The Gulf OBP from Huck Gee

  When I first moved to New Jersey I lived with my family right outside of Philadelphia.  That city made me dream big, and I was gonna do big things, but first I needed to get a job.  I started out with high expectations, maybe a little too high, and then kept lowering them day by day until I finally landed a gig selling home security systems.

 Door to door.

In some of the worst neighborhoods of the city.

   A van dropped me and a few other guys off on a corner early every morning and picked us up for lunch, then found another destitute are for us to try out until it was time to call it a day.  Dressed in khaki pants and polo shirts, we were often mistaken for cops.  So much so that I began carrying around one of the yard signs for the company I worked for just so no one thought I was there trying to investigate them.  It stopped me from getting called a narc, but it also had added benefit.  Once when someone wasn't interested In buying a full security system they asked if they could just buy the sign.  Cha-ching I had started my own little side business within the business that I couldn't make a penny off of in the usual way.  For twenty bucks you could have a sign, place that sucker in your window, and put just enough doubt in the mind of a burglar that they rob your idiot neighbors instead of you.

    I probably could have sold what I was actually supposed to if they has included something like this.  Imagine it: a little robot dude patrolling your domicile 24/7 and thwarting the efforts of hooligans at every turn with it's on-board defense system.  Now before you go bombarding me with nonsense about how a robot that's armed to the teeth is not necessarily the safest thing in the world, I've already thought about that.  That's why he'll be armed to the teeth with non-lethal ammo, like bean bags and whatever that stuff Spider-Man shoots from his wrist.

   I don't have the ability to make that a real thing, cause I'm just an idea man.  But Huck Gee has done the hard work of making it look cool, and that's really the first step to full fledged functionality.  The future of home security can be yours for a 24 hour window of time starting this Thursday, March 26th at noon pacific time.  They ain't cheap, but they're all handmade and they will elevate your home to a level of awesomeness you were previously unable to achieve.  Non-lethal awesomeness.

www.huckgee.com

"Full Resin Vinyl" featuring Mutant Vinyl Hardcore x Retroband at Toy Art Gallery

    Some combinations are awesome, like chocolate and peanut butter, or fedoras and creepy dudes.  On paper Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and Retroband don't seem like a pairing you would make for an art show.  One makes crazy Japanese vinyl toys, while the other one makes carded action figures that we all wished we had as kids.  They're seemingly polar opposites, but that's exactly why it's gonna be cool cause there's going to be something for every collector to be amazed by.  Whether your favorite medium is resin, vinyl, or even enormous fiberglass figures, your mind is gonna freak out.  The whole thing happens at Toy Art Gallery tomorrow night starting at 7pm.

Exclusive Green Inner Child from Nerviwr3k x Suburban Vinyl

    Sometimes you shouldn't let your inner child out.  Job interviews come to mind, as do psychiatric evaluations, and parole hearings.  Applying for a gun permit is another, cause they kind of want to make sure you're not a nut.  But just about any other time is completely acceptable so I say go for it, especially if you'll get a good story out of it later.  Just remember that no matter how young you feel inside, you're going to be tried as an adult for jumping into the penguin enclosure at the aquarium.

    The time is nigh to obtain the third colorway of Nerviswr3k's Inner Child figure.  This sucker is clad in Suburban Vinyl green and he will be available exclusively from them tomorrow beginning at noon eastern time in store and online.  Three lucky purchasers will also win an original custom toy from the man himself by finding a special sticker in their box!

Skinner Unleashes a New Batch of Morgogg and Ogos

   

    There's a lot of stuff Tolkien never covered when he wrote about Middle Earth.  We may never know just how intricate their sanitation systems were.  And you can't tell me all that was going on was some eternal struggle between good and evil cause I ain't buying it.  You can't consume your life with finding a ring, or trashing a ring, or bad mouthing Dwarves.  You gotta have some entertainment thrown in there to break up the day and stop you from going crazy.  For some reason ol J.R.R never mentioned the quite popular spectator sport of Orc wrestling, but lucky for you, I know all about it.

    We're not talking about that lame sport that passes for wrestling in high school or the Olympics, with two dudes rolling around on the floor in a passionate embrace.  No, we're talking about full blown sports entertainment, complete with chairs, title belts, and pudgy troll commentators.  Orcs are pretty hard to tell apart (the Elves said it, not me) so you didn't always know if your guy was winning or not, but it didn't matter.  All that matters was that you enjoyed a good night out with the family, ate some hot dogs, and came home with overly priced souvenir cups.  And if someone died.  It was much more of a blood sport than the WWE we know of today.

   Morgogg and Ogos look like they could be the undisputed tag team champions of Orc wrestling.  And no need for them to dig around under the ring looking for something illegal to use, as they come right out with some gnarly looking clubs and bad attitudes to match.  Skinner is set to drop these both in his online store tomorrow, March 20th, at noon pacific time.  There will be 10 of each figure and they will each come with an exclusive 8 x 10 giclee print.  The first person to order each figure will also get a blank black one for free!!!  It's like, too much for me to process right now.

http://shopcriticalhit.com/

   

"Green Slime" Sofubi Alien from Super7 x Secret Base

    I have yet to learn my lesson about staying off of social media during holidays.  A few days ago was St.Patrick's Day and Facebook was flooded with either pictures of leprechauns or people drinking.  Essentially, it was boring.  The only thing good that can come of it will be when everyone posts all the stupid stuff they did while extremely intoxicated.  Hopefully I'll get to read a good story or two, whether they admit to it themselves or I see it in the news.

    The only redeeming part of St. Patrick's Day for me is that everything is green, which just so happens to be my favorite color.  Not that you would necessarily know that by looking at what I wear or the stuff I own, but it was always a favorite when I was a kid so I'm sticking with it.  Which Is why I'm going to go a head and declare this "Green Slime" Alien figure the best one yet.  I don't know how Super7 and Secret Base are gonna top this see through green vinyl figure accented by a very nice black paint rub, but that doesn't mean they won't try.  These beauties go on sale Friday,  March 20th at noon pacific time from www.super7store.com.  

A Plethora of Alavaka Goods from Scarecrowoven x Devils Head Productions

    It's hard to buy an album these days.  Not physically of course, unless you're trying to go to an actual record store in which the difficulty there would be finding one.  But because there are so many choices when it comes to deciding how much you wanna spend.  Bands and record labels are going nuts trying to get you to buy cd's by offering a dozen ways in which you can get the music.  Picking your format is just the beginning cause then you can get a shirt, or a shot glass, or toe nail clippers, or pretty much whatever you can think of that they can slap a logo on.  And stop stealing stuff online.  People gotta eat ya know.

    That concept has finally reached the toy world with the newest Alavaka release from Devils Head Productions and Scarecrowoven.  Both artists painted up the figures, while the latter's screen print and companion tshirt make up some incredible bundle deals.  All this will be available Friday, March 20th from http://devilsheadquarters.storenvy.com and http://scarecrowoven.bigcartel.com.

Suns of Brodarr: Jeff from Bwana Spoons x Toy Art Gallery

    This is Jeff.  Just Jeff.  He was made by a man named Bwana Spoons, which is probably not what his mamma named him in the hospital.  Though it might be, cause I see some pretty crazy names whenever I watch daytime tv.  Sometimes I think people name their kids based on a dare, or by just using whatever the last word they heard when the child was born.  Then they take it as a challenge to spell it in a way that no one would ever guess, even if the reward for doing so involved lots and lots of money.  Maybe they just had a bad experience with someone who asked them for their personal information once, and from that moment on they were determined to get revenge.  Or maybe it's all the beef hormones screwing with their ability to think clearly.  Everything can be traced back to beef hormones.  

    Mr. Spoons (if that is his real name) and Toy Art Gallery are unleashing this awesome figure upon the world today at noon pacific time.  Pick one up for yourself at www.toyartgallery.com.  But don't even think about renaming him; he is and always shall be Jeff.