Is This Project Runway or am I Just Reviewing the New Stache Labbit Hat From Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

      I'm not an accessory kind of guy.  I don't wear jewelry other than my wedding ring, and I feel dumb wearing sunglasses.  All the time people are trying to get me to wear sunglasses all like "you gotta protect your eyes from the UV rays or you'll get horrible disfiguring tumors" and I'm all like "mind your damn business cause I'm mad self conscious and would rather not feel silly."  Not the most compelling argument, I'll give you that, but it's all I have.  So then Kidrobot sent me one of these Labbit hats and I admit I'm a tad skeptical.  I don't even know if I'm a hat person.  Certainly I'm not a fedora person, cause no one other than well respected character actor Jon Hamm should be.

Can't we just accept that he's the only man alive that can wear these and not be mocked?  I'm looking at you, neckbeards.  

   But what about other hats?  Aside from the odd beanie I've owned for survival purposes in the frigid northeast I've never explored my hat side.  But this is 2016 and the lines are forever blurring between who we know ourselves to be and who we can become, so with that in mind I donned the Labbit hat:

*****Sexiness levels will vary.  Results pictured are not typical.

    Good Lord Almighty I have unlocked the key to visual enlightenment!!!  Just look at me, holding my kitty Jorah like a straight up G.  And what you can't see is the line of kitties, both mine and stray, lined up waiting to get their snuggle on with me.  I think this might be what the kids call swag, but I refuse to Google that in case it's something I don't want in my browser history.

I have made a terrible mistake.

    How dare you think that wearing a Labbit on your head is merely a fashion statement.  Like Luke stuffed into the body of a fallen Tauntaun, my head is toasty warm and free of dreaded frost bite.  And unlike Tauntauns, which are endangered now after the rebel alliance learned that they don't actually dig the cold weather that much, Labbits are so plentiful that to not gather one up and make a hat of it just means their population will soar to absurd numbers which may or may not hamper the development of strip malls.  I'll be damned if some little moustached bunny is gonna stop me from the manifest destiny that is my need to buy Chinese food and go tanning without having to make two stops.

    I'm just kidding of course, I love little critters and detest all areas of commerce.  This hat is made only with imagination and synthetic fibers, which at no time ever roamed wild or had their habitat stolen from them by some jerk butt.  Besides, do you think any creature with a stache like that could be taken down by puny humans?  They would put a hurtin on anyone that disrespected them.  Instead, these hats are a tribute to their superior facial hair and serve to protect us from their wrath should they decide that we are in the way of their new Labbit casinos.  At least, we hope that's what will happen.

    Endear yourself to our future overlords by getting your own warm and toasty Labbit hat right now at www.kidrobot.com.

I just blew your mind with this picture didn't I?

Clear Skullhead Blanks from Huck Gee

   I tried to encase a miniature Klingon ship in resin once and it came out looking like a filthy bar of hard soap. Not to mention the fumes also made me nauseous because God forbid I research something's ability to kill me before I start playing around with it.  Hence the raccoon incident of 2007 and my last attempt at animal husbandry.

    I leave the resin casting to the masters cause they are smart enough to at least check Wikipedia to see how something is supposed to work.  Huck Gee obviously knows what he's doing as evidenced by these clear Skullhead blanks.  There almost too pretty to paint, but on the flip side I'm very interested in seeing what people are going to create with them.  You'll get a shot at owning one when they go on sale Thursday, January 14th at noon pacific time only at http://www.huckgee.com.  There limited to 75 pieces and will be $150 each.

Kylo Ren Artfx+ Statue from Kotobukiya

    I actually wasn't nervous at all about liking the new Star Wars movie.  I liked what J.J. Abrams did with the last two Star Trek films and figured he was smart enough to know the consequences of screwing this up.  After those crappy prequels, death was not off the table if someone made another bad Star Wars film, but luckily everything worked out just fine.  I will admit however to being a tad apprehensive about Kylo Ren.  The dude looked cool, but I wasn't getting tricked into buying any merchandise until I made sure he wasn't dumb on film.  Not only was he a cool villain, but one that was deeply interwoven with the main characters.  He is a tortured, somewhat conflicted soul who could really shine in the next few sequels.  And I want a working version of that lightsaber.  

    Now Kylo Ren is being immortalized in Kotobukiya's Artfx+ line.  I like these dudes cause they come in pieces and you get to put em together, which may or may not make you feel a minor sense of pride.  Just remember to put him where your cats can't reach him him lest they put little teeth marks in him like they did with my Darth Vader one.  He now has a semi lumpy light saber and a hand that looks painfully arthritic.  They're lucky they're cute.

    This will be available in July but you can ensure you get one by preordering it now from http://www.kotous.com.

Hold On To Your Britches Cause I'm Reviewing The Stache Labbits from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

      Moustaches are tricky.  Depending on the style and the shape they can mean so many different things.  Sometimes they mean that you may drive a sketchy van and just happen to lose your puppy whenever you're near a grade school.  They could mean that you're a trying to get the start up money to fund your artisanal vegan corn dog restaurant.   The moustache is the mixed signal of the facial hair world and it's time we push aside all the negativity it could convey and let it shine like the beacon of manhood it once was.  So before we continue on with this review I'd like to take a moment to reflect on some important moustaches that really should set the tone for how all you bros out there choose to man up going forward:

Burt Reynolds

Yosemite Sam

The Iron Sheik

Lando Calrissian 

Vlad the Impaler

     Now that the follicles on your lip have some folks to look up too, lets get down to Labbit business.  Frank Kozik and Kidrobot released these 10 inch Stache Labbits at the end of last year and boy are they pretty (in a strict manly sort of way of course). Each one features a high gloss finish that will force you to not take pictures of them while only wearing your underpants in case you ever want to run for public office.  

The things his high gloss finish has seen would break a lesser being.

    Of course the main feature of each is a moustache that is both full and unapologetically luscious.  This is what every man dreamed of as his teenage self tried desperately to cultivate the few weed-like hairs that sprouted on his upper lip.  No matter how many adults berated him with the old wive's tale of shaving to make the hair grow in thicker, he only focused of making his wispy little crumb brush the greatest chick magnet it could be.  Some of us, such as myself, were successful in our endeavors and have enjoyed the life that our moustaches have afforded us.  Others, like the sad fellow you see pictured below, live as a basement dwelling Gollum, responding to personal ads on Craigslist while needlessly combing the almost barren landscape beneath their nose.  

   I feel a nun should be following him through the streets yelling "shame" as he is being whipped.  Also, this may or may not be Justin Bieber.

    Having these Labbits in the house has already upped the previously high testosterone levels to unprecedented heights.  Right out of the box this one proceeded outside to berate me on the inefficiency of our heating and cooling unit and demanded we make a trip to Home Depot so he could gather the necessary tools to rebuild it:

We're gonna get this thing pumping air cold enough to store sides of beef in your living room.

    Then this bro went out looking for buffalo that we could turn into sides of beef and store in the living room:

    There is a distinct lack of buffalo in this place you call "New Jersey".  

    Look how good they look outside.  Maybe I can get a meeting with Kidrobot and we can work on a whole lawn decoration line to replace those creepy gnomes that everyone always buys.  Not that I don't like the creepy gnomes a little, but I want something standing guard over my tomatoes that represents me and not what the evil gardening conglomerates shove down my throat.  I don't need your whole Illuminati Powerball cause I'm gonna get rich the old fashioned way: by making stuff to confuse my neighbors.  

    I got a little off track there, as I sometimes do when genius strikes.  You know you want to have more Labbits in your house, cause duh why wouldn't you?  All of this has just furthered your conviction that there's been a void that can only be filled by the manliest of man bunnies.  It's ok, because that very realization is the first step on your way to enlightenment, or something.  The second step is welcoming these follicly-superior beings into your home today by visiting www.kidrobot.com or checking out your favorite places to buy designer toys.  They can be the father figure you've so desperately needed all these years.  

    

R.I.P. David Bowie

"Buttercream" Mockbat Lottery from Paul Kaiju

    My wife and I bucked all sorts of traditions when we got married.  For starters we did it at a Philadelphia Flyers game in one of those fancy luxury suites rather than a church so we had no problem ignoring one of the more baffling things a couple can do, which is save part of their wedding cake to eat a year later.  I can think of much better ways to celebrate your anniversary than eating some stank old freezer burned confections.  But I do have an aversion to freezing food anyway, cause my mom used to freeze EVERYTHING.  Loaves of bread, snack cakes; if it was deemed edible it was deemed freezable.  There's not too many things in life worse than eating a sandwich with half thawed bread.

    This new Mockbat from Paul Kaiju is certified fresh indeed!  In fact, its down right pretty and looks delicious.  The only way you can own one is by entering the lottery when it goes live this Sunday at 6pm pacific time on www.paulkaiju.com.  All the details can be found there, while I can be found at the grocery store raiding their bakery.

"It's a F.A.D." 8 Inch Dunny Signing and Release Party with J*Ryu

    I love this Dunny from J*Ryu for many different reasons.  For one, it's a Dunny and I'm kinda partial to these make-believe critters.  And for two, it pretty much matches my authentic personal brand.  This is the most versatile Dunny ever created when it comes to enhancing how Sharon and I decorate our home.  It's ornate, it looks vintage, and it's a toy.  It could be a piece of architectural salvage from a French house of ill repute or it could be a haunted artifact inhabited by the vengeful spirit of some ancient Japanese demon.  Either way, that pretty much sums up our home design philosophy.

    This thing is gorgeous in every version I've seen of it and now he's been shrunken down to a more manageable 8 inch size.  There's even a chance you might get a 1 out of 4 chase piece in beautiful pewter.  Either way they both come with a removable vinyl key that fits in its chest, which makes your options for displaying it that much more dynamic.  This Friday you'll not only be able to get your figure early; you can also get it signed by the artist himself during a release party at Kidrobot San Francisco.  All the details you need are in the picture you see there, including the promise of a very specific type of gift with purchase.  Wait a second, I think I finally understand what the F.A.D. stands for.  This is like the time I realized that Guns and Rose song "Mr. Brownstone" wasn't about some creepy old dude that lived next door to Axl.