Watermeloncat from Rato Kim

    I have solved all of the problems that now face the world.  Ok, well most of them, because I think many of the world's issues stem from folks being miserable.  And you know what makes it impossible to be miserable?  The act of holding a baby skunk.  It's true!  I held one the other day and as his little face nuzzled under my chin there was absolutely nothing that could have upset me.  You could have tried, but you would have failed.  I have no idea how to implement this on a global scale, so I'll probably have to get Mark Cuban to help me out.

Happiness is a warm skunk.

    Ooooooh, maybe one of these Watermeloncats would be better.  For one you wouldn't have to feed them, and you'd never have to worry about bathing in tomato paste to counteract any spraying that may go one.  Rato Kim is offering these right now until the 13th and here's how you can get one for yourself:

- Name -
- PayPal account -
- WatermelonCat number -
- Residential land -
- Address -
- Contact -
- Select Shipping - 1 [EMS] , 2 [Air Small Packe] [Information] - SIZE [w4 / h4.5 / d5]
- PRICE [65 USD]
- Payment: PAYPAL
- EMS (3-7 days / Safe delivery.)
- Air Small Packet (7-15 days / I shall not be liable even if not to make delivery.)
- Asia 10 USD / Other 15 USD
- Plz, Email me for the order - [ ratokimtoy@gmail.com ]

"Got Milk?" Custom Night Gamer from Plaseebo

    Remember those got milk? campaigns where they took pictures of famous people with mil mustaches and that was somehow going to revive the dairy industry and get more people to drink the stuff?  I do, because I am lactose intolerant and was bombarded with images of Shaquille O'Neal reminding me that my bones will probably crumble to dust from a lack of calcium.  Then as a puddle person I'd be forever stared at and used as an example for parents to get their kid to finish their milk so they didn't suffer the same fate of having to crawl around on filthy floors like some shell-less mollusk man.  Welcome to my nightmare.

    Plaseebo's custom Got Milk? Night Gamer is much more innocent than all that, as he's just a dude trying to quench his thirst.  He would never judge you for your body's inability to process certain foods.  He's just content to sip his beverage and glow courtesy of a color changing LED light in his body.  You can welcome him into your home on Sunday, July 10th only from www.plaseebo.net.  

Shark Tank Action Figures from Biff Bang Pow

     I'm not gonna lie to you; I'm completely obsessed with Shark Tank.  I get so into it that you would think I had money to invest in anything other than lunch.  My wife and I spend the whole show dissecting their ideas, their pitches, and then determining the offers we would make.  It is without fail that we always want to invest in everything that never gets any money from the rich people, which may explain why we are not one of the rich people.  And it's always the dumbest stuff that ends up making the most money, like some dude will walk in and say "hey, check out my pills I made that can transform a dog's farts into the smell of fresh oranges" and everyone loses their minds trying to get him cashed up.  Then I see them in Bed Bath and Beyond and kinda want to buy them even though I don't have a dog.  I have a problem.

    Entertainment Earth has turned the stars of everyone's favorite investing show into action figures under their Bifff Bang Pow label.  They're debuting at San Diego Comic Con but you can get them for yourself by clicking the Entertainment Earth link to the right.  Bring em home and tell them all the great ideas you have.  The results will probably be better than yelling ideas at them in person.    Now if they'd only make figures for The Bachelorette I could finally act out all the fan fiction I wrote.

    

Amazonian Poultry Rex from Ron English X Toy Art Gallery

 

    Man they are reaching with these Jurassic Park sequels.  I'm guessing this is how the story would go:  scientists tried to breed a new, more docile form of dinosaur that visitors to the park could interact with and possibly even raise as pets.  They crossed Dino DNA with that of the common chicken in an effort to balance out their desire to kill. Needless to say, as they always do with these damn tourist attractions, things go horribly wrong.  This time the hero of the film is a descendent of Colonel Sanders who then opens a killer fried chicken joint with Flintstones size portions.  With ideas like this how in the hell am I still working a day job?

    The wings on Ron English's Poultry Rex aren't gonna fill you up, but those drumsticks look meaty as all get out.  Toy Art Gallery is releasing the first ever painted version of this prehistoric fowl on Friday, July 8th at noon pacific time on www.toyartgallery.com.  He stands 8 inches tall and most likely does not taste as delicious as it may look.  

Andy Warhol Dunny Series from Kidrobot

    We all have dreams, some of which are way more amazing than others.  Some of us may want to score the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl, or write a best selling novel.  Others may want to sell out Madison Square Garden, or find a dead body in the woods ( a stranger of course, who obviously did bad stuff in life).  But I have a different sort of dream.  I'd like to walk into one of those fancy New York City galleries, grab an Andy Warhol off the wall, and pay straight cash for it.  Then I would like to come home and hang it up with Command strips right above my bed.  That's what a baller would do.

    In lieu of probably never being able to afford a Warhol original, I'll take this entire Dunny series instead.  Kidrobot has taken some of his most iconic designs and plastered them across everyone's favorite platform toy.  These blind boxes go on sale Friday, July 8th wherever it is you prefer to buy your designer toys.  I'm gonna need em all, btw.

KEIKOJOKER at Coin Rides Game #4 from Fool's Paradise

   Let me tell you something, Fools Paradise does licensed toys like no one else.  I love to see a company take such well known characters and blow my mind with such a refreshing presentation.  How many times can you make just a miniature version of some dude that everyone knows and expect people to get excited about it?  The answer is apparently "infinite".

    But enough bellyaching when there's this beauty to talk about.  It's equal parts cute, frightening, and irreverent, and thankfully looks nothing like the meth head Jared Leto version of the Joker that we're stuck with courtesy of the Suicide Squad film.  Ahhhhh negativity is like a bad burrito that just won't stop haunting me.

    I really don't know any better way to describe this thing than to have you look at the pictures and try to wrap your own head around it.  You got a nearly naked hot chick with a Joker-styles panda head riding a miniature coin operated Batmobile.  Actually, that does sum it up quite nicely.  I may have a future in this yet.

    You can preorder this beauty until July 13th by visiting http://doublefools.blogspot.com.  Only 380 of these will ever exist though, so get on it and own the greatest conversation piece a Batman fan could ever hope for.

   

"Rocket Pop" Edition Jerome from Frank Kozik X Rotofugi X Squibbles Ink

    Would you be so brave as to doubt that I have a story involving a rocket pop?  Ok, I'll admit, I really don't except for the time that I was little and we went to Washington DC in the summer and I got one from a food cart.  And it was delicious.  That's still a better love story than anything that turd Nicholas Sparks has ever written.

   So while my rocket pop story may not have got you feeling those sweet summer vibes, Frank Kozik's nicotine addicted ice cream Jerome will do the trick.  I'm so ashamed of myself for using the phrase "sweet summer vibes".   This dude, produced by Rotofugi and Squibbles Ink is decked out in red, white, and blue and is arriving just in time to crash your weekend BBQ.  Limited to only 75 pieces, snap yourself up one on July 1st at 10am central time only from www.rotofugi.com.