is.

    Basically, Maddie looks like if Cthulhu got it on with a My Little Pony and they made the coolest love child since Teen Mom 2.  This figure is everything you could want in a toy meant to bring about the end of days.  A killer idea, executed perfectly down to the smallest detail, and it looks real nice on my shelf.

    Now I know what you're thinking (we've been over the fact that I've got your place tapped). You wanna know how to get one for yourself.  I'm gonna tell you.  There are actually a couple of ways to buy this, and the first is to go to the Bigshot Toyworks shop at http://bigshottoyshop.com.  The second, and perhaps the one you'll find the most interesting, is by supporting the Kickstarter for The Four Horsies of the 'Pocalypse that is coming to an end soon.  The project has surpassed its funding mark and now the super extra stretch goals are unleashing even more exclusive stuff.  Get in on all the excitement, and get some cool toys by visiting this link while there's still time.  If you miss this you'll have to live with the shame and regret for a lifetime, maybe even more.

Ahwroo Edition Creamy from Gary Baseman x 3DRetro Releases Today!

    Has there ever been a more perfect visual representation of my relationship (or lack there of) with ice cream?  I haven't eaten any in at least 20 years, and my memory is not the greatest so that should tell you the pain it inflicted upon me the last time.  Do cry for me Argentina, because I can't say I really miss it.  I have instead substituted the deliciousness of a Coke Slurpee whenever I feel the need for a tasty frozen treat.  How come no one ever pay homage to the beauty that is the Coke Slurpee?  I would like to see that as the next great movement in art, because it's value to society is completely under appreciated.  

    Gary Baseman has taken two of his popular characters, mashed em up, and turned them into a the only kind of ice cream that doesn't make my insides quiver in fear: plastic.  If you want one then today is your lucky day because they are being released at 9am pacific time only at www.garybaseman.com.  They are limited to 200 peices and each come with a signed and numbered print.  Produced by the fine folks at 3DRetro.  

Tricera-Tanks from Galaxxor x Goodleg Toys

    My wife and I live in a townhouse that unfortunately has other townhouses next to it, which I suppose is kind of the whole premise of townhouses.  They only provide us with one reserved parking spot, which is kinda bogus because our next door neighbor has decided to shack up with this ugly chick who insists on parking her car in the empty space next to ours every day, forcing us to drive around the block to find another spot for our second car.  It's not so bad except for the fact that she doesn't actually live there, but always manages to leave her car there for days at a time when it's going to snow.  There's nothing worse in this world than shoveling out a parking space only to have some other moron pull into it with no regard for your hard work.  Especially when that person only wears sweat suits.  If there's one thing I can't stand it's being insulted by someone with such a lazy fashion sense.  

    The problem may stem from the fact that my Hyundai Accent doesn't convey the brutal authority I need to reclaim what I had originally taken.  I need a Tricera Tank.  Yeah, I know they're not a vehicle per se, but I feel like a dinosaur covered in weapons of mass destruction could theoretically carry me to work and back.  We could just get him an oversized Baby Bjorn and I could ride to work safely strapped to his chest.  That's luxury my friends!  And if that woman insists on stealing the freshly shoveled spot that I made for my own personal use, I can vaporize her with one of the many on board weapons options I have at my disposal.  These are the things I day dream about.

    Galaxxor and Goodleg Toys have combined their toy making efforts to create some lizards that are strapped to the gills, mad as hell, and aren't gonna take it anymore.  Only 5 of these dudes were made with this color scheme and they will be available starting tomorrow at noon CDT from http://galaxxor.bigcartel.com/ .

Two New Glow in the Dark Releases from Toy Art Gallery

    Does it ever amaze you when you look back in history at some of the stupid things we used to do?  For instance, having x-ray machines in shoe stores to measure the size of your feet, or filling our homes with asbestos insulation.  In Northern New Jersey there used to be a watch company that would use a special glow in the dark paint to enhance the numbers on the dials.  The female workers would continuously put the ends of their brushes in their mouths in an effort to sharpen the bristles into points. When they started becoming increasingly ill it was determined that the radium used to make the paint glow wasn't the best thing in the world to ingest.  

   Now I don't know what they use these days to create the coveted glow in the dark effect, but I can be pretty sure that it's not going to give you radiation poisoning.  But it does make you wonder what future generations will look back at and think was completely stupid that we do now.  Hmmmmmmm.

    No time to worry about such silly things though, cause there are toys to be had!  Like the giant sized Modzilla from Ron English, or the nearly as huge Totim from Tim Clarke.  Both will glow like a beacon of freedom on your darkest night and can be had starting today at noon pacific from Toy Art Gallery.  

Just In Time for Valentine's Day: Peter Kato's "Eye Heart Bunnies"

    Valentine's Day is a weird holiday.  It's timing is so close to Christmas that most of us are still broke and trying to scrounge up extra cash wherever we can, but we still feel like we have to remind that special someone that we love them.  Usually Sharon and I pick somewhere to go rather than exchanging gifts, and the best Valentine's Day we ever had was when we went to see monster trucks and I almost got into a fight with a drunk hillbilly with unruly kids.  The kids were literally jumping in their seats and landing in my lap so of course I said something about it.  Then he got mouthy and decided he wasn't gonna take anyone telling him how his little spawn should be dropped of at the SPCA, and he stood up, egged on by the countless beers he had downed throughout the event.  What he had in alcoholic courage he lacked in physical stature, as he weighed all of 120 lbs.  See, he wasn't one of those scary rednecks that look like they were raised on chicken feed and human growth hormone, but instead one of the tiny ones with the curled under baseball hat brim and the sewer rat face.  He looked me up and down, realized that he could comfortably move his family into one of my shoes, and sobered up faster than anyone I've ever seen.  It helped at the time that my hair and beard were extremely long and I looked like I may have just gotten paroled.

    Those are the stories that love are made of my friends.  But if there aren't any monster truck rallies or professional wrestling matches to take your sweetheart to this year, may I present to you an amazing alternative.  Peter Kato has whipped up a batch of these special Eye Heart Bunnies just in time for the big day.  You can choose from pink or blue and they are $25 each (each color is limited to 12 pieces).  He's also making available some of his adorable Sleeptime Bunnies for just $12 each (limited to 20 pieces).  Snag em this Thursday, February 5th at 8pm eastern time only at http://peterkatoshop.com/.

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Baby Molezilla Lottery from Plaseebo

    Plaseebo isn't really known for doing cute stuff, but Baby Molezilla looks rather huggable.  Well, aside from his Charles Manson eyes and sharp pointy teeth.  Maybe you should admire his cuteness from a distance, as he may be as inclined to dig through your entrails as he is your vegetable garden.  

    Only 5 of these little resin dudes exist and if you want to be one of the lucky few who get to add him to their collection then you're gonna have to enter a lottery.  You have from now until Monday, February 9th to enter by emailing bob@plaseebo.net for the chance to purchase one of these hand made figures.  Each one is $250 and ready to dig it's way into your heart via your chest cavity.  

    

Mutant Vinyl Hardcore's "Wasteland Warrior" Berserker Lottery

     I feel that whenever I look at a Mutant Vinyl Hardcore toy there should automatically be some brutal music playing in the background cause these toys get me hyped up and ready to fight!  So we're gonna make this happen right now by you clicking on this video while you read:

   Much better right?  Now let's talk about the Wasteland Warrior Berserker.  This dude looks like something that epic tales would have been written about to scare Viking kids into not being wussies, lest they be dragged away to his troll cave and nibbled on for eternity.  Who wants that to happen?  Plus, and maybe even worse, he would totally make out with your mom in front of you after having ripped off your arms and legs, leaving you with that image to ponder until the end of time.  This dude is no joke!  Think about that next time you wanna skip sword fighting practice to go hang out with your loser friends.  

    If you want one as a trophy to decorate your mead hall you're gonna have to enter a lottery for the chance to buy one. All the info you need on that can be found at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com/.  May the toy gods smile upon you.