Three Witches: Skinner Edition Preorder from Unbox Industries

     With all these bozos trying to run for president you would think that maybe, just this once, someone would focus on an issue that is long in need of attention:  the lack of witch burnings.  Now you can't tell me that we stopped doing it cause we got em all, cause I don't believe that.  Or that it just fell out of fashion, cause what better thing can you think of to bring a community together than the warmth of a good witch burning in a carnival-like atmosphere with corn dogs and stuff?.  You got nothing.  And it's just not about the good times that are to be had, it's about all the evil doings that are, as of this posting, going unchecked.  Why just last week a woman was mad at me at work and I didn't poop right for a few days.  It's empirical evidence of a hex and I'm sure if I had some milking goats they would probably be dry right now as a result of said curse.  How can we allow this to continue?

   The tricky thing about witches is that they all don't stand out as readily as these that Skinner painted up.  They blend in, like that Miley Cyrus girl, so they could be amongst us right now!!!   John Kenn Mortensen and Unbox Industries made these old hags and you can preorder them from now until September 25 (or until the original allotted amount runs out).  Order some right now at http://store.unboxindustries.info and make them reveal the identities of their sisters in the black arts.  Also, make sure you have enough to lighter fluid, cause there's nothing that ruins a good ol witch burning like an absence of the actual burning part.  It's embarrassing.

Star Wars "Force Friday" Recap or Why I Am So Tired Today

    Despite what I said yesterday about not being able to stay up late, I couldn't stand looking at all the pictures of the new Star Wars toys online and not participate.  So when my wife got home from work this is what ensued:

Me:  "Hey babe, I'm sorry you had such a hard day at work, why don't we go out to eat tonight."  

Sharon:  "Oh, that's so sweet of you, let me go and get changed."

Me: "Shut up squid man, you're killing my game here."

    So we have a nice dinner and on the way home we stop by Toys R Us to see how they're setting up for the new toys.  There are signs everywhere and empty shelves teasing us with their promised bounty later in the night.  We go home, watch a bit of tv and then I start showing her people's Instagram posts with all of their bounty.  Next thing you know this happens:

Sharon:  "If you want we could totally go to Toys R Us to check it out tonight."

    Next thing you know we're standing outside with fellow nerds waiting to buy toys for a movie we haven't even seen yet.  It was kind of like a mini comic con moment, though much less smelly.  The first thing we see as we enter are these giant Stormtrooper and Darth Vader figures:

    I'd say they were about 4 feet tall and priced at $100, which is pretty reasonable considering their size.  While the temptation was strong, I didn't want to get caught up in the moment and buy everything in sight.  In fact I was so restrained this is the totality of what I purchased:

    That's it.  A lone Captain Phasma Pop! Vinyl for $10.  The commemorative Lego brick was free at the door and the main reason I wanted to go to Toys R Us.  It has the date on the back of it so one day I can reflect on my life and say "I stayed up way past my adult bed time to look at action figures."  Everyone in the nursing home will be impressed.  

New Robo Tops from Inami Toyland Releasing Tonight

    The most playing I ever do with the toys I collect are when I dust them; which, in the interest of transparency, is not very often.  I'm on a once per calendar year dusting plan, or whenever the dust gets so thick I start to forget what the actual object is supposed to look like.  The bonus though, is once you wipe away all those accumulated dead skin cells it's like having something that's brand new all over again.  And who doesn't love that feeling?  So, to summarize, I am making myself happy on the occasions I do clean by lengthening the time in between actual cleanings.  Suck on that, Freud.

    You never need to worry about Robo Tops from Inami Toyland collecting dust, cause the whole point of these resin dudes is that you play with them in the first place.  The actual spinning motion of the tops makes it impossible for dirt or debris to make its home on them, thus negating the need for you to do chores.  Now make a toy that cleans the litter box for me and I can truly live a life of leisure.  

   These orange and blue editions go on sale tonight at 9pm eastern time only at www.inamitoyland.com.  They're $15 a piece and only 10 of each color exist.  

Star Wars "Force Friday" Is Almost Here

    Oh my lord I am excited for the new Star Wars toys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Tonight, as the clock strikes midnight, people are gonna flood their local stores and ruin their credit ratings by buying anything and everything from the movie they haven't even seen yet.  And you know what?  I'd love to join em, but that is waaaaaaaaay beyond my bedtime.  I know, I'm about as much fun as wearing a wet pair of jeans, but I've passed that point in life where my body will do the things I want it to.  I don't want to have to get up at 3am to pee every night, but guess what, that's what happens.  And I don't want to fall asleep on the couch every night and miss the endings of my favorite shows, but that doesn't stop my brain from flipping that off switch and turning me into a drooling idiot with my mouth hung wide open.  Just this week alone I've missed the endings to Monday Night Raw and Ink Master and I almost passed out before Mr. Robot was over last night, which would have infuriated me.  So while I won't be elbowing my fellow nerds in pursuit of a carded Storm Trooper, I'm sure that there are plenty of everything to go around so I won't miss out on anything I want.  I mean there will be, right?  

"Famous Last Words" Group Show at Toy Art Gallery

    In what is a sad yet growing trend, Toy Art Gallery is closing up their physical location.  I don't know anything beyond the fact that they will continue to operate their store online and continue to manufacture toys.  They want to close their location with a bang, and thus you have the aptly titled "Famous Last Words" group show.  It's happening this Saturday, September 5th, and features all of the artists you see listed above.  You should go, and pour some of your 40 out on the sidewalk for your fallen homies.  

Someone Found a Way To Film My Dreams at Night

    I don't know how they were able to upload my dreams to Youtube, but this may be the biggest breakthrough in technology since the Swiffer.