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Behold the Bath Toy of Madness: Dthulhu

   I was totally in the shower today, thinking that our bathroom decor needed an update.  We were going with a woodland theme because of how the bathroom was when we moved in, but things just haven't come together the way I had hoped.  Our fake taxidermied deer head/toothbrush holder keeps falling from its suction cup on the mirror, and our pine cone soap dispenser took a flying leap from the counter after being helped by an anonymous cat paw.  And do you even realize how hard it is to find plastic squirrels that you can mount to the wall so it looks like they're in mid chase?  The fates are working against us on this one.

    Maybe we should take things in a whole new direction and build our design around this mighty Dthulhu!!!!  This rubber ducky has been consumed by the spirits of the Old Ones and is hell bent on wiping out mankind....one bubble bath at a time.  Now you're not gonna find anything like this in stores, as he will only exist if you support the Indiegogo campaign to bring him to a state of vinyl being.  Check out this link, get some killer rewards, and prepare your tub for the madness that will ensue!  Oh and there's only a few days left to make it happen, so stop your deciding and start your buying.
 
    

My Designer Con Review as a Non-Attendee

    I didn't go to Designer Con and I've actually never been to Designer Con, but that doesn't mean I am any less qualified to talk about it than someone who was there.  This is America, and I'm gonna excercise the crap out of my freedom, and let me tell you, I'm feeling pretty damn free right now.  It may have something to do with the fact that I spent my Sunday at a gun show, which is about as much freedom as you can pack into the National Guard Armory in Philadelphia.  I mean it's an entire event that celebrates one of the most controversial amendments in the Bill of Rights.  It couldn't have been any more American if there was a bald eagle grilling hot dogs at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.  I had never been to a gun show before, and it was by far an interesting experience, as I doubt anyone at Designer Con was asked if they were carrying a concealed weapon as they entered.  I wasn't, but I wished I had planned ahead and brought a machete or something, just so I could have said "oh, you mean my little friend Tito Santana?" as I pulled said machete from my jacket.  That probably would have given the ticket people something fun to talk about at dinner.

    I felt like I was in California right with you though, as I scrolled through the many pictures on Instagram, jealous of all the amazing toys I was seeing.  My favorite photos are always the ones that people take showing off what they bought.  Not just cause I like to pick out the things I also would have tried to own, but because I'm always impressed by the shear amount of money spent.  We're talking legit mortgage payments worth of toys. With that in mind I really want to start commenting on their photos, asking where they work and if they're hiring, because I am obviously doing something wrong career-wise.  I need to up my disposable income game, so any tips would be greatly appreciated.

    When there were actually people in the photos I saw they all looked happy, so I'm going to go ahead and say they were having a good time.  When I was daydreaming about being there (on Saturday mind you, cause you don't daydream when you're surrounded by live ammunition as I was Sunday) I pictured myself equally as happy, so I declare the convention a good time which is probably enhanced by actually attending.

Medieval Spawn Resin Statue from McFarlane Toys

    A few years ago Sharon and I decided we were gonna go to the Renaissance Fair in Lancaster.  We're all into Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings, so we thought it could either be really cool or we would be horrified and have funny stories to tell afterwards.  So there we are, speeding down the Pennsylvania Turnpike, when we see a sign with a giant cow on it advertising German food and an antique market.  We glanced over at each other, mouths agape, and to this day have never made it to the Renaissance Fair.  We keep trying but find ourselves unable to pass that exit.  It is probably as far west as we will ever get in that state, because not only do we stuff ourselves with the most delicious beef you have ever tasted, but the antique shopping is prime.  

   Now if I was guaranteed that I would see stuff like this roaming around, I might be willing to ease up on the brakes on keep driving.  I bet the ending of Braveheart would had been a lot different if Spawn had been the lead character instead of that wussy Mel Gibson.  And it would have been a lot shorter, because they would have taken one look at this dude, turned right around, and fixed everything he was upset about.  The whole mess could have been resolved in the span of a commercial break.  

    This resin statue from McFarlane Toys stands a whopping 17 inches tall, comes with two different heads, and is sure to make your cats think twice about holding Wrestlemania in your living room at 3 in the morning.  Preorder one of these highly detailed beauties now from this link.   

    

Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones in 1/6th Scale from threezero

     Jamie Lannister arguably has the rawest deal on Game of Thrones.  Think about it, dude is not only in love with his evil sister but is the father of her children, two of which are dead.  And he got his sword hand cut off, leaving him but a shadow of his former swashbuckling self.  At least everyone else on the show gets to die and, hopefully, move on to a more peaceful afterlife.  It really seems that's the best you can hope for if you're born in Westeros.  Or Arkansas.

    threezero continues their amazingly detailed line of 1/6th scale figures with the Kingslayer himself.  As you would expect he comes with a boat load of accessories that will make your other toys jealous that they have way less stuff to play with.  You can preorder this figure for $190 (which includes worldwide shipping) beginning Monday, November 23rd at 9am Hong Kong time.

http://www.threezerostore.com

The Soon-To-Be Classic Tale of the Christmas Parasite

   Christmas is a day that people spend all year looking forward to.  They are eager to spend time with family, give and receive presents, and stuff themselves full of delicious food.  This year, the presents aspect has me a little nervous every after my wife shared with me her recommended items from Etsy.

   Sharon and I both get a kick out of surprising the other with our gift buying abilities.  She is by far better at it than anyone I know, and she seems impressed by my Rain Man like ability to remember the most random things that she mentions she likes.  The website Etsy has in the past few years become a hub for us when we're in the market for vintage items and it seems this year she has used it almost exclusively.  Based on the items she purchased the website has used some algarithm to determine a host of other objects she might be interested in.  This is where things have gone completely off the rails.  I present to you dear reader, the number one item recommended based on her purchasing habits:

Having "bath salts" as part of their shop name is just a tad sketchy and probably cause for investigation by the proper authorities.

    Now, let's start with the part that is humorous for me and that being that Sharon is terrified of leeches.  She finds them to be a horrific amalgam of two of God's most heinous creatures (that don't have the surname Kardashian): the tick and the slug.  The fact that I'm still married after finding one in a river and showing it to her is more a testament to her realizing she could always use it against me than her ability to forgive.  And I probably shouldn't have laughed when she showed me it was her top pick from Etsy, because that brought up the second part of all of this, which is a bit more worrisome for me.

    What in the hell did she get me for Christmas?  I can't even fathom what items you would have to buy in order for a website to recommend a leech in a jar as the obvious next play in your gift giving.  I can't imagine a nice pair of socks or an artisinal toothpick set would lead to such madness, so the possibilities are both endless and troubling.  Though holiday pictures will probably be the most interesting ones to date, which would be a perfect time to shamelessly plug my Instagram where everything will unfold in almost real time.  But don't think the leech was the only recommended item, cause that would be horrible for business.  So gaze upon the rest of the stuff that obviously my wife would want to own because they would look really good next to the bag of tapeworms or whatever it is that is currently hidden from my prying eyes somewhere in this house.

   

For the First Time Ever at Designer Con: Splurrt

    Splurrt is making his first trek out to Designer Con this year and he's bringing a veritable pile of toys that will stare at you as you sleep and teleport nightmares into your brain (or so I heard).  He's sharing  booth #553 with Paul Kaiju and his freaky creations will only be available on Saturday via lottery system.  So you're gonna need to grab yourself a ticket between 9am and noon, then return at 3pm when the selling madness begins.  If anything is left after the craziness dies down it will be sold on a first come first served basis.  In total he will have over 160 figures for sale, including the ones you see here.  I'm guessing he won't be bringing much back home with him.