Lemmy Pop! Vinyl from Funko

       This is Lemmy.  He was in a band called Motorhead.  Unfortunately he is no longer with us.  But now he is one of Funko's Pop Vinyl figures.  Just holding this toy will probably get you stoned and make you as attractive to the opposite sex as an antelope carcass is to hyenas.  That's how Lemmy would have wanted it.  

Dairobo-Z 5 Inch Dunny from Dolly Oblong X Kidrobot

   So you're some hot shot giant lizard just chilling off the coast as you await the day that you rise and destroy everything in your path.  What you don't know is that we're paranoid as hell about terrors from the deep so we've ensured that the moment you breach the surface your bits and pieces will be feeding the fishes for years to come.  Meet the savior of humanity, Dairobo-Z from Kidrobot and Dolly Oblong.  This is the latest 5 inch Dunny in the Emerging Artist Series and it's rocket powered fist is ready to stop the threat of any giant lizards, squid thingys, or little dictator people from certain countries whose rockets barely make it past their own beaches despite their claims of actually being able to hit the United States.  We will rearrange your grill, son!

   There's two different versions of this jet-packed hero:  the blue one is the regular release, while the purple glow in the dark one is an exclusive to www.kidrobot.com and limited in number.  You know you need them both so you can form a tag team the likes of which have not been seen since the Legion of Doom.  Get em on Friday, Aug 5th.

"Blue Glow" Hand of Glory from Florian Bertmer x Unbox Industries Available for Preorder

    And now for something a little bit different.  For all of you that aren't obsessed with knowing every bizarre thing there is to know in the world, let me tell you a little bit about what a hand of glory actually is, courtesy of it's Wikipedia definition:

The Hand of Glory is the dried and pickled hand of a man who has been hanged, often specified as being the left (Latin: sinister) hand, or, if the man were hanged for murder, the hand that "did the deed."

Old European beliefs attribute great powers to a Hand of Glory combined with a candle made from fat from the corpse of the same malefactor who died on the gallows. The candle so made, lighted, and placed (as if in a candlestick) in the Hand of Glory, would have rendered motionless all persons to whom it was presented. 

    Pretty freaky right?  So say you're the nefarious type who enjoys breaking and entering but you're not much for confrontation.  Whip out one of these bad boys, light it up, and no one will ever know you robbed them blind until you're long gone.  It's like the ancient version of deactivating a security system but way more smelly.    

    Now you can own one made not of pickled human flesh but instead of sofubi, which is way less traumatizing to the people you live with.  Although I did tell my wife if I got one I was gonna put it under her pillow which led her to banning me from owning it because I "don't know how to act" so I kinda messed that up already.   And it sucks because this gem from artist Florian Bertmer and Unbox Industries not only looks super freaky in the daytime, but it has a blue glow at night which would have really been hilarious.  

   Up your cabinet of curiosities game by preordering one of these right now from wherever you prefer to buy your toys.  

  

Custom Fiji Mermaids from Candie Bolton x Gorgoloid x Awesome Toy

     If Fiji Mermaids were real no one would ever go fishing again.  The thought of pulling some haggard old monkey fish onto your boat is just the sort of thing that can ruin an afternoon of fun.  Not that I've ever really thought catching fish was the most fun thing.  I'd rather stay at home and watch Netflix and not have worm guts all over my hand and smell like something from the deep sea.  Any time I've ever gone fishing I've managed to impale some part of my body with the hook, which I take as a sign from the universe that I should be doing other things.  Once it even went all the way through my thumb and the dumbest part about that was that it happened in a friend of mine's garage and nowhere near the open ocean.  I was just bouncing around on a Pogo Ball and I fell over next to some fishing rods and the next thing I knew I was wondering how the hell I was gonna explain this.  That whole Pogo Ball reference just dated me big time, didn't it?

    Awesome Toy and Gorgoloid have one of the most bizarre sofubi creations ever with this dude and Candie Bolton has lent her talent to pretty them up a bit.  They're so shiny that now they look like the lures you would use if you wanted to catch one.  Get one for your collection this Sunday, July 31st at 6pm pacific time only from http://www.candiebolton.com.  Bait not included.  

New Stuff From Splurrt Available Today from Lulubell Toy Bodega

    It will take me longer to think of something witty to say about these dudes than it will for them to sell out when they get posted later today.  Splurrt's work, deservingly so, is highly sought after and it's not going to change with the release of Serpent Sata and Puppoo.  I would watch a buddy comedy staring these dudes and this would be the premise: Serpent Sata is a hard nosed cop whose partners always seem to end up dead, while Puppoo is just a rookie turd who has more heart than brains.  Together they are trying to bring order back to a once peaceful Chinatown that finds itself riddled with organized crime.  Then hilarity would ensue in some fashion.  I really see The Rock and Kevin Hart taking this project to new heights.

    Today at non pacific time these will go up only at www.lulubelltoys.com, so schedule your work breaks accordingly.   

"Stardust" Edition Skelevex Spectrum Series

    When decorating your home I think it is important to keep in mind that one day the police may have to enter to investigate your untimely demise.  Put their detective skills to the test by keeping plenty of insane objects lying about.  Personally my wife and I have accomplished this by having the entire wall outside of our bathroom decorated with the Virgin Mary, a cabinet of curiosities that alone would take them a week to catalogue into evidence, and a book collection that would look at home in Charles Manson's cell.  I feel that even after you've exhausted this life its important to maintain a sense of humor.  

   You can never go wrong with skulls either in shear amount or different types.  But if you're not at the level of having the meat helmet of former person sharing your living space, might I suggest these Skelevex as an alternative.  They're all geometric and sparkly and the more you buy the more you save.  Get em all and taste the morbid rainbow when they go on sale Friday, July 29th at http://skelevex.bigcartel.com/. 

Why You Should Nominate Me for a Designer Toy Award or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

    When I started this website I was just a naïve guy who wanted to be a part of something he loved.  I can't draw for crap and the best paint job I've ever laid down was courtesy of some weathered old lawn furniture and a can of Rustoleum.  But I could string together a word or two and using the inspiration that toys provided me I could feel that in some small way I was adding to their narrative.  Through stories about my cats or the ridiculous places I've managed to find myself in I could take an object and offer a different perspective that maybe the artist themselves hadn't even considered.  And hopefully at times it would be funny too.  It would be an exercise to not only keep me writing but to do so with purpose.  For years this website has hovered on the fringe of a movement  that was already fringe, so I guess that's fringe squared or something.  I really should have tried harder in algebra, despite the fact that I never did actually use any of that like they swore I would.  And before you go thinking that this is some farewell speech, it's anything but.  It's not about death but rebirth.

   I've always stayed mum about the Designer Toy Awards, basically because my opinion was never really black or white.  While I may not feel that art really needs a gold trophy, it is not for me to take away the happiness that it may bring someone.  And I totally get the need to be recognized for your work as I think anyone who creates does.  So I've never pandered for a nomination nor have I ever posted a picture of the Toy King with a red circle and line through it with the words “No Masters” emblazoned across the bottom.  But the presidential race in America, with its Ringling Brothers meets Monty Python, meets House of Cards vibes, has inspired me to wipe the dust from my long dormant political side and jump feet first into this acid trip we call democracy.

    Now I'm not here asking you to nominate me for a little trophy because I want to win it or because I think I even can.  In fact, the later would be kind of foolish, cause even though David slated Goliath, he didn't realize that Godzilla was waiting for him in the sequel.  No, I want you to nominate me because it's high time the pot got stirred.  It’s time that the status quo was turned into status no.  That original thinking replaced cut and pasting.  It's time to punch convention in the mouth, knock out a few teeth, and then surprise reveal ourselves as the dentist when they seek medical help.  What a twist!

    Lets make one thing clear; this is not about wanting an award, this is about thumbing my nose at the same old same old.  Business as usual doesn't account for the unusual and that's who I want to represent.  I want to stand for the freaks, the misfits, the people who dared to have a dream in spite of the opinions of others and the obstacles they threw in your way.  This is for the lone wolves (I was going to say lone gunman, but that phrase hasn't had the best history with politics now has it) who were told “no” or “I don't get it” or “get out of here before I call the cops.”  And this is to recapture the excitement I had when I made my first ever post under that Toy Viking logo that cost me a case of beer and a meat lovers pizza.  When I committed to doing things differently because it was the only way I knew how and the only way that made sense to me.


The road to glory is long and perilous and I totally forgot to renew my AAA membership.


#maketoyblogginggreatagain