I'm Tired of Shoveling Snow so I'm Reviewing Some New Plush Labbits from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

    You may or may not be aware, but it snowed a butt ton where I live a few weeks ago.  Snow literally ceases to be an exciting thing the moment you get a job and responsibilities, because unlike when you're a child, most of the time a little frozen precipitation is no reason to slow the world of commerce.  Once we got over two feet of snow and the person I worked for didn't care that I sent her a picture of my car covered in a snow drift, she only wanted to know if I'd be able to make it to open on time.  My car was buried more securely than King Tut and she just wanted to make sure I was willing to risk my life in case some random idiot braved the storm to buy a T-shirt.  Thankfully I know longer work for such an unreasonable company and spent the storm safe at home where periodically I would pray not to have a heart attack while shoveling my car out.

    Being out in the snow made me think of soft things, like these new plush Labbits from Frank Kozik and Kidrobot.  It also made me think of frostbite and Civil War style amputations, but let's just focus on the fuzzy bunnies.  (I also don't currently own any toys inspired by archaic surgical techniques, but I'm open to it).

    These dudes have obviously been the product of some interesting love connections going on in the animal kingdom.  Now, I can kinda see a Dalmatian and a bunny getting a little tipsy and spending some time together, but the giraffe thing is beyond all comprehension.  There are particulars of that coupling that boggle the mind and yet here we have proof of it.  Science doesn't lie, folks.  

     Labbits, as it oddly turns out, are about as interested in helping with freeing your automobile from an icy prison as they are with discussing the complexities of their gene pools,  and being that my heart felt like it was going to explode I decided to return inside and take my bunny companions with me.  

    Look at how lovely they look in their more natural, leisurely habitat.  You may recognize this little gathering of books on top of my dresser from other toys reviews or Instagram posts.  Not only does it make me look studious to have them, but if you're able to see the titles it further pushes my status as an international man of mystery.  We have books from comedians and noted authors and even graphic novels working hard as mere background fodder, but are they doing more?  Is there a secret message hidden within their spines that reveals something more about your humble narrator?  Actually, there's not.  My wife just happened to put them up there one day because our bookcases are beyond capacity and the lighting in my house it not that great but things look kinda nice here and I was hoping you thought I was smart.  Love me, damnit!!!!!!

    I love plush Labbits cause they're not wimpy plush like you get at a regular toy store.  These things are soft but they're also firm as hell, which I think describes my authentic personal brand.  And I wish it described my pillow.  Do you realize how hard it is to find a pillow that is as firm as a Labbit plush?  These things have spoiled me because I can't find a pillow that would be nearly as comfortable as sleeping on one of these.  Now I'm gonna need Kidrobot to make flat ones with the exact same material inside so I can finally get a good nights rest and start to make sense to the people around me.    The above picture was taken inside my bedroom on what I refer to as the landing pad for my cat Daenerys.  She likes to jump from the bed and skid across this table in order to get into the window, which is ok because it is shorter than the window and therefore prevents her from just sliding right through the glass and into the open air.  My therapist would be proud of me for opening up like this to you all.

    These soft little critters are available right now from www.kidrobot.com or wherever you like to buy your designer toys.  Get a whole pile of them and lay naked right in the middle and I'm pretty sure the meaning of life will hit you like a right hook.  Or your wife will come home early from work that day and you will never be able to buy her enough shoes to get her to stop making fun of you for it.  Either way.  

    

Plush Labbit With Littons Coming Soon from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

    Ahhhh the miracle of child birth.  Nothing in the animal kingdom is more beautiful, or at times horrifying, than new little critters being brought into this world.  When I was a wee little lad one of our dogs got loose and fell in with a bad crowd, returning home with shame written all over her face. A bit later she gave birth to puppies right on our front porch, essentially making the corner of it forever unclean and needing to be covered by a decorative bench.  I remember watching as each new doggie squeezed his way out of an impossible situation and plopped into the world covered in the most disturbing flavor of Jell-O one could imagine.  Then the mother proceeded to clean them off, which seemed very impractical to me being we had more than enough paper towels on hand and would have helped if she had only asked.  And where was the father you asked?  Completely absent from the picture!!!!!  He never took them to their tee ball games, or bothered sending checks.  Do you think puppies eat for free?  They surely don't.  

   I learned many lessons that day about life, but there are always new mysteries to uncover.  For instance did you know that like the seahorse, the male Labbit carries the young (known as Littons FYI) until they are ready to be adorable and then a magic zipper appears on his belly so they can spread their cuteness unto the world?  I just learned it today and I had to share it with you in case you were also in the dark about this phenomenon.  

    Frank Kozik and Kidrobot will be releasing this ultimate biology lesson sometime this month.  This 24 inch plush Labbit comes filled with 5 little babies that will make you smile and will make having that talk with your kids about reproduction a whole lot more interesting.  Keep your eyes peeled for when they are released on www.kidrobot.com and in stores around the world.  

Fumetsu Clear Coke Bottle Green Figures from Cop A Squat Toys

    If you ever needed glasses as a kid you know you were freaked out that you'd end up with thick lenses.  Nobody wants to be referred to as "Coke Bottles" but you know that it happened.  If it wasn't you then it was someone else whose ocular deficiencies were on display for public ridicule.  One day I'm gonna write a story about such a kid, teased mercilessly and asked whether or not he could see the future so many times that he just snaps and becomes this evil villain.  And as an evil villian, who used his crimes to save up for lasik surgery, he one day stumbles upon his childhood glasses and builds a giant death ray with the lenses.  He then spends the rest of his life burning up the people that tormented him like helpless little ants.  It's still a better love story than Twilight.

    Now the Coke Bottle look is desirable at last, albeit only as the color of some killer vinyl toys.  For instance these toys we just happen to have right here.  Cop A Squat Toys is about to drop some truth on you courtesy of Fumetsu!!!!!  There are two different sets of figures, with only five sets of each available. These will be $150 per set and there will also be some blank figures available at $70 each.  I know you want these and you're in luck, cause you can buy them today!!!  Six pm eastern is the time, www.copasquattoys.com is the place, and the rest is up to you.  Get on it!

Preorders Are Open for Brandt Peters x Zectron's "Camazotz" from Unbox Industries

    Do you really think I don't have a bat story?  Of course I have a bat story, and it goes a little something like this:

    When I was a teenager my family and I lived in a very old farmhouse complete with a barn and fields and such.  What also goes well with a very old farmhouse is a slew of uninvited guests that don't really give a crap whether you want them to live with you or not.  Most of us call those "relatives" but when you live in the middle of nowhere they usually involve species much different from you.  One morning my mother woke me up because she was screaming like OJ broke in.  I ran into the kitchen so I could give the police a good description of the assailant before I pleaded for my life and I see her backed into a corner and pointing at the window.  I looked over and the entire curtain rod, from end to end, was lined with bats.  They weren't any bigger than a mouse, but with rabies being an actual problem where I lived (I've even had my shots, which hurt like a mother) the little critters are cute but do pose a danger.  We closed the kitchen off and waited for them to fly back into the attic through the previously unnoticed hole in the plaster and then went about our day.  It was almost as exciting as the time I caught the same snake in my apartment on two different occasions.  But I digress.

      I have no idea where the name Camazotz comes from, but I know this bat dude from Brandt Peters and Zectron is amazing.  Standing at 10 inches tall, this vinyl beauty produced by Unbox Industries is available for preorder right now in two different color schemes at $85 each.  Secure one for yourself by visiting http://store.unboxindustries.info.  

The Atomic Nosferatu Night Gamer from Plaseebo

    Oh lord, you better have a priest on speed dial if you let this dude in your house.  Plaseebo is known for making creatures that would induce nightmares in the toughest of folks, but this guy has taken that idea and cranked it to 11.  Is it those freaky eyes, or is it those sharp flesh-rendering teeth that look like they could pick your bones clean with disturbing efficiency?  On second though forget the priest and go get your gun permit because no amount of holy water could stop this dude from what he has in mind.

    Are you brave enough to live in the same place as this guy?  If your intestinal fortitude is rock solid then you could welcome him home when he goes on sale Friday, January 29th only from www.plaseebo.net.

"Here's your new night light Timmy."

Nathan Jurevicius Presents The Nightriders Mini Series from Kidrobot

    There are mysterious goings on in the dead of night, and I'm not just talking about that family of raccoons who have been treating your trash cans like a casino buffet.  I'm talking about more mystical happenings involving otherworldly creatures who are not in fact interested in pillaging your mom’s green bean casserole.  These are the Nightriders, a group of bird spirits that can travel between worlds as they carry with them information of things unseen.  See, even when you think no one is all up in your business your secrets are still not safe.  If they weren't so dang cute I would be at the store right now buying aluminum foil to cover all my windows and make hats out of to confuse their secret-gathering methods.

    Will they reveal all of their otherworldly knowledge to you?  There’s only one way to find out when these critters from Nathan Jurevicius are released.  Featuring a mixture of Dunny and Munnyworld figures, this blind boxed mini series is beautiful in its simplicity.  And each figure comes with a bonus, stackable owl companion!  Now you can finally realize your dream of having a stackable owl companion named Felix who solves riddles and collects magic-infused gemstones..  That's kind of a weird dream to have when you think about it.

    These will be available starting Friday, January 29th on www.kidrobot.com and wherever you prefer to buy your designer toys.

Micro Busters Wave 1 from Playful Gorilla x Dads Cartoons

    You know the mashup we haven't seen yet that the world surely needs?  A combo of Iron Man's Hulk Buster and The Iron Shiek, who put Hulk Hogan in the Camel Clutch, broke his back, and made him humble.  I'm just throwing that out there for you resin guys to make happen, just don't forget to give me credit or I will suplex you to death.  I don't know how many suplexes it takes to kill a man, but don't make me find out!

    Back to business.  How friggin cute are these Micro Busters?  Usually everyone who made figures of this dude made him gigantic, but look how awesome he looks with his big ol head in miniature.  I love these so much I'm gonna go ahead and say they are my favorite tribute piece to the Avengers films that I have ever seen.  Go ahead and write that down in your book of feelings cause I said it!  There are 6 different colorways in this collaborative resin figure from Playful Gorilla and Dads Cartoons.  Each figure stands a little under 2 inches tall and will be only $20 including free worldwide shipping.  Free worldwide shipping?  They're accountants must be losing their minds right now!  They will only be available from http://playfulgorilla.storenvy.com starting Friday, January 29th.