"My Pet Gurgle" Custom Autopsy Baby from Topheroy x Miscreation Toys

    

    Dear God this is frightening.  This is like all those dead baby jokes coming back to haunt you for telling them.  I'm lucky enough (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) to seemingly have instant karma, so any time I say something I maybe shouldn't have it usually results in me injuring myself a few seconds later.  So I'm not worried about a zombie baby hiding behind a dumpster, just waiting to gnaw through my chillies, cause if it was gonna happen it would have a long time ago.  I still may walk a bit further away from them though, just in case.

    The Autopsy Babies from Miscreation Toys are enough to scare the skin off of you by themselves, but with this tribute to everyones favorite monster from the '80's, that freakish level has somehow been elevated.  Topheroy is the man behind this haunted looking doll and if you've got the intestinal fortitude to have one in the house with you there will be 10 of them available this Saturday, August 15, over at http://customantics.bigcartel.com.  They'll be $200 each and come with a metal chain and removable eyeball, just like my uncle Jeff.  

Skinner Puts a Hex on The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys

        I've been thinking about building my own Iron Monster for a while now.  I've been saving all these soda cans, so I guess he's gonna be more of an Aluminum Monster, but that makes him sound kinda weak.  I figure if I layer the cans thick enough he could withstand a pretty brutal attack.  There's also the problem of bringing him to life, which I'm really not sure how to do.  I found some local witches I thought could help but all they wanna do is volunteer at the Renaissance Fair so they can get free admission.  I'd totally pay for them to get in and take em to The Cheesecake Factory afterwards if they could conjure some rotten old souls to inhabit my monster, but it's starting to look like they don't have the witch skills I require.  They need to be more specific in their Craigslist ads.

      You know Skinner don't need no witches to bring his toys to life and strangle your neck meat in your sleep, cause he's got paint infused with ancient demon blood.  That stuff's expensive, but look at how it shines!  These Iron Monster figures from Miscreation Toys have been given the special Skinner treatment and will be unleashed upon the world this Friday, August 14, at noon pacific time.  Only 6 of these will be available and will probably sell out in less time than it took you to read this.  Try your luck at www.theartofskinner.com.

Cinema Monster V Coming Wednesday from Splurrt

   Oh man, True Detective gave me ALL the feels last night.  What a great, yet heartbreaking, season finale.  You know I'm not gonna spoil it for you, cause I'm no jerk, but after watching it I am totally comfortable is saying that this season was better than the first.  I loved the first season, except for the ending which I thought was a disservice to what they built in previous episodes.  But this season really felt like it worked itself towards an inevitable end.  The characters were digging a tunnel from their own mental prison cells and instead of daylight they only found themselves emerging in the very spot they were trying to escape.  We are living in the greatest age television has ever known.

    Japanese vinyl gives me all the feels, but in a totally different way that is totally not kosher for me to share with you.  Just look at the beautiful black glitter that makes up Splurrt's Cinema Monster V.  Some people get weepy when they here the national anthem, or witness the birth of a child.  For me, it's great story telling on TV and plastic monsters that gets me all misty.  You can cry tears of joy all over one of these for yourself cause they go on sale this Wednesday, August 12 at 10pm eastern time only from http://www.splurrt.com.  And as a bonus you get a sweet header card done by Johan from Deathcattoys.  Now, since you have a little time to wait before the sale, go watch True Detective.  Or go to work if that's more your thing.  Or whatever, I'm not the boss of you.

"Candy Gore" Custom Show featuring Brandt Peters x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Opens Tonight at Stranger Factory

    There's sooooooo many custom toy shows out there every week that I can barely keep up with them.  Not that it's a bad thing, it's just I have to go to work eventually and can't begin to tell you about all of them, let alone attend them.  But let me tell you something, I would smack the teeth out of your grandma to be at Stranger Factory tonight when the Candy Gore show opens.  Brandt Peters and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore are bringing the plastic pain for this show and there hasn't been one piece that they've teased that I didn't want to own.  Seriously, there is no toy show that's gonna be better this year and if you're lucky enough to be in attendance you need to know how jealous I am of you.   I am so jealous I would put your mom in the Camel Clutch until she testified in open court that my legal name was the Iron Sheik.

     Now, the show itself doesn't start until 6pm, but if you want to purchase one of the insane pieces on display, and trust me you do, then you need to get your hind parts there at 11am and register for the lottery.  Here's some info of how that is gonna go down:

– You can sign up for the lottery starting Friday, August 7th at 11am when Stranger Factory opens

– You may start viewing the opening of Candy Gore at 6pm August 7th

– Random drawing order to purchase work begins at 6:15pm August, 7th

– When your name is drawn, you may choose 1 piece of work by each artist: Brandt Peters and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore totaling 2 pieces for your turn

– When all names have been drawn, a second round of names drawn will begin allowing 1 piece of work by each artist: Brandt Peters and Mutant Vinyl Hardcore totaling 2 pieces second round

A Rundown of Upcoming Kidrobot Releases

    Sometimes in this life you just need to cuddle something.  Sometimes you need to sit on the couch, watch your DVR'd episodes of Naked and Afraid and just snuggle up to something soft and warm.  Sometimes your cats get sick of you holding onto them like a fuzzy little therapy doll and will bite you repeatedly to get you to stop crying on their fur.  If this sounds like you than you are the perfect candidate to own these plush buggies from the hit game Best Fiends and Kidrobot.  Look at how adorable they are, just waiting for to pick them up and melt away the stress of the day.  As an added bonus their teeth seem to be made of felt, which last time I checked will not cause unwanted blood loss.  Best of all they're available right now for only $5.99 each at www.kidrobot.com.  

    I've really gotta get out and get a hair cut today.  I'm starting to look like a Sears catalog model from the '70's.  No not the underwear dudes, more like the husky section, which truth be told doesn't seem that flattering now that I'm reading it.  Maybe I'll actually run to the Hair Cuttery and sweat out some of this manliness.  

    I'm thinking I could pull of this sick Baby Huey fade.  You gotta admire someone hell bent on destroying our country who looks so ridiculous.  Maybe if he let his people have the internet one of his advisors could tell him that the old high and tight may work for Dolph Lundgren, but not so much on his pumpkin head.  Frank Kozik's depiction of this megalomaniac will be available starting this Friday, August 7th, from your favorite toy retailers.  Available in two different colors and priced at $65 each, you can easily afford to get em both and impose your own UN sanctions.   

    This is what I like to see.  Yes, of course I like to see Dunnys cause they're my jam and whatnot, but I like to see new artists get a shot at making awesome production pieces.  Way back in the past you couldn't have had all the Dunny artists in the same van at once because if something tragic happened that would be the end of the line.  It was a serious issue.  But the new regime at Kidrobot knows that there are talented folks all over this world who can bring it when it comes to designing a toy.  One of these new talents is Wuzone, who killed it with his debut 8 inch figure.  You can pick one up next Friday, August 14th wherever you like to buy your toys.  

"Tales from The Netherknowle" Kickstarter from Taylored Curiosities

    

    Who doesn't love a good adventure?  Most of mine usually end with the line "and that's how we ended up spending our weekend in the emergency room", but that's like a whole separate bonus adventure itself.  Some of the more interesting ones I will tell you about as soon as there is no question whether or not the statute of limitations has passed.  I've seen enough episodes of Scared Straight to know that prison would be the death of me.  Not from a stray shank to the ribs, or from some beast of a man thinking I look like his ex wife, I'm talking about the food.  Have you see what they get fed, cause lunch is pretty much capital punishment.  Your demise may not be as quick as with the electric chair, but you'll be wishing for it the moment your body tries to extract and nutrients from that old bologna sandwich.  That's the kind of adventure I do not need in my life.

    I would, however, be willing to go anywhere with these little dudes.  They're as trustworthy as those beavers from Narnia and I'm sure something magical would happen on your trip.  Maybe you would meet a talking raccoon who wants to chat about the newest season of True Detective, or maybe you would stumble upon a witch's house made of beef wellington.  The possibilities are only limited by your imaginations, which could spell trouble for some of you.  I kid, you know I love you unconditionally.  Or is that conditionally?  Which one is it where you have to do stuff for me or I cut you off?

    Taylored Curiosities wants to send you on an adventure with her newest creations, but in order to start your journey you have to back her Kickstarter campaign.  Check it out here and pack your bags to do some serious exploring.  And watch out for cops cause I will not bail you out.

Cecil The Lion Beanie Baby To Raise Funds for Wildlife Charity

    Yeah, I know, Beanie Babies aren't necessarily tops on my list of things to write about.  But there's nothing that angers me more than people hurting animals so they can feel better about their own short comings (if you get my drift).  The fact that such an act is listed as one of the primary traits of serial killers shouldn't surprise anyone, cause you have to be pretty sick to kill something as beautiful as defenseless.  I've never understood big game hunting, probably because I'm not mentally stunted, and after hearing about Cecil the lion I have been sick down to my very soul.  Sick to think that a fellow human being could do such a thing and even sicker in the pride they feel in it.  So yeah, I'm writing about Beanie Babies today because that's how far my disgust has taken me and it's the only action besides strangling the idiot that killed this magnificent creature that may make me feel slightly better.  

    Next month TY is going to release a special stuffed critter to commemorate Cecil and raise money for WildCRU, which is Oxford University's Wild Conservation Unit and were the folks that were studying the lions in that area.  100% of the proceeds will be donated to them to continue their research into saving the world's endangered species.  At only $5.99, everyone can easily afford to buy one of these and help out a most worthy cause.