Glow in the Dark Bite Size from Radioactive Uppercut

 

    I know that by Tuesday of next week one or more of you are probably gonna light some explosives to celebrate America's independence.  I'm not saying don't do it, cause I grew up down south and bad ideas are pretty much a lifestyle, but whatever you do don't do anything that would prevent you from getting the best, most informative and strikingly handsome toy news on the internet via this very website.  If you lose a couple of fingers you'll probably still be able to type The Toy Viking address and be enlightened (pun intended) by whatever wisdom I choose to bestow upon you.  But you were only gifted with two eyes, and losing both of them while kneeling to inspect whether or not a Roman candle is a dud would suck pretty hard.  Plus, I know you're reading this while at work and avoiding your responsibilities and you're totally gonna get caught if you have to ask someone to read it to you.

   There are many alternatives to lighting fireworks that will not only let people from far and wide know just how damn free you are, but have little to no chance of disfiguring you. I've been assured by Radioactive Uppercut that his Bite Size figure, no matter how menacing looking, is not likely to turn your flesh into something the cops are gonna want you to explain.  These dudes are cast in milky white vinyl and glow like Abraham Lincoln's ghost when he defeated the aliens during the War of Roswell.  There ain't many of these bros in existence, and your chance to snag one comes on the evening of July 1st at 8pm eastern time.  Get er done at www.radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.

Josh Mayhem's Latest Blown Away Dunnys from Kidrobot

    Oh lawd, this is Fouth of July weekend and as an America it is my cultural duty to nearly blow my fingers off with explosives and eat piles of grilled meat products.  See this is the time where we celebrate giving the middle finger to mother England and letting her know that she couldn't tell us what to do anymore cause we were grown and if we want to eat cookies for dinner that's what's gonna happen.  Don't make me flex so hard my sleeves explode.

   Josh Mayhem is smacking you in the face with freedom with his latest Blown Away Dunnys.  They range in sizes from 3 inches to 20 inches and will be on sale exclusively through www.kidrobot.com on Friday, July 1st at 10 am mountain time.  These are only available to be shipped to American customers, so now might be the time to hit up your fifth grade pen pal and say what's up.  

Silver Back Broken Bones from Splurrt X Toy Art Gallery

    This dude probably has some stories to tell.  You don't lose your lower half without there being a story behind it.  And the fact that he's a skeleton probably would need some explaining too.  Is it kosher to go around asking deformed skeleton people what go them in that position?  I don't want to hurt any feelings.

    Splurrt's toys are harder to get than a supermodel's phone number, but Toy Art Gallery is giving you a shot at this dude on Wednesday, June 29th at noon pacific time.  It's the first time they've ever done a painted run of these and they won't last long.  Get em at www.toyartgallery.com.

"Labbit the Barbarian" From Frank Frazetta x Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

   Good Lord have mercy, did you see that Game of Thrones finale last night?  That is easily one of the best episodes of any show I have ever seen.  Don't worry, I won't spoil any of it for you, but if you recorded it you may want to try and leave work early or cancel any other plans you have to watch it.  HBO aired the season finale of Silicon Valley right after it and Sharon and I missed most of it because we were talking about Game of Thrones.  All tv stations should have gone black for an hour afterwards out of respect for the conversations that would take place.  Speaking of which, the one person I work with who has good taste enough to watch the show is off today, so I literally have no one to talk to about it.  Whatever my next job happens to be I'll be sure I ask different questions in the interview process to avoid such a situation again.  "Oh, everyone here only talks about their favorite Seinfeld episodes over and over?  Yeah, I just forgot how much I enjoy unemployment."

    Watching Game of Thrones always makes me want to sword fight afterwards and build an empire upon the broken bodies of my enemies.  It's the same feeling I get when I look at the artwork of Frank Frazetta, which transports you to a world where men were men and it was totally acceptable to crush an orc's skull without fear of arrest.  Now that world has merged with that of Frank Kozik's Labbit and the results are begging to be airbrushed on the side of a van.

    Available as a San Diego Comic Con prerelease, this beast of a figure (artfully produced by Bigshot Toyworks) is ready to stand as the centerpiece of your collection.  Just don't be surprised if it also beheads your other toys and tries to make out with your mom.

    If you're going to the aforementioned comic con you can preorder it for pickup from Kidrobot's booth.  If not, you can preorder it from wherever you normally buy toys and have that sucker shipped to the door of your mead hall/condo.

Make Your Presence Felt at the First Ever Suck Salon

    You know that whole Ticketmaster voucher garbage where they were gonna give you free admission to shows as part of a class action lawsuit?  Yeah, it's just as crappy as you would imagine, cause they are releasing so few tickets to shows that you'll never be quick enough to use them.  It's obvious Ticketmaster is in league with Isis, so they can suck it, but let me tell you about an event that you could go to without worrying about whether you'll get in or not.  The Sucklord is holding his first ever Suck Salon on Friday, June 24th.  He created a special blind box release for the event and will have mad deals on all things Suckadelic.  Tenacious Toys will be a part of it too with tons of deals fresh from their warehouse.  It's all going down at the Suckquarters located at 99 Canal Street #3C, New York, NY 10002 from 9pm to 1am.  

"Apollo" Shub Zeroth from Metacrypt

    I just watched The Martian movie the other night where those bums left Matt Damon on Mars and he had to become a hipster and live off the land and do everything on Mars before it was cool.  The movie wasn't bad actually, though by only playing one David Bowie song they seriously missed a great opportunity to play more David Bowie songs.  I was impressed by his will to live while facing seemingly insurmountable odds, but if you work for NASA and are smart enough to be sent to another planet no one should really be surprised that you're smart enough not to cry in the corner until you died of dehydration.  Maybe they should have made him panic and forget all of his training as he uses his time to try and fashion music instruments and form a David Bowie tribute band. I wouldn't have seen that coming.

    Shub Zeroth leaves no man behind, mostly because they are a great source of protein.  He's decked out in a paint scheme from Dski_one and ready for wherever the stars may lead him.  The blackness of space is calling, but you can divert him to your home on June 24th at 10am pacific time only from www.meta-crypt.com.  

Complete Your Horrible Adorables Figure Collection from Kidrobot

   Friday June 24th is gonna be a great day. Mostly because I get paid then, but also because Horrible Adorables and Kidrobot are releasing the last three figures as part of their collaboration.  I have all the other ones, just sitting on my bookcase as they wait for their brothers and sisters to join them.  They remind me of Pokemon in the fact that I have to have them all, but not in the fact that I'm an awkward teenager who thinks that skills in a Japanese card game will win me the attention of the fairer sex.  Spoiler alert, it doesn't, cause everyone knows chicks dig Dungeons & Dragons.

    They're some of my favorite releases this year and Bigshot Toyworks nailed the production on them, bringing felt creatures into plastic reality.  Finish, or maybe start, your collection at www.kidrobot.com or wherever you prefer to buy toys.