The Weird Ways In Which People Find This Website

    The Google search phrase of the day kiddos is "action figure bondage".  Yup, someone stumbled upon my humble website by searching for that term.  One of you out there has a strange hobby.  

The Blacksmith Resin Figure from Jon-Paul Kaiser

    Is there any profession that's more manly than being a blacksmith?  You bend metal to your will to make implements of death, like swords and axes, and its pretty much mandatory that you grow a killer beard that somehow is fireproof just out of respect.  I couldn't do it though, cause I'm a big fan of air conditioning, which seems like an impossibility when your surrounded by furnaces.  Modern luxuries have ruined me.

    The preorder window for Jon-Paul Kaiser's latest resin creation is now open for a mere 48 hours.  Visit http://jonpaulkaiser.bigcartel.com and live your medieval dreams vicariously through this 4 inch tall hand painted figure.

Marbled Cadaver Kids and Mecha Brain Cadaver Kids from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

    Look at those swirley butts!!!  I don't even have to see the rest of their little bodies to know that I want these toys.  I guess it helps that I already know what they look like, so that does take some of the risk out of it and allows me to be way more confident in my assertion.  And you already know I get those special feelings just thinking about marbled vinyl, which is like the premium roast beef of plastics.

    Grody Shogun has bestowed his marbling wizardry on these Cadaver Kids and Mech Brain Cadaver Kids from Splurrt and they will be made exclusively through Lulubell Toys on Saturday, March 26.  They will be $50 and $55 respectively and you can buy up to three of each type.  They drop at noon pacific time at http://www.lulubelltoys.com. 

Two New Releases from Super7

    Who is the devil that invented that plastic Easter grass that you use to fill Easter baskets with?  That's something Cobra Commander wished he thought of, cause that stuff is almost as impossible to get rid of as your weird cousin who just needed a place to crash "for a few days" back in '05.  It gets eaten and deposited in the litter box, it gets stuck in the vents, and wedges itself in the cracks on the bottom of your shoes so it can spread its evil everywhere you go.  That stuff was sent to unhinge our society.

    Super7 might send you some packing peanuts when you order a toy, but they're not the type of folks to send you unwanted plastic grass.  They will be more than happy to send you a Mixed Parts Mystery Fighter in a giant egg.  No joke, each on really comes packaged like it was laid by a big plastic chicken.  Get one for yourself on Thursday, March 24th at noon pacific time for $65.

   If you happen to be at Wondercon this Friday the 25th you need to visit booth #2114 and snag one of these Ghost Ghoul Skeletor figures.  Then turn the lights out in your home and do your best to scare your vintage He-Man collection half to death.  Don't worry if you can't go to Wondercon, cause everyone will have a shot at them online and in Super7 locations on March 26th at noon pacific time.  Once again, $65 will get you one.  

Resin Minion Figures from MikeFX x RenOneLab

    This dude is nothing like those little yellow guys with the same name.  In fact, he looks like he would like to use those razor teeth to bite their heads clean off.  Which is fine by me, cause I'm beyond seeing those things in every fifth Facebook post along with some quote about how Monday's suck, or how everyone at their job annoys them.  The only thing those inspire me to do is wish I drank.  

    You've seen RenOne's Minion face plastered all over the world in sticker form, but now you can welcome him into your home as a fully realized three dimensional figure.  MikeFX brought this 5 inch resin dude to life and he will be available as a 10 piece run in DIY grey with one lucky buyer scoring the Cherry Bomb figure you see below.  These dudes will go on sale Friday, March 25th at 9am pacific time.  Available at http://rottenresin.storenvy.com.

Candie Bolton Tackles Paul Kaiju's Mock Pilot

   

    Are you in a state of depression because everything from Paul Kaiju's show this past weekend at Stranger Factory sold in one night?  Wipe those crusty tear trails from your face and get back on your toy buying horse because you're getting another chance at glory.  And if having a Paul Kaiju figure wasn't prize enough, Candie Bolton applying a sweet paint job on top of it is like getting a brownie covered in birthday cake topped with fried twinkies.  That will probably kill you in real life, so please realize it is only safe to consume as a metaphor.

    Now for the all important details of how you can actually own one of these.  They will go on sale Tuesday, March 22nd at 6:30 pacific time only at http://www.candiebolton.com.  Each set will be $200 and most likely sell very quickly, so don't get caught up in watching Judge Mathis and forget about them.

    

MC Supersized Platinum from Ron English x K. Olin Tribu

    Oh snap, look at that big old hamburger king!  He took so much money from you in exchange for hid diseased meat that he's gone and covered himself in platinum!  See, I never understand why people trust clowns.  When has a clown ever tried to get you to do anything and the results were good?  John Wayne Gacy was a clown and we know how all that turned out, so I guess a certain fast food clown's crimes against humanity aren't that extreme.  He at least doesn't kill you right away.

   I can't act like I don't appreciate fast food every once in a while.  Usually that appreciation ends the moment I realize what a terrible mistake I've made, but what can you do.  Is there a more grandiose ode to the king of instant gratification than this MC Supersized by Ron English?  Certainly not, especially when it's cast in porcelain by K. Olin Tribu and decked out in platinum.  He's available right now to lend your house some fanciness while simultaneously making a cultural statement.  Kind of like the way I saw myself in my teenage years.  Minus the fancy part, cause my jeans all had holes.