Miscreation Toy's Iron Monster Gets the Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Treatment

    The other day I was watching the morning news and they had a bunch of kids on who had created some little robots that could kick a miniature ball into a net.  The newscasters were treating them like little geniuses but I know better.  Yeah, it may be cute that you could have a little game of soccer between a few critters made from the Radio Shack clearance bin, but this is how the end of the world starts.  Today they kick a ball, tomorrow it's human heads into overflowing trash cans.  Amazon wants to deliver stuff to our house using drones, but what happens when those drones decide that The Birds is an instructional film and decide to not carry our junk anymore?  You'll walk outside only to be swarmed by them.  I'm all for innovation, but not in ways that could turn on us, so those kids building robots should stick to the old baking soda volcano and just be quiet before I have to raise an army of bullies to infiltrate schools and keep these smart kids in check.  Every wedgie is one step closer to saving mankind, people!

    Look at this guy.  He probably started out like a cool robot butler or something and then got tired of taking our crap, thus becoming a literal killing machine.  And apparently he is in league with Satan, which just makes it all the worse.  Do we need devil worshipping robot butlers?   Not on my watch.  Luckily this guy is only made of plastic and doesn't have any of the components necessary to strangle you in your sleep.  This version of Miscreation Toy's Iron Monster was painted up by Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and will go on sale tomorrow (Friday the 13th no less).  He is limited to 10 pieces and will be available at 8pm eastern time through http://store.mutantvinylhardcore.com/.

Springtime Modzilla from Ron English x Toy Art Gallery

    Did you do your taxes yet?  I did, and boy could I have punched a baby afterwards.  I didn't get back what I thought I would and the accountant was all apologetic, then still charged me as much as she did last year when I was a baller.  How come I didn't get a sympathy discount?  They should charge on a sliding scale, not try to kick you while you're down.  She's lucky I didn't listen to N.W.A. on the ride over or things would have taken a more gangsta turn.  Just ask my wife, whenever she puts N.W.A. on in the car I am totally ready to get in a knife fight.

    If you did your taxes and are looking to invest in something, might I suggest toys?  They might not be good for your retirement, or building your kid's college fund, but they're more fun to look at than a stock portfolio.  Take this "Springtime" Modzilla from Ron English x Toy Art Gallery.  This mega lizard and his bunny friends are looking rather festive, like they're going on some really weird Easter Egg hunt.  Not that hunting for eggs can be but so strange, but if this dude were invited it's got to be an interesting time.  Pick one of these up when they go on sale today at noon pacific time from http://www.toyartgallery.com/.  Put it in your kid's Easter basket and scare the crap out of em.        

Hide Your Wife, Hide Your Kids Cause I'm Reviewing Business Monkey from Joe Ledbetter x Munky King

     Business Monkey has got a fist full of dollars burning his fingerprints off, and he wanted to get rid of them ASAP.  I tried to get him to play Shark Tank (I was even willing to let him be Mark Cuban) and invest in this new idea I had for edible dish cleaning sponges (the best food particles are going to waste, people), but he wasn't interested.  I could tell by the look in his eyes that he needed to get out of the house, to see where his riches could take him, so we gassed up the Hyundai and went on an adventure.  Where could we possibly go and spend that hard earned cash that was driving my simian companion so insane?

    Now it's about this point I had to stop taking pictures at the request of a giant doorman by the name of Tank who politely suggested I leave the camera in the car.  It was more the barbed wire tattoo around his neck that I spotted as soon as we parked, but there are more forms of communication than verbal am I right?  You don't stay alive as long as I have by not noticing these subtle details.  So while the pictures may be scarce, I'll do my best to relive the hijinks for you.

   It must have been a slow day because when we walked in we were immediately swarmed like we were making the routine gold delivery.  Coming in from the bright afternoon sun you need time for your eyes to acclimate to the much darker interior of the club, and thankfully for me Business Monkey laid a hand across my chest, cautioning me not to settle for a particular girl just yet.  Once my pupils had dilated I realized the favor he did me, because it looked like we were being attacked by extras from The Walking Dead.  Their sell-by-date having long passed, we pushed our way through and headed to the bar.  The bartender was a youngish man, maybe with a chromosomal issue, who after getting our drinks asked if we'd like to buy his new mix tape cause it's "hot fire".  Business Monkey was having none of it, and his financial-advising bird was more into classic rock anyway, so he gripped his wad of cash tighter as he nursed his drink.  A look of despair had fallen over his face, as if coming here had been nothing but a disappointment.  I was more concerned about the rat tugging at my laces in what was an obvious attempt to steal my shoes.  Suddenly, just when investing in my business start up was beginning to look like the better alternative, he spotted her.  

     The lonely, green-eyed beauty.  She cast a shy glance his way that sent his heart a flutter and blew a cool breeze through his stack of money.  He hopped up on the bar, sauntered over to her, and began searching her hair for bugs.  Her hair devoid of tasty insect snacks, he picked her hand up, kissed it, then showered her with good old fashioned American currency. Business Monkey feels no pain when he makes it rain! 

     Aren't adventures fun?  I think so, but I'm sure you're also curious what I think about the actual toy itself.  Having been a fan of Joe Ledbetter's work since I've been collecting designer toys, I feel this is one of the best representations of his work to date.  It's hard to explain, but it really captures the 2 dimensional aspects of his work in 3D.  More so than when his art appears on an existing platform toy. 

    His best toys are always the ones specifically designed with his art in mind, so you can properly appreciate the world in which they exist in his head.  And how can you go wrong with and angry monkey with a money hungry bird perched on his tail?  You can't, it's impossible.  

    Now you obviously need one of these guys to take on your own adventures to whatever hillbilly gentlemen's establishments exist where you live, so I'm gonna tell you how to get one.  This Thursday, March 12th, these suckers will go live on https://www.munkyking.com/ for your buying pleasure.  At only $90 each, they're a heck of a bargain cause they're freakin' huge.  For real, I had to clear off a gigantic space just to have somewhere to house him in between lap dances.  

    And you get a free box for your cat to sit in AT NO EXTRA CHARGE!  

  "The box could use more fart smells." - Jorah

Evenfall Strigoi Totemnaut from 3A

    Mankind is a curious creature.  We want to know everything, constantly improve the things we have, and explore every dark corner of our world and beyond.  Anyone who has ever entered an abandoned building to explore the decaying architecture only to run into a transient crack head will tell you: being a pioneer often times comes with a price.  Sometimes that price is trying not to let a filthy drug addict touch you, other times it is far greater.  

    I don't know what's ailing these astronauts, but it certainly looks contagious.  3A are the masters of toys that tantalize and horrify and these guys are firmly part of the latter.  The red Strigoi Totemnaut is a retailer exclusive, while the yellow will only be available through http://www.bambalandstore.com/.  Each one comes with a booklet written by Chris Ryall and illustrated by Ashley Wood, and will be available for purchase Monday, March 9th.  

Despair is Coming to Super Series Sunday from Tenacious Toys

   

    What a tantalizing headline!  Despair, in this case, is not a bad thing at all.  Sorry if you ran out to by sympathy cards for Tenacious Toys, but their Super Series Sunday is alive and well and will have a new release this weekend.  That release just happens to be a figure named Despair from Adam Quenell.  This little 3 inch dude is made out of keshi style rubber that's been dyed Tenacious blue and is limited to just 10 pieces.  Be one of the lucky few to own one when it goes on sale this Sunday, March 8th at www.tenacioustoys.com for $30.  And it comes with a code to download Adam's comedy album for free.  

Hampstead Latex and French Two-Pack from 3A

    This could be the best movie ever.  A man on the run from the police for a crime he didn't commit stumbles into a fetish party to escape pursuit, when things go horribly wrong.  Shots are fired, people scramble, and the police think they finally have their man.  Not so fast though as he grabs the person closest to him as a hostage and makes his way through the Paris streets, trying to buy time to clear his name.  The woman in the red rubber cat suit not only becomes his biggest supporter, but the love of his life in...."So I Kidnapped a Girl from a Fetish Party But I Didn't Commit That Other Crime You're Accusing Me Of."

    Yeah the title needs a little work, but I think I have the basics down for a box office winner.  I just made all that crap up cause I can't quite read the small type under the picture, but I think I did an ok job.  The figures of 3A are easily to be inspired by and making up your own scenarios is half the fun.  You can grab this Hampstead Latex and French two-pack tomorrow (March 6th) exclusively at http://www.bambalandstore.com/ for $240.  

Seafoam Pearl Merryners Set from Doubleparlour x Toy Art Gallery

    If you've ever been lucky enough to work retail in an area where bad winter weather happens then you have most likely experienced the phenomenon know as snow people.  While you may have never heard the term you have undoubtedly witnessed what it describes.  These are people that only come out on the worst, snowiest days in order to shop.  You will never have seen them before, they will resemble mutants, and they only make brief public appearances during storms.  You'll be leaning against the counter, complaining about how anyone with any sense would have closed their store by now and be safely at home, and in walks a gaggle of snow people.  Maybe they like to take advantage of uncrowded stores.  Maybe they like to only use their four wheel drive Mad Max vehicles under the most extreme conditions.  Maybe they all have warrants and assume the police will be busy pulling minivans out of ditches.  It's hard to say but they are real and they are giddy at the first sign of sleet.

    These Merryners figure from Doubleparlour x Toy Art Gallery look ready to slap on the snow tires and grab some bargains.  I'm not gonna lie, they kinda scare me in the same way I get twitchy if I have to wait in line at Wal Mart too long.  The longer you're there, the greater the chance you'll get bitten by some feral rat child.  I've seen it happen.

    And just like Wal Mart, I am able to look past being frightened when presented with an incredible bargain.  You could buy one of these 7 inch figures for $45, or get all four of em as a set for only $150.  That's a savings of $30 when you buy the set!  These go on sale today at noon pacific at http://shop.toyartgallery.com/.