MC Supersized Platinum from Ron English x K. Olin Tribu

    Oh snap, look at that big old hamburger king!  He took so much money from you in exchange for hid diseased meat that he's gone and covered himself in platinum!  See, I never understand why people trust clowns.  When has a clown ever tried to get you to do anything and the results were good?  John Wayne Gacy was a clown and we know how all that turned out, so I guess a certain fast food clown's crimes against humanity aren't that extreme.  He at least doesn't kill you right away.

   I can't act like I don't appreciate fast food every once in a while.  Usually that appreciation ends the moment I realize what a terrible mistake I've made, but what can you do.  Is there a more grandiose ode to the king of instant gratification than this MC Supersized by Ron English?  Certainly not, especially when it's cast in porcelain by K. Olin Tribu and decked out in platinum.  He's available right now to lend your house some fanciness while simultaneously making a cultural statement.  Kind of like the way I saw myself in my teenage years.  Minus the fancy part, cause my jeans all had holes.  

One of a Kind Garamon Tank from Plaseebo

    Bet you didn't know that the government has been working on military weapons entirely powered by monsters.  I stumbled upon it on the dark web while looking to sell some extremely rare bootleg Pokemon cards.  Plaseebo evidently knows about it too, cause this custom Garamon tank figure is almost exactly what was being described to me by the guy who bought my Charizard.  Getting ahold of this is way easier than getting a criminal to Paypal you the money he swore he would, cause all you have to do is visit http://www.plaseebo.net/, drop a little cash, and welcome this crazy looking dude into your home.  He goes on sale Friday, March 18th at noon pacific time.  

Kidrobot Week at Entertainment Earth

    Hey, you there.  You want some Kidrobot toys AND you want to save money?  Click on this here picture and shop till your credit card bursts into flames.  

Stealth Mecha Dunny from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

    Where I live we have a national landmark named Lucy the Elephant that is exactly what it sounds like: a really big elephant.  I think there used to be a hotel in it or something and I know there's a window you can look out of right in the giant elephant butt, which was either bad planning or a work of genius; I have yet to decide.  I guess it's cool but how much better would it be if it was some hyped up weapon ready to protect our shores at any cost?  Imagine this: the enemy lands on the beaches of Atlantic City, ready to destroy all the monuments of grandeur that President Trump (cringe) has built in his name and suddenly the giant elephant comes to life, annihilating all that dare invade this nation.  Missed opportunity.

No, those tusks aren't actually hiding an array of missiles.

    If Frank Kozik was our president I'm sure our country would be filled with these Mecha Dunnys, ready to be deployed at a moments notice to vanquish all threats.  Or Amazon could use them to deliver books to you faster than a pizza.  Or both, which would be a real efficient use of resources and probably mean he wouldn't have to raise taxes.  Corporations should sponsor everything.

    Kidrobot is unleashing this color way of the popular 8 inch figure on Friday, March 18th.  Protect your homestead for only $74.99.

Stranger Factory Presents: Paul Kaiju

    You know what I hate: art critics.  And I hate the people that stand in front of museum paintings and wax philosophical about how an artist was struggling with a bout of hemorhoids and how if affected the troubled faces of the people he painted.  Who gives a crap (pun intended).  Nickelback may be singing about the deepest stuff that would forever change the way I look at the world but until their music becomes anything other than the sonic equivalent of sports sandals I'll never know the difference.  I like art that looks cool; that I can wake up every morning excited to look at.  I like to be aesthetically pleased.

    I would straight lose my mind if I could see this Paul Kaiju show at Stranger Factory.  The place is going to be filled with his monstrous creations and I would bet money no one tries to impress their date by explaining the political significance of a Mockbat in these troubling times.  They're just gonna smack themselves to stop the trance it puts them in and try to buy it before anyone else can.  The show opens Saturday, March 19th and will only be visible for a few days.  If you're interested in buying something I would get there opening night because anyone who collects toys would punch their own grandmother to own one of the pieces.  Don't worry, my grandma is tough and a few knuckles to the jaw ain't gonna slow her down.

"Purple Heart" BC Blasters from James Groman x Toy Art Gallery

    I'm thinking that if the dinosaurs had been packing heat like this that they'd still be running the show to this day.  They'd go to museums and look at human skeletons, talking about how their superior fire power wiped us from the face of the earth.  Thank God for us their little pea brains weren't big enough to actually invent anything like gunpowder, or nuclear weaponry.  We will happily rid ourselves from the earth thank you very much lizard face.  

    James Groman's reptiles of mass destruction have returned in this limited "Purple Heart" edition.  Toy Art Gallery will begin offering these dudes on Friday, March 11th at noon pacific time.  Get one for $35 or the whole squad for $140.  These will only be available from www.toyartgallery.com.

"Motley Edition" Koralo from Kyle Kirwan

   

       

    Let me go on the record as saying that every sweet snack food is made better by adding sprinkles.  I went to Dunkin Donuts once and asked for a strawberry iced one.  The dude behind the counter proceeded to grab one without sprinkles, while there was a whole pile of them covered in technicolor bits of sugary goodness.  What kind of psychopath would deliberately try to sell me some naked donut while the option for sprinkles was sitting right next to it?  I thought it was obvious that he'd give me a sprinkled one because he valued my business and didn't want to get shanked, but no, he thought he was gonna pass of some garbage like I wasn't even human. No, I do not regret setting that fire, let me tell you.

   This first edition Koralo from Kyle Kirwan obviously knows what's up when it comes to pastry, cause he looks like he just housed the best cake of his life.  The debut of this seven inch tall resin figure is slated for Friday, March 11th, at noon eastern time.  It's an edition of ten and each one will sell for $65 only from http://www.kylekirwan.com.