Friday, July 29, 2016

"Stardust" Edition Skelevex Spectrum Series




    When decorating your home I think it is important to keep in mind that one day the police may have to enter to investigate your untimely demise.  Put their detective skills to the test by keeping plenty of insane objects lying about.  Personally my wife and I have accomplished this by having the entire wall outside of our bathroom decorated with the Virgin Mary, a cabinet of curiosities that alone would take them a week to catalogue into evidence, and a book collection that would look at home in Charles Manson's cell.  I feel that even after you've exhausted this life its important to maintain a sense of humor.  

   You can never go wrong with skulls either in shear amount or different types.  But if you're not at the level of having the meat helmet of former person sharing your living space, might I suggest these Skelevex as an alternative.  They're all geometric and sparkly and the more you buy the more you save.  Get em all and taste the morbid rainbow when they go on sale Friday, July 29th at http://skelevex.bigcartel.com/

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Why You Should Nominate Me for a Designer Toy Award or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb



    When I started this website I was just a naïve guy who wanted to be a part of something he loved.  I can't draw for crap and the best paint job I've ever laid down was courtesy of some weathered old lawn furniture and a can of Rustoleum.  But I could string together a word or two and using the inspiration that toys provided me I could feel that in some small way I was adding to their narrative.  Through stories about my cats or the ridiculous places I've managed to find myself in I could take an object and offer a different perspective that maybe the artist themselves hadn't even considered.  And hopefully at times it would be funny too.  It would be an exercise to not only keep me writing but to do so with purpose.  For years this website has hovered on the fringe of a movement  that was already fringe, so I guess that's fringe squared or something.  I really should have tried harder in algebra, despite the fact that I never did actually use any of that like they swore I would.  And before you go thinking that this is some farewell speech, it's anything but.  It's not about death but rebirth.

   I've always stayed mum about the Designer Toy Awards, basically because my opinion was never really black or white.  While I may not feel that art really needs a gold trophy, it is not for me to take away the happiness that it may bring someone.  And I totally get the need to be recognized for your work as I think anyone who creates does.  So I've never pandered for a nomination nor have I ever posted a picture of the Toy King with a red circle and line through it with the words “No Masters” emblazoned across the bottom.  But the presidential race in America, with its Ringling Brothers meets Monty Python, meets House of Cards vibes, has inspired me to wipe the dust from my long dormant political side and jump feet first into this acid trip we call democracy.

    Now I'm not here asking you to nominate me for a little trophy because I want to win it or because I think I even can.  In fact, the later would be kind of foolish, cause even though David slated Goliath, he didn't realize that Godzilla was waiting for him in the sequel.  No, I want you to nominate me because it's high time the pot got stirred.  It’s time that the status quo was turned into status no.  That original thinking replaced cut and pasting.  It's time to punch convention in the mouth, knock out a few teeth, and then surprise reveal ourselves as the dentist when they seek medical help.  What a twist!

    Lets make one thing clear; this is not about wanting an award, this is about thumbing my nose at the same old same old.  Business as usual doesn't account for the unusual and that's who I want to represent.  I want to stand for the freaks, the misfits, the people who dared to have a dream in spite of the opinions of others and the obstacles they threw in your way.  This is for the lone wolves (I was going to say lone gunman, but that phrase hasn't had the best history with politics now has it) who were told “no” or “I don't get it” or “get out of here before I call the cops.”  And this is to recapture the excitement I had when I made my first ever post under that Toy Viking logo that cost me a case of beer and a meat lovers pizza.  When I committed to doing things differently because it was the only way I knew how and the only way that made sense to me.


The road to glory is long and perilous and I totally forgot to renew my AAA membership.


#maketoyblogginggreatagain


Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Custom Molezilla-X from Plaseebo


   Chipmunks are about the cutest little thing you can have living under your porch.  Trust me, I've got a little family of them and they come out and stuff their little cheeks with all the birdseed that falls on the ground and they're just adorable.  I don't even mind the series of holes they've dug all around as they seem to be expanding their living quarters/constructively trying to undermine the integrity of my porch to which it will inevitably collapse as I stand upon it.  Then I will go tumbling like Alice down into a subterranean world where the chipmunks speak english and have set up a democracy that runs better than any we could have imagined.  

     It could be worse, because I could be infested with Molezillas, or even worse the dreaded Molezilla-X!!!!!  They dig holes that could swallow a Volkswagen and they feed on neighbor children, which is their lone benefit and as far as I see it a community service.  This is another insane custom from the mind of Plaseebo and features led lights that mimic the souls of the aforementioned neighbor children as they scream for you to release them from their hell.  Just ignore it, they'll tire themselves out eventually.  

    Add this 8 inch tall monstrosity when it goes live on www.plaseebo.net Thursday, July 28th.  


Hang Out With The Sucklord Later Today for Some Food and A New Figure



   What are you doing later today?  Are you stuck at work?  Going to a baseball game?  Attending a funeral?  Well, cancel all your plans cause if you live in the New York area you are now going to break bread with the Sucklord as he celebrates the release of his newest bootleg figure, the Chili Oil Trooper.  You may nhttp://www.suckadelic.comot recognize this figure because the food court scene inside the Death Star got cut from the original Star Wars, but I can assure you this bro was there cooking up Asian delights for those hardworking cogs of the Empire.  Remember his sacrifice today from 4-8pm at the Nom Wah Bakery in sweaty New York City.  GPS that jawn and get going so you make it on time.  


Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Super7 SDCC Exclusives Online Now



   

    You didn't go to comic con and neither did I.  That practically makes us family.  That also makes us straight out of luck when scoring those exclusives without paying disturbing flipper prices.  Or does it?  Super7 has just posted their remaining exclusives online at www.super7store.com so now you can get all the stuff you wanted without some cosplayer poking you in the eye with a fake sword due to lack of costume awareness (that happened to me once).  Check out some of what you could treat yourself to:






Friday, July 22, 2016

WWE's The New Day Immortalized as Funko Pop! Vinyls



    "Ooooooh Toy Viking readers, don't you dare be sour, clap for your world famous two time champs, and feeeeeeel the pooooooooooweeeeeerr...."

    It's The New Day, yes it is, shrunken down and turned into Funko Pop! Vinyls.  These are definitely not Booty and will be available this holiday season as exclusives to Toys R Us.  Will they all three be packaged together?  Will that package be a box of Booty O's?  Will the WWE ever hire me to live out my literary fantasies as a writer for their programs?  Only those with true unicorn magic know for sure.  Holders of said magic drop me an email and answer all my questions.  I'm still only half way through my unicorn magic guide but my allergy pills keep making me fall asleep right when I get to the good part.  Curse you pollen and the wall you've built blocking my path to enlightenment!

It's New Release Friday from doubleparlour




    Comic con is sooooooooooooooooo dumb.  Just kidding, I'm pretty jealous of all you folks hanging out in San Diego, so I'm talking smack to make myself feel better about not being there.  Not that I'm really that bummed about it, cause then I'd be really broke and trying to figure out how to keep the lights on so I could look at all of my purchases.  Comic cons are dangerous for your credit rating.

    You wanna know the other good thing about not being at comic con?  Instead of being shoulder to shoulder with strangers on Friday, you get to take advantage of new releases from doubleparlour.  Take a look at some of what will be available when these go on sale today at 3pm pacific time from http://doubleparlour.myshopify.com.