Friday the 13th Releases from doubleparlour

 

    There is no better way to celebrate Friday the 13th than hacking up a bunch of teenagers at an abandoned summer camp, I mean with new releases from doubleparlour.  Silly me, how I get confused sometimes and mix up holidays with plots of horror films.  I know Friday the 13th isn't technically a holiday, but if we're gonna continue and kid ourselves by giving Christopher Columbus a day when he showed up to America waaaaaaaaaay after Leif Erikson, then I can declare every Friday the 13th a holiday.  And so it is done.  Get yourself some goodies from doubleparlour starting at noon pacific time to commemorate this new and glorious holiday.

http://www.doubleparlour.com

Stingy Jack Swirl from Brandt Peters

    "Be still my heart, for thou beatest too fast at the sight of marbled vinyl!!!!!!"  That was taken from an unreleased Shakespearian play about a cobbler whose real dream was to one day produce multi colored vinyl toys to win over the nobleman's daughter, until she was tragically killed by a rogue gang of circus clowns and he spent the rest of his life becoming Batman and avenging her death.  I found it on The Bard's official Tumblr, which he somehow still updates much in the way Tupac still releases new music from beyond the grave.  Supposedly JJ Abrams has signed on to direct as he wants to focus on art pieces after Star Wars.  Can't learn this crap on TMZ.

    Now that it's become painfully obvious I've taken too much of my medication this morning let us quickly get to the facts before I really lose it.  Brandt Peters' Stingy Jack is not only sporting a killer swirl of colors that I love in a completely non platonic way, but he also glows in the dark!!!!!!  It's almost too much goodness.  And they're very limited with only 50 available worldwide and only half of those in North America via Circus Posterus this Saturday, November 14th (Tomenosuke will take care of the rest of the earth.)  A few will also be available at Designer Con booth #519.  

"Don't Cuddle the Krampus" Kickstarter Campaign from Warpo

   This toy is called "Don't Cuddle the Krampus" but I know none of you are gonna pay attention to that and snuggle the fur off of him anyway.  You're always out there cavorting with dark entities after buying that occult-inspired shirt from the clearance rack at Urban Outfitters.  Do your thing, I ain't mad at you.  And really Warpo should have known that no one can resist hugging Santa's evil little friend if they're gonna make him so dang adorable.  

    I love this time of year because I know Krampus is coming and is gonna beat some bad little heathens with sticks.  If that was a tv special every Christmas I would lose my mind.  You could make it like Scared Straight, where parents sign up their little monsters cause they've been bad all year, and then the scary goat man comes out and whoops em.  You could put that on pay-per-view and be instantly rich.  Can anyone help me make this happen, because I am seriously all about it.

    Ok, first you should support Warpo's Kickstarter for this dude, then you should give me whatever money you have left over for my show.  This dude is a cool riff on the classic My Pet Monster toy, but unlike his predecessor, this one comes with three snot nosed kids who think they're tough one minute, until you flip em over to reveal how aware they are of the beatings to come.  Just the thought of some little punks, plush or not, getting put in their place is enough to make me smile (hey, I used to work in a mall for many years, I've done my share of suffering due to unruly kids).  

    You can support the campaign, and get yourself some pretty amazing rewards, by clicking on this link.  

Nerfect Artistic Novelties Presents "Krampug" for Designer Con

    You know what's wrong with kids?  Well, it's a long list, but the main thing is that they feel entitled.  We've all witnessed the epic meltdowns they have in a store if they aren't allowed to get something.  They throw a fit, their parents buy them a new iPhone, and the transformation into horrible person is nearly complete.  And we're too delicate with them too.  We want them to behave themselves so someone invented a stupid elf that moves around the house and supposedly creeps on their every movement.  That smiling little idiot doesn't inspire the fear that children need to not act like butt clowns.  Which is why I am so happy that here in America Krampus has finally been brought to the attention of mainstream culture.  You wanna act like a zoo animal?  Well, this is what's gonna happen to you:

    Go ahead and try to take a selfie while riding in a basket attached to the back of a goat man, it's just gonna be blurry and probably won't get many likes.  

    Let's go back to the first picture though, that contains the rather more adorable Krampug.  I guess dogs need an incentive to not be jerks all year too.  He is the creation of Perfect Artistic Novelties and is an exclusive to their booth (#1025) at this year's Designer Con.  Each one is hand made and ready to keep your furry friends in line.  

    

    

Naomi Knaff is Bringing Resin Madness to Designer Con **Updated**

    You ever watch that show Monsters Inside Me where the people are all like "I was totally having the worst headaches and when I went to blow my nose all of these weasels fell out"?  It's never actually been weasels, but how cute would that be?  Or a guy could have some growth on his leg and out popped a kitten. Unfortunately it doesn't ever turn out to be that.  It always involves some worm-like critter that makes your life miserable for a bit before a heavy dose of antibiotics and some usually very disgusting occurrence serves to rid you of it.  Or as I like to call it, Saturday night.  

    The resin creations of Naomi Knaff make me think of what bad dreams would look like if they could take a physical form and be surgically removed.  That is probably the highest complement I've ever paid anybody, because I love them.  These are our bad thoughts manifested into hyper-color monsters and should be preserved in pickling liquid and put on display in curiosity shops, where they will have a warning never to open their jar under penalty of law.  Kinda like a mattress tag but with more immediate and dire consequences.  

    Naomi is bringing her insane creations to this year's Designer Con and can be found at booth #724.    If you're going you should see her work in person because like most things on the internet, the pictures don't do them justice.  

UPDATE!!!!!!!!

    The two figures you see below are custom paint jobs courtesy of Tru Slithers and they will also be available.  Pretty sick!

Brand New Figures and More from Cop A Squat Toys at Designer Con

    You know what always sucks as a kid?  When you're at the toy store, and you convince your mom to get something new, but she has the nerve to limit you to one figure.  Now this isn't a tragedy if it's a dude from a toy line you've been collecting, but when it's something brand new then it really sucks.  I remember when the Ninja Turtles figures came out and I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEDED them so badly and I finally begged my way into one and all I could get was Donatello.  Now who in the hell was he supposed to fight against?  I couldn't get Shredder, or a member of the Foot Clan, so here I had this awesome new toy with no one for him to do battle with.  Was I supposed to pretend that he was part of the Star Wars or GI Joe universes?  I wasn't about crossing brands like that.  So basically I had this turtle who I would just pretend was putting karate demonstrations on for kids and telling them not to do drugs.  This explains a lot about the person I turned out to be.

    You're not gonna face those issues I did when you purchase the new Fumetsu figures from Cop A Squat Toys.  That's because he's not a sicko and will be selling them in sets of two.  So whether you play cops and robbers or intergalactic tag team wrestling, you'll be squared away.  These are gonna debut at Designer Con for $150 per set at the Lulubell Toys booth #926.  You'll also be able to purchase an exclusive Semi Korosiya figure for the well-affordable price of $70.  Get them deals, son!

Lazy The Resin Sloth from Benson Wong

    Most people look at the sloth in a negative fashion.  If you exhibit any signs of laziness you will inevitably be called one, and I get it because they don't move with any sense of urgency.  But what if you looked at it a bit differently.  What if the sloth wasn't lazy at all, he just really doesn't give a crap about what anyone else says and is content to do his own thing?  Now, this isn't an excuse for you to live in your mom's basement until you're 40 because getting a job would impede on your ability to leave comments on Reddit all day, so don't try and use that argument.  But we could all take the sloth's example, thumb our nose at convention, and move to the cliche beat of our own drum.  Even if said drummer has the rhythm of a broken washing machine.

   This sloth from Benson Wong might be named Lazy, but unlike most girls in the mall, he still had enough energy on to get dressed and not just wear whatever he rolled out of bed in.  You can get yourself one of these leisurely resin dudes by visiting this link.