General Tso's Nightmare Release Party at 3DRetro

 
    Oh my goodness you know I need one of these fancy chicken dudes from Frank Kozik and Kidrobot.  It would look so good next to my Colonel plastic bank that I got at the end of last summer. There he was, shining like a plastic beacon of amazing in an antique shop in Washington State, and I knew I had to have him.  The dude is an icon of deliciousness and deserves to be celebrated for his achievement.  I also bought a metal wall hanging that depicts two elk that some dude with a torch carved out, but that's not really relevant to anything or I would have brought that up sooner.

    Is this an homage to secret herbs and spices, a depiction of what eating too much chicken will do to you, or the penance that a southern gentleman now faces who built an empire on the backs of genetically enhanced poultry?  Why don't you ask Frank himself when he appears at 3DRetro in Glendale, California on Friday April 29th to celebrate this toy's release.  They'll have both the regular white version and some of the black and gold Kidrobot exclusive editions for sale and if you ask real nice maybe Frank will draw you a smorkin chicken on the bucket-shaped packaging.  Or maybe he'll be mad at me for suggesting that and having to draw farm foul all night long.  Oops.

   The whole shindig starts at 7pm and lasts till the fun runs out (or some predetermined time I don't know about).  Supposedly there will be actual fried chicken there as well, which is the sign of a good party if you ask me.

Mixed Parts Mini Mockbats from Paul Kaiju X Unbox Industries

    In the summer I always look like I'm made of mixed parts, cause my head, neck and arms will be tan, while the rest of me is the color of one of those cave slugs.  I never try to get tan in the shape of my shorts and tshirt, it's just the hand I've been dealt as a modest dude who refuses to walk around without a shirt on.  Not only would it make me uncomfortable, but I feel as a responsible nipple owner it is my duty to keep them safe.  I've said too much.

   These suckers are gonna sell out so fast and be all over Instagram in plenty of situations that will make you mad jealous if you can't participate.  So when these Mockbats from Paul Kaiju and Unbox Industries go on sale Saturday April 23 you best be ready to get one.  They're sold blind so you can't pick the colors, but just getting one is gonna be so awesome it won't matter which color combo you get.  They're only going to be available from store.unboxindustries.info.

Dresden Lady Wave 1 from 3A

    Warfare is getting weird.  Just when you think countries are going to be leveling each other from afar with those remote controlled drone things (and you thought they were just for creeps trying to record you through your window) I see something like this.  I mean, I guess if I was going to be gunned down having it come courtesy of a killer pair of legs isn't so bad.  The getting gunned down part still sucks mind you, but at least I'd be distracted as my body spontaneously erupted my guts everywhere.  It's all about perspective.

    3A is unleashing the latest in infantry on April 28th when these three maidens of the battlefield will be available.  Each one will be $160 through http://www.bambalandstore.com.

 

    

Oh My! Yokai Mini Gachas from Candie Bolton X Toy Art Gallery

    I love a deal and I really love deals when they involve toys.  You can want a toy real bad but you have to have it the moment when there's a deal involved.  Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery are gonna help you fill those nooks and crannies in your display cases with these Oh My! Yokai gachpon series and in case you're bad at catching drifts, there's a deal involved.  See, you could be irresponsible and buy only one of these amazing little figures for $10 or you could get all five for only $40.  That means you're getting one for free, which is the best kind of deal.  And this is the debut of the set, which means you're getting in on the ground floor of this thing.  Be an early adopter when they go on sale Friday, April 22nd at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

Tropical Fiji Mermaid Sofubi from Gorgoloid X Awesome Toy

 

     I'd love to have heard the conversation between the dude who invented the Fiji Mermaid and his wife when he first showed it to her. "Now babes, you know I wasn't cut out to be the Wal-Mart bathroom attendant my whole life, but don't worry cause in the kitchen is how I'm gonna finally put this family on the map."  After she regained consciousness from seeing the old monkey and stinking fish butt he had crudely sewn together I'm sure there was a trip to a divorce lawyer.

   People throughout the ages have come up with some interesting schemes to avoid real work, but the Fiji Mermaid might be the weirdest.  In homage to this sideshow creature of yore, Gorgoloid and Awesome Toy have combined (like the monkey and fish) to create this version in sofubi.  Available beginning Thursday April 21st at 6pm pacific time, this Tropical edition is ready to take his place in your cabinet of curiosities.  Charge your neighbors a dime to behold this freak of nature!!!  He's only available from http://www.gorgoloid.com

New Young Gohst Sofubi from Ferg x Grody Shogun

     While framing a picture the other day my wife ended up tearing a chunk of skin off from just behind her fingernail.  She called me at work, asking me to bring some band aids home and in the meantime she had fashioned a make-shift bandage out of things she found in the house.  She had described there being a descent amount of blood, really could mean anything.  And then I came home to see exactly what she meant.  Her bundle of feminine products and masking tape had nearly soaked though, while the bathroom looked as though a struggle had ensued.  One kind of did, as she was searching for DIY first aid supplies one of our cats was trying to pick Q-tips out of the trash so he could eat them whole.  She had to wrestle a determined feline while her wound proceeded to leak like the latest Kanye West album.  Thankfully, she is made of tough German stock and watching a DVR'd episode of Project Runway was a great substitute for actual medical attention.

    These new Young Gohsts from Ferg and Grody Shogun need a heavy dose of antibiotics as they're known as the "sepsis" edition.  But you may get lucky when you buy these a get one of the chase "on the mend" versions who is out of the woods and on the way back to his normal self.  These go on sale exclusively through http://www.playge.net on Monday April 18th at noon central time.  

Bubble Gum Pink Slugbeard from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    A slug beard sounds like something some evil cursed wizard would have.  Writhing, slimy little creatures would cover his face similar to Medusa's hair snakes, except the slugs would be way grosser.  See, with a normal beard you have the ability to catch savory morsels of food that somehow got lost on the way to your mouth.  With a slug beard those tasty bits will be covered in that iridescent slime and rendered inedible.  That's really the only drawback I can think of.

   Paul Kaiju and Toy Art Gallery are unleashing this big honking piece of bubble gum-lookin vinyl onto the world on April 15th at noon pacific time.  And it's not even a lottery, so you gotta have your eyes focused on www.toyartgallery.com when they drop, otherwise you will fall into a pit of despair.  Not a literal pit, mind you, but a theoretical one which can be must worse.