Life Size First Order Storm Trooper from Sideshow Collectibles

 
    Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and pass the digital collection plate around and ask you all to give generously so I can buy this.  I say a lot of times that I need things, but I reaaaaaaaallllly NEED this.  I would literally throw my sofa out to make room for this.  I am committing to you a lifetime of eating meals and watching tv while sitting on the floor just to make room in my house for this Storm Trooper.  And no, I didn't ask my wife how she felt about that cause I'm pretty sure she wants me to live out my dreams.

    You can preorder this thing of beauty right now from Sideshow Collectibles for the price of $7,999.99, which is why I'm trying to get that collection going.  Fund my happiness, people!  You can get one for me by visiting http://www.sideshowtoy.com.

Lisa Rae Hansen/ I Break Toys Exclusives for ToyCon UK

    Chewbacca has finally realized that his epic shredding alone does not a band make.  You need someone to bring the thunder to your lightning, so he went out recruiting. He traveled far and wide, eventual;ly finding himself drawn to Endor by the sickest blast beats his ear drums ever bled for.  Little did he know that the Ewok's little arms and stubby legs are the perfect combination for hellish beats that keep the devil himself awake at night.

    I love Star Wars and I love metal, so the toy stylings of Lisa Rae Hansen have a special place in my black little heart.  But lest you think she's only interested in galaxies far far away, cause she's also invading the world of Nintendo with the debut of Super Metal Mario.  Everyone's favorite plumber's got a Lemmy-like makeover and looks ready to rock the Mushroom Kingdom.  Or whatever's left of it, cause dude is pretty destructive.  And he kills a lot of bad guys while trying to rescue his woman.  Murder and mayhem are pretty metal!

   All that you see here will be available at ToyCon UK Saturday, April 9th in London.  Go buy, say hello, and start building your dream band from the ground up that will hopefully be so amazing that they'll never have time to play another Red Hot Chili Peppers song on the radio ever again.   

Killer Toys You Need from Skinner

    It's hard to do a serious post on April Fool's Day because everyone thinks you're just yankin their chains.  Well, we don't do any chain yankin when it comes to toys, cause that's serious business not fodder for a good laugh.  Besides, there's plenty of other things to laugh about: like Donald Trump's hair, or the fact that he might actually become president, or if that happened how life would be just like sliding down a greased pipe straight into the fires of Hades.  F-U-N-N-Y.

    What's Skinner been up to recently?  I dunno, but somewhere in his schedule he worked out the time to paint up some toys for ya.  He made 10 of the dashing cyclops Ogos, and he made ten of this big ol heap of a Cthulhu figure.  Snatch me up quick like on Aril 1st at noon pacific  from www.shopcriticalhit.com.

It's a New Week So That Means New Toys from Super7

      Super7 is way more reliable with their toy releases than my wife's car is with functioning like a feasible mode of transportation.  Damn thing broke down and cost more than I want to relive right now.  I am currently accepting paid appointments to come over and have my cats scratch and bloodlet you for health.  The safe word is "bananas".

    Two new releases are going down on Thursday, March 31st in the form of Leecifer's Honoo in clear vinyl and the very cute yet more than slightly creepy Drunk Seijin.  Each on will be $35 when they go on sale starting at noon pacific time from www.super7store.com and their retail locations.

Tiki Geekwok from UME Toys

   I've been thinking I need a new hobby for my days off other than being depressed.  While it sounds like the greatest to my teenage inner self, I could be out there having more fun at the expense of others, which is the best kind of happiness.  So I've been inspired by this toy to carve bizarre wooden idols and place them randomly along the side of the road.  I basically just want to start a panic that pagans have moved into the area and may or may not be trying to unravel the moral fiber of the citizens.  This would probably work better if I didn't live in New Jersey, because everyone here is a Godless heathen who are too jaded to be truly effected by my artistic endeavor.  Back to depression it is!

    I'm just kidding of course.  About being depressed, not the people of New Jersey.  I stand by that.  UME Toys is about to unleash the newest incarnation of his GeekWok figure, this time in tiki form.  Add some cuteness to your collection when these drop on April 8th at 9pm London time, which I love to type cause it feels so fancy!  These will only be available through http://umetoys.bigcartel.com.

"Sunshine Yellow" Bloodthirst from Brent Nolasco x Toy Art Gallery

    This is why you never eat undercooked pork.  Forget Freddy or Jason, those dudes aren't scary; parasites dying in your brain tissue is scary.  My behavior is already erratic and doesn't need any help from rotting little critters in my frontal lobe.  Not to mention what they do before they die.  Now I won't be able to sleep.

    Brent Nolasco's Bloodthirst looks all innocent in this bright yellow color way, but don't let his sunny disposition fool you.  He's out for your bloodiest of tissues.  Toy Art Gallery is unleashing him into,the water supply on Wednesday, March 30th at noon pacific time.  Get him only at www.toyartgallery.com

threezero Present Pinhead from Hellraiser III Hell on Earth

    This is Pinhead, who quite frankly is one of the freakiest looking things on the planet.  My wife and I used to go to horror conventions a lot when we first started dating and one of the people we met was Doug Bradley, the actor underneath all the makeup and roofing nails.  He's the nicest unassuming British guy who you never would suspect would be the face of terror for children and adults all over the world.  It's always interesting to meet the people that play such characters because then you realize how much talent they actually have in turning themselves from everyday dude in sociopathic otherworldly murderer.  Either that or they're really good at hiding how twisted they actually are, which could be a good premise for a horror movie itself. 

   Ol Pinhead's looking a little too realistic in this figure from threezero.  This 1/6th scale figure is the first in a line of Horror Movie Heritage collectibles, so you're not going to want to miss this debut.  He's up for preorder right now on http://www.threezerostore.com and he comes with interchangeable hands, the infamous puzzle box, and enough sleepless nights to usher you into madness.