Suns of Brodarr: Jeff from Bwana Spoons x Toy Art Gallery

    This is Jeff.  Just Jeff.  He was made by a man named Bwana Spoons, which is probably not what his mamma named him in the hospital.  Though it might be, cause I see some pretty crazy names whenever I watch daytime tv.  Sometimes I think people name their kids based on a dare, or by just using whatever the last word they heard when the child was born.  Then they take it as a challenge to spell it in a way that no one would ever guess, even if the reward for doing so involved lots and lots of money.  Maybe they just had a bad experience with someone who asked them for their personal information once, and from that moment on they were determined to get revenge.  Or maybe it's all the beef hormones screwing with their ability to think clearly.  Everything can be traced back to beef hormones.  

    Mr. Spoons (if that is his real name) and Toy Art Gallery are unleashing this awesome figure upon the world today at noon pacific time.  Pick one up for yourself at www.toyartgallery.com.  But don't even think about renaming him; he is and always shall be Jeff.

Blueberry from Kidrobot x Yury Ustsinau is Coming for Your Soul

    This thing kinda freaks me out.  It's like the alter ego of a serial killer terrorizing the Louisiana bayou.  And it's name is Blueberry, which is totally murderous.  If this was a movie, the main character would have stumbled upon this statue in a voodoo shop and being mysteriously drawn to it, is compelled to buy it.  After bringing it home the statue begins to take hold of his mind, transforming him into a monster.  He goes on a killing spree before finally being gunned down by a once skeptical cop and an oddly attractive nerd girl who figured out what was going on because of a sub thread on Reddit.  At the end of the film the statue is seen back in its place at the shop, appearing as if it never left.  And yet again, Hollywood has not called me.

    Of course this statue, however frightening you may find it, is just made of plastic that is most likely not infused with evil spirits.   It's the latest release from Kidrobot's Black collection and was designed by artist Yury Ustsinau (whose other work is equally effective at not making you want to be alone in the dark).  After spending a considerable amount of time floating on a cargo ship in the Pacific Ocean due to a labor dispute, this new centerpiece to your collection is finally ready to enter your home and possibly transform your psyche into that of an ancient demon/killer thingy.  But probably not really.

    Get one for yourself when they are released March 26th at www.kidrobot.com, Kidrobot locations, and your favorite designer toy stores.  

And Now For Something Completely Different: Cuddle Clones

    If you pay much attention to this site you have no doubt encountered pictures of my cats.  I have five of them, which is kind of mental, but I love them and they certainly make life interesting.  Without them, I wouldn't need to replace the carpet on my stairs, or have to investigate poop smells nearly as often!  See, every day is an adventure.   But in all seriousness, they are a lot of fun and I couldn't imagine life without them.

   People have gone to extremes to ensure their beloved critters will be with them forever, from actually cloning them to preserving their bodies through taxidermy.  Both are probably signs of some mental disorder and should be medicated accordingly, but I recently stumbled upon a company that takes the creepiness out of remembering your buddies for eternity. They're called Cuddle Clones and they make exact replicas of your pets in plush form.  You send them a bunch of pictures and they recreate the fuzz balls as adorable stuffed animals.  It's a neat way to keep your pets with you without scaring your human loved ones away.  Check em out at http://www.cuddleclones.com/.

Super7 San Diego's Grand Opening Is Tonight!

 
    You know how awesome it used to be when you could get in your car, drive around, and stumble upon awesome stores?  You'd have to think back quite awhile cause that time seems dead and gone.  Maybe not if you live in a city, but the suburbs are an endless wasteland of pizza shops and gas stations.  I don't know who is eating that much pizza, but you need the gas because you have to drive FOREVER to find any place cool to browse around.  When they build strip malls, is it mandatory that they fill them with boring crap?  Is there some law still on the books that regulates the necessary amount of dry cleaners each plaza must contain?  Would it kill them to put a antique/toy/convenience/laser tag emporium in every few?  I smell an appearance on Shark Tank coming up.

    If you perchance live in San Diego or the surrounding area, you are about to get a new favorite destination, as Super7 will be opening up their latest retail location tonight.  You should go and buy stuff to make yourself happy, buy stuff to make me happy, or just go and see if they have free nachos.  If you're not just there to fill up on snacks they will have an exclusive mixed parts Crystal Mecha for your collecting pleasure.  All the info you need is in the photo you see above.

Special Friday the 13th Undead Geekwok Release from UME Toys

    I never trusted those Ewoks, cause nothing that cute should be able to take down the Galactic Empire.  They're tricky little teddy bears with an agenda they have yet to reveal.  What, you think they're content living in trees and catching random folks in nets ( who they were more than happy to barbeque if you'll recall).  I bet you they ate all the captive stormtroopers and probably sold their armor to cosplayers to fund their evil corporation they were working on.

    UME Toys is bringing out the Dark Side of these fuzzy critters with his Undead Geekwok.  Perfectly timed for a Friday the 13th release, each person that buys one of these undead nerds will be entered to win a clear version of the standard figure (sans dangling guts).  If you want one they will be up for sale tomorrow at 9pm London time only from http://umetoys.bigcartel.com.

Miscreation Toy's Iron Monster Gets the Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Treatment

    The other day I was watching the morning news and they had a bunch of kids on who had created some little robots that could kick a miniature ball into a net.  The newscasters were treating them like little geniuses but I know better.  Yeah, it may be cute that you could have a little game of soccer between a few critters made from the Radio Shack clearance bin, but this is how the end of the world starts.  Today they kick a ball, tomorrow it's human heads into overflowing trash cans.  Amazon wants to deliver stuff to our house using drones, but what happens when those drones decide that The Birds is an instructional film and decide to not carry our junk anymore?  You'll walk outside only to be swarmed by them.  I'm all for innovation, but not in ways that could turn on us, so those kids building robots should stick to the old baking soda volcano and just be quiet before I have to raise an army of bullies to infiltrate schools and keep these smart kids in check.  Every wedgie is one step closer to saving mankind, people!

    Look at this guy.  He probably started out like a cool robot butler or something and then got tired of taking our crap, thus becoming a literal killing machine.  And apparently he is in league with Satan, which just makes it all the worse.  Do we need devil worshipping robot butlers?   Not on my watch.  Luckily this guy is only made of plastic and doesn't have any of the components necessary to strangle you in your sleep.  This version of Miscreation Toy's Iron Monster was painted up by Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and will go on sale tomorrow (Friday the 13th no less).  He is limited to 10 pieces and will be available at 8pm eastern time through http://store.mutantvinylhardcore.com/.

Springtime Modzilla from Ron English x Toy Art Gallery

    Did you do your taxes yet?  I did, and boy could I have punched a baby afterwards.  I didn't get back what I thought I would and the accountant was all apologetic, then still charged me as much as she did last year when I was a baller.  How come I didn't get a sympathy discount?  They should charge on a sliding scale, not try to kick you while you're down.  She's lucky I didn't listen to N.W.A. on the ride over or things would have taken a more gangsta turn.  Just ask my wife, whenever she puts N.W.A. on in the car I am totally ready to get in a knife fight.

    If you did your taxes and are looking to invest in something, might I suggest toys?  They might not be good for your retirement, or building your kid's college fund, but they're more fun to look at than a stock portfolio.  Take this "Springtime" Modzilla from Ron English x Toy Art Gallery.  This mega lizard and his bunny friends are looking rather festive, like they're going on some really weird Easter Egg hunt.  Not that hunting for eggs can be but so strange, but if this dude were invited it's got to be an interesting time.  Pick one of these up when they go on sale today at noon pacific time from http://www.toyartgallery.com/.  Put it in your kid's Easter basket and scare the crap out of em.